Just to give one recent update on this saga.

Marcy is doing just fine. I still haven't seen her yet, but have spoken to her several times. She is my cousin's wife, mother to my godson and three other children whom I love. She will always be a part of my life. I will see her in about two weeks for a family birthday. Only time will tell how that will go.

The situation with the musician "boy" has ended. Whatever I may or may not have believed existed between us has completely dissolved and we are in a strange limbo holding pattern sort of thing. I haven't seen him in a few weeks, but will be attending a very important show of his this Friday. I want us to go back to being friends, the way we were before he opened Pandora's box. It hurts me to see him with other girls, but I'll get over it. I have no other choice. The less I see him the stronger I feel. I continue to support his career, but this week came to a crucial turning point when I chose MINE over his and declined to attend his gig on Tuesday evening. I have a thesis to complete, my academic career and future is at stake and the deadline is looming LARGE for me right now, so he had to make do with his usual stable of groupie whores. I can (sadly) assure you that I was more than likely not missed.

As for the implant debate - I've also come to terms with that as well. I've made the decision that I probably won't get implants. At least not at this time. I don't want foreign objects floating in my body like a ticking time bomb. I'm already paranoid and neurotic as it is you know, I don't need additional worries! Although this realisation depresses me to no end, it also alleviated some of the stress I've been carrying for the past two (more like 15) years. It felt like such a relief to say, "I can't get implants." What if I'm one of the .5% that has complications or problems? I could potentially end up looking WORSE, and its just not worth the hassle to me. Maybe if one day they design something that won't cause so many problems. I don't know. Maybe one day.....

I still will have breast surgery, but it will be to correct one breast instead of both and that way, I'll have two (EXTREMELY non-existent) but nonetheless symmetrical breasts. This doesn't make me happy, but at least I can sleep at night with it.

Thank you to everyone who stumbled into this post (and got sucked in) for your advice, support and kind thoughts. Whether or not it appeared so, your words helped me a great deal.

God bless.