I have thought alot about this. First of all, I know I don't eat more than others. Many of my thinner friends eat lots more than I do. I was just eating the wrong foods for me.

My fat is a shield. I have lost weight before, and although I want people to notice, I am uncomfortable when they do. No, that doesn't make sense, but you asked. I feel as though they will see the real me, all my insecurities and imperfections. My fat protects me from that.

I do P.R. work for a living, and although I love many things about it, I feel physically sick when I have to make a speech in front of all those people. I KNOW I will make a mistake, and people will see that I am not the confident person I pretend to be.

I found solace for the stress of this job in the company of chocolate. Chocoalte and lots of soda to wash it down. Always made me feel better, for a short time. But then I keep having to buy larger clothes. I have gone from a size 10 to 16 in two years. Also am on a lot of Boards, and the meetings revolve around lunch or dinner.

I have thought of leaving this field, but I like the money and the perks that come with it. I like people, and my job allows me the freedom to help others and make a difference. Sounds cheesy, but it's true.

I'd like to go for my Master's in Counseling, but I cannot quit my job to do the 450 required hours of internship. Plus my son is still in school, and I want to be home for him at night. This job takes away alot of that time as it is. I'm a single mom, so there are few options.

I'm not trying to whine. This is my life, and I know I am responsible for it. Actually, putting this all in writing is helpful. It's stuff I've been tossing around in my mind for some time. I have considered going to a counselor myself, to try to work this out. Funny, I want to be a counselor, but I feel that I will be "weak" if I go to one myself.