Well, that's a good icon.

Ummmm, this is hard to write about, does anyone else suffer with self induced vomitting?

This is a problem I've experienced for years, and it comes and goes.

Lately, I've found that even though I am not "cheating", the full feeling in my stomach, just makes me want to vomit. If it is feasible (like no one else being able to notice it) then I'll succomb.

Then I'm just more hungry, and feel out of control.

I'm not wanting to be hard on myself, but I wonder if I'll ever be able to break this "secret habit".

Thanks everyone.
Jane

Please see a doctor and be honest with him/her about this problem. It is a SERIOUS problem that requires help.

Yes you can, but I don't think you will be able to do it alone. Find a specialist that deals with eating disorders is one route. Another is Overeaters Anonymous. Some people choose both. It is a disease that you have and you can be released from it if you are willing and get some help and support.

Here is a link to OA meetings in Kamloops

Karen

Thanks for your replies.

I did belong to O.A. for a while. In the small group here in my home town, I didn't find the recovery very healthy. I lost 85 pounds 3 years ago when I belonged to an off-shoot of OA called Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. I found the regime too strict, and then I moved away from my sponsor. I also belong to AA, and have been clean and sober from alcohol and non-food drugs for 6 years, (celebrated on Jan 19th!).

My doctor knows that I have bulimic behaviour at times. I've also spoken to a nutritionist a few years ago, and a diet counsellor about this, and I really did not find them very helpful. They just showed me plastic pieces of food to show off portion size!

When I joined Nutri-systems a few years back, and told my counsellor there, she acted like she wished I hadn't told her, because then I would not have been eligible for their program. She then basically ignored what I told her, I think, because she wanted my $300.00.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I have spoken to professionals, and non-professionals about this. Some medications worked for a while (SSRI's), but then they stopped working, and then after the initial weight loss on them, they caused me to gain weight. (As per the Atkin's book says)

I don't vomit every day, sometimes it is months and months without.

I just wanted to talk about it, and see how others cope emotionally. I don't think I can be the only one, can I?

Jane

I doubt that you are the only one here that has vomited. . after eating. It took great courage to let your "secret" out. I think it is a step to really realizing that it is a problem..even though its only every now and then.

I think in the past you talked to a lot of inexperienced people .. just because they are a Dr or nutritionist doesn't mean they know how to deal with everything. You need to really find a Dr. who is specialized in deal with these disorders.

I personally have never vomited after eating but I do think about doing it .. thinking "hey maybe it will make me lose it"...and I try to vomit but I just cannot do it... and then realize what the heck am i doing??

I love food too much to barf it out! That's my problem. I really do hope you can overcome this .. and I know you will. Good luck.

I struggled with bulemia for a spurt too--a month this past summer. But rather than throwing up, I would take laxatives or fast for a day, sometimes two. I wasn't able to induce vomiting so I would do these other means.

I was able to overcome the purging--I guess I just realized that if I kept on purging it would give me more of an excuse to "binge" next time. I still struggle with binging and overeating, but much less severe than when I used to purge.

I guess you've tried to seek help from professionals, but I would suggest to keep on asking for help--sometimes from a trusted friend to keep you accountable would be good. That helped me.

Bulimia is something I've struggled with since I was a teen...I wish I could say I'm completely over it, but I believe recovery is a lifelong process.

I would eat and eat till I felt like bursting and then go and purge. Then repeat the cycle all over again a little while after because, of all things, I'd be hungry! (well duh! LOL)

What's helped me is to remind myself that FOOD IS NOT LOVE...it is a FUEL we use to aid our bodies, and as my hubby says, we take it in, hold it for a while...then shit it out.

I remind myself daily that if I want to stuff myself to the point of vomiting then there's something else missing in my life, be it love, attention, fun, etc. and sit down with myself and doing some soul searching as to what, other than food, is going to help me feel fulfilled.

Being an addictions counsellor I can really relate to my clients who use alcohol and drugs to fill that emptiness inside. Recovery, like weight loss, is a process, not an event. It takes TIME, and tons of PATIENCE and LOVE OF SELF! As Dr. Phil would say....you put the weight on...it's up to you to take the weight off.

Be good to yourself....be patient with yourself...and remember that all we have is today. Yesterday's gone...who knows what tomorrow will bring, so all we can control is ourselves and what we do with this moment in time.

I wish you all the best...maybe try reading some journals so you don't feel so alone in your efforts, because we've all been there at some point. Take care and be well!!

Nicole

I have struggled with bulimia as well and I understand exactly what you are going through. I admire you for coming here and telling us about is because that is a BIG step. I struggled for 10 years and still today I battle it daily. I am not currently purging,but just as an alcoholic thinks about drinking the thought is always there in your head. It is scary to feel out of control, but I want you to know I have been there and you can beat this! I did it without any out side help. You have to get to the reason why you are doing this. Most times it is a control issue. When you are feeling out of control in other aspects of your life you use bulimia as your form of control. I have slowly killed myself with this disease for years. Done so much damage to myself that I'm sure I'll pay later. For me it was about never feeling like I was enough. I was not thin enough,pretty enough,smart enough.. ENOUGH.. Now I'm learning to except and try to begin loving myself. It makes me sad to think that I had so much hurt inside of me that I would harm my body the way I did. I learned that my negative thoughts about myself went way back. My mother was an alcoholic and that was a big thing for me. Learning to work through issues in a POSITIVE manner is KEY to recovery. When you find yourself eating out of control and wanting to get rid of it.. Take a walk.. count to 10.. anything other than going to that bathroom. Little by little you will feel in CONTROL.. Because you ARE.. You can fight this and it is okay.

Hi Jane
I hear ya... You don't have to seek professional help, you need to learn how to help yourself first. I think that people with EDs (speaking from personal experience here) are so out of touch with their inner hunger that we use foods to comfort ourselves. I find that I have a HUGE problem with sugar addiction. And when I went to see a counselor, she advised me to eat a "balanced" diet. Well let me tell you, I've wasted so much money on trying to heal myself with a normal diet. And therapy was a waste of time when my head was all in my foods.

My personal experience with helping myself: fix your sugar addiction first. Eliminate all sugars (even Splenda!) and eat enough fat and proteins. Make sure all the hypoglycemia symptoms are gone. The only gauge for that is when you feel at peace with your body and you don't get driven by your cravings. Don't set a goal to lose weight right now - think of eating Low-carb as a medicine to heal your appetite first. The amazing thing is that i usually feel the result within one meal... and that's how we heal, one meal at a time...

Then if you feel you need professional help, go get it...but don't let them tell you what to eat!!!


we can do this together


MODERATOR EDIT: Please do not post email addresses. This against forum rules.

I have to disagree pretty strongly with you here, PV3882.

As others have said, if one counsellor or doctor is unhelpful, it is well worth finding one that will help. Controlling bulimia or anorexia on one's own can be very difficult, usually it's impossible.

Rosebud

hi Rosebud
I'm not discouraging people from getting help. But I've realized that we have the power to heal ourselves too. I'm encouraging people to try and help themselves first, before trying to look for answers outside.

I encourage anorexicx/bulimics to seek within first

Hi pv3882,

I realise you are trying to help, and that is nice of you. But Jane obviously has a very big problem with her vomiting, and I think saying "You don't have to seek professional help" is definitely "discouraging people from getting help!"

I think that as Jane admits to having had this problem for years, she has certainly tried herself to control it.

I suggest you be a little bit more careful with any advice you give.

All the best, and I hope all goes well for you tomorrow.

Rosebud

Getting help is key I agree with that. I did not go to professionals,but.. my family really pulled me through it. I believe that if I had sought professional help early on I would have saved my body a lot of damage. I have to disagree about eating disorder being about sugar addiction. I don't remember who commented on that. Eating disorders have nothing to do with FOOD it is about pushing down emotions with food. Recovery for me is about LEARNING to COPE in a way which is healthy for me mentally,and physically. You have to get to the root of the problem .. which often a deep emotional journey. Mine went back to being a child of a alcoholic. I always wanted to be the perfect child,perfect student,and never god forbid would I complain about my problems.. because I would be causing trouble. So I took all these feelings I had all the negative and just kept pushing them down with negative behavior. Bulimia is difficult to understand and explain,but I tell you it is very sad. When I see someone who has an eating disorder I just want to embrace them and give them love.. because truly they do not love themselves enough. I know I did not. There is not one single person who doesn't have problems.. we all do,but we all are in control and can seek help to work through them. Coming here and admitting to it was a major step and I'm so proud of you for that. You are not alone.

Hello Friends,

I hadn't checked the forum for a long time, and was touched when I read all the replies.

Thank you all for your love and concern.


I have been totally clean from flour and sugar since December, and I know that has made a huge difference for me.

I hear what everyone says about proffessionals vs. not, and they both make perfect sense to me. The same about sugar addiction vs. not.

Just like with alcohol, I don't drink because I'm filled with self-love and acceptance, but once I take the first drink I'm powerless to stop the second. I have self-destructive behaviours that I use to stuff feelings, but if I take a drink, or drug, or sugar, I'm off on a roller coaster straight to hell. And that is JUST for me. Only my experience. I believe that each of us have our own individual struggles.

So, Thanks again for your love and support. I need to be checking in here more often I guess.

Love, Jane

hi,

A few years ago i suffered from anorexia and excessive exercise. I had to roll over the waist on my size 0 pants. Sure i went for help and it did help but as soon as I left i went back to my old ways. A year ago i was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and PCOS and started to gain weight and that's when I started to retreat back to my old ways and started to make myself throw up too. I'm embarassed to say i still do it once in a while and it's really something that needs to be addressed professionally. I have scars on my knuckles and the damage it can do to your teeth and throat are irreversible. I know, take my own advice right??!! I just think that if you can seek someone who can help you it's a good idea and to stick with it until you are strong enough to do it on your own.

Danyele