After about 2 weeks of drinking 1 C of green tea in the morning instead of 1 cup of coffee, I decided not to drink any this norning, b/c I felt pretty good when I woke up. Usually I feel like I just have to have some caffeine upon rising, but not today. I would really just be so thrilled to not need that any more, and get my energy from food and not stimulants. We'll see how it goes.

But I am considering an SSRI to help me get through this transition. I just feel so overwhelmed all the time--from my earliest memories of life, and that makes me sad. A simple hour long outing with all 3 kids in the morning is enough to make me fall completely to pieces later in the day when it's time to cook dinner. After the kids go to bed, I tend to retreat into solitude to regroup & get ready for the next day, neglecting my poor husband. The diet is not helping with that. I have simply always been that way, as long as I can remember. But when I was single, I could sleep all the time and keep the house very quiet to cope, but now, obviously, I don't have the luxury of that. I'm going to talk to the Dr about it when I go in for my physical next month. My children and husband deserve a person who can function normally, not fall apart & not withdraw at the end of the day. I really feel I need some additional help "plugging the drain" as DS puts it, while "increasing the flow" of the seratonin that the diet/stress reduction causes. I definitely feel better eating this way, but as she puts it, I think I'm now just replacing some of the seratonin I'm using, not building up. I have taken them before, and am intimately acquainted with both the side-effects and the SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome, but I'm simply desperate for help at this point.

I feel comfortable trying to eliminate the caffeine, b/c it didn't help with those symptoms anyway.

Elle,

I hear ya!
You simply have to get to a place where you can function.
I am on Zoloft at the moment though I hope that I can healed enough to get off of it at some point as I certainly don't want to be on it forever.
I have a suggestion that I strongly strongly encourage my friends with small children to do. TAKE A BREAK!!
Especially if you are a stay-at-home-Mommy!!
I've heard it said (I think by Dr. Dobson) that you should try to set time aside each week just for you (1 hour per year of age that your pre-school children are). Even if you tried to half that, it might refresh you much more than you can imagine. It is not in the slightest a selfish thing. You sincerely are only benefitting your children and husband whom you love because you return to them better than you left. You ultimately are giving them a very important gift.
As for you and your husband, have you considered making a date night each week where you hire a babysitter and make it a night just for the two of you. If funds are tight then just get the heck out of the house and go for a cup of coffee...if they are tighter still, find a friend that you could set up a babysitting trade out on a regular basis. THAT would be giving your husband a gift, yourself a gift and really your children also.
Believe me, I remember what is like to have little ones (although I only had 2, they were livewires.). i know how very exhausting life can be during that season of life...every single day. THAT is why you so desperately need these breaks. I encourage you to do whatever it takes (even if ya have to move heaven and earth) to get some YOU time as well as YOU and HUBBY time. Sooo important!
The Zoloft has helped me quite a bit. I can't say that I am where I'd like to be, but it has certainly improved my "coping" abilities from day to day. The things that overwhelmed me before either don't at all now or don't as much.
Have you tried any natural remedies such as St. John's Wort??
Welp, whatever you choose to do, God bless ya lots!
Do hang in there. You WILL make it!! Take less than 1 day at a time. Take 5 minutes at a time. Chew off bite sized, realistic, pieces that you can accomplish and no more. Be gracious to yourself as you go through this challenging time.
Give yourself the permission to throw yourself on the floor every day and just play LIKE a child with your kids. They will love it and you really will too!! It's fun to be a kid for a few minutes and fun to come down to their level.

God Bless,
Mindy

Good luck. I sure couldn't handle the drugs. Don't know if I did the right thing or not.

Anytime my husband and I ever tried a "date night" we were both so tired we could barely talk to each other. What I have found that works for me is to let the housework go. I used to be so anal about cleaning.

Having 3 little kids at the ages yours are at really is tough. They are all still so needy. I have vague memories of this. In some ways, 5 kids are easier than 3, I speak from experience. It's hard to imagine, but it will get easier as they get older, even if you get busier as they get older.

I have found getting out in the sun with the kids and not being ambitious about other stuff really helpful this summer.

How about St John's Wort or other things for increasing flow and plugging the drain. You may want to check out the supplements section of the forum, I think there are lots of discussions there about this stuff.

I hear ya about just staring at your hubby on a date night (been there), but nonetheless it is vital to maintain and build up your marriage both for yourself and hubby as well as for the children. Even if your just staring, at least you are together without the children.

Mindy

You know, I was like that also, when we finally went out, he
was looking at other people anjoying themselves, then back at
us, who really weren't. I have sort of even given up there. I have other chronic probs that prevent me from taking ssri's, but I did try zoloft for awhile and it made me so sleepy. I have liver
probs, and meds don't really help there. Sunshine does help, and lately I am trying flax/borage caps for efa's. I think Schwarzbein's 1st book has the most info about supps if I remember correctly. Anyway, this thread is interesting, hope that Elle gives it time. One depression book I had in the 80's talked about stopping caffeine, then slowly start exercising to
help the brain chemicals, like just walking, and many people
had improved moods. It was called "Awakening from Depression"
and I still have it somewhere. The prob for me, is that the closest I was to giving up caffeine, is when I don't eat wheat, the energy goes up, then I cut back on the caffeine. But I still
have some in the ams..... sorry for going on so, just thought it
may help the younger ones on here see what to avoid.....

Wow, you guys are REALLY great! Mark and I try to get out as often as we can, but it's not often. We have fun when we do! We actually DON'T talk about the kids or anything like that. He leaves it to me to initiate the talk (men, you know!) so I try to bring up all kinds of subjects, like history, science, relationships in general and stuff like that. I also do MOPS. It all helps, but I'm still sorely lacking in the coping dept, and since I've always been that way, I'm thinking the SSRI's may help with that. I like the idea of the slow walks, too. Maybe I'll try to pursue that on the days Mark is home.

Elle,

So neat to hear that you do MOPS. Such a GREAT program!! Is it held at your church??
In regards to the anti-depressants, I really do advocate anything alternative if it works as I happen to not really like meds to well. Exercise definitely definitely helps. Doesn't cure perhaps, but does really help. Perhaps there IS something "natural" out there that would be just as good as the meds??

The Zoloft made me sleepy also. I finally started taking it at night before bed and that helped alot. Several weeks later the Zoloft did a switcheroo on me and started keeping me awake at night. I finally figured out what was going on and began taking it in the mornings again. All fine now. Anti-Depressants are quite known for doing that switcheroo a few weeks after you begin taking them. Don't remember medically why, but most do.
Anyhow, God bless you in your decision!
Keep hangin in there!! You'll make it!!

Mindy

Well, I started the SSRI yesterday morning, Lexapro.

Yesterday I felt nothing.

Today I felt very 'jittery' right about 5-7 hours after I took it. I later read that this time is the peak concentration of the drug after taking it. I also was yawning uncontrollably! I later read those are both side-effects. Gosh, I hope they pass with time. I don't really like that "can of worms" feeling inside. And the yawning is a real pain. Tonight I am not tired at all, and that makes me a little nervous!

I hope I'm doing the right thing. I fought this for so long, b/c I HATE drugs so much. But I'm just not functioning well, and I HAD to do something to help me feel better so I can make some changes in my life. Does that make sense? I was trying to make changes (eating, etc) to make me feel better, but I was finding that I was too stressed to make the changes stick for even one day. So, I'm attacking it from the other angle...maybe if I don't feel so stressed, I'll eat better. It's worth a try.

I've been on Wellbutrin for years - after a long series of trials with various other antidepressants. This is the only one I've tried that didn't make me sleepy or jittery. I may never be off psychotropic drugs as not even SBP fixes bipolar disorder <G>

Well, glad to hear it working well for you! The butterflies in my stomach are gone now, gone by day 4, thank goodness.

elle,
How are you doing lately? Just wondering, as I am encountering
a bit of depression lately. I am thinking that it is along with increased caffeine intake due to the cold weather. Anyway, would love to hear how you are doing!

Well, let's see....I've been taking it for about 2.5 months now. I really couldn't tell much of a difference for nearly 2 months, but then, gradually, over the course of about 2 weeks, I began to notice significant improvement in how I feel on a day-to-day basis. More energy, more mental focus, calmer. All the things I was hoping for. No side effects at all. I sleep very well at night. Now, if I would just eat better....

Thanks for asking. I still check in here about once a week, but I can't say I'm following any particular diet now. I'm so fed up with dieting and counting and worrying and wondering what and how much I should eat and when and how often. It was really causing me severe anxiety each and every single day. I would literally mentally shut down in a sort of panic attack when it was time to fix or even plan a meal for my family. But that's much much better now that I'm not trying to follow a diet. My weight is still too high, but I have to cross one bridge at a time right now. I have noticed that I have more energy to keep a cleaner house (the mess was causing me severe anxiety) and to get out some for socializing (which was becoming harder and harder to do b/c of low energy levels). Hopefully, as I gain confidence that I am able to overcome some of my challenges, then other changes will follow. I fully realize that I need to eat better, I just need a break from "dieting" which I have been doing in one form or another since I was about 17 years old...about 23 years.

Good for you. The diet break sounds much needed. I hope you continue to improve. Who knows, the break, better sleep, less anxiety etc may do wonders in resetting your metabolism down the road.

Do not give up!!! I know the overwhelming feelings you have - I have lived with them for over 30 years. And I know the overwhelming feelings of dieting and counting everything as well as the overwhelming feelings of every day life. I have been on anti-depressants off and on for over 20 years. Although I have medical conditions that don't help with my depression and anxiety I also have lots of other issues that I "eat" away. I have finally found the strength and tenacity to keep searching for a good psychiatrist. (It was very difficult for me to admit I had problems I couldn't handle myself.) I finally found one. They too are like anti-depressants - you have to keep looking until you find the one that's right for you. I find meditation and tai chi have helped also - even a short walk around a couple of blocks sometimes clears your head. Most of us have many components that have led us here. Sorting through those and the will to succeed for your health and your children should help be your guiding force. A little prayer also goes a long way. My best to you. My best to everyone.

Hello Elle H -- just checked in on this thread, after posting a few times on another SP thread (re "Glucofast"). Just want to add my own thoughts on "mommy madness," as I call it. When my kids were little, I always made sure I had at least SOME time to myself EVERY DAY. I'm a writer, and so really felt the difference you describe between the solitude I was used to, and the busy-every-minute life of a stay-at-home mom with small kids. What I did was get each to sleep in a stroller, then go to a neighborhood coffee shop where I could read or write while they slept. (They are five years apart, so this was with only one child at a time, not three!) That way, I was having "quiet time" and getting out of the house at the same time. Hard to do with three kids at once, but maybe you can do some "trading" with other moms, which I also did lots of.

Also, I don't know if it's an option, but if you spend your outdoor time with the kids at a playground, or somewhere with other parents around, it helps you be able to relax while they play with other kids, plus do some socializing (i.e. getting some adult stimulation) yourself.

As to meals -- try keeping lots of leftovers around. I used to cook from scratch only about twice a week, then "augmented" meals the following nights with salads, different vegetables, take-out, etc. It worked then -- but not now! My now-fifteen-year-old eats so much we hardly ever have leftovers!

Which leaves me with this thought -- it's intense for you now while they're so little, but find ways to enjoy it as best you can! It's over so fast!