I have adored reading these! I am doing mine on a whim here but I may need to make this a regular exercise as I am just not sure if I am more angry or thankful at dear old fat!

Dear Fat!

It's almost comical to think back on our many years of knowing eachother because you were the best friend who masked all the pain and yet the sneakiest bastard ever because not once did you ever allow me to learn my own lessons. You literally robbed me precious lessons and for that I simply can not forgive you.

I know what your saying because for the first time in life I now know you as intimately as you know me. How does it feel to be vulnerable? Your snickering and thinking that I will call again one day saying that I need warmth, emotional protection, a way out of this new relationship. But I got news for you... your dead wrong. I am the Gloria Gaynor of fat.....I will survive. Your a disease and a disease means lack of ease in the mind. You literally robbed me of my own damn thoughts and took over my life but allowed me to think I was complete while you slowly took away my life.

I never learned to let you go because you continued your coniving sneaky detrimental ways. I used to think it was me because when the going got tough I called on you, but I realize it was you like a demon on my shoulder telling me how to seek comfort.

I gave up hopes, dreams, entire periods of life to spend time with you like some sick stupid young and dumb teenager in love. Well no longer...I am a focused, talented and strong person and I can survive ANYTHING WITHOUT YOU!!!

It will be tough I learned to push real hurt and pain away and allowed you to take over. I never dealt with my mom's death and as you masked that pain I was faced with losing my dad and brother. You made it ok for me to jump from job to job because I was not even comfortable in my own skin. You allowed my potential to be hidden, my talents subdued and allowed no passion. You approved of me seeking love in all the wrong ways and forming intimate relationships in self destructing ways.

How the hell do you live with yourself? And you know what has me most angry....its not just me you have taken over the lives of so many...your a damn gigalo. Its time for you to look in the mirror and seek forgiveness.

Honestly I wish you no harm because the new me knows you get nothing in life by hatred and resentment. But I also know that aligning myself with that which is self sabotaging is not in my best interest and to part ways peacfully is the way to go.

Here my words carefully....flee now...do not past go and check yourself into the nearest clinic because believe me you have a lot more to deal with than I do. Its time to take a hard look and see how many you have ruined and pray that when your better you still got a few of us left. A few that will allow you to stick around and help you live a better life. When your better I will have a strong mind, lean body and emotional well being and if you choose to sober up and get clean I just might share myself w/ you in a healthy mutally beneficial way.

MIGHT....because after your abuse its gonna take some time.

And no there will be no parting meal, nor will I drive you there because your not ready yet...I still hear you trying to take me over.

Clean fast hard break...get out and don't look back because I ain't got time for your childish games anymore.

Nicole