Let me ask you a few personal questions and if you want me to go pound sand, I will understand.

How long have you been married?
How much did you weigh when you got married?
How come you are sticking your tongue out in the picture?

Dr. Phil

16 years (to this one - the first 3 are dead [thats a joke])

106 and that was 2 months after giving birth

explained that in your journal

I just skimmed your website and have to laugh about the teacher mispronouncing your name - I got booted out of school for REFUSING to answer when a teacher persistently mispronounced mine

So you were 106 and now you are 134.5. Well I would think your husband, the live one, probably finds you still attractive cause 28 pounds spread over 5'2" is not a bad thing at all.

Plus, let me let you in on the dark secret all men hold.

If a Super Model walked up and said "Take me you stallion and ride me like a bullet train." we would all go running home to our mothers.

REAL women are not super models and REAL women are what men want. Super Models are the last thing most guys want to see day after day after day.

It's like Porn. Most guys watch porn and just go slack jawed. BUT let them walk in their front door and see their wife laid out on the coffee table with her knees snuggling her ears and porn music playing in the background and they will run for the hills!

Men have to have a fantasy. Why? I dunno, God has a sense of humor. But most guys like down to earth normal looking women... its just that simple....

You look normal to me, all but that tongue thing.....

Max

KoKo you are absoultly right--admitting it is the first step. I too have not gone out and done things because I wasn't happy with myself. I am now forcing myself to go out and be in social situations. I am getting to the point where I look forward to doing that and not working myself up to having a fit before I go. Take baby steps and see what happens.
Max or is it DR. Phil you are right the only person you have to make happy is yourself.
angie

I am not a Doctor, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn.

Max

Angie - you are doing great!!! I checked out your pics and can really see a difference - I'm so glad you understand how I feel - I've actually avoided seeing members of my own family because I'm so afraid of what they might say when they see me. I realize that I don't have a huge weight problem but it's something they would all notice immediately since they live 3,000 miles away and don't see me often - they have this picture of a skinny little thing and suddenly thunder thighs shows up - I know they still love me but I feel sure they would be shocked to see the change in me. When I think about it I realize how ridiculous this way of thinking is - I mean other people in my family have gained weight, we're all getting older - I don't expect them to look the same as they did 20 years ago so in reality they would be more shocked if I DID look the same - I'd be hounded till I gave up the secret of eternal youth - right??

I doubt they would care to be honest. IF everyone has gained some weight, then everyone is in the same boat.

I would love to look like I did when I was 17 and playing high school football, but then again, I know that is impossible so I dont worry about it.......

And trust me, I was a stud at 17...hahahahahah I am just trying to avoid being a dud at 40.

Max

Hey Max - your comments brought to mind "Hot Potatoes" by the Kinks - I'm weird I think in songs a lot -

"I don't want no fancy cookin - ah like the simple things in life - just give me plain ole hot potatoes and ah'll be well satisfied" (or something like that)

Not being a huge Kinks fan, I have never heard that tune. But from the lyric - yes, that is what I am saying.

Men what real women with their flaws and their smells.... it really is that simple.

Max

My favorite band of all times is one called "Echo and the Bunnymen". They are out of Liverpool England and had a song out in the late 80's with these lyrics.

The Game:

A sense of duty was my one intention
And an ugly beauty was my own invention
Pride, a proud refusal
And I refuse to need your approval
Too many seekers, too few beacons
But through the fog we'll keep on beaming
Through the crying hours of your glitter years
All the living out of your tinsel tears
And the midnight trains I never made
'Cos I'd already played the game


After I heard that tune I figured it all out... I stopped playing the games the world wanted me to play, I stopped seeking approval from outside myself.....

It turned me around I can tell you that........

Max

Well, can't say I've ever heard of them but I like the lyrics - since I'm obviously unable to sleep right now I might just see if I can download a copy and listen to it.

I wish I could sleep.... damn I wish I could.

Between this site, the peeing all night and not being tired one bit.... this is gonna be a long night I think.

If you can find Echo and the Bunnymen on the net, grab almost anything they have! If you can not find it, go to their site and you can hear snippets of everything they have ever done. They have been recording since 1979 so there is a huge catalog.

www.bunnymen.com

But anyway...... please yourself cause no one else can be pleased to meet what YOU think they want.

Max

Thanks for the link Max - - I got 1003 search results for "The Game" on winmx and NONE of them were echo - I got no results for a name search on echo - so will listen at the website for a while and then I MUST try to sleep - have to get moving early in the morning.

My answer to your original question is easy, I'm doing this for my wife.
Last Christmas I was over 310 lbs. Being Overweight and living with constant pain from back problems I never got out of the house. My wife was crying one day saying that she just couldn't see us spending the rest of our lives the way things were. She wanted us to be able to go places again and do things.
I've tried so many times over the years to loose my weight. I just could not do it for myself, but making the person I love more than life itself cry was just more than I could take. For the love of her I can do anything.
I use to only walk with a cane and fell almost everyday. My balance was so bad. Today my balance is great, I walk everyday now, more to work on my balance than to exercise but I get the benefit for both. Today my wife and I spent the day riding my new motorcycle, stopping and having a nice low carb meal out. I haven't seen her smile this much in ...well I just can't remember when. She told me she had the best time today. I use to feel our lives were over. Now I know this is beginning of something even better. So I did this for her so I can give her the kind of live she deserves.
Sorry to the long post, but I had a great today and just had to share.

That is a great story. Thanks for sharing it with us. You have come a long way and you should be proud of what you have done. I am certain your wife is proud and beaming with pride....

Keep chugging along and you will hit your goal soon.

Good luck!!!!!

Max