hi

Ok heres my book:::LOL ..are you ready to read a little??

OK
So here goes, I started out "dieting" about 5 years ago after I had my first child, I gained up to 189 during that pregnancy. It is a little "shaking" to see that number there. But I lost down to 128 after I had my baby. Then I gained again during my second expected, but things happened and I lost my second baby,then another miscarrage after that , then about 3 more during the course of 4 years.
When I got married that was the one thing we wanted, a large family. After my last miscarry, I had surgery because I had a double ectopic pregnancy and both had split and I was hemeraging literally to death. I was dying.
After the surgery I had gained so much weight , I was depressed and very unhappy , not to mention the hormonal rollercoaster I was riding, anyway I almost lost my marriage and my sanity.I was living in my bedroom and not even really seeing that I was depressed, this was my way of handeling things. I did not like life any more , I did not like who I was or what had become of me , I was fat , ugly and very very unhappy with who I was becoming , I was beginning to "hate" everything but food and my pillow.

But when my little 5 year old came into my room one day and asked me if I would read a book to her, it hit me , I have not been a real mommy to my child, so that just jolted me into waking up to life again, anyone out there know what I mean??
Depression kills a persons will to live.

I guess that was a turning point for me.
I got up and started "living " again.I first looke d int he mirror and asked myself "who are you and where is the old me ?"I did not like the person I had become , so I started trying to change.

I had gained up to what I was during my first pregnancy .Almost 190. And I started my "dieting" experience.
I tried Weight Watchers at first but found it was just too easy to stray from the whole thing . then I went on one fad after another.
My mom came to see me one day and handed me a piece of paper.
It was an eating plan that had no "sugar" in it.
I lost weight on that but soon found I wanted my chocolate and other things that I thought I needed.
I had heard about the Atkins plan and many people "warned" me this was not good . So me being the person that I am, I thought I would try it anyway...LOL.
One of those things ya know.
I lost about 8 pounds on this during the first week and I liked the foods that I was getting to eat. His book has a lot more information than I had thought.I also read Protein Power and found they were similar in a lot of ways.
I have been "low-carbing" ever since and am down to 156 as of this morning. I hope this will work out for me, I know that this is all up to me to make things happen and I have come too far upon this to quit now or turn back to the "pit" of darkness called depression.
I think that most of lifes crooks and curves in the road are ways to make us better at being human and living.
This is my goal and purpose to this journal, to put my thought and feeling down to better handle them and get to know myself better.And it seems that just to put it down makes it "real" somehow. anyway here I am , ready for the challenge and ready to get on with life in a new way..
This is who I am . And I am beginning to like what I see.