And so ... how do we find that mindset?

Robyn, I've been working on this stress eating (and no after dinner eating, and eating that is meal-based, rather than snacking, etc etc) all year. In bits and pieces. What I can add to the good suggestions here (eat enough fat for satiety, stay as low carb as possible, and if you must stress-eat, eat OP foods; reduce stress; keep focussed on the health and weightloss markers; meditate on your mindset and beliefs) is this last thing...

maybe try to notice the "pre-stress" moments, the times when you are dealing and coping well but getting a little ramped up and then, at that early stage, take a break. Stop. Do a 3 - 5 min breathing exercise. mentally step aside, or inward, to a calm, loving place for yourself. go for a 10 min walk. drink a glass of water. And do one thing that is a comfort to you (for me it is a cup of tea with cream, or a short chat / text with a friend.)

(At a holiday gathering, this could be going to the bathroom to be on your own for a few minutes. Or letting people assume that is what you have done, and stepping out onto the porch and breathing some cool fresh air.)

What i have noticed is that those types of things (standard, deal with stress advice) don;t work for me once i let the stress get too high. If I am stressed out, it is too late for those small things. But if i intervene in early stages, i can get a grip - with practice, I can actually feel better.

With practice, those things allow me to get closer to the mindset Thud described.

At first i was so impatient and felt like a 3 min breathing exercise was too much and i didn;t have time. Which, on reflection, made me laugh and have to acknowledge that that reaction was actually the PROOF that i was stressing and that i had to intervene.

Hope this helps.

The holidays can be stressful -- Let's hang onto each other here and focus on enjoying our loved ones AND taking care of ourselves.