I've thought about this very subject several times over the last several years. I can't think of a single tramatic event that would be to blame for my weight. I know what has made me suddenly want to change my eating habits now, and I know a few contributing factors that made my weight worse, but I can't pinpoint an initial reason.

In fact, I think my problem may have been the opposite of a "problem". I have always been a happy optimistic person, so I've never really been depressed because of it. It never stopped me from having boyfriends, fitting in, doing anything I wanted. My weight had not ever been a PROBLEM. And I had been thin before, and although I was happy then, I was no happier then, than I was when I was fat. I accomplished a lot and felt a lot of happiness while "fat".

I went horseback riding and camping in the backcountry of Montana when I was fat. I wrote a successful book when I was fat. I had a great long term relationship when I was fat. I had great jobs that I enjoyed when I was fat, including large size modeling. I met and married the man of my dreams when I was fat. I had a heart problem, got a pacemaker, and survived it, when I was fat. I bought several horses, bought a horse trailer with living quarters, traveled all over Missouri with my horses while I was fat. I could usually work circles around 17 and 18 year old kids while they complained about being tired, when I was fat, twice their age, and half their health. I have just always had a happy, exciting, and incredibly blessed and lucky life. All while I was fat.

And I was never a clothes horse. In fact I was always the opposite. I wouldn't hesitate to spend a few hundred dollars on a saddle, but it would just absolutely infuriate me to spend even eight dollars on a pair of jeans.

I adore my parents, they are my best friends, along with my sister, two brothers and husband. None of them have ever been anything but loving and supportive. Don't get me wrong, they're not perfect, but close. We fought when we were kids over stupid stuff, but nothing serious. In fact we often joke around that in the world today, we're the weird ones. There just aren't as many close, and "functional" instead of dysfunctional, families out there as there used to be.

I just didn't see the need to deprive myself of eating all the things I loved, when I was happy the way I was. I always said that I'd probably go on a diet and lose weight the day my weight became a problem for me. Like if I couldn't mount my horse, or it started to make me feel bad.

And that is exactly why I'm changing my WOE now. I guess it all caught up with me finally, and now I had been feeling bad, lost my strength and endurance, and honestly couldn't mount my horse without having a large rock around or putting him down in a ditch. LOL The kicker was going on a two week camping and riding adventure this fall that I had been dreaming about for years. There were a couple of days where I guess my blood sugar was all out of whack and I slept away the whole day. Sleeping away several days of my dream vacation was the last straw.

Anyway, if a tramatic event, or unhappy childhood or life is always behind every weight problem, I think I'm in trouble. I'm doomed to always fail at weight loss, because I just don't have anything like that. Am I the only weird one here? Please tell me that I'm not the only one who's fat for no real good reason.......

I'm sorry this is so long, and I don't mean to sound like I'm bragging about my "wonderful life". But I watch Oprah, and read different books and such about this theory that SOMETHING is always behind a weight problem, and although I've wracked my brain, I honestly can't think of anything. If fact the only two things in my past that I can think of that even hurt my feeling a little was when I was a teenager, and still quite thin at the time (about 130 pounds), a guy I dated a few times once told me he thought I was so pretty, but I'd be so gorgious if I would just loose a few more pounds. And one of my Aunts once made a cruel comment to me when I bought my sister a full lenth mirror. She said, "Oh, you bought one of those mirrors that make you look thinner. I guess you did that so she wouldn't notice if she started to gain weight and get heavier like you." Again, I was thin at that time. Yes, my feelings were hurt at the time, but I don't think they "scarred" me to the point of causing me a weight problem. So, I'm at a loss.