Same here. It doesn't matter whether or not it would be my 'preference'. If it's here, I'm going to eat it. I'm sure an alcoholic doesn't care if it's their usual brand of beer or even what type of alcohol it is. An addiction is an addiction and addicts aren't usually very picky. Ask the wino in the alley.

Addicts would disagree. I don't keep carbs in my home...and I use self-control and discipline when I'm everywhere else. If it's in my home, though, then my *addiction* causes me to think about it...and then obsess about it...until finally, in a weak moment, I give in. But it doesn't stop there. Once I have the carbs in my system, I crave more.

I honestly don't believe that non-addicts can every truly understand because generally they believe it's all about will power and self-control and 'giving in' is a character defect.

I agree. I know that without my husband's support and willingness to rid our home of carbs and eat the way I do (at least in our home), I could not do this long-term. My diet is very strict, not only to maintain my current weight, but also to control my diabetes as well as it is.

I don't allow myself to fall into the "it's not fair" mentality that I have to stay below 25gm of carbs and then only from non-starchy vegies and what occurs naturally in some foods (e.g. eggs)...or that I also have to keep my protein grams around 63 because more causes an increase in my blood sugar...or that I can't go over 1500-1600 calories without starting to gain weight. I just do it...but even after a year of being this strict, I found at Christmas that I still can't have the carbs in my house. A neighbor brought over a cookie plate on a Friday evening and by Saturday morning, that was all I could think about. I was making excuses to go into the kitchen and walk by the plate...even though, as a general rule, my carb of choice would not be sweets.

My darling husband, without saying word, finally went into the kitchen, dropped the cookies into the sink and ran them into the garbage disposal. He has said numerous times that he doesn't understand being addicted to carbs, but that he doesn't have to understand it. He just needs to love me enough to see what I need and be supportive.

+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1... infinity.

I do think I was addicted to cigarettes when I was younger. Tried to quit at least a half dozen times before being successful. Support or not, it took a lot of will power.

I started smoking when I was about 12 (sneakily or so I thought) and it wasn't until I was in my late 30s that I finally quit. It was very, very difficult. I work in bars, and that was before they banned smoking indoors.

I know a couple of alcohol addicts that needed AA to quit drinking. One was a pro musician in a band I was gigging with, and we played bars. Talk about being in the midst of temptation. Made my non-smoking look like a piece of cake.

I don't know, but I would figure sugar isn't as physically addicting as either alcohol or nicotine.

But we are all different. I've known other people who couldn't break their addictions no matter what, and at least two who died from them. An acquaintance who had a lung removed due to cancer, and the first thing he did when he got out of the hospital was to buy a pack of cigarettes. He's now 6 feed under.

I also know if I was trying to quit something, I wouldn't have to ask my DW not to keep them in the house, she would definitely offer. Actually, she wouldn't offer, she would do it on her own. She would be the first to support me. Yes, I'm a very lucky guy.

On the other hand, I wouldn't ask her if she didn't (and that's highly unlikely).

But that's just me, YMMV.

Bob

Because my mind works like that and I like to research things I went to the recipe section of this site and took a look at how many pages were devoted to the various sections. The leader was main dishes. Guess what was second, with almost twice as many pages as the third most popular?

Sweet treats.

I believe that sugar addiction is real. I also believe that low carb desserts and candies are the sugar addict's methadone. I have the alcohol sweet tooth--I prefer to drink my sugar and alcohol is the quickest way to get the job done--and I know that if I am to have any success at all losing weight I have to ditch the booze entirely. I've had to get pretty stern with Mr. Mandalay about bringing booze into the house. Some I can resist (ugh, Bailey's and red wine), others I can't (white wine, any white hard liquor). Once I set the record straight he's been very good, so he can have his wine and stuff and I'm not tempted and I feel much better for it.

I quit a twenty-year pack-a-day cigarette habit almost fifteen years ago. I once went for five years without alcohol. I know I can do it--it's just a matter of wanting to do it. And I do.

Why would you assume that?

Elfie, I am so impressed by your husband trashing the cookies. What a lovely, supportive man. True love.

Wow, Keith, you touched a nerve on many of us. I think by offering to keep her stuff in the car your wife has actually taken a step forward. Didn't she used to be even less supportive than that in the beginning? I think your perseverance is getting to her. Well done!

I am a recovering carb addict and I will never be "cured". However, I've learned over the last 3 years that WE have to learn how to live with THEM, not the other way round. Sure, it would be great if everyone - actually anyone - would support us, especially if they're supposed to love us and are supposed to want the best for our health. The reality is we have no control over other people: their motives, their behavior, their needs, their ignorance, their whatever....

So find the strategies that work for your survival, be it having low carb stuff on hand, weaning yourself away from liking sweets (it can be done, I did), divorcing her (I jest), going for a walk or taking a long drive when her carbage calls to you, etc., etc. Lots of ideas above.

But the bottom line is you have to learn to do this without help - and if help is forthcoming that's a bonus not a right. If you can do it, Keith, one day your wife might be so impressed she'll join you and lose that stomach.

Elfie you are a lucky girl

A lot of people who are lean are not free of addiction and binge eating. They are simply lean. They often have no particular resistance to crappy food themselves, it's merely that if they are not trying to lose weight, nobody pays attention to that. So the idea that a lean housemate might not understand someone really trying to kick a carb addiction is not always the case. Often they don't understand it merely because they aren't bothering themselves, so they don't care.

Sometimes they feel a little guilty for eating badly which they know they do, and want someone else to share it so they feel less guilty. Kind of like how people always seem to want you to drink or get high if they're doing so.

I believe it is the responsibility of a mate to do everything they reasonably can to support the genuine needs and wants of the other. If this means that you buy a shelf or cupboard for the back room you never enter and she puts all her junk there (obviously it really needs to be a place you don't go and don't even see it and can avoid), then that's what it means. Will not hurt her, she should be willing to assist.

I think she should be willing to try eating what you do and only eating other stuff outside the home, away from you, or hidden away somewhere. But, you guys have whatever relationship you have, and I hope she'll at least agree to segregate the food.


I have a lot of stepfamily with diabetes, and the idea that spouses and families merely don't help dieters is mistaken. I see people die off one eyeball and foot and vital organ and heart attack and cancer at a time because their family feels like their eating problems are their own problem. The family chooses to stuff their house with high-carb sugar-infested stuff that not only would take the perfect-eating-plan and resistance of a saint to refuse 100% of the time, but often they even expect the diabetic spouse or dieter to be cooking it all for them! Holiday dinners are the worst. And then they get amputated and surgeried and eventually die horribly. "Sorry Martha! Your eating problems were your own problem. I'm raising the kids without you now!" I detest these people. I used to go to family gatherings and just sit there thinking, "Don't talk to me. You helped murder your wife, you inconsiderate boor. Bet she really liked the torture of losing her legs 8 inches at a time and going blind for a few years first." People being bloody inconsiderate of those they are supposed to love when it comes to food is surprisingly non-rare, even when it is literally a life and death situation.


I think having a house that is low-carb if you are low-carb, at least until or unless you are totally cool with it otherwise, is very important.

The real problem is that these foods people slip up on, it's not like they ate too much almond butter. If you eat something that contains any kind of grain, msg, or some other ingredients, it may have neurological effects on you that last for days, and often actually don't kick in for days, so you don't realize that your total cave on Wednesday afternoon is because of something you sneaked Monday night.

When people go low-carb, one of the things they learn is that "just one bite really can hurt you," compared to the calorie counting approach, the carb counting approach is pretty different. But when you start reading about how food affects your brain, your organs, you start realizing that "one bite" can actually affect you very insidiously, subtly, and for DAYS. This makes keeping the 'bad stuff' off your radar even more important.

I hope it works out well for you guys.

PJ

That is AWESOME.

PJ

Keith v,
I think you did the right thing to ask. For whatever reasons those little Debbie demons called your name & you answered. It happens. I have a brother that's asked his dippy wife to not bring so much junk into the house - he's a T1 diabetic - and his requests have fallen on deaf ears. After a quadruple bypass and two toes removed, his wife is starting to respond - slowly. She still firmly believes that each meal should contain large amounts of starch - combined with the meat and a sugary sauce, of course! He tries to do it on his own, but is met with a LOT of resistance.
So, keep asking for help, but try some of the suggestions - and good luck!

Keith: We have a partner at work who bombards us every single day with carbage. When I walked in this morning there was the mother lode bag of miniature Hersey bars and a 2ft. container of hard candies on the receptionist's desk awaiting her arrival. I swung by the kitchen for a cup of coffee and found two, count 'em two, boxes of donuts, a 2lb box of fudge, and a box of chocolate covered pretzels. This guy absolutely cannot be stopped from doing this. Personally, I think he wants everyone to have a fat ass like his.

It took a lot of perseverance for me to live unaffected by this behavior 8 hours a day 5 days a week (oh, yeah, there'll be another bombardment tomorrow and the next day and the next...). The lesson I learned is that if I have even a smidgen I'll be craving more all day. Not having that first bite keeps me untempted and not missing it a bit. Might be good to bear in mind when you are tempted too.

Here's what still bugs me about the situation at my office, now that it doesn't directly affect me any more: This partner works closely with another guy who has some serious illnesses and is completely addicted to grains and sugars. These two men would tell you that they have a great relationship and have become good friends. Yet one of them is systematically killing the other.. The partner isn't going to stop, so the addict has to save himself or die. And if he dies the partner is never going to feel the slightest twinge of guilt, because some people just don't get it

Thanks for listening. I just got so sad watching the sick man eating donuts that I needed to vent. Protect yourself, Keith!

I agree, Whofan. I like saying: "If you don't cave, you won't crave."

It is that first bite that takes you plummeting down a Wesson-oiled slide on a hot day in July.

However, it can't be underestimated how much easier it is for me because I live alone and have control over my environment. I just had to learn not to see the carbage at work.

I'd say at the point where amputations are occurring, and you still don't wake up? That's abuse, plain and simple.