I figured since so many of us from the 2008 pregnancy thread have been having our babies that it might be nice to create another thread where we can chat about next steps...postpartum experiences and newborn stuff. I've really got to tell you all (and you ladies know who you are) that your support has been incredible for me and I'd love to continue that as well as to continue offering my support to you. I also know we have some veterans who are both here and pregnant again as well as others around the board who stop in and I'm always happy for their support and advice too. I'll be continuing to check in the pregnancy thread as well and it'll be so exciting to keep welcoming others to the "other side" haha.

I do have some things to confess and to ask questions about (this place is such a great sounding board) but I'm a bit tired and need to collect my thoughts so I'll post again later.

Great idea for a new thread!

I hope that I will be able to drop in from time to time soon (very soon), this being pregnant thing is getting real old! Maybe my continuing to work full time will help things in that way a bit (wishful thinking).

How is BFing going for you? That is what I am most nervous about. I was unable to with my 1st (wide bilateral cleft lip and palate). This will be a whole new experience for me. I am going to have to get past some mental hangups about it, but I plan on giving it a go for my 3 month leave form work.

Kristie, I can tell you I really felt that way too...I was so achy and tired and numb (fingers) and just really "ready" even though I wasn't ready, if that makes sense. When you get to the point where you've had enough...I think it won't be much longer.

Now it's confession time for me. And I hope this will actually HELP you, Kristie, so bear with me.

I breastfed for 5 days. As of today I am not pushing myself to do so and we are simply (and very successfully) bottle feeding him. There is a part of me that KNOWS deep within my heart this is right for our family, but there is also another part of me that is devastated and feeling like a failure for not being able to handle it. The logical side knows that with us shooting another wedding in a couple weeks and me taking care of our home and my 80-year-old mother (who needs MY help and who is limited in helping me) while my husband has to go to work that even the TIME it takes to breastfeed is near to impossible...not to mention the pain I've experienced. I fed Ian from the moment he was born by my breast and have various helpful tips from people in the hospital and was successful in doing so. But every moment has been excruciating physically because I am so sensitive. (Let's be real - look at how blonde and fair I am and he is too.) Will you forgive me for being graphic for a moment when I say I have uncanny nipple sensitivity? So I knew going in it could be painful. I also had concerns about the crossover from my breasts being sexual to sustenance. But I will say this, the moments that I did have with him successfully latching were magical. It was like one soul feeding another and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I guess that's why I'm crying a bit as I write this. But for me, I just can't get past the pain and frustration and tension (which all work against you). And I decided for the sake of all of us (hubby included, who is very pro-bottle for all these reasons) that transitioning to formula would be best. I gave Ian all the colostrum I had and some breast milk too and I have to have faith in my choice.

What I'm hoping for you is that it doesn't hurt like it does for me. But part of that is being ready for anything, having help on hand, staying relaxed and accepting that it's going to be a foreign but rewarding experience. Watch positioning of both you and the baby. Take notes on breast care and be ready to devote a lot of time to the process. It sounds like Algts will be a good role model and support for you on this, but I just wanted you to know my real and human and recent experience with it. It shouldn't make you nervous, but I want to manage your expectations so you understand it's NOT just some intuitive "easy" thing (though it could be for you and I do wish you that).

But above all, believe in your success and know in your heart whatever you accomplish WILL be good. I consider myself to have been successful, even if it was short-lived, because I think anything good you can do for your child makes you a successful mother.

*phew* Ok, that was hard for me. BFing is such a difficult topic. But it wouldn't be fair to the rest of you if I weren't completely honest and open about what I'm doing.

Oh, btw, I think Jess asked in the other thread about feeling emotional postpartum? Well hells yeah I do. I am thankful every moment for that precious baby who's sound asleep in his crib right now. But my body is confused and exhausted and I'm feeling overwhelmed and last night I cried myself to sleep. Postpartum emotions are very real and we are wise to accept and monitor them carefully, I think.

I can sort of empathize with you Lisa about the emotions that follow not breastfeeding. When my son was born, like I had mentioned he had a wide bilateral cleft lip and palate. He was unable to suck. My insurance provided me with a hospital grade breast pump so I could pump then feed with a special bottle. The problem was that I was a single mom at the time with ZERO help. 20 minutes to pump, 30-45 to feed then some how find time to sleep, take care of baby (off the chart colic) ect. I also needed to start back to work as I had no other income. I lasted with the pump for almost 6 weeks. There was simply no time to take care of ME. And it was ME that needed to stay strong and healthy to see to my sons care and upcoming surgeries. I know what it feels like to be faced with with so many obligations and the guilt of knowing what is "best" for baby. There comes a time when we need to take a long hard look at what the reality of the situation. There is only so much you can do. Your baby needs to have a balanced home and a mom who is able to take care of herself. I know that BFing is a huge responsibility that is not equally shared between partners. Having the help of your husband with feedings can help give you time to do what you need to do.

Letting my breast milk dry up was a very emotional exprience for me. "One soul feeding another" that is exactly how I felt. I had carried him for all that time, a unique physiological and spiritual bond. He was connected to me on such a profound level. My body had sustained him his whole existance thus far. Severing that sacred connection between mother and child was very hard on me. Even though I knew that it was the right thing to do. Each day that I went with formula and my milk dried up, I felt kind of a growing panic from within. It was awful. But I knew that I had to do what was right for both of us if we were to survive and have a healthy realtionship. I had to be OK to be able to be a better mom. But the whole experience WAS heartwrenching for me. Looking back, it was the best thing I could have done given my circumstances.

Thank you for the words of encouragement. They mean a lot. I have never really been super sensitive in the nipple department (unless I am pregnant and that is normal). Pumping was not painful for me on the highest setting. I am sure a little mouth can dish out much more pain though. Algts reccomended that I hold on for a few weeks and it will get better.

I will need to get over the breasts are for sustanance and not for pleasure mentality. What will make this really difficult as well is that I have a little living embodyment of an immiture little boy at home. Got to love him, he is sooo great. Wonderful kid. It is just the age he is at. He is 8. He giggles if he sees my bras in the laundry hamper! Yet alone wandering past the womans underware dept. To make my life simpler, I am gonna have to be able to be able to do this in the common areas of the house while enjoying my family as well. Sure I can cover up, but it is gonna be real awkward with my little man around until he gets used to it.

Kristie, thank YOU for your words of encouragement. I'm still crying but every moment my boy responds well to the bottle and seems content and cozy I realize it'll be ok.

This is exactly my situation. While I'm hopeful my little man is healthy enough that I won't have the same obligations you did (my nephew was born with a cleft palette and split lip and I remember the numerous operations) I do have an aging mother who may be getting Alzheimer's, a business my husband can't handle alone that is the sole reason we can just barely afford to live in our home as well as the usual tasks at hand. I HAVE to be well. I need to regain my strength so I can hold this home together like I did before. Last night Jeff took over the feedings from midnight to 8am and it was the best stretch of sleep I've gotten since Ian was born. Today my outlook is so much better as a result. I have my MIL watching him as I check my messages and do other administrative stuff (and she just fed him while I was doing this) and it will give me time to shower and take a walk before resting a bit more.

Am I still sad for that change that you so eloquently described (how we were their sole source of sustenance for 9 months and when we stop BFing that goes away)? Yes. But at the same time when he nuzzles his head against my chest and quietly drifts off to sleep I know the bond I have with him will never be broken and certainly not by what I feed him.

<hugs>

I am glad you're feeling better after a good night of sleep. Don't feel bad about not nursing! I am wondering how long I can keep it up as well this time when I will have to work 3 nights a week and try to care for 4 other children with a husband who is gone 12 hours a day. Laundry for 6 is something else, now it will be for 7!! I just hope and pray my little girl now will not have those food allergies. Plus, I think they are getting better and better at making high-quality formulas. That is great that your dh helps you feed Ian.

That says it all...

You ladies care so much about your children and are acting in their best interests over the long term--it's not due to "neglect" or some such, and I do understand about having a full plate!

Bless you all!

p.s. I can't seem to sleep more than a few hours at a time and night shift seems to be messing with my clock. I have 3 more scheduled work nights, but am hoping to have someone else work one for me--2 in a row is killer on my back/pelvis.

I am so glad I stopped by this thread today even though I cry as I read this. I am not able to breastfeed the baby. The nipple shields and cups worked to bring out the nipple, but the baby doesn't want to latch on. I was encouraged to give him a bottle since he was losing weight, and you know how that works....

I am pumping to try to bring my milk in, but I am only getting about 2 oz a day (if that). Also, he doesn't seem to like the breastmilk. If that makes any sense. And I totally agree, it is so hard to find the time to take care of him, pump, try to get him to the breast, get sleep, and even take a shower.

I am having the worst time tryinig to make a decision to go solely to the bottle. I will keep pumping, but I am not sure I will be able to increase my supply. I am sad for everyone, but glad to know I am not the only one having a problem here.

We are moving in a few weeks, and I don't know if I can keep making bottles and pumping.

It is nice to have the support of other mom's who feel the same way. I have been emotional the past few days, and it certainly helps to hear the thoughts of others going through the same thing.

A great place for support and guidance is the forums on breastfeeding.com and the breastfeeding forum on mothering.com -- there are lactation consultants that post there and lots of experienced long term breastfeeders to answer questions.

Learning to breastfeed, and sticking with it, is the hardest thing I've ever done. My son is 7 1/2 months old now, and I'm so proud of myself for breastfeeding him. I know it's easy for some women, but it sure as heck wasn't for me, so it's an accomplishment. Attempting to breastfeed at ALL is an accomplishment in our society, so you should all be proud.

Don't beat yourself up, Jess!! You are trying very hard! I remember after my first baby I went back to work and pumped on a hospital pump and could not get much out at all. It seems that some women just can't get a lot by pumping. Maybe what you do get you could mix with his formula?

Good luck moving and try to take it easy right now.

Hi Jess...I tried to post something quickly last night and my internet connection died. Unfortunately I wasn't able to try again because I was dealing with my own inconsolable little one. <sigh>

But I wanted to come back this morning just to let you know I'm behind you whatever you decide. As long as you decide what's right for you and your family it'll be the right decision. Believe me I know I was just there myself trying to figure out what to do and it was so difficult. But you have lots of support and understanding here. Just think of the bigger picture and do the best you can...it'll work out. <hug>

I'm so exhausted right now. I have a couple questions...some I can post here and some that will have to be by PM if anyone is willing to chat.

First, my little one drinks SO fast he finishes 3-4 oz in like 10 minutes and I'm really worried that it's causing extra gas. We try to slow him down and calm him down. And yeah, it's ironic because you always hope you'll have a "good feeder" and he's almost the opposite! But I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this...has any tips...also too if they outgrow it. I have a feeling this is throwing off his sleep cycle because he's so uncomfortable for certain periods.

Second thing that will have to be more PM-related is about recovering from childbirth and symptoms...specifically lochia. I also wondered about resuming activity such as stairs and exercise. I just wanted to compare some notes and hopefully find a little reassurance about my current situation. I know I expect a lot from my body because I was so healthy and it's only been two weeks so I'm guessing I'm probably just impatient. I know part of my impatience is what I feel needs to be done around the house and for the business. But I really am trying to be conscientious because I know the first part of healing is the most important.

Any thoughts on either subject - either here or via PM - are appreciated. Thanks.


ETA: I'm using Avent's bottles with the newborn nipple (the slowest flow) just to be clear. I'm at a loss if another brand has a slower flow than that and these came highly recommended and he took to them very well (obviously). I realize I could be overreacting and I'm trying not to...guess maybe a night's lack of sleep from him fussing will do that!

Lisa, tried to PM you but this was too long.

Well, my situation was a bit different with my son being that he had that wide oral cleft. BUT.... after we switched to an experimental nipple 10 weeks later, he was a "super feeder" much like your son.

You say that you are using the Avent bottles with the slow nipple, that is good. I have heard good things about them too and when I start pumping when I go back to work, I will be having my husband use those too.

Ok, back to the point.....
My son was an OFF THE CHART CLOLICY BABY. I was trapped in my house and could not go anywhere after 4pm. His colic screaming would stop at 9am. He would pull up his legs, tense his entire body and let out this god awful scream as if his intestines were about to perforate. I had him on enfamil nutramigen (sp) which is an expensive hypoallergenic formula that costs serious bucks. Did not really help him that much but I was desperate. (he had the same symptoms on breast mild too) This lasted about 7 months (longer than average). The screaming sessions gradually became shorter and shorter.

My sons pediatrition prescribed him belladonna/phenobarbitol elixer. (a barbituate)--yes he was that bad. I have to say that this did not really help either. I dont really reccomend this.

So what did help?????

I changed the way I burped him. I sat him on my knee and leaned him forward like this / with my dominant hand supporting his chest. Then I gently bounced my knee and gently giggeled him back and fourth. I could feel the air bubbles make their way to the top of his tummy and I could literally feel his body decompress as he burped. You will hear the stomach contents "sloshing around" if there is too much air in there. I realize that my son was exceptionally prone to swallowing air, but I think that makes me an expert on burping babies

Have you tried changing formulas?

Know that somtimes babies just cry for no apparent reason..........

Somtimes when you have HAD IT, it is best to put the baby in his bouncer seat and put him in the corner of the room (make sure he is safe) and for you to go to the other corner of the room and for you both to scream and cry. (with soft music on in the background to calm you both). I fully understand how some mothers reach the breaking point and bad things happen If you ever get there, just remember what i said here)

Oh and just an FYI, colicy/cranky infants often turn out to be exceptionally intellegent. They say that somtimes when they cry and cry it is out of frustration and an inability to communicate their complex feelings. They are more perceptive to others feelings and moods. More intelligent than your average child. I tried to take this little nugget of knowledge as a seed of hope knowing that everything will work out and that he would be fine in the end.

As it turns out my off the chart colicy little man is a very bright child. He has always tested in the 90th percentile for IQ at the specialty clinic (they monitored him closley in the beginning for any developmental disabilities). His first word(s) were "Im hungry" when he was about a year and was speaking in clear full sentences when he just turned two. He is reading at two grade levels above his classmates and excells at everything else. (I really did not have any part in that as he always had a natural interest in learning)
What I am trying to say is that what started out as a rough beginning turned out to be a real blessing. He is a great kid, although still the living embodyment of the immiture little boy at times. But hey, he is 8, what should I expect

Oh an about the lochia, I have total amnesia about lochia. I remember wearing pads afterwords but nothing else so cant help there.........

Take care of yourself....

What a great idea for a new thread! I wish I could have been here more over the last 5 weeks, I would have had a LOT to talk about-my baby ended up being in the NICU for 2 weeks. He came home on Christmas Day and everything has been going well overall. I go back to work next week-I never thought I would say this, but I REALLY don't want to. Ever. Oh well.

Jess I only had time to scan the other posts so I'm not sure how long you've been pumping, but I could not get very much at all right away (I'm talking about a few drops after pumping 20 minutes) but it did get better. One thing that I think helped me was that I got these heating pads to put on about 20 minutes before. Also make sure you're drinking plenty of water.

With that said, I stopped last weekend because it was physically impossible for me to pump every 3 hours and have time to finish-my DH works nights and I have an almost 2-year-old who CANNOT be trusted alone . I would either end up going too long in between pumping or have only 5-10 minutes, not enough time to drain all the milk, so then I would get blocked ducts and mastitis and that is really uncomfortable.


This is true.