Dear fat,

Thankyou for being my protection against the world for a long time. You kept me safe in a bad marriage with a man who was into twisted sex. You were my secret but not so secret resistance. You helped me to tell him to f-off when I wasnt strong enough to tell him that just to his face. Thankyou for also being there for me when I quit smoking. I really needed something when I realized I had to give it up when I got pregnant.

Thankyou for allowing me to hide, and giving me the excuse to settle for men who matched my low self esteem. You have given me a great label to hang my poor self esteem on, and a great way to beat up on myself. I didnt have to look any farther than you.

Thankyou for helping me to find some true friends, and helping me to more compassionate. I will never look at an overweight person again. Thankyou for teaching me that poor choices can take an awefully long time to work off.

Trying to get rid of you has made me face a lot of things that I have not wanted to face. I have had to be more honest then I have wanted to be. I have had to learn to deal with failure and starting again and again. Our relationship has certainly been up and down, I want you gone but I miss you and I am afraid to be without you. You are like the lover I claim I will never see again and then find myself waking up to in the morning after a night of weakness.

My challenge now dear fat is to once and for all let you go, and learn to face life without you. Learn to leave behind the armour of mediocrity that your warmth and safety seemed to allow. I need to make peace with the sexuality you have allowed me to repress.

Yes dear fat it has been a long strange journey, thanks for the goodtimes.