Judy, you are so right!

Stacy, you need to do what I did, and that is really celebrate the family you are creating with your husband and "shake the dirt off your shoes" as it were---turn away from the relationship you sort of have with your mother and turn solidly towards your real family.

We don't get to choose the family we're born into, but you've chosen both your husband and your children (and your dog or cat if you have one!!) So there is your security, your happiness, your loyalty.

Limit your time with your mother; and don't worry about whether you see her or not, whether she treats your kids or your sister or the bird in the yard better; she is a person that is very flawed and if she wasn't your mother you probably wouldn't make friends with her anyway. Let your kids have a separate relationship with her if need be; my kids saw right through my mother at an early age and didn't want to spend that much time with her---but if they had that would have been okay if she treated them okay.

You are not who your mother has decided you are---just remember that---she hasn't allowed herself to really see how wonderful and vibrant and loving you are--and she never will....

You will be okay, I promise you, if you stop looking to her for acceptance. Don't put more importance on the label "mother" than she deserves----

And come here for therapy as often as you want---as you can see there are many people here who totally relate to what you're going through----

thanks for letting me be so longwinded!!!!