Ohhh (((Riolis))) my heart is filled with compassion for you. I think there are many people on this site who want to support you and help you get to your goal weight. As for self-esteem or confidence, it's true that nasty things in our past have hurt us and potentially made us feel less confident. Whether we've been hurt by reactions to our weight or for other things, we have to find a way to take off that coat of shame. Because it only belongs to those who behave badly. The truth is, you are lovable and valuable and have every right to walk down the street, find a life partner, have success. And you belong. Shame on others for behaving in such an evil way. Shake the dust off your feet and hold your head high. You belong here on this site and I am rooting for you for success in every way imaginable. So glad you started a journal.
I believe weight loss helps but all our inside work on confidence comes with practice, bit by bit. Healing and letting go, forgiving, and surrounding ourselves with good people.