Apparently that's the truth that comes from my family. And I should say that it's not my ENTIRE family, but just the older members. My cousins and I support each other and try not to criticise (except my brother), but my mother, my aunts, my Nana, etc. they all love to tear people down.

Went to my cousin's son's bday party. My family was there. My infamous aunts were there. One aunt Delia is always joking about skinny I am now and how she never sees me anymore because I'm always working out, the other aunt Jo is the one who always has to make comments about my non boobs. My mother is usually not vocal at social functions, but when she gets together with my aunts she suddenly becomes evil and they become like the Bitches of East LA.

Sure enough, I had been at the party for all of ten minutes and saying hi to everyone when Aunt Jo announces to everyone, "Is that your front or is that your back?" as if we haven't heard this before and as if it was hysterically funny the first time. I retorted that she had nothing to comment about since she wasn't exactly Chesty McGee and she should try losing 50 lbs. and then come talk to me about having no boobs, but I couldn't believe she had to make a LOUD comment about this issue AGAIN publicly when I did nothing to provoke it. The irony is that just the other day she was telling how although Debra Messing has nothing on top, my uncle (her husband) thinks she's cute. Is being flat chested only acceptable if you're beautiful, or cute or a celebrity? Do we forgive them those flaws? And if so, then does this mean that I'm neither beautiful or cute or forgiveable for such a defect?

I also saw Marcy yesterday for the first time since her surgery. Since she has always worn heavily padded bras, no one even noticed her new boobs. In fact they looked very natural and felt, (I got a quick squeeze in) well, I'll assume they feel like natural boobs since frankly I don't know what boobs feel like, but they were soft and looked great! No scars. I had wondered if when we met, if she would give me "the look" and we discussed her procedure, etc. how easy and painfree it was, how amazing she looks and feels. The pretty bras she gets to buy now. My mother and I gave her a $50 giftcard to Victoria's Secret for her birthday this month and I told her "Now you get to buy all the sexy things in there." And she said, "I used to be like you, your size" and then came "the look" - pity, sympathy. She suggested I go see her doctor, it's a free consultation and I can finance the payments. When I told her I was scared of the risks, she reassured me that those don't happen to the majority of the patients. And when I told her about my inquiries into having my boobs reduced to match the other smaller one, she shook her head and said, "No way. Don't do that. You'll go from none to nothing."

I know she means well. This is a subject we've discussed at great length and she knows how much I want it. She is so much more self confident while I feel myself shrinking away both figuratively and literally (though not as much or as fast as I'd prefer). It seems that everytime I think I've come to a conclusion about this issue, I get thrown back into the fire. Everytime I start to feel good about myself, it's like god throws me a curveball to remind me about the sins of pride and just knocks me right back where I belong.

And no matter that next month I graduate with a Master's degree and I already have a Bachelors, in their eyes, I'm single with no boyfriend or husband or prospects, no children and not a place of my own - things that would validate my obviously pointless existence - then I'm nothing. I can lose 70 lbs. or 100 more pounds and I'd still not be good looking enough. Someone would find something to say that would be negate my progress.

So, dear readers that's my story. The question is, what do you do when faced with unsupportive friends/family/coworkers, etc.? How do you respond?

I think of clever classy zingers to retort! Unfortunately I am generally alone in the car on my way home when they come to me!

Seriously, I do my best to stay away from unkind people. And I vent to people who will listen and sympathize. And I guess that is what we here can do for you. You have my sympathy. And my understanding, because people who are supposed to care about me have said and done unkind things to me also. And even though I should be able to let it go, I know that is is actually pretty hard to do.

Try to appreciate what you have accomplished. And take your anger out by doing something athletic. Beat up a tennis ball, or ride a bike really really fast. Do some kickboxing. Something!

I've read quite a few threads about family members talking about other people's boobs.

I can't let something like that go on without saying something. My replies would be - and very loudly so everyone could hear -

"Why are you so obsessed with my boobs?"

"Don't you think it's wierd that you look at my boobs so much?"

"Do you think it's normal for an aunt/cousin to focus on me in a sexual way?"

I would then have a talk with that person's spouse. I would say, "It really makes me uncomfortable that he/she is so focused on me sexually. Can you say something to her?"

I try to keep in mind that the only real "defect" is in their thinking, not in ME.

Well those would be some of the clever comments that I wouldn't think of until later! But they are good. And if you have problems saying them in a loud shocked voice, which is how they should be delivered, there is always the quieter sneaky method.

"Mom, is there something wrong with Aunt Jo? She always looks at my boobs and wants to talk about them! Maybe we shouldn't let her be around any of the young kids."

I think I would let them know how they make you feel.Even if it is after the fact.Is there someone in the family that you are close to that you could talk to.I always figure when someone doesnt have something nice to say to another person it is because theyre jealouse of them or there insecure about themselves in some way.

They are ignorant.

I really got a laught out of asking why they are so obbessed with your boobs. She sounds like that type of person that will keep needling you if she knows you just take it. Open you mouth, pretend it does not bother you and embarass her.

As for family not supporting me ---- their loss not mine.

In the past when I have dieted H has done everything possible to get me off my diet. From cooking me big meals to taking me out for Sundaes. You name it he has done it.

This time I ignored it. I cook my food and leave the kitchen and let him deal with his own. After a month of this he has realized I am serious and has started to support me. Change scares some people and they do not know how to deal with it. I am doing this for ME not him.

Learn to lean on yourself, you are doing this for YOU not them so who cares what they think? Be proud of what you have accomplished. People are attracted to confident people -- Look at all you have done and be proud of YOU. Until you start to like YOU no one else is going to like YOU.

Start first thing in the morning, Get up look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you are proud of you. Get the smile on your face and keep it it there. Walk with your head up. Do not look at the ground. Keep your shoulder back. Smile and say hi to as many people as you can. Keep doing this until it is a habit. Get this to be such a habit that the next time you meet the relatives you ARE a more confident person. Look the boob obsessed Auntie in the eye and ask her what her problem it.

FYI a lot of men like women with small boobs. Even more men like confident women regardless of the boob size. So you can not control you boobs without surgery. You can build your confidence on you own. You have lost a lot of weight. That took will power. Use the same will power to lift you head up, smile and walk tall all day long.

I don't know about your boobs, but I have to wonder why someone who writes as intelligently and delightfully as you do doesn't have a journal?

Nudge, nudge.

Kay

Well, let me start by saying first things first – my aunt called me yesterday to apologise. Yes. Knock me down with a feather! I had been asleep, because I was just emotionally and physically exhausted from the weekend (plus I had to be at work at 7am on Sunday). I woke up about 530pm and I get a phone call. She called to say she was sorry for saying what she said, that she could tell I got really upset about it and she didn’t want there to be any hard feelings between us. I was speechless. What could I say? I couldn’t believe it, I mean where did this come from? I said thank you and I appreciate it and that was the end of it.

Whether or not she will do it again, I don’t know. I can’t worry too much about the future right now. I hope that progress was made. Maybe the next party where there’s free flowing alcohol…..

Given the endless circles I’ve been going in lately regarding plastic surgery, it hit close to home. My weight and body changing has been an obsession, much as I’d prefer it not to be.

Regarding some of the comments, questions and suggestions:
1) I usually have some snappy zingers to retort, but for some reason my mind was not fast enough and I was tongue tied. And there’s always the respect factor. She’s my aunt and godmother and because of my upbringing I can’t be really disrespectful. No matter how cruel she is to me. It’s the same thing with my mother.
2) I think one of my comments to her was something to the affect of “Why are you so fascinated by my boobs?” that was as close as I got to questioning her obsession.
3) PS Diva’s line about keeping Aunt Jo away from the kiddies, made me LOL. Thanks for that.
4) I do think my aunt, who is a very sweet person in general, is jealous of me for living the life she could have had she made different choices. I believe that may be reason she attacks me – the physical aspect is my Achilles’. And in the same way, dogs can smell fear; opponents can sense their adversary’s weakness and will attack.
5) I’ve had to deal with unsupportive family members for the past four years I’ve been on this journey/ordeal to lose weight and do it healthily. In the past I’ve abused myself, but this time I wanted to do it right. It would have been so easy to fall back into those old habits and for the most part I’ve stayed away from those patterns. It doesn’t help that I live at home with my mother and my Nana who are both the worst eaters and part of the reason I’m the way I am. My mother is overweight, and a few years ago I became concerned about her health – heart disease and diabetes run in my family line. I got her on South Beach with me two years ago and she was delighted. The problem was that if as long as I did all the cooking, she was fine. If I don’t cook, she doesn’t eat. WE don’t eat. As any of you know, SBD is a labour intensive diet. It takes a lot of prep to stay true to it. And its all too easy for me not to eat because I’m lazy or get on the chocolate diet where all I eat is chocolate. Its frustrating. Right now because I’m focused on completing my thesis I don’t have the time to cook and do all the chopping and shopping and cutting. On average I work out about 25 hours a week and I'm barely doing that. So, I’ve been taking shortcuts and doing the bare minimum. Then last week she got sick and couldn’t eat, but doesn’t bother to tell me. I cook and then no one eats? It’s not worth it to me. My Nana loves to buy all kinds of junk food. When I complain about it, she says you’re not the only one who lives in this house. She doesn’t eat it. But when I commented that there is NO ONE in this house who should be eating it, she couldn’t respond. If she buys it, I will eat it. I have little willpower sometimes. She fills the house with childhood favourites and it drives me mad. On top of that, then the fridge is filled with all sorts of stuff I don’t/can’t/try not to eat!
6) Please don’t get me started on the whole, “FYI a lot of men like women with small boobs” theory. They do, they’re called homosexuals. End of story. Full stop. I live in LA, nobody here likes small boobs. I'm basically a boy in drag. If I didn't have long hair, you'd never know I was a girl.
7) Kay, thanks for the suggestion about a journal, but if I did, it would be dull and sad. Who wants to listen to someone complain all the time? I hate myself sometimes! Plus, I’m lazy. The more I write about my life, the more depressed I become. Who would want to read that? I prefer to live in fictionland. Much nicer.

Then I think you're hanging around with the wrong type of guy... I'm from a family of full-bodied women. My Mom, in fact, had a breast reduction to get her down to a D-cup just last year. So I know the torture of hearing all the boob jokes and being asked why I look like a flat board.

For most of my life I was lucky to fill an A-cup. Guess what? I never had any men complain.... I've dated many guys who were very happy with my chest, and they were not homosexuals. Yes, I did hear nasty jokes from some men that I should have a boob job. But you know what? Beauty comes from the inside and knowing that I look beautiful no matter what size boobs I have!

Since I've been weight lifting I've found that I can actually fit an A-cup.. and sometimes a B-cup. Guess what? It didn't suddenly improve my life or change the world. You need to be happy with what you have.... or make the decision to have breast enlargement. But be warned... breast enhancements don't solve problems! You have to be happy with your own skin.

Small breasted and lovin' it!
Kiks

I know some ethnic groups favor women with big boobs, but a lot of men truly don't care. Some cultures mock women with short hair, glasses, or small boobs, but I think that's more of a controlling-women thing than a true preference thing.

I was in the Navy, most often stationed with all men but myself. Trust me, men really do not care if you have big boobs or not if they're interested in you. No man is not going to ask you out if he likes you simply because you have small boobs, period.

I'm kinda scared for you. I've been under the knife before and I have been in a D cup. Operations suck and big boobs ain't what they're cracked up to be. The only ones that really get a large charge outta them are men, and they don't have to try to move around with them.

Please consider carefully what you really need and deserve before submitting yourself to something that may be totally unnecessary, because from what I was reading in your post, I can picture a vibrant, intelligent and caring individual whose beauty has developed inside first to radiate outward--the best (and only lasting kind) of beauty. Take care of yourself!

Actually I don't know ANY men who don't have an opinion on the subject. Size DOES matter, both in terms of weight and boobs. And when I was doing research regarding men's opinions on women - virtually no one said breast size wasn't an issue when dating or becoming sexually involved with a woman. I did far ranging interviews and it was interesting to see how men from all incomes, educational backgrounds, ethnicities, etc. felt about the way women looked and how that affected their attitudes towards females in general. Being fat AND flat is the double whammy kiss of death.

The only men I've ever met/talked to/are friends with who don't have a "requirement" are the ones who can't afford be picky. Maybe this is strictly a phenomenon limited to LA? I don't know since I've never lived anywhere else.

I realise the operation is completely unnecessary, but it will make me happy. I feel incomplete and the longer I wait, the more dissatisfied I become. I'm definitely not getting any younger, and the odds are already against me to find a mate to begin with - why shouldn't I stack the deck (pun INTENDED) in my favour?

I won't disagree with this.... but I do disagree that all men want big boobs. Most men I've dated said that more than a handful (or a mouthfull ) and big boobs just get in the way. The size of breasts men desire varies...

I've been fat and skinny with no boobs and never once have I felt belittled about myself. Getting breast enhancement may initally help your self-esteem but you still need to feel good about yourself inside. If you're not happy with yourself and continue to let your family make you feel bad it will continue to happen. If had breast enlargment they may not be able to pick on you about your breast size but there will be something else.... you have to be able to look them in the eye and say "I like myself the way I am..." and you have to beleive it when you say it.

Surgery is not the magical answer to making you feel better about yourself. Have you ever considered talking with a counselor about your self image? Someone who is not involved in your family situation could put things in persepective for you. Sometimes our familes can be our best and our worst friends.

K

it is really tough when friends and family aren't right behind you, when they sabotage you both mentally and physically. I can't deicde if they are afraid they will lose me, thing is with being diabetic they will definately lose me if I don't take care of myself....