So I've started dating a great guy. A relationship that I'm really hopeful about. Unfortunately we are food opposites. He LOVES food, talks about it all the time, and, of course, eats mostly bread, rice, and pasta. He has a bad stomach and can't eat dairy or fatty foods and is an uber environmentalist so totally limits meat/fish eating. And he has zero fat. I had been doing Atkins, got down to 135, felt good and on my way to my target weight.

Ok, so when we started dating I started being more lax with the lc eating and now I've gained 7lbs. I tried to talk to him about it. His response is mostly "you don't need to lose weight" or he'll try and be supportive, like by cooking potatoes instead of making rice...

So, here's my question, How can I lose weight and keep it off and not drive him crazy. The reason I've gained weight is for sure not just meals with him, but the carb cycle ("well I had bread last night, so I might as well have a bagel for breakfast...)

I'm wondering maybe about thinking about switching to something like CAD? Or do others have advice on meshing to totally different eating styles in a relationship?

thanks!

I agree with the new boy friend. At your height and weight you don't need to lose weight.l But if you're prone to gaining weight, watch out for the potatoes and and rice and bagels.

Why should it affect him? He can eat want he wants, you eat what you want.

Kay

My boyfriend initially HATED my diet. All I heard was complaining; but he quickly realized that I wasn't going to change the way I ate for him, and after a while, he accepted it and learned to support my choices.

Interestingly enough, my DH LOVES my diet -- when I eat low cal, low fat, he has to eat that way too. When I eat LC, he eats steak, cheese, whipped cream, etc.

1st -- break that mindset of "well, I had bread, so today I'll have a bagel".

2nd -- make a bunch of LC sides and freeze them ( in your freezer or his ) -- then you can just nuke one serving and have it with your meal!

3rd -- Let him know how important it is to you to stay on plan; I'm sure he'll understand. Then you can cook him some LC favorites and knock his socks off!! I'm sure there are LC meals that you BOTH can eat and enjoy -- him with a side of bread. My DH eats bread, potatoes, etc -- I won't take that away from him, nor will I partake.

Good luck with the diet and the guy!!

Do you believe in the principles of Low Carb and have you truly made this apart of your life style or is it really just a way to lose weight? In my experience, this thought process is the beginning of the end to the dreaded "yo-yo effect".

If he is the great guy you say..he will understand, respect and accept so that you won't have to appease his WOL. You know?

I have just learned that whatever you do and the decisions in life that you make are you...and in my opinion when two people are real and solid with who they are- the realtionahip will go to further places.

Bottom line:
He likes you not your what you eat.

You need to preserve your sense of self when you're in a relationship. Don't become play-doh to try to fit another with another person. Stay true to yourself, and that includes eating what you think is healthy. Otherwise one day you'll wake up and wonder why you spent the last N years trying to be someone you're not.

I hear what the other posters are all saying and I agree- this is about you and your health and about your WOL. And your new relationship and how you are in relationships.

But.....there are real issues here about how limited you want to be in your eating...and as you have specifically asked about CAD...I will answer.

I am on CALP. It is 2 very LC meals and one BALANCED meal of salad&vegies&protein&carb. The carb can be ANYTHING you want- but in a quantity similar to the protein/vegies. It is a very nice LC WOL that enables me to have 'normal' dinners with my family at home and out. I do have to focus on having the salad/vegies/protein too- this is not all carbs and not a binge. I may have foods on the table that I won't eat- but we can all share a meal. It is still LC, and a strange way of eating, but it works for me. Feel free to come on over and read all about it.
Good luck-
E

if he doesnt let you eat how you want to eat then sod him off.

hes not worth changing your WOL for.

thanks y'all. I'm not worried about losing myself by molding myself to him, I'm just trying to sort out a practical way to mesh our eating habits. Thanks for the info on CALP, I'll do more reading. Part of the questioning I'm having is because he loves to cook and I am at work/school all the time so I love that he loves to cook. Maybe if I work a plan like CALP and can think of meals with him as "rms" then I can stay on plan during the days...

anyway, thanks...

I've never let having a boyfriend or husband dictate how I ate. They knew what my plan was and that I was not going to change. Even if it meant cooking differently for them than for myself, it is worth it to me to be able to stay on plan. And if you can get your boyfriend to realize just how important it is to you, he should also be willing to help you avoid the foods that you should not eat. And being that he loves to cook, maybe he could learn some LC things that you can have.

Very nice post, seriously.

<Warning: Relationship pessimist rant ON.>

He LOVES food, but won't/can't eat many of the major food groups... Ouch. He thinks potatos are a useful substitute for rice... I wish I could be more useful to you, but I am picking up vibes of trouble down the road--kinda like my trying to date someone who is vegetarian and allergic to animals, when I'm feeding six furry carnivores.

My BF is a "low fat" believer, and he struggles a bit with my philosophy, but he's learned to cook for me--meat and green vegetables. I have trouble really working "my" plan when we go out; he wants to lose weight but will happily work through a basket of chips when we eat Mexican. I have to twist his arm a bit to keep them off the table and just eat the entree.

Personally, I've come to see that I do better on meat, red meat, and I need not to be dating vegetarians, and that men who don't eat meat aren't compatible--more than diet; IMO/dating world, vegetarian men don't meet my own compatibility tests. YMMV. That's a highly personal thing.

I had a huge crush/lust attack for a professional entertainer that hovered around my life for 16 years, until I was finally able to put it to bed two years ago. Lots of factors in why I could finally let go; one of them was that I came to understand we had about 3 hours of effective day-overlap. He ran to late nights; I like sunrise. (there are a LOT of other factors in this saga...)

So yeah, give it a go, and good luck to you. But you're shopping in different aisles of the grocery store.



Agreed: I'm being a cranky old lady this morning. There is another question to ask: How can I keep this man from driving me crazy with his picky and ridiculous food limitations? (Gosh, I do hope you can find your way to relationship happiness, and I just can't bring myself to think it's going to happen with this particular guy, sorry...)

CAD doesn't work for me. That's all I can say to that. Great theory; my body does not respond to "theory."

"Bad stomach?" To me, that means his diet is unhealthy, for him. The first likely culprit is gluten intolerance, and what he's eating may be making it worse. Has he done an elimination diet to see what's really the cause? Few people are born to not eat meat...

Oh botheration. Good luck to you, GF. I eventually found my best-yet rels'p via match.com, wherein I wrote a highly cantankerous and individual profile. Whenever my BF raises an eyebrow, I get to say, "and what part of my profile does this <particular behavior> contradict?"

<Relationship pessimist rant OFF.> I need to go mow the grass, and vacuum, because my neater-than-me BF will be here and I do admit to twisting my total-slob habits a bit to make him happy. 30 years of dating and I'm still at it... Good luck.

Hi

I understand where you are coming from here. My boyfriend doesn't really understand my insulin reistance or food issues either. However, recently he has tried to be supportive as he can and gets concerned if I don't eat. He like me believes in the food chain and that I and most humans are meant to eat meat. As a former vegetarian myself however I have a lot of good close friends who are still vegetarian themselves. We are close but living with them or staying with them can be difficult as our philosphies are so different. I know for a fact I could not have a vegetarian boyfriend.

I wonder is your boyfriend carb intolerent too? It's interesting that you say he's always hungry and talking about food, subsisting on bread, pasta etc. Before I was dx with PCOS and discovered low carbing I too had a bad stomach and was aginst meat etc. etc. Lcing cured my stomach problems that before then no doctor had been able to. The lack of fat, the high carbs, no meat are all connected IMO. Perhaps he just needs some education on what your diet consists of and about nutrition in gerneal. I highly reccommend any Diana Schwarzbein books as they provide great information on nutrition.

I did CAD. I wouldn't reccommend it personally. It didn't bring me any of the benefits of lCing like I have now with PP such as decreased appetite and cravings and weight loss. I only lost 7lbs with CAD and everyday my reward meal just triggered cravings.

Regards meshing different styles, well what works for me is telling my bf what I have to eat, when and then just doing my own thing. Last time we went to a restaurant for example,when the food came he asked did I want his broccoli and I gave him my carrots and potatoes. In my last serious relationship I adjusted my eating to my ex's, got the taste for carbs again (had maintained my weight for 2 years) so when we broke up I went on a carb fest. Now I won't change my eating plan for any man or anyone ever again. Look after yourself always. Just let your bf know that this is for you. It's not just weight, it's health and it's your body.