I have similar experiences with my MIL. The heavier I get, the nicer she is to me, aside from her "fat women in bathing suits are repulsive to me" comment. When I lose weight she just can't stand it. She does all kinds of sneaky mean things. I finally called her out on it and things are better. I won't let her terrorize me anymore. (I've been married to her only child for almost 30 years; it's about time I got it right!)

I think there are a few comments here regarding me not being protective of my child. I DID speak up and instigated a nice big fight. If you mean I didn't assault him...no I did not. Satisfying it would be....productive?....not really. Thanks for the support.

My sister told me 4 years ago that I was beginning to look like a linebacker and she was right. I was 240 and didn't have a clue what size I was nor did I care. Since then i have dropped about 60 pounds, and put on 10 in the last month. Now I am refocusing and trying to get that 10 and another 40 off. Oh what we go through. It seems that I have spent my whole life dieting. You'd think that I would have gotten it right by now...45!

About 5 years ago, I became unemployed. I began working a low paying temp job and at the same time, interviewing for permanent jobs - desparate to find something better with benefits. After going thru some exhausting interviews and not getting any offers and being totally frustrated, my dear, kind sister decided she would give me some "helpful" advice. She said I wasn't getting any offers because I was too fat and people didn't like to hire fat people. And if I wanted to be hired I HAD to lose weight.

To this day, I'm sure she never realized how very hurtful that was. It really did demolish any tiny bit of self-confidence that I had at that time.

Funny tho, about 2 weeks later, I was offered a job and am still there to this day. Fat and all!

Upon meeting someone for the first time:

"You look just like this girl I know.....except she is skinny."

Almost punched his lights out!

My comment wasn't directed at you, since I wasn't there to know what you may or may not have done about it. I'm just saying that someone who insults my child would just never be in a position to do it again. Assault? No, of course not. Visit or be near the person again? Nope. Not unless they see the error of their ways, promise NEVER to do it again, and then KEEP the promise... and even then, you can bet I'll be watching, just in case.

Words hurt as bad as a fist.

when i was 13 a male relative said" wow! look at those pumpkins!" referring to my breasts....i still hold that against him and still cringe when in his presence...i tend to slouch my shoulders and try to keep my back turned toward him...

wow, interesting how an offhand comment like that can still hurt...i am feeling a little sick even as i type this...

Wow. Didn't find this thread before. Why is it acceptable to bully, insult and harass people of certain sizes? It's like any other kind of discrimination.

I know that insecure people call names because it gives them power. It takes strength to go through school being different. Glasses, braces, fat, I had a triple threat. And I was really smart to boot. I was a great target. And the teachers couldn't care less.

I remember my first-grade teacher pointing out to the entire class as we were leaving one day that I was working on losing weight and I was doing a great job. Geez, many first graders are oblivious to weight problems. Thanks for pointing that out, Mrs. V.!

I remember my dad telling me that I was eating too much and my servings were way too big, etc. I think how much would be different if they would have realized low carb was critical. Their meals were so carby. Most of my siblings are now overweight.

The names were bad. Most of the usual ones, plus two "special" ones: Gail the Whale, and Goldie-Ox (my beautiful strawberry blonde hair).

But the worst thing I remember was the day in middle school when the school nurse called every overweight kid out of class to attend a meeting. It's not like you had a choice -- over the PA system, this announcement " <long list of names> please come to Room 210 at this time." When they started naming the names, the kids realized they were calling out every fat kid in the school. Boy, was it fun that day, that week and for a month after. "You had to go to the fat-ass meeting. Are they doing Weight Watchers here?" They called us all down there to talk about nutrition and exercise and some program. I know I was too embarrassed to participate, and I bet not one person participated. Good idea, but why didn't they just have teachers discretely give notes to the students they invited to that meeting?

Not having a track uniform in my size. Being weighed in front of a class. Almost anything in PE.

The worst thing any family member did? My mom, giving my grandmother AYDS (a type of weight reduction candy) for Christmas. That was just cruel, and my sister and I were just horrified. That was caring?

OK, off thread now
Gail

I am so moved by what you folks are writing. This thread has caused me to reflect on my own trauma growing up as a "husky" adolescent, a "chubby" teenager, and "fat" college student. From the perspective of a newly "slim" professional, this thread cuts deep into my memory bank.

With the exception of a few brave souls, no one would growing up would outright ridicule me for my physical weight. Because I was insecure and was smart enough to realize that as a fat girl I would be a target, my best defense was becoming a silver-tongued devil. If I got picked on, you better believe I'd isolate the perpetrator's biggest weakness, hone in on it like a heat-seeking missile, and then mortify the individual in front of as many of their clique as possible. This earned me a renegade group of rag-tag friends and some street cred, but inside I was DYING.

Some humdingers growing up...let's see. In seventh grade one of the cheerleaders at my school passed around a picture of me and started a rumor that I was pregnant. I was 12!

All through high school my brother, whom I am close with now, called me Cheese Monster in front of my crush (his best friend), Buddha, and any connotation of fat ass in general. The irony? He's now walking the fine line between diabetes and obesity. Sad. I'm trying to encourage him to exercise and try Atkins.

In college, I had the grave misfortune or rooming with two beautiful Barbie dolls. I later learned that in our "circle of friends" I was always just referred to as the "fat roommate." No one even took the time to get to know my name. The guys would just say "The girls of 622, you know, Monica, Lindsay, and the fat girl." Later on, I would meet one of these boys again after dropping fifty pounds and he REINTRODUCED himself to me as if I was a total stranger! Once I said, "Hey Dave, it's me," his jaw about hit the floor. Here he was trying to score with a girl he used to opening ridicule. I basically told him to kiss my ass and shut him down in front of all his little frat buddies.

What is hurtful now is the people that see me a bit more slender and say things like, "You always had such a pretty face, now we can see it!" or people that totally ignored me in my fatter past life and now want my attention.

Give me a break.

Thanks for listening.

~Amory~

Hey Amory, I can identify with some of what you said. I remember as a fat person, I lived indoors, never going out, and thought boys wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. And then when I got attractive, they wanted to touch me with more than that... In a way, I became angry at men and overcompensated with sex. I still regret that...

It's true, you never forget how people treated you when you were fat. It's sad, because I think it makes me very suspicous of people and their objectives. I kind of got the, "You hate me because I'm fat, you love me because I'm thin" mentality.

Reading all these posts (7 pages, it has taken a while) has made me feel closer to humanity. I feel the pain as I read about it from others, and can relate to so much. I could write many hurtful comments. I think though the worst feelings I get come from knowing that people in my immediate family are embarrased by me. My brother is a fitness fanatic, and naturally thin. Both my parents have always been fairly thin. Once in my 20s when I managed to get my weight down, I remember how overjoyed my Dad was. He wanted to show me off. It is too bad that a person's weight can determine how much someone else, especially family, loves you. My Dad now is very feeble (Parkinsons), i guess because of his terrible condition I don't hold a grudge, but the experience has taught me about the shallow ways many people think.

for whoever said it, this kind of thing can be very cathartic (sorry i can't remember who that was...after page 3 it all started to run together...lol)...it has definitely drudged up some well buried memories for me

the first time i remember feeling fat, i was 8 and my pediatrician was weighing me at my annual physical...he looked at the scale, his eyes bugged out and he said "you the fattest kid i've ever seen!" even when i was slimmer, i've felt fat ever since that moment.

i've always been a swimmer, so once i started feeling fat, i got to do one better and parade it around 5x a week in a bathing suit...when i was in high school, my father came to one of my swim meets (10 years of swimming competitively and he came to one)...afterwards i asked him how he liked it...all he would talk about was how pretty and skinny the other girls on the team were

in college, (i'm not sure if it was something someone said or if it was something i had told myself) i had myself convinced that no guy was ever going to want anything to do with me...but a few nasty dirty pigs did take interest in me on some very drunk nights, and since i had no self esteem whatsoever, i did whatever they wanted, just because i thought that this was the best i was ever going to get...a few of them swore me to secrecy about it because they didn't want anyone to know that we had been together...at first i didn't understand why...they bragged about everyone else they had been with...but i reflected on their list of barbie dolls and understood why

i can't remember being called any specific names, but there were tons of situations where i wished i was dead...but i probably would have had a much happier childhood if lightning had struck that dr. 10 seconds before my appointment

as awful as all of these things are for everyone, i hope that someday we can all make peace with the past and take comfort in knowing that bad karma will one day bite these people in the ass!

Gee, a real professional. Gives you baggage to carry through life, but he didn't do one helpful thing.

Gail

You know, I disagree with teh comment of " I hope we can forget". I don't want to ever forget what people did to me. I feel that it has made me a better person today. When I look at others I DO NOT just see physical appearance. I see the whole person or wait until I do to form an opinion. I am a teacher now, and ADULTS are just as bad as kids. I remember my first day at my school a teacher came to me and talked SO BAD about another. He kept teling me that she was a fat bitch and stay away from her. Well, that fat bitch is now my best friend. He just didn't like her because she had a mind. Oh, I think life is what it is. It can either beat you down or you can rise above it. I feel liberated to read this. I feel like people understand my pain, but I also feel free. It is known in the psyc worls that to verbalize is to set it free. So lets just be free. I am praying for you all and know that I share your history.

J

The correct idea here is "forgive." Not "forget," for I never will be able to forget the pain that others inflicted on me. But forgiveness sets me free from carrying this baggage. Your religious perspective or lack of it is not important to the concept of forgiveness, although it is part of this writer's perspective:

Forgiveness enables you to bury your grudge in the icy earth and
put the past behind you. You flush resentment away by being
the first to forgive. Forgiveness fashions your future. It is a brave
and brash thing to do. The gutsiest decision you can make. As you
forgive others, winter will soon make way for springtime as fresh joy
pushes up through the soil of your heart.
Forgiveness is a stunning principal, your ticket out of hate and fear
and chaos. I know what regret feels like; I’ve earned my credentials.
But I also know what forgiveness feels like, because God has
so graciously forgiven me. Forgiveness frees you of the past so
you can make good choices today.

Barbara Johnson

I wish you all the gift of forgiveness, to free you to live life today.

Gail