Hi all

Thanks yogamom. I might just do that. Name the journal entry something having to do with moderation. That way those that are interested in this "guinea pig" approach I am taking to sanity can read about it and interact/input. And those that really don't want to see this kind of posting can just ignore it.

I want what is best for everyone here, too, because I just think this is the greatest message board yet to find. Truly. I just wonder if this doesn't hold true...there are what? 6 billion people in the world? Maybe there are just 6 billion "diets?" One for each of us. It's hard not having a quick and ready answer. It's more difficult to have to discern what is best for me at any given moment, but it's also greatly enjoyable and rewarding for it's own reasons.

Yes, Santabarb....that is my GREATEST concen over this issue of "moderation." What IF I am only damaging myself more?

When I look at it though, anything, absolutely anything is better than what I was doing. I've read two of the SP books. What she says makes perfect sense to me, but I had another "epiphany" last night as I was lying in bed wondering why it is that I can't "stick" to anything - especially something that seems to be as vitally important as the "balanced" approach to nutrition that Dr. S emphasizes.

It just comes down to this for me. And I can't say this strongly enough. I have a eating disorder - no less than if I was an anorexic. My eating disorder is compulsive eating and it is ONLY and I stress ONLY triggered by putting myself on a diet/plan/program. Otherwise, it just does not exist. It lies dorment....waiting for me to even think about another diet. And then, BOOM! I'm right back into it for another 2 months, or 2 years, like this last bout.

I can not ignore this anymore. The only way I can conquer this overwhelming desire to eat and eat is to give myself the freedom to eat whatever I want and label it all "healthy." For some reason, that keeps the triggering of this eating disorder under control - completely.

Will I make my metabolism worse in the long run? Oh, how I wish I knew.

One of the people I quoted from my first post was a man who lived in the 16th century by the name of Luigi Cornaro - a man who found himself sick and dying from a diet of "overconsumption" at around the age of 40. He put himself on a strict daily consumption of a very moderate diet.

He died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 102 in 1550 without having incurred a single illness from the point at which he started his diet of moderation. The only time he felt ill from that point on was when he over-ate. He taught that it wasn't what one put in one's mouth, but how much. His health returned in time in full vigor. He ate very abstemiously - yet was active and lived a full life - gardening, grandchildren, writing, sound body and mind, etc. - all the way up to the day that he died in his sleep at the age of 102. His writings are absolutely amazing to me. I found four of his discourses free from the internet. Amazon has some of his writings, and I'm thinking about purchasing some of them.

This has been most eye-opening to me! Am I going to damage myself further? I don't know. Not from the sense that the compulsive eating behavior has now completely disappeared and I feel that I have my life and my sanity back. From the point of not having each and every meal "balanced," then probably not. At the end of a week, it will be interesting for me to examine my diet and see just how "balanced" it was. Stopping the triggers to the eating disorder is what is of utmost importance to me for now. So, I have to just accept this and let myself rest there...and resting, I truly am!

Have a great day all. Teena