Lose weight to just lose weight
 

I didn't know how else to say this. I have a friend who was doing well on atkins till she decided that once she lost weight she would date again (she's divorced). Well, there went her diet. She just has too many issues with starting to date again after a divorce etc. Linking her weight loss to that bunch of baggage was a big no-no. So, remember to lose weight just to lose weight! Not to get a boyfriend/girlfriend, do better at work, get society off your back, thumb your nose at society or whatever else you may read about or be tempted to attach to it. There are these books coming out now about the psychology of being fat. I suggest you ignore them! Don't wrap up weight loss with a bunch of stuff that is worlds harder to deal with. Keep it as simple as possible. Losing weight is a big achievement just on its own. Really, how many goals in your life are easily measured with just a scale! Just lose weight so you can tie your shoes effortlessly, hop off a couch, fit into a bathroom stall easily, move like a cat, dance for an hour, sit down without plopping down, reach into tight places, walk up stairs and the myriad of other stuff that life involves. Be healthier!

My mother weighs nearly 200 pounds and is in her 70's (she is losing weight slowly by cutting down on carbs). When she was young, she was strong and could carry the weight. Now, little things like getting in and out of the car are really tough. Even though my mom dates!

How would I go about losing weight without solving the emotional "baggage" that lead me to gain the weight in the first place?

Hmmmm..... sounds like your friend shouldn't have linked the weight loss and dating thing together. She has a lot of other things that make her unhappy and cause the weight gain. I think that maybe she should have worked on some of the other things going on in her life too, she just wasn't ready to date yet. But you have to remember, everyone is different, while your friend had a lot of other things influencing her weight gain others don't. Some people would be perfectly fine with losing weight, working on your self esteem and body image and dating again. People just need to make sure that they are ready for change and are mentally prepared to handle things if they don't go as expected ya know? But I do see your point... lose the weight for yourself to make sure you are making youself happy... I believe that is very important. I wish you and your friend the best and I hope that she gets back on track and finds tons of happiness.

I definitely had emotional issues which led me to eat, which led me to being fat. I am working on it one issue at a time. I might still over eat, and graze in the kitchen for hours, and I have to figure out why I do it, NOT just lose weight.

I had to fix a lot of what was wrong before I became successful at losing weight and keeping it off. I read a lot of books and did a lot of therapy. Marty

I actually would think that would *help* motivate me. But that's me. Geez, lose weight, date guy, not be embarressed about my fat. - ;) Works for me

It sounds like the thought of dating pushed your friend off her diet. After all, if one leads to the other, then it's not her decision to not date.

This is bogus, and part of the reality testing I believe you are advocating. I'm all for reality! You can only get rid of issues by facing them and recognizing them for what they are.

If you have emotional issues with weight, you must address that.

If weight is your excuse for other things (how can you expect ME to sky dive?) then that has to be addressed too.

Where I aagree with not tying weight loss to something that needs dealing with on it's OWN,like "When I'm thin, I'll date/get a new job/move...." I still don't think ignoring the information coming out about the psychology of weight loss will do any good. Fixing a symptom without curing the cause, IMHO, seems to be a recipe for failure.

Adkpam: you said what I tried to say. My friend really wasn't ready to date, for a lot of reasons, and then attached losing weight to it. It's easier to blame weight for stuff rather than deal with the intense things. Her being heavy hadn't kept her from dating in the past, didn't keep her from getting married. So I witnessed the beginnings of what is going to be a really hard thing for her to undo. And I am very sad about it.

The psychology thing is a tough one. But I still think that the important thing is to separate, or to not link in the first place, gaining weight from stuff that will take years and years and years to fix. It's like expecting perfection from yourself. If you cannot get thin, then you don't do anything at all. Atkins gave us a great tool for the weight thing, psych tools are just not as good yet.

I'm just saying, or trying to, that with weight issues it really isn't good to say "well, once I get to my desired weight, I will do X/ be happy, and not a moment before." Though it looks like some posters above are motivated by that method (power to them!), it's too hard for a lot of us! Even losing 5 pounds is a big deal - it was for me at least. I was very proud of every pound I shed, they had been weighing me down for years. But along the way down the scale, it would have been a waste of time and, I think counterproductive, for me to say "nope, I'm not thin enough yet to go out dancing" or whatever. Especially if there's a chance that I am just too shy to go out dancing. Where does that leave losing weight? In the dustbin, that's where.

Everyone who is/has been overweight has issues. I ate tons, and still keep fridges, freezers, cabinets and kitchen floor space stocked to the gills with food, because I went hungry as a child. Friends tease me about being a survivalist, ready for a 3 month seige. Food is security and a bunch of other stuff to me. I panic if I get hungry, really panic. I had to separate eating from any other hard goal, like making a tiny open space in my fridge to show how secure I am (I had a space for a little while, but filled it in again). But in the meantime, I am thinner, healthier, and happier because I made use of a good tool (cutting carbs) and good advice. And know I will make progress on that space!

I see you point not to tie all your life to "when I'm thin".. Kind of the same as my sister, who wouldn't even buy a house because "What if I meet someone who wants to move someday?" I've certainly not put my life on hold, which I believe is your main point.

I was just trying to point out that my weight gain is inextricably tied to my emotional "issues". I have white-knuckled it in the past and lost a LOT of weight....over and over and over......because I didn't "get" the connection. Just because I didn't see it, and could lose weight without HAVING to look at it, doesn't mean (for ME) that I could keep the old patterns from intruding and ALL the weight came right back on.

I suppose that for those who are sensitive to carbs, it is possible to gain a huge amount of weight without having any weight issues at all -- the body just can't handle the carbs for reasons of insulin resistance, etc. etc.

If only we could just ignore the issues attached to our eating, then weight loss would be so much easier.

For many, not all, putting on weight has deep significance. For some, it I may not.

For those that put on weight for a reason, it can represent protection from men, sexuality, fear of fully living our life...this is just one example. But I don't think we can suddenly ignore these issues and lose weight if that weight was put on for a specific purpose. Looking at and resolving the why can be very liberating. There have been books coming out for decades a bough the psychology of fat and I think they are useful...but then I'm a psychologist, so I would!

I completely agree with this. People put on weight for various reasons, and some of those reasons are emotional ones that need to be worked through if they are planning to keep the weight off later.

I see what the OP meant--which translated in my mind to "lose weight for yourself, not for anyone else"--at least that's what I got from it. I believe this, because if we are doing it for someone else, it ends up being a sick method of gaining another's approval, which, in itself is a huge issue and needs to be dealt with. Add the possibility of not reaching your goal and you're completely sunk.

And I'm not a psychologist. ;)

How I WISH there was a "Like" button for posts!!!!! (Can we get one put on?? :)

I totally agree that there are emotional/mental/psychological triggers for certain kinds of eating, especially high glycemic carbs and binge eating (standing at the counter, shoving food in and swallowing barely chewed food...all the while having the inner conflict conversation: "STOP! (No, keep going, who cares!) YOU SHOULDN'T! (Yes, you can eat this if you want! Ohhhh! It's so goooood!) YOU'RE GOING TO WISH YOU HADN'T!"
BUT! more and more, we are seeing (thankfully!!!) cutting edge research supporting the PHYSIOLOGICAL (chemical, physical, hormonal) CAUSES of overeating, specifically, again, those HC foods.
Few people binge on broccoli or roast beef (without the potatoes..) no matter how upset they are.

So, for me, I totally agree that the the thoughts we have (bad memories, negative self-talk, self-pity, self-indulgence) influence our choices everyday- BUT, we should focus on and never underestimate the SCIENCE of food chemistry and the most recent (mainstream?!) data connecting the dance of food (carbs) and body fat acquisition.

Keep it simple! Great advice!
Julie

I don't want to disparage the troubles you (or others) might have had/still have with certain foods, but ... binging on roast beef? Oh yes, I can do that. I have always felt that the best dessert is another helping, or two, of the main course - especially if it is rare roast beef. Roast chicken will do it too. Putting away the leftover roast chicken I can easily eat beyond reason from the carcass, even though I have just enjoyed a full dinner. Broccoli? Well, maybe not. But meat? That is easy, for me.