Wait.
Jaz.. is this Mr. Big?

Water Hounds:

Tuesday: Blue 4/3, Jaz _/5, KMom 6/5
Wednesday: Blue 5/3, Jaz 3/5 (plus 3/3 for wine!) , KMom 5/5
Thursday: Blue 5/3, Jaz 5/5, KMom 7/5
Friday: Blue 3/3, Jaz 4/5, Kmom 6/5
Saturday: Blue _/3, Jaz _/5, KMom 7/5
Catch me up when you can. Also add today's water, please.

Jaz!!!!!!!!!!!
Is this for real?

Heart still beating in normal sinus rhythm. I think I will just NOT report on this, unless in goes into A-Fib again. Hopefully, that is not going to happen soon!

Got stuck at a meeting where they served Chipotle. Worked out pretty well as I could make myself a bowl. Seems like I have checked the carb count on a Chipotle bowl, and it was not too bad.

Having Chicken Lazone again. Can't seem to get enough of it!

So green around here. Lots of rain lately.

K-Mom 10x3

Ok- so this is Mr. Big.

Turns out Mr. Big- has not been able to let me go. I go back and forth about that. I'm a stinking nurse and have trouble with people that don't want to take care of self.

So for the last few weeks Mr.Big and I have been going out again. Again we are on again off again. Always my call to say no I need space. He is sweet and all and then I just get creeped out with how fast and intense he can be.

Well he got to me. So a couple weeks ago he said hey- wanna see the car you have been lusting over? I was like WHAT HUH? He said- remember a month ago you were in traffic talking to me and stuck- and the car in front of you was a Infiniti 6 cylinder sports car convertible- g60. Sweet dam car.

So long story he went and bought it for me. I kid you not. Mean time I had not idea- he just did. So when he sent a pic of him standing in front of it I was sorta ticked- again- didn't talk to the dude for 3 weeks.
Little did I know until last night he bought that as my wedding gift. Yea - sorta creepy.

Well I will cut to the chase- the guy has been head over heels for me. Me- he is super nice but I am not physically attracted- so I let it slide.I know shallow- but hey there needs to be SOME attraction right? He is very sweet.....

But We went out Fri, and last night too. I always have fun- I do.
So we got in late last night. What he told me last night was really shocking.
So we were sitting at dinner- and AGAIN- he ask me to marry him. And before I could answer he says- I need to tell you I have cancer and am dying.

WHAT ARE YOU FREKIN KIDDING ME-
I thought he was joking until he starting sobbing at the table. He said that I was his last love and he wanted to spend his last days however that might be with me.

I stopped in my tracks and took a HARD look at this guy. he was gasping for air, slightly green, pasty too, and 100 pounds overweight and you name it - he got it all. trouble moving, trouble breathing, all that. He is just 50.

Anyway- so we talked for a VERY long time. He is slated to go start chemo tomorrow. He is still working believe it or not for however long he can do that.

So he said he want to start a new chapter with me however short. He has no kids, divorced, sister, and elderly mother. Nobody else.

I said - wow...... serious should you not be focusing on just getting better? He doesn't want to go this alone- he is terrified and all that.
He wants to buy a house together and all that- I say why????? This is not the time.He wants to have a "life before it's gone.
I was thinking after talking to him- he won't be here in a year. He knows that. Wants me by his side.

Really rough stuff. I said yes. And then he spent the night. It was late- really late- due to us talking for so long. She he ended up staying the night right beside me in bed- fully clothed. And SNORED and gasped for air and stopped breathing ALL dam night. I swear I thought he was going to die before morning. I am drained.
no hanky panky- just TRIED to sleep.

So we were supposed to go to dinner- but he woke up and was really quite all morning- finally at noon- I said - HEY what is WRONG!!!! HE was sick- nauseous- and still gasping for air. He is one sick guy. HE ended up going back home. Just got a text that he is in bed already- gasping for air. - He does use a C-pap.

I just don't know. I just don't know.
He assured me when he goes I would be "taken care of". But this is not about money, or a dam house. I could give a shit
I just don't know if I am up to it. On the other hand- if because I already said yes- then break up- He will be devastated.

Ya know life can change on a dime- I need to think about this one.

Ok know ya all know the story. Never a dull moment with JAZ

Wow, Jaz!
I really don't even know what to say. I have read your post three times.

It all seems surreal.

You have a big decision to make. I will pray for wisdom for you.

K-Mom 10x3

Hi all,

Jaz---Wowzer. What a story. And here I came prepared to talk about the story you shared about pulling away from the curb of the highway and taking on the storm. I loved that.

So I'll still talk about it in those terms. Don't know if this is time to pull away from the curb w/this guy. But of course, that is up to you. I will say you don't owe it to him to marry him and make his last days what he wants them to be. There are all kinds of ways you can be with him and make his life better if he doesn't have long. So just please dear friend, don't feel trapped, no matter what you said last night or thought you could do.

It is fair to find a way to return his feelings in a way that works for you too. Seems at the very least, and maybe the very most, you two are friends. So be a friend to him, in whatever way seems honest and REAL and RIGHT FOR YOU.
IOW, certainly NOT "sorta creepy." Your words, not mine. In short, I don't feel FROM YOU, the comfort or happiness I'd like to hear with this decision. And I want both for you, or at LEAST one of the two.

Nic---So interesting about Jimmy Moore. I've followed his story too. It's kind of a mystery and I don't know exactly what to think about it. I tend to go your way a bit and wonder if for some people, super LC just stops working in terms of weight loss. But that doesn't explain his big weight gain. I also wonder how MUCH LC food he eats. And finally, gotta be honest, I wonder if he's being honest about everything he says, as he has a huge investment in being LC Jimmy Moore, money and career wise. Doesn't really matter to me, just wish him well. I have always sensed he is a kind person.

K-mom---I am so delighted to hear your news of continued peace with your heart beat. Can't imagine how great that feels for you.

As for the BLT salad dressing. I really can't give you exact measurements, as I do it to taste. But generally, think a third oil and vinegar and 2/3 mayo. The consistency in the end should be like say, ranch dressing. As for the spices, for me, ALWAYS a real garlic clove mashed thru a presser. NEVER garlic powder or garlic salt. IMO, no comparison between real garlic and processed. Then I usually throw in a "heart of my palm" full of basil. Bottled is fine for me in this case, but I mash that w/my thumb too to release max flavor. It is really hard to screw this up, just taste as you go. You'll get the hang of it fast, and I swear, as I often have here, once you start making your own dressings, you'll not settle for bottled shelf dressings easily again.

Saturday water: 3/3. Sunday water, 3/3. Wish it was better.

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I have had an off plan couple of days gals, and I just have to confess straight out. NOT all day, but two nights in a row. I was kind of amazed I made it thru more than a week after my world changed on plan. But this weekend, I just kind a lost it.

Dinner w/the realtors for one. They are lovely good friends, and had much to say to help us w/our decisions. But I was stressed w/the conversation and didn't give a dang about my woe. Then tonight, dinner at my brother's. Pix of the wedding, nephew and girl friend there. Happy night, great escape. Again, didn't care about my woe.

Thing is, I really DO care about not gaining back. And I KNOW eating off plan for any prolonged amount of time is only going to make me feel worse. I DO KNOW THIS.

But I won't mince words pals. I'm struggling right now. I want so much to just snap into a positive outlook, to put it into Jaz's words "pull away from the curb and face the storm!" And I will, but it is not coming easily for me at this juncture in my life.

And this isn't going to be over soon, not going to just pass on quickly. Big decisions, discomforts are going to be there for some time to come.

Still, I am here because I don't want to let go of what I've accomplished on my LC woe, and I don't want to give up on it. I have been happy on it most of the time for almost 5 years now. So I gotta get my arms around it again.

Just struggling right now. But as Scarlett would say, "tomorrow's another day."

Monday Morning-

Lori- you are usually the first one here sipping your coffee and getting ready for bootcamp. I am wondering if ya got the hang of the French press coffee? It truly is wonderful once you get the hang of it.
I wonder what you will do today? The subway would scare the crap outta me!

Blue- Wow oh wow do you know how to read in-between the lines! You are so right on so many levels about Mr. Big. He is NOT who I would picture myself in a million years. I was able to get some good sleep last night. I didn't sleep over the weekend. Sleep really puts stuff into perspective.
I am thinking 1. He doesn't REALLY want to buy a house and get married. He just wants the CHANCE to do that with someone. I just happen to be the last gal he dated. He had not dated for 2 years before me.
2.- He wants a sense of time and normalcy most people 50 years have. He knows he doesn't
3.- He wants a distraction.
None of these things really INVOLVE me. We never got that close honestly. We had a few dates here and there, some long conversation, a few fun things. We were never a "we". At least not in my mind. It just didn't work for me. I have not seen him for months actually. Even though he has always texted me good morning.
So- after much needed sleep. I would never actually move forward in a situation like that. I said yes based on a emotional knee jerk reaction to help him feel better.
Thank goodness no actual ring. I don't know what to think about the car though. It is a sweet ride and maybe he just wanted another car, and I just happen to mention that one. I dunno on that one. He said it reminds him of me. Again MAYBE a way to feel normal.

OMG- I addressed you- and that was ALL about me!!!!!!! See what happens when ya ask a question or make observation!!!!

Still on BLUE- I know that the conversation you had with your realtor friends was not easy. I do hope however it gave you some clarity. Maybe at best a plan. Not every plan like you said happens overnight or is comfortable. But atlas you have a sense of the direction you may need to go.

I know that you know you need to stay on plan. Nothing would be worse to have to take off weight you have already taken off on TOP of everything else you need to do.

However- as far as being motivated to stay on plan I don't think that is necessary. Sometimes we just need to DO IT- even when we don't feel like it. Mojo comes and goes.
But at the very least your goal could change to: Just maintain where you are without gaining. So that when all this is over- you can re-visit your WOE with a new goal. I think to work on losing at this point when you are going through all of this is would be too hard.

I know I speak for us all when I say we are so happy you are still coming here and not tossing in the towel. We have all been where you are in this WOE. Sometimes just not gaining is a victory! Like my story- pull away from the curb- it is way ok to put on the flashers though! At least you are going forward.

OMG- I need to go- will finish my thoughts when I hop back on in a few

ok read a bit and to Jaz, NO FREAKIN' WAY are ya marrying this guy! There I said it This is OH SO WRONG on oh so many levels and I know ya know......talk to him and explain knee jerk reaction and get the heck out of this as fast as you can.
Just like Blue said.....you tell him you are there for him as a friend, etc. SEE where he wants to take it and if he wants your help for medical situation/support etc. but he is off the rails and emotional and so were you --so you got to get this controlled. Control this relationship as YOU see fit in your life helping another.

ok Jaz you woke me up on the thread a bit HAHA

Hold strong Blue


HI Everyone
just in a dazy type foggy life right now for some darn reason.
but it is lifting more

Sold our 27 acres finally. WEE. Money. Love it.

And told hubby he can quit work and go get easier job when we get that check and he said he wants to work there for about 1 to 1.5 more years still to buy a nice new $70,000 truck so he doesn't have to use the land sale money. WTH? I tell ya the nuts around me right now is just stupid! You plan and plan and last sec. everything changes. Whatever! Will see where this all goes

school supply shop for kiddo today
buy new glasses for school

tomorrow is Dr and school shots
and some shoe shopping

next day clothes shopping

next day take mom to her dermatologist appt

and so on...........you know the drill all

fab day to everyone

Well Jaz sure knows how to get a thread hopping! We all read her post and got fish flap hearts (except KMom because she has been fixed, we hope, Hallelujah!)

I'm glad to read your update Jaz and that it seems that you are coming around to a more rational point of view. I remember Mr Big (and then went back and reviewed as well) and one of the key points was that he revealed to you that he isn't into women.. well, that isn't a marriage, then. I don't care what someone's orientation is, they should be into whomever they marry! So what he is seeking is a companion, a roommate and a friend. To the degree that you WANT to do that you certainly can, but 1) that isn't a marriage and 2) those things can't be BOUGHT.

I do remember that you did like him and felt like there was a connection there etc so you could be as involved with him as you like on that level.

Are you sure he is telling you the truth? He has grasped at some pretty big straws already...

So anyway, WOW and WHOOHOO and HOLY COW that was an exciting 24 hours on the ole LCF thread. I bet all the lurkers out there (and we know you are out there, in droves, btw) were munching pork rinds and watching with fascination. and just for old times' sake :hyst: :hyst:

Blue- Aw honeybun. I am glad you got to spend time with your brother. That makes me happy. I am sure the meeting/meal with your realtor friends was also stressful, even if they were wonderful as all get out.
You will get your juju back, Blue, but you are you and not any one else. You will get it back on your own timeline, so don't add that to your stress. You are not going hog wild, bingeing your head off day and night, and this is something you will reverse course on soon enough. Offer yourself a little compassion and kindness, my dear, it will all be all right. Pinky swear.

Jimmy Moore- Yeah, I just don't know. His blood work is pristine- super low A1c etc. He does really long fasting experiments etc. Yet the weight is not at all reflective of what he does. Certainly makes me wonder and gives me pause. I have said all along that there is no "one plan" that works for every BODY. It may just not be working for him any more.

Trig- You are gonna be busy with that girl child the next few days! She will be all decked out and ready to go when you are finished.
So the Pork Chop wants a SEVENTY THOUSAND DOLLAR TRUCK? Holy wowzer! What kind of truck is that? Like a Dually or something? I guess if he really wants it and insists on having it, better that he earn the money for it than spend what you just got for the land.

KMom- I am so very happy that you are doing so well. I really am. You are having foods you love, you are CapD and on track and on plan with your happy little heart!

Lori- Hope all is well. I think my French Press and manual coffee bean burr grinder is coming today. Imma gonna be a happy gal tomorrow if it does!

•••••

Hiya chicks!

Super nice day yesterday. Restful, and then DH, DS18 and I went for a walk around one of the lakes in the area and then over to the mall foodcourt. I had a bunless burger from Five Guys. Love their burgers but they need to up their game on the idea of a lettuce wrap because it does NOT hold together! They need some lessons on that from Jimmy Johns. THEY know how to make a lettuce wrap!

Weighed for the first time in a while. Still have some work to do but in a very Zen place of getting it off slowly and surely. No panic or knee jerk reactions. Of course, we all know that is subject to change but that is my goal. Also my goal to not weigh for a few more days now that I have checked in this morning with the scale. Trying to break that daily routine and so far, so good.

House to myself today and I'm gonna do some work in DS15's room. Just some minor organizational stuff to help him going into next school year. Might take the doggers for a walk later on too. Promised DS18 some of his favorite meals over the next ten days so meatloaf is on the menu for tonight. He loves some of his mama's meatloaf!

DD22 and Fi came over last night for about an hour to show some swag they got from the Bridal Expo in the area. Dh and I were both worn out and he didn't even make an effort but I mustered up a little enthusiasm. They are doing a great job with all the planning and such. Wedding dress shopping is Th and Fri!

My CASA case could potentially be winding down this Fall and if that is the case, I may take up volunteering in a Head Start classroom or something similar once that happens. I doubt I will take another CASA case right now. Planning on continuing with MoW for now also. Once DS15 gets his license at the end of this school year (2018) then I will consider taking a class or something like that as well. I don't want to be gone much in the evenings though- teens at that age need awareness and supervision. Mistakes can come with large consequences!

Have a good day, all!

Hello!

Jaz, read your post before my first cup of coffee. WOW! Just read it again and am floored. I would be very leery, but you are the one who knows all the details etc. As Nic said, can you be sure he's telling the truth about his health situation? Does he just want a caretaker for his last days? So many questions and red flags. What a situation. Just wish the best for you.

I'm on the train heading for home. Yesterday was a fun and tiring day. Lots of walking and subway riding etc. Stayed up a bit later so was in bed till 7 this morning.

Rode the subway to Penn Station this morning... No problem!

Will be glad to be home and to see my husband. Haven't seen him since August 5th!

Will catch up later!

OMG- I was so laughing at last- reading your responses.

Leeann- Loved the LURKERS - BIG eyes downing a bag of pork rinds......... Call out the Presses.

Lori choking on coffee.......

Trig- kick in the arzzzzzzzzzz WTF are you thinking??????HELLO

Blue- ever the reason with dignity.

KMOM- your all right the only one that didn't have something major to say- you had your heart jumped already! And can't do it again.

I will address personals- in a second- but let me tell you when I "sorta" told my son I had to pick him up from the floor- he HATES this guy. And told me to share it here!!!!!! Smart guy!

So good thing I have had some sleep and some awesome advice from my friends here - YOU ALL!!!!!!!

Are ya all ready for this- the ONLY one loving this is my mother- anyone surprised?
Oh....... you get a ring, house and a car? Go for it........ Really mom???????
To your point Leeann- I really think he wants a care giver. When he slept over FULLY dressed- that was a clue. I ask he to stay because he was ........ well couldn't drive home safely and it was late. PERIOD.
I had been fully jerked to my senses........Just don't know how to say NO AGAIN.

So - MORE NEWS........ So sorry all about me this last 24 hours.....
BIG NEWS:
Baby Ava made her arrival 30 minutes ago. She is on a vent, weights 1.6 pounds, lungs sticking together, and fighting.

I will put the pic from DD in an email- look at her beautiful hands- and her face- she is mad as hell!
I will give my daughter a break and not bust up on her tonight. I will go tomorrow when she has had some rest and what happens happens. nothing will change if I go tonight or tomorrow. We all need rest.

She is viable- and has a 50/50 shot. But what that 50% looks like long term I can only guess.
My kids are the JESUS cool-aide drinkers
and she will be perfect.
Check your email- KMOM- send me your email if comfortable- if you want.
So now I just wait and see.

To be perfectly honest- the last 24 hours have been SO stressful- I am sorta numb. I wish I could take some time off and relax. But it is not possible

We hired a new gal- Next week is my mom's birthday, and Mary is taking the entire month of Sept. Off for the birth of her grand baby perfect boy- while mine is struggling to survive.

To her credit- though- I called her and said I am taking off tomorrow. She just wished me well- no questions. Then she emailed me and said she is sending hopeful thoughts and safe travels to keep her posted. That is kind of her, really.
I am real- and will wait and see. No offence to those with that faith.

I'm not going to lie- was stressed and had beans and rice for dinner. Did and done- tomorrow new day- I know- back on the train. I just F'n did. Just toss up lecture I sent to BLUE and we are good!

Ok- sorry again all-out me

No to MR. Big/ needs a nurse/ support/ Not who knows- just have not told him NO YET!!!!!!!!!!!!! He still thinks it's on for the love of god. Rings, house, flying to Vegas....I am so tired......

Off to Greenville tomorrow

Really Jaz beans and rice- can't do better binge??????????/

Until tomorrow- NEW day........

Will do personals- top mine PLEASE

Oh my gosh Jaz, BABY AVA IS HERE!! That is some serious news right there. I will celebrate the news and cheer and shout- and also be sending every good wish and healing vibe her way that she can grow and be strong and healthy and happy. I am so hopeful because that's my way- I'd far rather dwell there and hope that you and your DD don't have to look at any other alternative.

I don't even know what to say to you to do about Mr Big. He's low on the priority list at the moment. You could just text him but I don't know, that doesn't seem like a great option.

Very glad you have off tomorrow and are headed over to see DD and the baby. I am checking email- not seeing the pic yet but trust it is coming.

Congratulations are in order- so congratulations to you and your daughter. My thoughts and hopes are with you all!

(and, for those who are interested, this is a page of Littles born at 26 weeks and then the same Littles grown up (at whatever age)- made me smile. GO BABY AVA GO!!
http://www.lilaussieprems.com.au/th...rn-at-26-weeks/

OMG thank you- trying to upload pic

Hi all. (I always start with this because I always want to include every dear gal pal here, whether I have the time or energy to do individual call outs.)

So we have a new life to celebrate tonight! Ava is here and even though we know she's got a tough road to fight for awhile, we CAN all circle her with love,hope and prayers---however we each define that. Without getting into anything religous or not, I think we DO have the power to ask the universe for the best and hope for the best.

Jaz---SO happy to hear you're off to be w/your daughter tomorrow. I know it won't be easy, it is a perilous situation. But, imo, you take the time you need to be w/her and don't give a second thought to work. You've gone a long way to "making your bones" there and if you ask for it, I think they'll give you what you need right now.

Same goes for Mr. Big. Life interrupts and you'll just tell him that, and that your priority is your family right now. Period. Nothing else should need to be said.

And yeah, take care of your woe as best you can, as we know we have to do this even in hard or challenging times. Also, yeah, beans and rice is not a great binge, LOL. But right now, priorities are priorities and we attend to those first. I've learned a lot about that in these last 2 weeks.

We do what we can do, and right now, your daughter needs you, and you need to be there for her and for Ava. JUST cross everything else off your list, except for that. FOCUS can be a great gift, as it wipes away the every day worries and pains. Sometimes we only need to do ONE thing well, and that's plenty.

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So much goin' on right now, no need to get into detail about it, but I will in the days to come.

For tonight the only thing I need to report is that my son got a job! At a great French restaurant in SF, and just blocks from where he lives. My son's experience is in upscale restaurants, and he will do well financially here.

Hubby and I are over the moon in happiness for him in this. He's such a great kid in so many ways, and he works really hard at what he does. He turned his resume and his references into the manager of this restaurant, and by the time he got home, he had a text saying he had the job.

SIGH, such a load off my mind to know my birdie is flying again. I can handle my own problems, as hard as they may be, much better than I can countenance his problems and the idea that he is not feeling OK or safe. In this way, our children never stop being our babies, no matter how tall they grow, or how old they get.

So I feel blessed with that tonight, and I'll take it, so gratefully.