any others out there with BDD?
Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I am pretty much convinced that I am and probably have been dealing with this longer then I care to admit. I still see the fat chick, while I have people left and right telling me if I lose anymore I would blow away. I DON"T SEE IT! Sure I know I am thinner then I was. BUT.... I don't see the whole your getting too thin. I keep changing my goal lower and lower, cause it just doesn't seem enough. I am not posting this for attention, for any other reason but to find others who may be dealing with some of this mess too. How do I get past it? Can I do it without having to see a phsychologist, or is there other underlying issues going on, that is morphing itself into this right now? Do you see what others see in yourself? |
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I have had that same issue. Its getting better. But, I can remember that it took months to see myself in a window outside and say yea, thats me..i was always shocked..when i looked at myself i still saw a "fat" chick. When i shopped for clothes, my mind still saw me needing sizes larger than i did. I knew i had lost the weight, But I couldn't accept that i was smaller..I still have a problem looking at myself. I see FAT, others tell me i am too skinny. I still have moments where i will see myself in my jeans-profile, and go omg, my legs are tiny. |
You are not alone. I think that this is fairly common.
The other night at work I was talking with 2 other gals. One of them started at the company about 4 months after I did and when I was at my highest weight. She stated that she did NOT remember me bigger at all. That she's only known me "Tiny". :lol: Me tiny. It is funny though because when I was bigger - I remember getting ready for family pictures and thinking Da#% I look good and then seeing the pics and getting a BIG slap of reality. Denial???? |
I have concerns about not "seeing" myself thinner also. When I stand naked in front of the mirror i can see the differences from when I was 100 pounds heavier. but I still have a 300 lb mentality, not a 200. I don't know at what weight I will see myself as "normal" (if I ever will).
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I just posted this in another thread. My mirror still shows me a fat chick. but when I see photos of myself, I can't believe that's me.
I've also come to the realization that being fat wasn't the only reason I was depressed. Because now I'm not so fat anymore, but some of the same lack of confidence issues are still there, and I still have a hard time trusting people. |
i think I have the opposite problem. I think I look pretty good, then I see a picture and I'm waaaaay bigger than I thought.
Hopefully this will be an advantage when my physical body starts matching with my mentality...not sure how I would handle a switch in my view point. |
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I go back and forth between feeling like I look bigger or smaller than I really am. I think it's probably a pretty common side effect from weight loss, I don't feel like I need to seek brain-doc help for it unless it becomes something I truly obsess about or unless I'm taking drastic measures to meet my 'ideal' image of what I feel I do/should look like. |
oh yes, i totally see the fat chic in my head 90% of the time. i complain about how freaking FAT i am when i'm getting dressed, to the point that my 15 year old daughter tells me to shut up in an irritated tone. she doesn't understand that that's what i truly see, and i'm not going on and on about it because i'm fishing for compliments. i am constantly looking at myself in a side view to affirm that no, my gut does NOT stick out farther than my boobs, and holy crap my jeans don't have a big fat roll held back by a zipper.
but, yes, on the flip side, there are those times when i was truly a meatball and thought i looked damn hot when i left the house. i asked my husband last night why he didn't ditch me when i weighed 220 and looked like a beach ball, and why didn't he stop me from leaving the house LOL. i see those pics now and i cringe because i realize how judgemental i have become towards my previously fatter self and other currently fat people. but i keep looking at them so i can A) see how far i've come, and B) stay motivated to never look that way again. you are totally not alone in this. i have a friend who is going thru the same thing. she's about 5'5 and 125, and considers herself a fat cow too. yes, formerly a fat girl. when we started this journey a year and a half ago, i asked my hubby to tell me if i started to get too skinny. he laughed at me. but i can totally see myself getting too thin because i have this distorted reflection staring back at me. so what's the answer to the question? i dunno. but if any of you guys can tell me how to quash the demons in my head, i'm all ears. |
I see this same way...
My waist, legs, thighs, my lower body in general.... I am in constant comparison with the ME of 20 years & 40 pounds ago... When I liked my body & wasn't fighting to stay under size 14 Women's jean. I feel I have a pretty face, I am a great Mom & good wife & friend... I LIKE ME...BUT...I LIKE ME THINNER!!! (((SIGH))) Constant battle with myself... Just doing myself to stay consistent with the LC...High fat...Gotta make it happen!! When I get the weight I want to be, I will consider something to make the extra skin disappear... Will I ever be happy with the body I'm in...I dunno... ~Cheryl |
Thank you!
Ya'lls replies are bringing me to tears. Tears of relief that I am not on this journey alone, and that there others out there fighting the same fight. HEre is what I wrote over on my blog yesterday.
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And then I even did a video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw0YI5UKp4I |
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Exactly! And one of the weird parts is that I like the internal me much better than I liked the me of 20 years ago - I'm smarter, sexier, stronger, more compassionate, more peaceful than my 30 yo self was. Liking the external me is not as easy. When I first gained the 70 lbs. I packed on, I'd catch glimpses of myself in the mirror or windows on the street and honestly not recognize myself. And then I'd be overwhelmed with embarrassment and shame when I did. Now that I'm almost at goal, I still look at myself with a super-critical eye, and not just at my body size, but at all of the changes that come with aging. I wouldn't treat a friend the way I treat myself; it's really a struggle. John Mellencamp sang about aging not being for cowards, and man, was he ever right :thup: |
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one of the weird parts is that I like the internal me much better than I liked the me of 20 years ago - I'm smarter, sexier, stronger, more compassionate, more peaceful than my 30 yo self was. Liking the external me is not as easy. Quote:
I have this occasionally as well, and its damn confusing. On those days i were my "skinny" jeans and i feel ike i am like everyone else..those girls i used to envy adn that i am ok and all my hard work left me with great results. Then, i will get a look from someone, a woman looking at me is worse..i see them look and then i turn red in the face and its like she is telling me who the hell do i think i am, i'm fat and ugly..like i didn't realize what i looked like when i left the house kindda look..the you don't belong etc. It hurts. I know its just me, my mind but its so confusing and wish it would go away. When do we go from "being" fat when look at ourselves, to "having" fat? I still have "fat" around the middle, more baggy skin than anything! |
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Oh, man - BTDT! But you know what - you'd be truly surprised to find out exactly what they are thinking. A few months ago, we were on our way to Kansas City to visit my in-laws, and stopped by a Wal-Mart to grab salad fixins. As I was waiting in line to pay, I noticed a woman in the next line over staring at me, no expression on her face, and I immediately had that feeling you describe. I wanted to sink through the floor. Suddenly I felt a touch on my arm, and it was that same woman - and she said, "I just had to tell you that you look wonderful - so pulled together, very chic, it all works!" I thanked her, and she walked back over to her line. Was I stunned? You bet. And it felt like a big wakeup call, too, in terms of my self-esteem. I *knew* I looked good when we left the house that morning. So why couldn't I carry that with me? Why did I immediately revert to the self-bashing me, triggered by a glance from a stranger? <sigh> I'm working on it. I really am. |
i know this wasn't my topic, but i just want to thank every one who has replied. it's comforting to know that each of us is not a freak of nature :)
i just had an interaction with my boss the other day, and she never knew me as bigger. see, i just cut my hair off - well 6 inches off, so it's chin length now. everyone has been so complimentary about it. i feel weird, to be honest. anyway. i told my boss that i still feel huge and slobby and FAT. she told me i was crazy, that i'm tiny, and wow how weird i am to think that. i just shrugged my shoulders and laughed nervously a little bit. it is what it is, and no one can convince me otherwise. i guess i should just learn to keep those thoughts in my head instead of vocalizing them. |
I have "good" days and bad days. I'm still working at losing a few more lbs, but I'm past goal.
I get NOTHING but compliments all day long, and every time someone says "you are SO tiny now" all I can think is "uhh...not really". I say thank you can carry on, but when I get dressed in the morning, I sitll see the same person from a few months ago. I was a size 20W, and still see that when I put my size 10 jeans on. I still see the same flab I saw then. I still hate the same things on me that I hated then. I am 100% well aware I am a LOT smaller, but all those areas still look the exact same to me. IT's really frustrating. I try to go shopping to get some cute new clothes, and I always come back with jeans and t shirts. I try on the cute things, but think "that's not made for you" and put them back. I too hope that this eventually becomes easier. |
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