Forgive me, body, for I have binged!

This is my first confession and I have gone in for some serious cheating on two occasions over the past week.

Both times I have binged at the end of the day and have limited my binging to under a half hour (but when I'm determined, I can really put the food down pretty fast).

Last Tuesday (about 25 minutes from start to finish):

+Started w/frozen yogurt, threw it out after a few bites and decided to get serious
+Tollhouse ice-cream sandwich cookie
+Slice of carrot cake from Starbucks
+Haagen-Daz chocolate-dipped coffee ice-cream bar
+Snickers ice-cream bar (alas, they only had the regular size, not the King Size one that I was looking for)
+Peanut butter granola bar

Today (about 20 minutes from start to finish):

+Started with Detour Bar (high-protein candy bar)
+Haagen-Daz chocolate-dipped coffee ice-cream bar
+Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream bar
+Imported Hazelnut candy bar
+2 mini french fruit pastries
+Chocolate/Cream cheese muffin

We will see how I do tomorrow, but the day after my last binge felt something like what it must feel like waking up after a wild night of drunken, unprotected sex with a stripper. You know, that "oh my God, what have I done!?!" feeling. We'll see who I wake up with tomorrow morning.

Wish me luck!

Tim

We are all sinners.

But Banana Chocolate Chunk ice cream from Breyers!?! Now that just seems a bit over-the-top, even by my standards. Get control of yourself!

Now I understand why you've only lost 150lbs! If you stuck to this diet more closely and didn't go on your wild Breyers binges, you probably could have lost as much as 151 or 152lbs by now. Think of that the next time you pick up a spoon!

Seriously though, I am totally blown away by the amount of weight that you've lost. That is a serious accomplishment and I have nothing but respect for what you have achieved. I think that is the greatest gift you could have given your kids to know that their mother will be alive and healthy as they grow up.

Would you mind sharing how long it has taken you to lose all that weight and how you've done it?

Hope to hear from you,

Tim

Oh, I see you are from New Jersey. I guess that is close enough to NY to still be part of the civilized world.

I think I may be PMSing too, because I had another bad day today. An ice cream sandwich cookie, a cup of peanut-butter pretzel ice cream a fruit tart and some coffee cake. I think I just need an all-out eat till I throw up binge, but I have something that is screwing me up.

To keep my weight coming off at a steady clip, I have an ongoing bet with my personal trainer whereby I have to pay him $100 if I don't lose a given amount of weight each week (and he stands over my shoulder as I weigh myself, so I can't even lie!). We've been making these one-sided bets since I weighed in the 160s and they have been great b/c they've kept me motivated and losing about 2lbs a week. I was supposed to weigh in tomorrow, but I just called and cancelled my session and postponed it till Friday. Total dishonest cop-out. I have been working out with this guy since February and I have never once cancelled or copped out like that so I am feeling pretty guilty right now.

It is a terrible pickle that I am in! A binge is going to cost me $100 and my pride.

Now you know Tim, I can easily get the train up there from Belmar and thoroughly kick your ... um ... butt? if you keep this binge BS up, right? Not to mention the great workout it will provide for my continued crash back down into the basement level of my scale!

Now ... KNOCK IT OFF!

Oh, and another thing, I'm not native to this state ... just had to mention that because that is HUGE IMO ... not to be mistaken for a REAL NJersian! I'm only 'accidentally' here for a small remaining amount of time (crossing fingers tightly)!

Okay, what's this about a 'throw-up binge?' You're not a bulimic are you Tim? I shouldn't talk, I've been stupid and used ephedra ... but I'm over that now. What's going on to set you over the top? Anything you need to unload off your chest to get it out in the light so it stops wreaking havoc on your program? Let me know if you need an ear to bend. I'm a really good listener, but be forewarned ... sometimes I can talk too much. Just throw something at me, preferably NOT food items, and I'll shut up ... momentarily!

PS: Your trainer is no dummy ... he'll know you blew it and he'll want his pay-up ... especially since you never did that before! Ouch! Side Note: It must be nice to have $$$ like that to spare on a bet

You would be so proud of me! I just went out under the guise of buying some coconut milk for a low-carb recipe, but I ended up heading straight for the French bakery and having a rather large blackberry tart (yes, it now seems to be an ice cream and fruit tart phase that I'm in). Then it was off to the magazine store where I had an extra large ice-cream Snickers bar (33% larger than the original, or so they claim), then it was off to Starbucks for something called a blueberry bliss bar (wholely unworth it in my opinion), then it was off to get that coconut milk at the grocery store, where I wolfed down a Ben & Jerry's heathbar ice cream bar while strolling the aisles, and I picked up a high-protein candy bar as an impulse buy at the register. Before heading home, it was back to the magazine shop where I picked up another Snickers ice cream bar (which the wrapper again claimed was 33% larger than the original), and here I am now. I live in manhattan, so all of these shops were within a 3 block radius of my house and this little marathon took me about a half hour.

Don't worry, all these delicious items are staying in my stomach. I tried being a bulimic once about 15 years ago, but I couldn't figure out how to do it. Besides, sticking my finger down my throat made me want to throw up!

Oh man, you've caught me on a really bad week. The last time I was this bad was in January, when I spent a weekend trying to eat everything bad in sight. I felt aweful, my face broke out in pimples and I swore I would never do it again.

I just can't imagine how I'm going to feel (let alone how much I am going to weigh!) tomorrow morning.

Good grief!

Tim

Thank you, Just Me.

I'm OK, and I haven't gone back out for more carbs. That's it. I'm done. Seriously. No more. I don't quite hate myself yet for the today's outrageousness, but I know I will tomorrow. No more, no more, no more! I am so close to my goal and I think there must be a level of self-sabotage in what I have been up to this week.

At the very least, as I near my goal weight and become more comfortable with my appearance I am losing that sense of urgency to get the weight off that has driven me to this point. What a stupid thing, though, to be this close and to back track. September 1st will mark my one year anniversary of starting Atkins and losing this weight, and I am absolutely determined to be below 150 by that day.

While I know that my weight is never going to get out of control like it was before, I know that I need some kind of therapy to deal with my relationship with food. I have gotten in such great control of my food and my life since removing carbs from my diet, but these very rare binges are still very disturbing. I eat like a machine, barely even tasting the food. It's not like I want to eat more, but I just keep eating and eating and eating.

Maybe the thing is that carb-addicts are like alcoholics. Once a drunk, always a drunk (or so says AA) and once a carb-addict, always a carb addict.

Thanks for your support, Just Me. I'm going to try to get some sleep. I know that tomorrow is going to be really aweful, which is a good thing. I think I should probably force myself to go to the gym so that I feel even worse.

Take care,

Tim

Tim,

The good news is that I've been reading your posts, the bad news is that I've been reading your posts.

You can completely ignore what I have to say, as look at my stats, I haven't gotten where you're at - not even close...

Here goes. I was reading all your posts in the stalls/plateaus area, and it seems like you've been trying all sorts of edgy stuff for days and days at a time - the fat fast, your own oil fast (under 1000 calories of only spoonfuls of oil).

And now your body wants to feed back up - or at least that's how it seems to me.

Do you think that now that you're close to your goal you could give yourself a break? Not binge, and not fast? If you keep going to the gym regularly, and eat somewhat normally, you WILL lose those last few pounds just slowly.

I think it's time to get out of that bet with your trainer. I'm really hoping "just me" replies, or arie, or someone who's actually done it. Otherwise you're just listening to one fat girl's opinion.

I wish you luck, and I'm sorry for butting my nose in. Please don't be offended, but this pattern seems pretty harsh on your body.