Well, the Lord gave me the srength to get through the memorial service. It was beautiful I read something I had written and managed to get through it without breaking down. That in itself was an answered prayer. My minister had said in his entire career as a minister only twice has a spouse been able to say anything. Below is what I wrote.
How do I begin to tell you about my life with Michael.
When we first met, he was not looking for love, he was looking for a friend. There were prettier girls for him to talk to, but he kept coming back to me because he enjoyed the conversation. I was the first woman he ever dated that got his jokes, and understood his sense of humor.
Michael had health issues from the beginning. The first time I was in his apartment I saw his lithium on the top of his refrigerator, and said , “how long have you been on this.” It was no big deal to me. Michael had hid his manic depression from many because of the misunderstanding surrounding it. I was not put off this or his Crohn’s disease.
The first time I hugged him I knew he had a colostomy. It was a fact of his life, not something that should cause him shame. He didn’t have to hide anymore. Michael soon came to realize with me he was judged as a man and not a disease.
Michael was not an educated man, but he was extremely intelligent and witty. He was the only man I ever dated that kept me entertained with his words. He didn't try to make me hide my light under a bushel. He was proud of my accomplishments, and flaunted it, by introducing me to everyone as his wife the physician. Michael tooted my horn, if I would have let him he said he would have embroidered MD PhD on his underwear. Sometimes people would call me Dr. Shapiro and he got a kick out of it because that was the closest he would ever come to being a doctor.
Michael and I could talk for hours without getting bored. When we were first engaged we drove to Atlanta for him to meet my brother’s family. We drove the entire way down and never turned on the radio. We just enjoyed being with each other.
Michael was apprehensive about the first time he came to church with me because he was Jewish. Bep Lewis told him that first day he was welcome. Jesus was a Jew, and they had room in their hearts for another one. In the beginning he looked at Jesus as a rabbi, a teacher, and a good man. Who would know that 18 years later Michael would be looking forward to going home to be with Jesus, his Lord and Savior.
Because his family had always been concerned about his health issues his mother told him, you can never get married, you can never have children. His family never expected him to meet someone like me. We knew early on, we were a match made in heaven, but Michael had made his brother Billy a promise that he wouldn’t get married without his permission. When we made the decision to get married Michael had to get Billy’s blessing. When I met Steven and Billy’s families I felt welcomed. I guess I wasn’t the usual type of woman Michael brought home. Thank God they approved.
Before I met his mother, she asked his brothers questions like are you sure she’s a doctor and not a dentist. What does she see in Michael? Edith, God love her, had not seen the changes in her son that the lithium had made. One of the first things I did was write her a long letter telling her all the wonderful things I saw in Michael. My sister in law Saundra was far more diplomatic than I and softened my words before the letter was mailed. Edith soon came to realize we loved each other and knew what we were doing.
Michael was a romantic man. He brought me flowers often, for no special occasion. When I was going through a
difficult legal matter with a fired employee, I was very depressed, and told Michael the only thing that made me happy was my jewelry, a few cheap bracelets I bought off home shopping. Michael never forgot what I said. At every opportunity he would buy me something to add to the collection. I finally had to tell him to stop. Can you imagine a woman having too much jewelry. This was the type of man he was. He always sent me cards for every occasion, he was generous and loved doing little things for me.
I wanted children. We had to overcome the years of programming when he had been told he could never have children. We had conversations with Michael’s psychiatrist and his gastroenterologist who both assured us that while there was some genetic ties with the manic depression and Crohn’s that it should not prevent us from having a family.
With all the flowers, jewelry Michael gave me over the years, without question, the most precious gift he gave me
was the gift of Lacy and Billy. I don’t know anyone who was a better father than Michael. When he held those babies the love he had was written all over his face.
My mother in law Edith had always judged Michael by his illness. Now she came to view him differently, as a husband and father. She confided to me once that Michael was the one she expected nothing from, and always worried about.
She did not expect him to become the one of whom she was most proud. He had become a strong man, with a wonderful wife and two beautiful children. I am so grateful that Michael and Edith were able to mend the wounds of his childhood. Toward the end of her life she and Michael had become quite close, and as a consequence of his witness, before her death she came to embrace his Lord.
From the beginning Michael and I faced medical challenges.
The first six years of our life together he enjoyed good health. It was the longest time in his adult life he had not had a hospital admission. That streak ended when he asked me what this lump was on his bottom. I knew immediately it was cancer. I was pregnant with Billy. Michael went through 45 radiation treatments. Lacy who was 12 months old learned to walk in the hallways of the cancer clinic. Michael faced major surgery the month before Billy was born. When I was in labor he was lying beside me in a hospital bed. As sick as he was , he found joy in the birth of our son.
Michael loved to travel. As soon as he finished a year of chemotherapy we celebrated his restored health by taking a seven week cruise to Europe. When we came home from the trip we found out we had a major financial setback. I started coming back to church more regularly because it was something to do that didn’t cost anything. What started for me as something to do, soon became a thirst for the Lord. Michael came along for the ride. He attended church with me but had not embraced Jesus as Lord. I was actively reading my Bible, and reading Bible stories every night to the kids. We talked about the Lord.
Michael had became friends with John Wieman from our attending Sunday school. John and I witnessed. Michael and I had been on a cruise and met a woman and her daughter who were from Cincinnati. They knew I was Christian and Michael was Jewish. When we got home they came over to our house and brought Michael and Rachel Wolf with them. Weeks later Michael Wolf held a Seder meal at our church. These were not chance meetings. It was a God thing.
2002 Michael was six years cancer free, and what was to be a routine CT scan turned up a recurrence. Oh my God, Billy was five, Lacy was 6 and we faced a life threatening crisis.
Michael had been spending time at Beth Messiah as well as here at Church with me. He had not made a commitment to accept Christ but he was listening.
Michael was facing a twelve hour surgery as his only chance for survival, or so we thought. Michael failed his preop physical. Surgery was cancelled. I told him we had no choice but to put this in God’s hands and seek a healing from the Lord. We went to healing services from as far away as New Jersey, Columbus ,Ohio and Louisville, Ky. We sought prayer from every believer we knew in the two congregations who embraced us as family, Beth Messiah, and Oak Hills United Methodist.
Michael’s surgery was rescheduled six months later When he passed his physical. The night before the surgery Michael Wolf visited us in the hospital. Michael prayed a sinner’s prayer and accepted Christ as savior. The next day Pastor Paul, Dawn and my sister Kim sat vigil with me at the hospital and we prayed along with those of you who prayed from home. There was a 50% chance that Michael would not survive the surgery. We went to battle the next day as prayer warriors and intercessors and God in his mercy gave us victory. Michael’s cancer was gone. God gave him a miracle.
The battle was not over. We faced three months of complications, but he was alive, praise God. When he was discharged from the hospital the first Sunday he was home, even though he was still very ill, we came to church, and Michael made a public profession of faith and was baptized by Pastor Paul. Michael embraced his faith.
As soon as he was well we planned a trip to Israel.
All Jews want to go to Israel. Now Michael had another reason to want to go, he loved Jesus. The trip was the trip of a lifetime. Michael and I have traveled widely. Above all else, Israel was the one place he wanted to see again.
Unfortunately the health challenges were not over. Each time he was sick, we prayed and each time he rallied. Michael developed kidney failure and was put on dialysis in 2005. It sapped his strength. The dialysis clipped our wings and we could no longer travel. We did make a way to vacation with the kids in Disney. We took Michael to dialysis in the mornings and pushed him around the park in a wheelchair in the afternoon.
In 2006 they thought a lump in his lung was cancer, but again God spared him, it was an inflammatory pneumonia, BOOP. Now we faced steroids and all their complications. 2007 brought training for home dialysis. Michael felt great, a “10” for a few short months. We were excited about being able to travel with a portable machine. Then things started to pile up. Gangrene in his finger, painful skin ulcers, three stents in his heart, pneumonia, a return of the BOOP, and more time in the hospital on a ventilator. He came home in time to celebrate Christmas. He was getting stronger and we looked forward to taking a cruise in March of this year. It was not to be. Michael went into the hospital the day after valentine’s day. Little did we know it would be the last admission. After three weeks on the ventilator after a trach was placed. He was transferred to Drake for rehab on March 14th.
Once he had a trach placed Michael was fully awake. The week at Drake I saw him daily with the kids. He was alert,
so thrilled to see us, but in pain. He wanted to come home but had a long way to go before I could manage him. We talked about building a ramp so I could get him in the house. He was so happy to be out of Christ and in a rehab center which was looking towards getting him home. That week Michael told me over and over how much he loved me and the kids. He said how our years together were the best years of his life, and marrying me was the best thing he ever did.
Until that last Thursday I had no idea how much he was suffering. While at Christ he developed a huge decubitus ulcer on his buttocks. That morning I saw it for the first time and cried, wondering how something like that could develop in a few short weeks. He was in pain no matter what position he was in. Thursday morning he developed a gastrointestinal bleed. His doctor told me she had to send him back to Christ because they were not set up for acute care. She said she felt he was in the dying process, and dying a slow and miserable death with all his organ systems
shutting down.
I received this information with tears, and told her to wait,
and make no plans for transfer, that I needed to talk to Michael and the family. I spoke to Michael and told him we had choices to make. The doctor wanted to send him back to Christ, however the outcome of many invasive procedures might not make a difference in the ultimate outcome. In the past I told him he had to fight to stay alive for the kids and me. This time I told him if he had had enough it was ok say so.
Michael quickly latched onto my words and said he had had enough. He was just waiting for my permission to throw in the towel. I told Michael if he was going to die, I wanted to take him home and make his final days as pleasant as they could be. He had been ready to leave the world and go home to be with Jesus for a long time.
I called Billy and Steven back to the hospital and told them of Michael’s decision. We cried as a family, and they shared their love with one another. A psychologist joined us and witnessed our conversation. She said she were the strongest family she has ever met, and she has never seen such a loving and supportive family meeting planning an end of life passage for a loved one. Michael witnessed to Steven and Billy about Christ and how much he meant to him and how he looks forward to going home to heaven. Witnessing to his brothers was one of Michael’s purposes for staying alive, and
he pursued it to the very end.
My best friend Bonnie brought Lacy and Billy to the hospital so we could let the kids know the plans. Hospice would facilitate our homecoming. The kids cried. We hugged, they said their I love yours. Michael told them of his love for them. We had a wonderful family time. I called my sister, and later Kim and Courtney came to the hospital and visited with Michael. I called Kris and Tony Smith so they could share our hospice news with our church family at the Sedar meal that night. Michael Wolf and Jamie stopped by later that evening and they prayed with Michael. It meant the world to him to spend the evening with people he loved.
The respiratory tech who saw him Friday morning said he was all smiles. He was so happy, he was coming home to us, then going home to be with the Lord. He was so happy. This was his final day. Michael was ready to see the Lord. The Lord had walked through so many things with him over the years. Without Christ we would not have made it . “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.“ God gave us 12 wonderful years past his cancer diagnosis. We saw Europe and Israel. Michael was able to witness our two children grow into strong, beautiful, intelligent, adolescents who from the beginning have been taught to trust in the Lord our God. They have learned first hand the power of prayer, and that miracles do happen. He told them he was proud of them, and that he loved us all Thursday night. Everything was said that needed to be said.
The day Michael died, staff who only knew him for one week at Drake cried at his passing. They knew him to be a strong, kind, loving man of great courage. They knew he was suffering much and in spite of this he remained such a nice man. The staff witnessed our faith and our love. Everyone who knew him, whether a short week or a lifetime, loved him.
If you were blessed with knowing Michael, you know with absolute certainty that he is in heaven with Jesus.
Lacy, and Billy were so blessed to have him be their father.
Michael was my best friend and the love of my life. He loved me unconditionally. He made me feel beautiful, even when I weighed 280 pounds. He was my greatest treasure, and I will forever thank God for the time on Earth we shared.
|
Linear Mode
