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Old Thu, Oct-27-16, 11:45
andante andante is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 178
 
Plan: Atkins 20
Stats: 237.6/150/155 Female 5'9"
BF:
Progress: 106%
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You know, it's possible to irritate someone or start an uncomfortable situation merely by asking how someone is.... True story: At a charity auction one person says to a distant acquaintance, "I haven't seen you in so long! What's been going on?" Person #2 "My baby just died."

I think a genuine compliment, well intended -- like "You are rocking that dress" or "You look great!" is never amiss. I am thinking of the person with cancer -- the one who responded to the "you look great, what have you been doing?" with "i'm dying of cancer" -- I think that is an exception.... like the person whose baby died, and wanted to bring it up no matter what the context.

Life DOES happen and I suppose there are risks in any interaction (perhaps why people talk about the weather so much!!!), but I don't think exceptions like those should over-ride our desire to give out well intended compliments. I love when people comment on my weight loss! (But I know a friend who was reluctant to do so because she worried that I was sick.) Sometimes, it's a rock and a hard place!

Of course the phony "concern for your health" (especially from mere acquaintances) is not welcome. Then again, I'm remembering a colleague who approached me some years ago -- someone I didn't know that well (and someone I don't like at all), and she went into a huge thing about my weight, and how she was concerned, and how I needed to get my act together and lose it for health and professional reasons. She said all of this nicely, with the right words, and with what sounded like genuine concern -- although it was totally inappropriate.

But the thing is -- and I realized it at the time -- she was absolutely right. Sometimes facing up to reality sucks.... For me, it was important to be told, you know, this isn't where you should be. And it is going to hurt you in the work you do. Not a message I wanted to hear.... but one I needed to hear. None the less, it still took years more for me to find this WOE and actually be successful in doing something about it.

These days, I only comment on the topic if there is an actual conversation going on about diet and health, but then I only talk about what I am doing -- not about what what anyone else "should" be doing.

As far as compliments -- I would never bring up someone else's weight, except to say they looked great. If they take offence at that, I'm afraid, so be it.
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