LOL... Zen has taken me well over a decade to get remotely close

First I want to say don't be too hard on yourself. If you were perfect you would be an omnipresent being (GOD).

Everything is learning. And you are learning and being quite successful at getting the weight off.

Okay so now, I am going to sound off the wall to most. But I will put it out there incase anyone else is experiencing it.

I fully believe in psychic abilities, and I am an empath. It has taken me up until this past year and this year to fully admit what being an empath is really is and how it effects me.

Give an example. My hubby comes home from work today before me. I come back from taking the dog to the vet. I come in and start playing with the dogs. Because it is play time and they are literlaly following me around with the ball. I am happy playing with the dogs, hubby comes up from the basement start preparing dinner (steaks yum!).

All of a sudden my mood changes, I start getting a forehead type headache and I am feeling glum. Take me 10 minutes to realize hey this isn't me I was happy. I then ask hubby "How is your headache?" He says well it varies sometimes worse then other times. Mind you I didn't know he had a headache. I say you stilling feeling drained (I did know this from yesterday). he said yeah.

As soon as I confirmed it, the symptoms started to disappear.

That is one example but I empath alot of things. And one main thing I realized I empathed was other people's hunger or cravings.

I can recall so many times of "craving" ice cream or a brownie or a cookie and I would ignore it. To have hubby say, for instance, "Hey how about we go get ice cream". He is the one that love ice cream, I like it but not like him.

Sometimes, it wasn't even picking up on their craving but the negative emotions or physically drainning of someone else and I was trying to numb myself or energize myself to what I was feeling unconsciously but taking it on consciously as if it was my own.

The other thing I realized, was when I ate uncontrollably (junk or healthy didn't matter) I usually wasn't feeling "right". Either physically or emotionally. Like I was using food to change the chemical/hormone balance. I actually told a dr one time long ago about what i craved and did. I use to take a teaspoon of white sugar and a swig of milk. The Dr. Was shocked, cause she said I was intuitively trying to adjust certain hormones (I forget which ones) through the use of that combination. So we tried a certain supplment but it didn't work.

Mainly, I started being more conscious of why I was eating and what I was feeling right before I ate, as I ate, and after I ate.

I use to find my self in front of the refrigerator automatically opening it up.

And I had to wake myself up and say why I am I here? Am I hungry? No. Am I not feeling okay physically? Am I picking up on someone else stuff empathically?

I had to take a hard look at all the "teachings" around food that is done through the family, tv, soceity, ads, ect... And deprogram myself from the old ways and develop new ways of looking at it.

Mind you I am giving a condense version of the journey I took to discover myself in the world of food over the past decade.

And I still struggle with it for a couple of reasons. one reason being there are certain sweet food that give a pleasurable chemical reaction in my brain that I can't get anywhere else. I have noticed that lately when I eat my low carb cheese cake.

Anyway what it has taken for me is a very hard look at myself. And what I discovered was I was way harder on myself then I should of been. Aside from the empath thing going on. I literally had excess hormone in my body telling me to eat (insulin). Then there was the stress/depression I had to admit to. Finally, all the "programming" from society I took on surrounding food. Once I realized those, I let up on myself some and let go of the out of control struggle and drama, started being honest and really looking at it.

And I admitted to hubby in the initially days before LCing, I can't have the food in the house or you need to hide it. I will eat it. That was tough to admit that I didn't have control.

And it wasn't always junk, like nuts. I still can't have them in the house I will eat them. Cream cheese, I will eat a tub of that easily, especially since i am hungry most of the time.

And he understands, and until I got to the point where I could be around it and not have an issue.

I have gotten better with alot of the foods and he can now have them in the house around me. The only exception he must keep any homemade cookies & brownies that I make, peanuts, and hallowean candy down stairs. Otherwise I am tempted still.

Out of site out of mind.

Just remember, if you go out of control. Tell yourself you will get better next time. Not perfect but better. So maybe you have the bacon and not the chocolate.

And remember, getting upset and angry with yourself sometimes can make it worse on you, it can pile on the stress. And literally make the eating worse.

The MOST important thing to do is recognize when you are getting out of control. And just stop it don't berate yourself. Be proud that you recognized it. Then just realize that next time you will do better.

When you start to detect it earlier and earlier you will start gaining the upperhand on it.

I sure hope you are taking time out enjoying your success and realizing how truly remarkable you are for what you have accomplished thus far! I sure hope you are rewarding yourself with non food stuff to celebrate all the mini goals and milestones you have made!