Sat, May-31-14, 20:17
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Triple digit loss
Posts: 927
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Plan: Dr. Bernstien
Stats: 352/206.8/175
BF:
Progress: 82%
Location: Boston, MA
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2 week old thread I know but I wanted to comment cause i in general could relate being the people pleaser I use to be.
I always doubted myself and my confidence was low on many levels in general in life as a person on a variety of issues.
Then, I watched people around me. realizing, my weakness with my weight issue shows on the outside. but some of these people's issues maybe concealed or accepted and not really show for the world to see.
Then I started getting pissed about the judgment. judgment like they understood, or new what it took when they never where in my shoes. Assumptions that I was being lazy, weakminded, lacked will power.
The I started getting angry, saying who gives them the right to pass judgment on what I am doing.
One example is when I found LCing, I got the attitude from my own dr.s telling me it wasn't sustainable and it wouldn't work. The same dr. from the same instution that had me go from insulin resistance to type 2 diabetes on their guidelines and medicines. Claiming they know what is best for me, when they couldn't help me to being with.
Meanwhile over many different issues in my life, I started questioning who said I have to get it right on the first try. Who the heck made that rule. As if I am god and I can wave my magic wand and make it all be okay.
Then I started fighting back and establishing my boundaries not just in weight but on a variety of issues. The weight/body self esteem issue was just a symptom of a larger issue of lack of sense of self (knowing myself) and lack in confidence in myself.
Lack of confidence in myself wasn't about being right as I discovered. it was more about being strong enough to walk my path and to allow and accept I will make mistakes but knowing even when I do I will just pick myself up and continue going along figuring out my way. It was about knowing, that I would figure my way through things.
Lack of knowing myself, is about all those messed up perceptions we are taught about what makes us a worthy human being. Who the heck died and made everyone else around me king about "me".
Anyway, I agree with judy this is a symptom of a larger issue. Something that needs to be pealed back in layers. Discovering all the areas you are giving your own power away.
To me that is all it is. We are taught many of us to hand our power over to external influences as if they know what is best for us. When we should be listening, discerning and choosing whether or not those external influences have any merit or points to their arguments.
We are the judge and jury about whether they are full of marlky or not. Not the other way around.
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