Wow - wow, wow, wow. I have been at this place. I sometimes wonder if the reason I never really lost it all is because of all of the attention and not really knowing what it is supposed to feel like. My DH took hundreds of our photos from the last 30+ years and made some beautiful collages - I look at them every day and know how lucky I am. But something else I noticed is that although I THINK I have been overweight - pretty much the same size for ever - the photos show that I have gone up and down A LOT. I must have realized it at the time, but I can't recall it. So, I am working on many things this go around. Not worrying too much about the numbers, just know I am doing something good.

Oops, got off on a tangent - what I wanted to add though was something you need a good friend to do for you and that is show you other people who are close to the same size you are. It will help you to get an accurate picture of yourself in your mind's eye. There is a wealth of information that supports that fact that women will always overestimate their size when asked to compare their bodies with other women. When they are given visual evidence of how wrong they are, it has done a lot to re-educate their mind's eye view of what they really look like.

Thank you for sharing this, and also for all of the skinny daily posts.

PecanPie

PecanPie- thank you for that advice! I'm definitely going to do that! Honestly, I am a 1/2 now... never been that size in my entire life. and I still don't feel skinny in the least bit. But how can that be? If I'm a 1/2, LOGIC suggests that I am. I think I could really benefit from what you're talking about!

What a touching story. I can totally relate to what you have written. This may sound strange but sometimes I miss my fat self. I knew who I was back then, I knew what to expect from people..Now I have an identity crisis everytime I go shopping/meet new people. I am definetly not complaining, however it really is a big adjustment on every level.

I can also relate to the " blaming your problems on being fat" thing. I definetly blamed my fat for every unhappiness in my life. I remember thinking "If I wasnt fat....that guy would be all about me." It acutally bothers me more now when guys approach me because all I can think is...."He never would have even talked to me 9 months ago.." It really is quite problematic for me. Maybe I should go to counseling too...I just cant seem to shake that reaction to guys...I see right through it....On a more positive note, it really has deepened my respect for the guys that loved me at 232 pounds, who were attractive themselves. Those are the people that matter.

Losing weight has helped me on many levels and I am finding that my other goals are beginning to fall into place....cleaning up my addictions to substances, Going back to college, figuring out my self esteem issues...I think Atkins helped me to kick off this massive self improvement project. I am definetly in the middle of some emotional adjustment though...trying to figure out what needs to be worked on next....even the little quirks I have like biting my nails....one thing at a time..its easy to hit overload.

You also mentioned some level of social anxiety disorder...I was diagnosed at 18 with it....I have found that my social anxiety is more of an empathic ability where my body and mind can feel other peoples energy...I goes away when I remove myself from certain people and situations...you may want to look into it on Google. Many people with empathic ability are mis-diagnosed as social anxiety. Anyhow just a thought..thanks for the thought provoking post.

Kaeleen, I want to thank you for posting what you did! I haven't had a self-esteem problem with my weight for probably 10-15 years now, but there's been another problem rankling at me lately, and in reading through one of those I think it hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately, this problem has been driving a rift between my husband and me, as in just as no one will love you if you're fat isn't true, no one loving you because you're getting old isn't true, either, and I'm thinking this is exactly how I've been feeling lately, like I am completely unworthy of his love and affection because I'm turning into a middle-aged, saggy woman.

And my apologies, Woo! Not meaning to derail your thread; your topic is excellent. You have taken the first steps in realizing there is a problem and that's the crucial point. I had to do this, too, after gaining weight accompanying pregnancy. My husband had made a snide comment that if I ever got fat he'd leave me. He didn't mean it, but it hurt.

I had been overweight for most of my life, then lost weight in my early 20s. After re-gaining with pregnancy, then trying various diets with nothing working, it took me a long time to be 'ok' with myself again.

I, with others here, will also suggest a counselor. Sometimes we can work through these things on our own, and of course sometimes places like this can be great help, but if that doesn't work out, I think talking to a counselor would be a great idea.