wow.. this hits so close to home. i have felt like this so much in my life, and i would wonder why i eat and why it is something i fall back on in times of stress and at times when i am feeling low on myself.. i wouldn't eat a lot of "crap" but bread, or home baked things made for my kids...chocolate, pasta, any wheaty carb in the house knowing full well it is bad for me..knowing that every bite i take is essentially poisoning for me. why do we do this to ourselves?

and i wanted to chime in on the topic of counseling. i have been seeing an amazing woman's councilor for a while, and just finally came out to her about my issues with food and came to a few conclusions about my relationship with food, and my body image.. i realize that some of my experiences with men have been so bad that i actually eat to discourage men from being attracted to me..sadly, with my ex he is still attracted to me, fat or not.. its like this protective suit..this layer of stuff that puts itself between me and the world. this world scares me and i know i need protecting, but not this way. when i came to this realization it really changed how i looked at eating. im just at the beginning of this journey and have about 60 lbs to lose, but i feel like knowing this gives me some power back. its not just an unknown anymore. and i know now that i can access other protections and put up new boundaries around me that are much healthier and much more effective than being fat.

Wanted to say that is an awesome insight!

it is, isn't it!

Yeah - glad to hear you are still on your LC journey. I re-read this post again and each time new thoughts come to me. It is so sad to read about the inner battle with addiction (any addiction is just awful to get through). I feel for my fellow LC'ers as we all make our way through this conundrum of food and eating. It has been a constant topic on my mind the last 10 years as I have battled weight issues thus body issues. Speaking from personal experience the negative thinking can be all consuming, which is not much of a life. I have finally gotten down to 139 (on my way to 130) and I can honestly say that I feel much better in my skin but that I am still working on being aware of my tendency to be a critic and if I don't tackle that I won't ever be happy at any weight because that critical eye will just switch focus to something else (e.g. saggy skin, cellulite, wrinkles, grey hair, you name it!) There is that expression "where ever you go there you are" and that comes to mind a lot when I contemplate this weight loss journey. Another is "you will never get enough of what you do not need" because it simply won't satisfy in any amount (like empty calories for the soul).

It is a long road and there really is no destination except one of self discovery and we are always growing so always new inner territory to explore. Loving support is essential (family, friends, professionals) as we all need to feel understood and accepted as we are right now. I don't always fully appreciate my circle of support but just writing this makes me want to tell those around me that I love them and am so glad they are in my life.

Hope everyone is having a "good" day. Keep your head up Mainecyn! We are all routing for you to find that inner peace that is already inside you!

I guess alot of people have this same problem. Mine is similar but only bad at night. I tend to binge at night when I have not much to do. During the days, its easy to regulate because I tell myself that if I eat too much I'll just be sleepy and suffer from poor work performance.

I also self medicate - if not food then alcohol - it's a vicious cycle but every day is a new day to fight the fight and hopefully win