Hi Everyone,

I'm going to plow through a quickie intro since my original working title for this post was 4am confessions, then 5am confessions ... you get the trend.

I am not new to LC, having lost 100+ previously and kept it off for quite some time (years), then a bunch of really bad life stuff happened that plunged me into emotional eating and I (slowly at times, and not so slowly at other times) gained all of it back. As of this writing I am at 261.8. My highest weight before the successful loss was 262. Typing that brought me to unexpected tears.

Back then, a magical day arrived that was just THE day. The day when I decided to stop being self destructive, stop being afraid, stop procrastinating, and start doing. Now it seems I've been stuck for a long time in a cycle of hoping, wishing, planning for a new version of THE day, but it just eludes me. I end up with excuses like I don't have enough recipes ready, am not properly stocked up on groceries, it's too busy a week at work, and on and on. I was active on an LC forum last time and know that it was a huge contributor to my success. I know I'm depressed, self destructive eating isn't exactly a sign of me being happy and well adjusted. I know it will get better if I act, so why can't I? I am so angry at myself, and I know it's boiling under the surface at all times and I spend most of my time ping ponging between feeling despair over it and stuffing/avoiding it.

Sorry to get all morbid and miserable. I promise I'm generally an optimist, albeit an extremely sarcastic one. I'm really hoping that rejoining a support forum will help me turn thought into action. My goal is to come back tonight after work and start a journal. And a ticker! Are tickers still a thing? Seems dumb but I always found those little graphic representations of progress to be super motivational for me.

Thanks for listening and I will do my best to work my way into being active and contributing around here.