Self-sabotage: Why? How do you stop?

[TeriDoodle]

After almost a year on this board, I've seen more than a few examples of people who self-sabotage their weight loss efforts. I don't understand this because it's never happened to me, but I'd like to be able to help those that experience it.

An example of this behavior would be someone who has been overweight and dieted before. They successfully lose, say, 50 pounds, but are still another 50 pounds away from goal. They fall off the wagon....big time....and experience a sudden loss of control that they once had. In most cases, this is a repeat experience of some previous weight loss.... at almost the exact same point. It's as if some psychological trigger goes off at this set point, creating a cycle of self-sabotage. It is totally confounding to the person experiencing it.

Have you ever had this experience?

Have you ever successfully overcome it to move on toward your goal?

What insights did you gain?

Do you have suggestions to share with others?

It would be great if this thread could bring these people together. It is my hope that a fruitful discussion ensues.

[Karen]

There are a lot of reasons, but for me the #1 reason is not doing any inner work. It's tough and it's painful but to totally change your relationship to food, it has to be done.

You may be an addict, and there is no shame in that. There is shame in not finding the resources to help you overcome your addiction. Instead, many people hide because they're afraid. Or they blame others for their predicament. Or they're so selfish and controlling that they can't see what's in their face. And it all becomes a vicious circle.

This happened to me, less than a year into LC. I became totally terrified because I couldn't reconcile the way I looked on the outside with the way I was on the inside. There was no way I was going to abandon LC as it was my greatest ally and I realized I had to do the work that I had put off for so long.

We have to learn to fearlessly let go of whatever devastaing, negative, soul-sucking issues that we might have to get to our true spirit. None of us should have to live with the hell we create for ourselves and with some help, to be able to walk away and not open that door again. We learn that we don't have to.

One of my fave quotes from Einstein: Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them. Ain't it the truth!

Karen

[TeriDoodle]

Karen, thank you so much for your valuable insight. Do you mind me asking: Did you seek out psychotherapy? Read self-help books? Prayer? ....What method did you use to do that inner work? Was that the time you found Overeaters Anonymous? I know they were a great help to you....

[AnnetteW]

I've lost 25 lbs a few times now, on other plans, and my problem is always maintenance. I have never been able to separate the dieting phase from the WOL phase.

I have definitely realized Locarb is the eating plan I will follow from now on. I may not always follow it religiously, but I hope I do realize that when I do eat carbs, that it doesn't mean I have to go haywire and bezerk.

I've also realized that locarb is not fast weight loss like people seem to think it is. Which in the long run will be healthier for me.

[Jkrohn]

Terri you described me to a "T" & that's a capital T! I started LC Thanksgiving 2001 lost 52 pounds with 48 to go to hit my goal. Then blamo! Life happened & I let my eating & exercise go totally out of control. My hubby & I bought our first house moved in the week of Thansgiving 2002 that was it. Between moving, cleaning, moving, unpacking, etc etc I quit exercising & ate anything that I could put in my mouth. Why you ask???? That's just it. I don't know why. I felt like crap. everyday I would get up & think today is the day I will get back on track but I never would. The holidays came & it was just another excuse to put off my weight loss. I kept telling myself after Thanksgiving I'll be better... but I wouldn't. Then it was after christmas.... again I wouldn't. Then came new years....then the realization hit. I gained back 20 pounds I had worked a year to take off. :bash: Total denial. My clothes were getting tighter but no way did I let myself beleive I was gaining again..... But I had.... Back on the wagon Jan 6th. I've had a couple slips since then but have managed to take off 6 of those 20. I'm still upset with myself. I feel just sheer laziness is what happened. I was to wrapped up in life that I wasn't planning my meals I wasn't making the time for exercise like I used too. Once I started the bad ball rolling it was like I couldn't stop. But I am back in control & ready to stay here for life. I just need to stay on guard & figure out what started this to not let it happen EVER again.

Thanks for starting this thread, just voicing this has made me feel better.

Take care & Stay Strong
Messy

[JMakeupLC]

I'm a sugar addict.

While I have kept off most of the weight and am still trying to lose the last 12 lbs. I think the reason why i went haywire and lit my whole game plan on fire and freaked and ate Godiva and stupid cereal, is becuase at some point my life lacked balance.

I now beleive that your life must be balanced on all sided, in harmony, in order to be not only happy, but also success in all of your endevours. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, relationships, and what you do to earn a living. These, i believe, are the ducks you need to have in a row everyday, inorder to be content and basically NOT in self sabatoge mode.

Becuase if lets say a person is putting all their energy to LC and even exercise, obsessed with sucess in this realm, then everything else goes to sh$^. So naturely, if ANYTHING at all comes your way, say emotional stress you hadnt anticipated or willing to deal with, or a change of any sort, than the first logical thing to do will MOST DEFINITELY be to drop whatever you've been putting all your energy into. Kind of like, freeing your hands so you can grapple with this new non-LC/Dieting thing.

So i'm trying to keep a balance, and take care of everything, everyday, even atleast a little bit. Making sure all aspects of my life are taken care of, rather, all my links on my chain are strong everyday. If you just worry about one link, when it comes time to pull your pretty much screwed. ;)

[Karen]

Did you seek out psychotherapy? Read self-help books? Prayer? ....No, no yes! I always read self-help books to see where I was right, not where I was wrong! ;)

I realized what an addict I was when I first started LC. I couldn't use carbs as my drug of choice any more. So I started learning to deal with everything on its own terms, not on mine. I realized that I had no control over anything. From there, I just kept plugging away.

I lacked an attitude of gratefulness and humility, so I started working on it by learning to appreciate all that I had in my life.

Then I started doing "housecleaning". Mental, physical and spiritual. It took me right down to the core of my beliefs. Many of them were hard to let go of and still are. If I gave them up, who would I be? There was great fear in the unknown.

It all became a quest for sanity. Learing to operate from the best part of my self not the worst so the best would become stronger. I would actually have to say it. "I am doing this from the best part of myself or the worst?", when making a decision.

I had a belief in God, but what God was never had a definite "shape". I was so sick of myself and not understanding what I was doing wrong that out of desperation, I called out for help. Surprise! I was answered. It was not what you would call a "ball of fire" kind of thing, but quiet and steady.

I used to want to do everything for and by myself, never ask for help, be in total control of everything. Well, I learned that giving up the control was the key to sanity when I had been doing the opposite. The worst thing of "being in control" is that you always have to defend it. It's like a barrier that nothing can pass through. There are hardly any opportunities for growth or anything else and you become a static maniac in your own little control box.

I'm not 100% and of course I'll never be "perfect". But I've learned tons of stuff about myself and get a little more sane all the time. All because I was willing to give it all up.

Karen

[ChromeDome]

I have been overweight for as long as I can remember, back to when I was 180lbs in the eighth grade. I slowly grew in size as I entered the working world after college and moved into a sedentary job field. Well as you can see from my stats I've really topped out. About two years ago I was part of the National Weight Loss program, weighing in every day, telling them what I ate, etc. I dropped then from 267 to 223. I was exstatic, I went and bought new shirts and suites that celebrated my new size, but then the holidays hit.

After Christmas had passed I found myself up a mere 2 lbs since my last weigh in. Now most would say, "ahh no big deal just get back on track". Problem was I couldn't. I knew if I went to weigh in they would give me static about being up 2 lbs. I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to disappoint them, I felt embarassed that I had failed even a little bit. So... I told myself I would lose those 2 lbs real quick, and then go back. Soon those 2 lbs became 4lbs, then 6lb, then 10 lbs. By this time I was so embarassed about my utter failure to do this simple thing I just gave up. I resigned my self to being overweight for the rest of my life.

I have always been my own biggest critic about my weight, I use it to make jokes about myself and make other people laugh. I've actually caught myself saying, "But if I lose weight how can I tell my jokes." I'm currently 33 yrs old, one day when I was in one of these joking moods I made a comment to my wife, "You know you don't see a lot of 65 year old 300lb guys walking around do you?" Ever since then I think the realization hit that this was really somthing I needed to be concerned with.

Even with that realization, it STILL took me another six months to get started on my new LC WOL but so far so good. I've lost 14 lbs so far and have a LONG way to go, but the good Lord willing I'll get there. I still feel the frustration sometimes, I want this weight GONE, I know LC is not a quick loss plan, I know that's a good thing, but when you lose 12 lbs in the first two weeks it sure is frustrating to lose only 2lbs over the next two weeks.

Ahhh, thanks for starting this thread Terri. It helps to talk about it a bit, especially when those around you don't really understand what you are going through.

[lkonzelman]

I got to my highest weight, 263lbs after a bad breakup over 10 years ago. I then was so sick of how I looked... but more how I felt physically.

I was out dancing (I went on my honeymoon alone) and just sweating and sweating and my hair was matted to my big round face and my legs were almost bleeding from chaffing and I knew I had to do something.

I stared with exercise (karate at first) and then I started low fat and low cal dieting. I became involved with a body builder who had me keep a food journal and he helped me make better decisions (it was funny my sister said I would either get better because he was reading or I would lie.... I got better) and lost 80 lbs. I was so proud.

Then life went on and I couldn't lose anymore. I was no longer obese and I worked out and just bounced up and down the same 20 lbs. Sabotaging successes because I realy just didn't believe I could ever be a thin person.

Then I found Atkins. Then I found Atkins worked. Then I found I am satisifed eating this WOL. Then I found you all.

I have almost said screw this I want... a sundae... candy bar... pancake.... cookie.... many times and then it hits me. Someone in my journal said that i'm a role model... ROFL! But it worked. If they are reading and I am telling the truth, then I can help others with a problem I have had so very long.

So I guess it all comes down for me to accountability and showing others my journal (it works for me).

Thanks Terri for giving me an outlet.

[TeriDoodle]

This is great, you guys. Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts.

It occurred to me as I was reading an inspirational journal the other day (Moremad13) that I wasn't using my journal to its full advantage.... she really has a way with digging down deep and not being afraid to commit it to "paper". You all have done that here, too. After reading Moremad's journal, I was inspired to pay closer attention to what's going on inside my head...not only about my relationship with food....but with all things.....and then to really think about them. I guess this is what would be called "self knowledge" and is in line with what Karen talks about, too. I have made an effort to be more honest in my journal and to record more of these thoughts. It has helped me to become more self-aware. I would like to suggest that you try it for yourselves....really dig....ponder...be honest....and write it down. It helps.

[Carianne]

for me the #1 reason is not doing any inner work. It's tough and it's painful but to totally change your relationship to food, it has to be done.

I felt like when I was reading your posts, Karen, that I am newly into a journey you have become familiar with.

I lacked and attitude of gratefulness and humility

I learned that giving up the control was the key to sanity

I've been practicing (for a few years now) what I've nicknamed "acceptance therapy". Really teaching myself how not to be angry when something out of my control happens. To react with acceptance that that I don't like something, but I can be calm about it and not do anything about it. I just learned that I was using food (SUGAR!) to cope with the things I use to have anger outbursts about. Now I'm learning to examine my behavior more and pray about things that are out of my control and make me angry.

I fell off of the LC wagon a few times since Halloween and it's been a rocky ride ever since. I have cheated almost every week since then and have gone completely off LC for a week at a time 3 times now since too. I'm lucky that I didn't do more damage than I did.

I had to really sit and ponder why I was doing this "self sabotage" thing. I tried to go back into the mind frame that got me serious about LCing and brought the motivation, focus and then success that I had when I first started.

I was working on my "inner". For the first time in my life I was at a place mentally that I was serious about finding God and searching for answers about things bigger than myself, and really connecting spiritually. Not easy, but rewarding. I can see now that right around that time, after Halloween, I got to a point that I felt like I needed to "step back" from my spiritual journey and take a break. Well, LC'ing seemed to follow. I was lost and bouncing all around in almost every aspect of my life.

So I feel like I have myself in check again. Im on my spiritual journey and the LC journey is very focused again. So, it's all new, but I've learned alot about myself and this connection seems to be clicking with me.

(PS...ChromeDome, I was born and raised in St. Pete! I've only lived here 4 years.)

[Karen]

Really teaching myself how not to be angry when something out of my control happens. To react with acceptance that that I don't like something, but I can be calm about it and not do anything about it. I just learned that I was using food (SUGAR!) to cope with the things I use to have anger outbursts about.

It took me a long time to get over this behaviour. The first thing I wanted to do whenever I was angry was put food in my face. After starting LC, I would have to go and stand outside and wait until the anger and the cravings for sugar to pass. I realized that eat or not, there was still the anger to deal with.

What's amazing now is I can get my nose out of joint and not even think of eating. Afterwards I'll think of how I used to eat over it. What's even more amazing is how rarely I get angry. I am able to listen!

Karen

[SummerYet]

I just needed to make a quick post so I could get a subscription to this thread. I will be back.
Thanks Teri! :bhug: :rheart:

~Michelle

[Foxeylady]

I too want a subscriptiont to this thread! This is fascinating! I think the reason I went off the bandwagon was an issue about putting myself first, not in any way about craving certain foods. Lets face it with this WOE, you really shake up your families meals, which restaurants you want to go to, it changes alot and it involves extra planning and preparation and thought. I still cook some favorite high carb meals for my kids and hubby, so it takes extra work to also prepare my meals. Very little can be bought pre-made, so when you work full-time that takes alot of extra time. I love cooking, so I don't mind, but its about priorites and when life gets hectic and the laundry isn't getting done and the house is filthier than usual, you may let the WOE slide because its easier and you forget that your health and well-being is more important to your family than all the other crap that you are worried about.

What this WOE has done for me, is to make myself a priority in my own life. The grocery list now includes things just for me that i want. I cook my favorite meals, We go to restaurants that I want to go to,and I bug the waiter until they bring me want I want, I'm starting to make my friends cook things that I want when they invite us for dinner. I'm asserting myself, when for so long, I just did things for my family and forgot about me. So next Christmas, I will not just go along with the flow, and eat the mashed potatoes and gravy, I will have yummy, low carb things for me!

Does this make sense? Karen you are so right about having the inside match the outside and about believing you're worth it. Its all connected!

[liz175]

I don't know if I am appropriate person to answer this thread, since clearly I am still a long way from my goal weight. However, I have managed to get below 300 pounds for the first time in 10 years, so clearly something has changed for me.

I can really relate to Karen's quote:

Originally posted by Karen
I used to want to do everything for and by myself, never ask for help, be in total control of everything. Well, I learned that giving up the control was the key to sanity when I had been doing the opposite.

That describes me perfectly and it's something I have had to deal with to stick to this way of eating. I've had to let go of some of the control at work and some of the control with my family in order to find time to focus on my own health, both spiritual and physical. I'm learning that if I set limitations and simply say, "No, I won't do that," the world does not end. When I get all caught up in needing to control everything, I don't have the time to eat properly and exercise, and I don't have the contemplative time I need to work through my own issues.

It's very hard to do. I have a demanding job where I supervise a lot of people, I have a husband who has had health problems (cancer), and two teenagers, one of whom has a variety of problems. However, I can't make everything all better for everyone and years of trying have only helped me destroy my health.

The funny thing is since I have started setting more limitations on the demands everyone else puts on me, I think I am actually more helpful to them. My husband remarked recently that I was much happier than I had been and that happiness had a positive effect on everyone around me.

I know this is something I will struggle with for the rest of my life, but I think it is the key to health for me.

[Cyprinodon]

Thanks for asking the question Teri. Karen, JMakeupLC, and others have given me ideas that I will apply in every area of my life. I wish all of you here on this forum represented the majority rather than the cream of the crop. Imagine!

[DWRolfe]

You really hit the ball out of the park with this thread, Teri… (aww jeez, did I really just use a sports metaphor?) Anyway…

For my part, I was LC and lost 60lbs 3 years ago. Then I fell off the wagon and gained 95 back. I’ve thought about what led me back to a carb-laden diet (and I do mean laden) and it’s a difficult question to answer.

For sure, I got bored. I didn’t stay prepared. I became too confident and stopped thinking about the things I was eating. But those are mechanical reasons that led to my weight re-gain. But what about the real reasons…?

I wasn’t lonely and sad when this happened. In fact, I had just entered into a new and meaningful personal relationship with my partner. But as I had done in the past, I immediately got fat when I settled down. I remember that I even mentioned this going in to the relationship; I said “Please keep an eye on me because I don’t want to get fat again”…but it happened. And here’s why, I think…

I made my relationship (and re-decorating our apartment) the focus of my life. It wasn’t part of a balanced, integrated life, rather it was everything. But at the same time I deeply feared the relationship. My fears of letting myself get so close to another person again (my previous partner died 7 years into our relationship and it took a toll on me) was in full force. Was I building this wall of fat around myself as a barrier to the vulnerability that comes with being in an intimate, committed relationship? Looking back on it, it sure seems possible.

And then there’s that nasty and predictable shame spiral. I’m fat so I don’t want to go out so I eat more and get fatter. But I have to go out so I better eat more so that I don’t have to be too close to people. More eating, more fat, more barriers, more shame.

Things are different now though. I hit bottom (and made quite a thud) and got myself together again. I’ve lost 110lbs in a year and I’m physically active again. I’m happy, too. My relationship is solid and I’m open and available in every way. I’ve stopped dieting and instead have chosen a new and better WOE. And the positive changes and influences seem to touch all aspects of my life. Yes, bad things still happen and the world remains a very scary place at times. But I deal. And not by eating.

I’m enjoying this transformation more than I can describe….

Thanks everyone for letting me take this much space. And thanks too, for all the wonderful entries here. I think I’ll be reading this thread over and over…

Donald :wave:

[Foxeylady]

This has been so inpirational and thought provoking. Thanks everyone for sharing. Donald it is so true that people kind of give up on themselves when they are in a secure,happy relationship. I read once that humans need adversity in order to strive for something better. That if things are too easy or good we just kind of stop being inovative, as individuals and as societies. Actualy, it was a science fiction paper that hypothesized that if we somehow managed to become immortals (no more diseases) we would stop having children, stop exploring, stop striving and inventing. We would become complacent . Anyway, I'm getting way out there! I am in such a zen type of mood today thanks to this thread!

[TeriDoodle]

I read once that humans need adversity in order to strive for something better. That if things are too easy or good we just kind of stop being inovative, as individuals and as societies. WOW! Does THIS hit a nerve for me or WHAT?!? We can either allow adversity to knock us to our knees, or we can use it to make ourselves stronger and better as humans. We have it within us to take either road....the better choice is made only when we continually seek the Truth.

The secret to finding Truth is in the expression of love and compassion. This community is all about just THAT.

Thank you for sharing.

[Ruralgurl]

Hi everyone!
Well I am forty-one and ten years ago I put on forty pounds in about six months. The weight gain at that time was caused by high-carb, inactivity and two ectopic pregnancies back to back.
Now that I know more about my genetics (insulin resistance) and eating habits I realize the weight was inevitable. I was very active in my teens and twenties weight lifting and running etc, but I NEVER lost weight. I did not diet either, but the minute my activity slowed I would put on weight. I did not give it much thought though but my esteem was always low.
Part of my problem also was the carb addiction and pumping out those beta-endorphins ( Potatoes Not Prozac). Thus also causing low serotonin levels (low self esteem and poor decision making).
So anyways I was the life of the party with those high endorphins, although like Donald I did not want to be there. The sugar or alchohol helped me fit in. People enjoy being around that bubbly personality too! Hey it was the eighties!
What I am trying to say is that I believe my personality caused me to be threatening to many women and sexually interesting to most men. When I got married I wanted to stay safe. (My poor husband) I think subconsciously the fat is one big protective layer and YES when the layers start to thin I feel very vulnerable.
Five years ago when I first did Atkins and dropped from 204 to 164 in a few months, I stood in front of the mirror at 164 lbs and said "So what are you gonna do now?" I was concerned about poor decision making regarding my marriage I guess! That is the day I sabbotaged myself, and I have been struggling ever since. Even these few pounds I have lost since January 03, my self esteem is climbing, but I worry about that attention from men, also my husbands reaction to any new popularity. As well as living my life differently.
I have also read some self-help books and one that really has helped I think since the sabbotage at 164 was Co-Dependant No More (M Williamson I believe.)
I hope this does not sound like I think I am God's Gift when I am thinner (I am not), it is not that at all. It is about those sugar highs and lows that I have been using most of my life, inappropriately!!
Yes I still have lots of brain work to do! This forum and the members sure help. Well here goes. Thanks!

[ChromeDome]

Ahh well greetings :wave: from the warm homelands, Carianne. How can you LC in such a reknowned carb-centric state? :confused:

[robo-robyn]

This is an amazing and inspiring thread. I've been doing CAD properly since the beginning of January, after joining this forum. Before that I was successful on it for several months in early 2002. Then I went on vacation in the spring and slipped and came back home and slipped more and more. After Christmas and a good hard look at the weight I'd regained since the spring, I realized that one can't eat right when one is only doing it halfway, when one is only partly committed (there's no such thing as a partial commitment is there?!).

So, with this in mind, isn't eating right not just a commitment to a diet, to the things you eat, but a commitment to one's self? It seems to be about self-respect really. I'm still trying to fully realize this, of course. I can say it, but still find myself wanting to eat chocolate bars outside of RM, and sometimes doing it, saying to myself, "Screw it, what does it matter, I should be able to eat chocolate just like everybody else whenever I want. I should be allowed to do what I want." But what am I really saying when I say these things to myself? The rhetoric sounds like I'm in control, like I "know myself", but really, underneath those words is a fear of lack control and so-called strength, of not knowing who I am and feeling a lack of worth.

I think Karen is bang on when she talks about the issue of control. And others who have talked about control as well and about balance. I know that when I'm happy and busy with things I love doing that I don't think about what I'm going to eat, but just eat properly (CAD) without stressing out over it. But when I'm down or even simply too comfortable (as Donald pointed out), I tend to focus too much on food, even if it's on the right food. I wish I knew the answers to finding balance, but at least I know that it's possible - because I've experienced it before. How to get it back though? I'm not sure. Sometimes I wonder if it's not just something simple like focusing on my breathing, doing yoga or meditation or just smiling more! :)
Thanks everyone for being so candid and thought-provoking :)
Robyn (eek, sorry this was so long)

[Noni C]

I lost about a stone when I first went on low-carb and felt fantastic. I immediately went off the 'diet' and I actually ate more carbs than I used to before induction! Why would I do that?? I had this idea that now that I was 'thin', I was one of those thin people who could eat whatever they wanted. Arrogant, deluded - who me? :o

Well, you can imagine it didn't take long for it all to come back. I learnt my lesson, and have been LCing for 2+ years. Although I do allow myself treats from time to time, I really enjoy the LC food I eat regularly so this doesn't happen very often.

Noni C

[ptjody]

Hello...I'm a 41 y/o female that has been heavier...lost 65 pounds about 10 years ago via WW. Slowly crept up to 240 pounds again. My husband, 2 sons and myself started LC last May....and by November had easily dropped 40 pounds. Since the beginning of December I have slowly slid off of the LC wagon and am having a very hard time getting motivated again. My problem is the fact that I am an "all or none" person. When I was first LC I could sit in a room of food that was packed with carbs and I was never swayed...now I have 0 will power.

I need to get motivated and convince myself that I can do it. I think some of it comes from the fact that I have a hard time seeing myself as a smaller person. I was within 2 pounds of making my first goal of under 200 pounds and I have slowly put a few back on. Come on, ME....get with it!!!

[liz175]

Originally posted by Ruralgurl
When I got married I wanted to stay safe. (My poor husband) I think subconsciously the fat is one big protective layer and YES when the layers start to thin I feel very vulnerable.

I think you hit upon an important issue for many of us. I know that on some level I like the fact that my fat protects me from being sexually attractive to men other than my husband. My husband, of course, wants a wife who other men do find attractive. I tried to explain this to him a few years ago and he just did not get it.

I come from a family where marriages did not last very long or were unhappy if they did. I also have a personal history that makes me scared of having men find me sexy. I've been happily married for 20 years and I love my husband more than I ever imagined I could love anyone -- why do I worry that would be threatened if I lost weight? I must say that one of the things that is keeping me going is that I keep telling myself that I am 45 years old, and therefore, even if I lose all this weight, most men are unlikely to find me sexy.

I'm not at the point where I really have to deal with this yet, but I expect I will at some time in the next year or so. The whole idea scares me, but I think that by facing up to it I will not let it sabotage me. I am prepared to get counseling about this if necessary; I will not let it stop me from getting thin.

[TeriDoodle]

I have to admit something that's along these same lines... It's hard to explain,though. Whenever I see a new number on the scale, especially recently, my initial reaction is excitement!! But there's another part of me that is sad for some reason. It's only a fleeting feeling, because I immediately dismiss it as being ridiculous....but it's there somewhere. It's got to be connected to a feeling of vulnerability somehow....but I never would have guessed I could feel that way. How can you work so hard to make it go away, and then be sad when it does??? Am I THAT attached to it? Am/Was I really using it as a buffer of some sort? I'm so ....CRANKY....when I'm 180#...I hated it with a passion!!... so why am I sad when it goes? Definitely worth pondering.

[kimberlina]

awesome testamonies!

been there done that! started 5 years ago at 208, dieted lowfat and exercised 6 times a week, sometimes twice a day. then gained back 18 from just enjoying the holidays! played around with eat when you are hungry diet.......then found low carb at 168. was down to 148 last christmas, then BOOM! gained back 12! i guess i never really got the concept that this is a way of eating for LIFE and honestly i have never felt better!

so.......downwards we go again. FOR GOOD!

[gtarent]

My first post on this board was myself questioning how I let myself fall back into my old way of eating. I have actually lost 50+ lbs twice only to regain all the weight. My first "fall" occurred because I believed the low carb lifestyle was causing kidney stones. I believe my second fall occurred for two reasons. The first being the ease I was losing the weight. I was averaging 15 lbs/month eating between 30-40 carbs a day. I think the knowledge that I could "cheat" on a weekend and still manage to lose weight over the week made small temptations easier to accept. Soon weekend "cheats" turned to week cheats, and so on. I also stopped tracking my progress (or regression) My self image was always of my new thinner version, or at least close to it. Until one day my clothes started to not fit anymore, and when I did get on the scale I can still remember the sense of bewilderment that I once again weighed so much.

[Carianne]

the knowledge that I could "cheat" on a weekend and still manage to lose weight over the week made small temptations easier to accept. Soon weekend "cheats" turned to week cheats, and so on. I also stopped tracking my progress (or regression) My self image was always of my new thinner version,
That's exactly what happned to me too the last few months.

A wake up call I had recently, like 2 weeks ago, was that I thought I had done so good, losing almost 40 pounds and if anyone in my family hasn't seen me then surely they've heard about it. But I went to visit my sister in Phoenix and brought my video camera to record HER. She wanted to record me to, so I let her thinking I'd just erase it later! When I saw that tape I was amazed that I was STILL FAT! That all that work to get 40 pounds off was seemingly for nothing and I wasn't as thin as my mind's eye saw. hmmmm.

I just watched that tape again tonight and...I didn't erase it. I'll watch it again if I have to. I just keep thinking, there's the girl with the cute face, pretty eyes and .....fat body! eeeesh.

. Whenever I see a new number on the scale, especially recently, my initial reaction is excitement!! But there's another part of me that is sad for some reason.

Teri, I get a "weird" feeling too, but I never equated it to sadness that the weight is gone. It's more that I don't trust myself to keep it off and a fear that I'll have to look at that same number again some day as the scale climbs back up. I want to peel the numbers off the scale dial once they've gone out of sight - like to say they can't be used again once they've been passed on the downslide!

I kind of don't trust myself again, I've been on induction now since Sunday and it's going as good as it did when I first started in July. I feel focused and I'm not allowing any funky foods, trying to be really careful of craving causing foods for me. But I feel like I'm living life on the edge waiting to fall off, waiting for permission to eat some sugar. Just writing it makes me think, hmmm, a brownie, that sounds good. For tonight though, I won't. I'm signing off right now and I'm going to watch Jay Leno, have some water, and read for a few minutes. I love this thread!

[Karen]

Originally posted by TeriDoodle
I have to admit something that's along these same lines... It's hard to explain,though. Whenever I see a new number on the scale, especially recently, my initial reaction is excitement!! But there's another part of me that is sad for some reason.

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've gone through different phases of sadness. For me, it was saying good-bye to the old me. It's really hard to do! That's why I'm a huge supporter of the "inner stuff". There has to be balance between the outside and the inside. I was afraid that all my good qualities would fade away as my shape changed. Would I still have presence, be funny, be a role model in my proffession? I was so comfortable with using my size as an anchor as well as a boundary. What would happen?

I still read dessert books and about a year ago I remember becoming overwhelmed with sadness thinking that this was no longer in my life. I could look, make and appreciate the artistry, but that was where it stopped.

Saying good bye can take a while, and that's OK. You have to be patient and gentle with yourself. Above all, you have to listen.

I feel sorrow for people who think they'll lose weight and their life will change. They will be fabulous, sexy, loving, in charge, poised, forgiving, admirable... It goes the other way...change your life and you'll lose weight.

Why wait to be those qualities? They have nothing to do with being fat.

Karen

[lkonzelman]

I don't know about you Karen and Teri but another weird thing is that the perspective of a fat person is something I kind of want to hang on to as well...

It helps in this forum. It helps with keeping motivated.

I have a couple of very large girlfriends that didn't know me when I was obese and they don't think I understand where they are coming from....

[robo-robyn]

I've just been reading a few thought-provoking journals (Donald's, Karen's, Vel's, and tonnes of others I've read over the last couple weeks of being on this forum), and I've realized that while this forum is technically about "dieting and weight loss" it truly is about so much more than that. This forum reflects how we should think about our bodies and our selves - as a mesh of inner and outer, of the good and the bad, strengths and weaknesses - and our own personal roads to self-acceptance. That sounds a little odd in print, but in reading this forum, I've seen that eating right and coming to terms with my body and all its capabilities is central to understanding who I am. I know that my identity is more than my physical body, but my body's health is integral to the health and strength of my mind. I also know that feeling "whole" or complete as a person may never happen, but feeling good can happen! And I'm going to strive to do the things that make me feel as good as possible :) even if I'm feeling frustrated or down or tempted by chocolate ;). Just have to remember that there are a lot of things in life that make me feel good about myself and the world.
Wow (happy sigh).
Thanks.

[TeriDoodle]

BINGO, ROBYN!!! You've said it VERY well!! That's worth a couple o' re-reads!!

[Ruralgurl]

I know that my identity is more than my physical body, but my body's health is integral to the health and strength of my mind.

Yes I believe that my body is simply a vessel in which my soul uses to experience this earthly life we lead!
It can sure take a beating though!
I'll use Karen's term "Soul Sucking" and that is exactly what happens when I energize this vessel with the wrong fuel. It simply doesn't run properly and it is a heck of a bumpy ride! :D

[TriciaW]

Wonderful thread. I can relate so closely with so many of you. A few months into lcing I realized that this is not merely a way to lose weight, but for me it's an exploration into self-love and self-discovery. I cringe as I type this because it sounds really corny, but it is true.

I used food as a means of rebellion as a child, fat as protection from unwanted male advances as a pre-teen, and food as a drug as an adult. Self sabotage is a constant battle with me. My negative, self deprecating old behaviors are my main battle----just give in because I never truely believe that I will make my goals because ultimately I just don't deserve to. That there is fundamentally something "wrong" with me and I don't belong with the healthy, slim section of the population. For me this journey is learning how to address these negative behaviors and respond in new ways. Uncovering the underlying issues and changing my responses is the only way for me to ever have my head and my body in the same place--to be comfortable in a slim body. I can lose the weight, but if I don't deal with the underlying issues I will never be successful and will end up either gaining the weight back (yet again) or just become an obsessive, neurotic mess trying to maintain. Looking for total health and wellbeing, not just a size.

[SummerYet]

I figured it was time for me to put an actual post in here since I am (unfortunately) one of the reasons it is here...

I have always been overweight. No matter what I weighed, I would start a plan (WW, ediets, now LC...whatever it was). I would do great, be enthusiastic, and lose. No problem right? For some reason, whenever I approach the 40 lb mark (I think the most was 42)...I start to just go off plan and gain weight back. I have NO idea why. I know I need to sit down and figure it out, but it is happeneing again...

I have been working on it...reflection, reading, friends...I think I am feeling better, I have been doing LC again (I had 2 bad days this week) and I have been exercising...But I am so afraid it is going to happen. I gained 2# over my "bad time". I think if I could just get to 50# down - really crush the 40# taboo I will feel better. I was at 38# when I started freaking. Now I am actually at 36#...so I am going ot try my hardest to stay on track and not kill myself over this.

Well I know I have babbled, and I probably don't make sense. I havent figured anything out, but I just wanted to voice my fears if that makes sense. I am going to go back and read everyones posts now.

Thanks for "listening"

~Michelle

[kimberlina]

michelle,
i am glad that you posted your "fears". now you can recognize them and deal with them. last year i got below 150 and freaked, i didnt think i could maintain it, and guess what? i didn't. i gained 12 back. now i know that this is a WOE for LIFE. not a diet that you go on and off. i haven't had this much energy in a long time. it definitely is helping me, and fitday has been a blessing. in disguise, LOL too many hidden carbs in my diet have kept me at a stall, and i had to deal with that.

anyhow..........dont give up now! hang in there~

[Ruralgurl]

Hi SummerYet

I posted earlier about my own sabbotage and I am still not sure how I will deal with my weight ( if I ever get there ) I seem to be sitting here at 194 the last two weeks and I have an operation coming up at the end of the month I would like to be lighter for.
I checked out your homepage and WOW you strike me as an incredible teacher. My daughter is in Grade six and we would love to be able to have a site like yours to support us. I can tell that you are doing everything you can for your kids and their parents, that must be exhausting sometimes. Even in your photo you are a very approachable person, I'll bet people swarm to you eh! I am going to show your site to my daughters teachers, I think they will love it too!
So I am making some assumptions here but as with my own issues, when you are a people person and people like to be around you ,it can become a burden that we don't realize we carry. Do you notice how many nurse's and counsellors etc are overwieght. I really think the weight is like a blanket of protection against the drain of mental energy we have to give up to others. Not that helping others is bad, we just have to learn to take care of ourselves too!
Well just a quick reply, take care. Try to put yourself first O.K?

[jaykay]

What a brilliant thread and some great testimonies.
You've really got me thinking Terri.

I've got about 10 pounds to go.
I have been so focussed for a lot of the journey, on exercise as well as food - no 'high carb' foods eaten since I started.

But now - I can't find the motivation to get it finished.
Lots of odd things going round my head :

What will I do when I don't have to do this anymore?
Will I be smaller than a size 10 - somehow this is scary to me.
Will people think of me as a mental as well as physical 'light weight'?
What if people think I'm attractive? What if they don't!

The lack of motivation might just be that its winter - but I don't think so, it's also the inside of my head!

Well that's loads of questions, but at least you've got me looking at them Terri - thank you for that, I'll let you know how I do with the answers.

Take care all, Jay :wave:

[SummerYet]

Thank you Kimberlina and Ruralgurl...the support means a lot and I have a feeling I will be here daily for all this support!

I have been doing ok. I actually ate 2 chocolate covered pretzels today, but I made a concious choice to do so. It was 14 carbs. I havent had any others today and I wanted them out of the house. Luckily so far it hasnt triggered anything and that should be that with what I have laying around.

I have been exercising...and trying to stay LC. Thank you for the support. Next time I have the urge I am gonig to come here for help!

~Michelle

[Carianne]

What will I do when I don't have to do this anymore?

I don't imagine a time that I won't be LC'ing. I know for me it's more than just weight. It's a matter of health too. I know I'll be LC'ing forever and I know there will be LOTS of cheats from now to the end of forever. And I'll just keep practicing accepting it all.

[JudyAH]

I can't believe how timely this thread is for me. I am so grateful to all of you for being here. I have been LC'ing for one year now and for the last 6 weeks I have been struggling. I know part of the problem is re-kicking the addiction. I know another large part is my self sabatoge. I am afraid to be thin. I do not fully understand why, but I have a small inkling after reading some of the posts in this thread. I am afraid I will not be able to handle the re-action of the public and men in particular. Some of the comments I have already recieved make me wonder what in the world is going on. Who doesn't love positive attention? I wonder if I can resist all the new temptations that will head my way. I have been happily married for 29 years. He is my best friend and confidant. He would never understand these feelings of self doubt. I must find a way to learn to love myself enough to trust myself to feel what I feel and let it go.

My whole life is about to dramaticly change and I am afraid that I will lose myself as my identity is about to change. I am still what I do as opposed to who I am. This is going to be a very hard transistion and I am very afraid of what is coming.

thanks for listening

[TeriDoodle]

I don't know about you folks, but I've been overweight for 90% of my life....when I wasn't overweight, I still FELT overweight and unattractive. I look back on my college years and think about the guys I dated....some of them were absolutely gorgeous men!!! I always wondered why in the world they wanted to go out with me?!? A big part of my identity was about being fat...because it was always such a big aspect of the way people treated me, how I felt about myself, the inability to wear "cute" clothes, etc. Being fat is who I AM! So when you lose that whole entire aspect of yourself, it's bound to be a very difficult psychological adjustment. Maybe akin to a person losing a lifetime spouse.... ? How do you RE-FORM your very own identity? How do you learn to look in the mirror and finally say, "I look really good!" when you're so used to nothing but degradation? How do you make the transition in a healthy and comfortable way? How do you finally learn to love and accept yourself?

[Karen]

How do you make the transition in a healthy and comfortable way? How do you finally learn to love and accept yourself?

Face the fear head-on. Walk into it and come out the other side. But, that's the simple answer. ;)

Karen

[MarieC]

What a terrific thread. Thank you.

I know I'm a carb addict - but people around me who aren't have a hard time understanding this. It sometimes makes it even harder when you can't get them to understand that one "cheat" can send me off the eating deep end. I work on this everyday and wish I were "normal" and could eat normally but I can't. I know I can't and it's so healing to know I'm not alone.

Thanks.

[Foxeylady]

After a while you really think and believe that people who eat sugar and french fries are not eating normally. The popular high carb diet is not what we are meant to or should be eating. Look at all the things that were once considered normal: slavery, racism, women not voting, smoking, DTT, etc... I think(hope) that refined sugar will be on that list someday.

[Karen]

I know I'm a carb addict - but people around me who aren't have a hard time understanding this.

Ask them to stop eating carbage for a week and watch their reaction:

Oh! I couldn't live without bread/chocolate/whatever! No cereal? What would I eat for breakfast! You don't drink milk? How do you get calcium, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah...

Whaddya mean you can't live without it? It's just food! Does that not sound like an addict talking? Addicts think they can't live without alcohol/crack/heroin/whatever. But a piece of bread? Doesn't something sound terribly wrong about that?

Karen

[Ruralgurl]

I work on this everyday and wish I were "normal" and could eat normally but I can't. I know I can't and it's so healing to know I'm not alone.

Gee I am just thinking to myself that there is absolutely nothing "Normal" about the way most North Americans eat these days. Obesity and Type 2 diabetes being an epidemic, could any past culture have withstood this abuse without our modern medicine, that helps to counteract our diet?
Many companies are reaping the benefits fron this "socially acceptable" addiction.
I took an engineers tour of a Sugar Refinery here in Vancouver. They let us see everything basically!
Well when the sugar comes in off the ships it is dumped into a huge storage building the size of a football stadium. Catapillars and heavy equipment, dripping diesel and oil, etc are used to move the raw stuff around. Sitting in the raw sugar and driving on it. It is really quite disgusting! That raw material is SO refined that we end up with that pristine white product that we all so desire! Same with the grain, think of all the storage bins you see on the Prairies or in the Ports, big moist bins. Leave a loaf of bread out in the moisture and see what a garden of mold you can create! Well once you refine that down you have that wonderful white product again with no telltale signs of where it has been. YUCK! Isn't this the same way they create those terrible street drugs that so many lives have been destroyed by?
So I would have to say welcome to a small minority of informed consumers that is growing every year!
No more "CARBAGE" for us! (Thanks Karen!)

[Ruralgurl]

Oops sorry TerriDoodle!

I think I got up on the soapbox and dropped this thread dead in the water.
Thanks for the opportunity to talk about this subject though, and how much of a struggle it can be to look out for ourselves.

[lkonzelman]

So i'm looking at my journal and i'm in a stall right now and trying to keep it all together and what do I see but...

I have been sabotaging myself--- now when i'm so close!

I have not gone a week since the new year without a cheat or a LC bar or a glass of alcohol and these things have all been within my power.

So... I have asked my peanut gallery for help and i'm back on track again.

It took me a while and i'm not proud but... I did realize it at least.

I want to get to goal this time!!!

[kimberlina]

rural girl.....soap box away! sugar is definitely an addiction and its good to know the facts.

way to go lisa! you are unstoppable now!

i am my own worst enemy. i go to the gym and walk 30 minutes, then come home and eat honeyroasted peanuts! YIKES!!!! i will have to be super careful the rest of the day to make up for that blunder. i need to get cooking so that when i am starving i dont just grab and inhale whatever!

hang in there guys!

[lexi1424]

Wow, you guys! Thank you so much for starting this thread. I'm a long time lurker and have only posted a couple of times, but I just had to respond to this thread. I have been at my wits end the last couple of days and this thread answered my prayers.
I have gone off and on Atkins no less than 8 times in the last year, and never for more than 10 days at a time. Each time I go off plan it is because of " a holiday" or "just a bite" and it is weeks of fighting to start again. I knew I was sabotaging myself, but i couldn't figure out why. I kept trying so hard to figure it out. I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, so why do I keep tripping myself? After reading this thread I thought about it long and hard and it came to me.
All through my childhood and teen years I was bright and made good grades and everyone expected so much from me. My English teacher swore I'd write the next great American novel, and everyone expected me to do something important with my life, but after high school I got involved with a loser and skipped starting college. Then I left the loser and met my wonderful husband, but still didn't go to college. I started a couple of small businesses in my early twenties, but was never hugely successful. Then about 3 years ago I got sick and was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrom and Fibromyalgia. It was completely debilitating and stopped my life dead in it's tracks. I struggled to do basic household chores and just to keep our life in order. My symptoms are better than they were, and I have found research that suggests that my CFS and Fibro may be linked to a candida infection. So basically, stick with a LC diet and supplements and I could be healthy and thin again within a year if I stick with it. Which brings me to the sabotage. I think the reason I am sabotaging myself is because I felt like I was failing at my life before i got sick and now that I'm sick, no one really expects anything from me anymore and if I get healthy and well again, people will start to expect things from me again, and what if I fail again. What if I let everyone, myself included down again? What if I get healthy and still make nothing of my life? This was a HUGE revelation to me. I honestly hadn't even consciously thought about any of that until I read this thread. Now that I've thrown the curtains open on my fears I can deal with them.
Sorry this was sooooo long, I was so happy to finally have answers and I wanted to share with people who could understand.
Thanks to everyone!
Lexi

[TeriDoodle]

Lexi, that's wonderful to hear how this has helped you!! I wish you much success in taking the next steps to GOOD health! :D

[decarber]

I really hate to admit this, it took becoming a dietbetic to make me realize that i really had to get serious. I had already loss some weight when I found this out, had been LCing for app. 2 months. The shock of this put the fear of Loosing Toes,FEET, Sight,ect. into me. I can honestly say that I have not cheated. If I feel like I am going to break down and cheat I get a LC bar and this cures the problem.
Another thing for me is time and being prepared. going to a birthday dinner today, fixed fried chicken , battered with soy flour and spices, low carb cake with cream cheese frosting, and home grown stringbeans.
If all the other foods there are high carb, and high sugar, I know what I can eat.
decarber

[SummerYet]

OK...I confess...

I thought I could handle it. I was doing better...I didnt need this thread really...well I was wrong :rolleyes:
I have been doing better, but now I am getting subtle about the sabotage. It isnt a box of chocolate (I was good on V-Day), it is getting stuffed chicken, KNOWING the crabmeat stuffing probably has a ton of carbs ("it wont be THAT bad...i didnt have any all day..") and a few spoons of rice pudding with the same excuse. So I am trying to trick myself. I am going to be on the watch again. I may have to start getting as strict as I was in the beginning...I really dont want to do that, but it may be my only choice. I am going to see how I do this week.

Thanks for letting me "come clean"

~Michelle

[SummerYet]

Hey All!

I posted a poll about having an LC Convention...if you could (and anyone else who reads this too...) go put in your 2 cents. That would be great!!
Thanks!

Here is the link...I hope this works!

http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=87067

~Michelle

THE POLL WAS MOVED SO I HAD TO DO A NEW LINK...IT SHOULD WORK FINE NOW!

[jude]

Wow! Talk about a feeling of been there, done that! I really have a problem sharing my innermost negative thoughts with "strangers"-- heck, I don't even want to share those thoughts with myself--but you guys make me feel so much better. I just recently realized that part of the reason I allowed (and even encouraged) the weight to pack on was because I wanted to be free of the "You're not married?....poor thing"... relationship game.

Another thing that strikes home from reading this thread is that I'm still afraid this low carb success bubble is going to burst somewhere down the road. On the one hand, I've never been so sure, but can I really keep it up for life?

I've got a lot of soul searching to do. Have to look at several core beliefs. Are they truth or fiction?

judy

PS...The link doesn't work, Michelle, but I found the poll (and voted for #2) by doing a search for "Convention".

[kimberlina]

Michelle,
glad you came back. why not put your food into fitday for a few days to see where you really are. it truly opened my eyes to hidden carbs. even strait black coffee has carbs! be honest with yourself and your body....YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!

[SummerYet]

Thanks Kimberlina...

I know I should do the Fitday thing...I used to be addicted to it! I said for just this week I am going to post my food in my journal and see how I do. If I am still stalling or whatever...fitday here I come....thanks for the support. :rose:

~Michelle

[Karen]

Another thing that strikes home from reading this thread is that I'm still afraid this low carb success bubble is going to burst somewhere down the road. On the one hand, I've never been so sure, but can I really keep it up for life?

I know exactly what you're talking about because I've thought the same thing.

As I continued to low-carb, through thick and thin, the thought disappeared and I didn't even notice it. I think we forget how horrible we use to feel before low-carbing. I look at pictures of my former self now and remember how I felt. Out of control sugar eating, aching knees, heart palpitations, pre-diabetic symptoms, high blood pressure, erratic mood swings and really FAT! Do I really wnat to live that life again?

Make low-carbing your "safety net". You can free fall but always choose to land in the net.

Karen

[SummerYet]

I have found out that my calories are what have been out of control...I was eating more than 3000 a day without even realizing it :rolleyes: (Or did I...hmmmm?) So I will be watching closely this week and see what happens....

~Michelle

[Kingwood]

I ran across this thread rather by accident, then after reading every page totally glued to each word I remembered that everything happens for a reason.

I'm only on my second day (this time) and I've been quite busy reading and planning meals, etc. I hadn't checked inside to see how I was actually feeling about this change in my life. Thank you for helping me to see that I am afraid, big time. The irony is that no one who knows me would ever use the word "afraid" to describe me.

Thank you all so much for helping me to realize that I need to address my fear. What I do know is that when I was little in age only, I thought to be thin was the ultimate in life. I think a part of me thought it was the key to happiness. Then I got thin and all I did with that thin body was jump from bed to bed getting high on the attention. I didn't even bother to figure out if I even liked the person, they wanted me and that seemed like enough. Then I got married and quickly put on weight and when my husband cheated on me I got thin again and got my "validation" that I had value by bed hopping again.

Perhaps what I want to know deep inside of me is that I can be thin and not be a slut. Why, when I wrote that did I begin to cry? I think I'll sign off for now and just feel that for a while.

[SummerYet]

Kingwood...

Taking that step and realizing it is HUGE. Please come back and talk about your feelings. This is why we are here. :bhug: :rheart:

~Michelle

[TeriDoodle]

Hi Kingwood! That took a great deal of courage to not only look at that, acknowledge it, but write it down....commit it to "paper". Many of us have deep-seated issues with being overweight all of our lives... many painful feelings and emotions that have never been dealt with properly. Stay with this and dig a little deeper.... buy some self-help books if you think it might help to bring all your thoughs and feelings to the surface and find new and appropriate ways to validate and love yourself just the way you are....in any shape or form.

We're here for you! Hang out on this forum for a while....there's some really, really GREAT people here!

PS - I'm on the west side of Houston.... maybe someday we can meet for lunch! :D

[Kingwood]

I've been writing, thinking and feeling a lot since writing that yesterday and I'll continue doing more. A lot gets buried under these layers of fat. Maybe that's one of the reasons why losing it can make us feel sad.

This may sound strange, but the fat surrounding my body has done its best to protect me. Although so much of our society is repulsed by fat, and I have done my share of complaining and hating it too, the truth is that my fat has protected me from things I feared, protected me from things/people I wasn't mature enough to handle, etc. When the world got to be too much for me I ran back and my fat was always there to protect me. Its been more dependable than a lot of people I've known. Yet I have never said one kind word to it in return.

So part of what I have to do in preparing for my new life is to look at my relationship to these layers of my own body. I have to embrace this part of me and make peace with it before I can let it go. And it does feel sad.

[SummerYet]

Sounds like you are taking "this time around" and really healing yourself, or at least taking those starting steps. None of us can do it quickly. The good thing is that we are all trying!

~Michelle

[Kingwood]

I really want to take a serious look at how I have sabatoged myself in the past. As they say, if you don't learn from history you are destined to repeat it. NO THANKS on the repeating part!!

Some of the things I discovered can be boiled down to a Lack of Acceptance. When I was on Atkins before I learned that my CCL was only 40 carbs tops. I didn't like that number and I felt ripped off. For some reason I thought I'd end up with some great number closer to 100 that I could live on.

My expectation and my realtiy were not the same. So I had a choice back then to change my expectation to match my reality or alter my reality to meet my expectation. Guess which one I did!!

Lesson finally learned... ignoring what I don't want to accept doesn't change the reality one bit so 40 carbs it is.

[jude]

I really miss the e-mail notification....I keep forgetting to check back more than one day on "Profile". I'm really glad you posted today, Kingwood, because I needed a kick in the pants. Your post saved me from a "what would it hurt?".

It's freezing outside today, I don't have to go to work, so I can stay in--but I've almost run out of Splenda. I actually still have sugar in the cupboard. (Why didn't I throw it out like I did every other high carb food?)

What would it hurt to use sugar for one day for coffee and on my strawberries? Psychologically--BIG TIME! So, after rereading all the early posts here--and catching up on new ones--I'm getting off my backside and going out in this -24 cold (-36 windchill) and walking over to the store.

Damn, I'm so glad I found this forum! I just can't imagine doing this without you guys!

Thought: What's the difference between obsession and a core belief?

judy

[SummerYet]

Judy...

That is GREAT!! :cheer: Every little step we take, takes us down this great LC WOL. I am proud of you that you went and got the Splenda...NOW GO THROW THAT SUGAR OUT!! ;)

~Michelle

[Kingwood]

Isn't it amazing what our thoughts can tell us? The ability our own thoughts have to lie to us, to sabatoge us, and how prone we are to believing them as if they always speak truth. What is it about our thoughts that we give them such validity? Why do we give them such power over us?

One of the lessons that I have to practice in order to succeed is to question what thoughts go through my head. Left in my head just rattling around I am vulnerable to them because my thoughts can trick me. I've found that if I say out loud what my thoughts are telling me its easier to figure out if they are true or not. For some reason when I say out loud, "I can eat just a little bit of chocolate, that little piece can't hurt me that much," I can hear the lunacy of that thought. But when the thought just stays within me I can't hear that very well.

Lesson for me; Just because my mind tells me something..doesn't make it real. My mind is used to giving me negative thoughts so I have to remember not to always trust them. Just like someone I used to trust until I realized they lied to me. Once I know that about someone I'm not so willing to take everything they say as truth.

[nikkiend]

Just wanted to do a quick post to be subscribed to this thread. It's excellent.

[SummerYet]

Kingwood...

I will be back later with more...but I have to say...I LOVE that idea about saying it out loud! I am going to try it :)

~Michelle

[Pokey]

If I may add my 2 cents,
I believe self sabatoge is well... just that.
Something you do to yourself when you are just not ready to lose the weight. It may be The fact that, oh if i lose all this weight I will have to buy all new clothes etc... My biggest on was eww!! If I lose all that weight me skin will droop and be gross. (((HELLO))) It gross to have all this fat too.
I think once you have really made up your mind to do it. However it may be. No one can hold you back. I have not stuck to one "diet" for more that 2 weeks my whole adult life. I am on my 2nd month of this WOE. And let me tell ya not one person could make me stop now. Yes it was discouraging at first cause i lost soooooo slooooowww!!! but now 3 lbs in less than 2 weeks. Well it's wont win me any race, but it's better than the first month.
Moral to the story If you are TRULY ready to lose weight no one can sabatoge you, including yourself.
Toodles,

[adnil53]

I don't know about that one Pokey, I'm afraid I have to disagree! It is true when you are ready, you will start on some kind of diet, but our minds do things to us... yes, maybe having to buy new clothes or maybe the opposite sex will be attracted... but no matter what it is, some of us no matter how hard we try, find ourselves sabotaging our own efforts at one time or the other... I know I do. But no matter, I'm trudging along anyway. Someday I will find and understand and maybe even be able to head it off before it gets out of hand! And I believe understanding WHY we sabotage ourselves goes along way in understanding how to keep it under control at least.

I am very glad you are having success with Atkins Pokey, even if it is slower than you would like… good going!

[Pokey]

Believe me I used to be the Queen of Sabatoge.
I understand what you mean but our minds do things to us I totally agree. I just know with me i finally made up my mind and decided this is what i want, and need to do. So just do it. I am not saying i am perfect, and that i never cheat on my WOE. The carbs creap up on my once in a while. But now it doesnt give me a reason to give up, just cause i cheated a little.
Everyone is different.
Good luck to you adnil53!! :wave:

[adnil53]

Thanks Pokey!Originally posted by Ruralgurl
I think subconsciously the fat is one big protective layer and YES when the layers start to thin I feel very vulnerable.
I think that is one of my problems, I like small paces also for the same reason, I feel protected there... like arms around me and I think the fat makes me feel that way too, no one can get in. So even though I don't feel good about myself being fat, I subconsciously want to stay in that safe spot. So I start to loss and BAMB I want to EAT... strange but true... LOL. The one thing about The Zone is no matter if I go off I can come right back on, but then again I have only been doing The Zone for a couple of months so time will tell how it goes. So far I am losing despite my forays into forbidden foods... hummm, not so I am losing, but nothing is forbidden... anyway, I am looking at success this time and believe I will have it!

[SummerYet]

I have to say I am with adnil on this one. I am not trying to minimize your success Pokey, but I see myself when I read your post after 2 months...I was still strict and enthusiastic and everything else...now after 8 months things change. For me it was hitting a certain weight, for others it is seeing a new image in the mirror, some it is when they start getting compliments or attention from the opposite sex.

I guess what I am trying to say is that self sabatoge is a lot more complicated than finding a WOL that you are comfortable with...because I will always be doing this, I like it and it works. But there are emotional issues that SOME people have to work out along the way...

Just MHO...

~Michelle

[Pokey]

I was still strict and enthusiastic and everything else
I think you are getting me all wrong. This has not been easy for me. This is actually my 2nd time around for doing this WOE. I am terrified to death of being thin, but at the same time I want it soooo bad. I hate getting looks from guys being fat. So it will horrify me when it happens when i am thin. I am scared my skin will sag and I will be nothing but a ball of droopy flesh. (gross). But with all that said I am ready to do it droopy skin and all. LOL :D
I did not mean to discount anyones efforts here and say anything to put anyone down. I was simply stating how it is for me, and a few others I have chatted with.
Toodles,
Good luck to all of you!

[toofatyet]

I know that for me the key is finding a reason that is soley for myself. Every time my motivation has been external, I've failed.

This time, it's all between me and God. He and I are all I need on this and nobody else's opinion matters.

The thing that really kind of panicked me the other day was my wife complimenting me on the way I'm starting to look (she always has, but it's better when it's the eyes and not the heart talking). She commented on how she's always like compact, wiry men. Not that this was something I didn't know, but the thing that hit me was that, as a man, I did not want to be "small." I don't know if it is the perception that small does not equal strong or what. I've got some more soul-searching to do on this one.

I guess that's bigorexia (sp?) or some other body image issue and I'm not quite sure how to deal with that one. I know intellectually that I have to lose the fat first and that it will take quite some time before I can gain muscle that is as large as the layers of fat. That doesn't mean that I have accepted/dealt with it on an emotional level.

Does anybody have a clue on this one? I pray and tell myself that it doesn't matter if someone else thinks I'm small, but I'm not ready to accept myself thinking I'm small.

[adnil53]

Pokey, Please don't worry about it... you're fine... keep doing great!

[SummerYet]

Oh Boy...

I saw a new numbe...hit 41 # and I think I am doing it again :rolleyes: time to get really strict. Shake things up...not sure how yet. Thinking 1 HC day then strict induction (never did Atkins) WHat does anyone think?

~Michelle

[Ellipsis]

(From the Better Late Than Never Department: )

Originally posted by TeriDoodle
They successfully lose, say, 50 pounds, but are still another 50 pounds away from goal. They fall off the wagon....big time....and experience a sudden loss of control that they once had.

Okay, Ms. Doodle, have you been reading my mind while I've been away from the forums these past three months? ;) This is exactly what I've been going through lately. My god, it's been a real trial to get back on the plan, which is just SO odd considering I'd been so disciplined in my first year of doing low-carb. Where did my control go?

Well, humans are funny creatures. Let a few things go awry in their lives, and they tend to turn to food in an attempt to make themselves happy. That's me. And it's been SO difficult to come back.

The only thing that finally got me back on track was the promise I made to myself about a half year ago: "I will never...EVER...again let myself get anywhere NEAR the 264 pounds I weighed when I started Atkins." So, when you make such a vow in the midst of the heady rush you get during a really great losing streak, it's a very very sobering thing to step on the scale and see the number "220" appear between your toes when it had been telling you "198" a few months earlier.

The numbers are heading back down finally; I'm taking steps to fix things in my life so I won't have to go through this again. It's a royal pain!


-- Nicky

[TeriDoodle]

Well, humans are funny creatures. Let a few things go awry in their lives, and they tend to turn to food in an attempt to make themselves happy. That's me. And it's been SO difficult to come back. Hi Ellipsis-
I've been reading Schwarzbein (which I recommend to everyone, BTW) and now have a better understanding of how we use food as a "drug" to make us feel better when things go wrong. Carbs can act as a stimulant, just like caffeine, alcohol, tobacco or drugs....which raise seratonin levels temporarily but these substances produce high levels of insulin in the bloodstream which depletes seratonin. So you're robbing Peter to pay Paul, so to speak. The bottom line is that yes, eating carbs will make you feel better for the very short term, but the gross effect will be that your seratonin stores will be depleted and you'll feel even more depressed than before. So then you need more carbs to get your seratonin up and the cycle begins again.

Reducing stress is a factor that she emphasizes heavily for the same reasons....it starts a chain reaction that depletes seratonin. When we're stressed out and depressed, we also don't feel like exercising.... exercise helps to keep our seratonin levels up!! So it's no wonder, then, that in times of stress that we can easily find ourselves in a steep downward spiral.

The lesson is that when things go wrong in our lives it is SO VERY IMPORTANT to be even more diligent in staying on our plan.... if we don't, we can soon find ourselves on a very slippery slope indeed.

I'm glad you're working your way back to LC.... it really is the only game in town. You'll be feeling much better as the days go by... just be patient with yourself.

[patrizia]

Thanks, Teri, for starting this thread. Reading all this was just was I needed today. I've been on this 10 day (or so) carbfest, and it has left me feeling depressed, bloated, angry, lazy, paranoid, and that frantic "need to control everything" is right in my face again. I don't like the person I become when I eat carbs.

I'm stepping back, accepting, again, that I am a carb addict. There is no "just this once" for me. It always leads to more and more. Thank god for Dr. Atkins.

Thanks, again, Teri. This forum is so great.

Patty

[SummerYet]

OK...I have decided to try Atkins induction for the 1st time! Anyone want to join me? I have 3 so far :) We will be a mini support group! If anyone is interested let me know...

I have to shake this sabotage...I am busting through this til I hit 50# down and break the "curse"! :mad:

~Michelle

[Kingwood]

I had the perfect condidtions for self-sabatoge over the last 4 days. Life was hectic running around with my husband and realtor trying to find a home to buy. We were eating out more than usual, up early, to bed late, and I had to make a major deciision. Yep, thats all it takes to set me off on an eating frenzy. Especially when buying a home didn't feel very positive to me. But then of course I have a history of going into an eating frenzy celebrating good things too!! I guess all it takes is feeling emotionally charged, positively or negatively doesn't matter.

But this time was different. Why didn't I blow it and justify eating whatever I wanted? For me answering that question was important because I need to know what helps me to stay on course just as much as I need to know what causes me to sabagoe myself if I hope to succed this time. In my mind they are just opposite sides of the same coin.

The thoughts certainly went through my mind many times to eat what I wanted and worry about Atkins later and heaven knows my emotions were charged up too. So why didn't I blow it? Some might say it was because I was more committed to losing weight, but I know that wasn't true. The truth is, what kept me going was the sheer fact that the only thing I really have under my control in my life right now is what I put in my mouth. Somewhere inside me I knew that If I surrender that, I won't have control over anything. It was actually the fear of losing this one area of control that kept me on course.

[kimberlina]

Congrats Kingwood for staying the course. and past experience reminds me about how awful you feel physically when you do indulge in nasty sugar and carbs!

keep on!

[Chasintrai]

Wow, this has really hit home. I'm struggling right now to get back on plan after bouncing around since Thanksgiving.

Reading some of your wonderful posts made me realize that there's alot more going on with me than just lack of discipline. I started Atkins last summer in a panic because I had 6 weeks to get "thin" before my best friends wedding. I didn't get thin, but I did love this WOE. I stayed on plan and did great, lost around 30 lbs by the beginning of November and felt better than I had in my entire life. Then my husband left me for another woman.... hmmmmm. It was shortly there after that I started bouncing around. I haven't gained, but I'm not eating right either. Reading this thread made me realize that somewhere back in my head is this little record playing "well, I lost all of this and he left me anyway, what's the sense in keeping on, it doesn't matter...."

I think there's also some of the issues that Donald raised. Since then I've entered a relationship with a new man, things are going well, so now I've got that comfort zone to deal with too. I think that there's alot of "well, if he really loves me, he won't care if I get fat again, and it's only one bowl of ice cream..." <sigh>

I want to thank you folks for this thread, really making me think and listen to what's really going on in my head when I'm not paying attention ;>

Tamara

[TeriDoodle]

We're glad you're here Tamara!! Stick around, you'll make some GREAT new friends!!!

[DDMariana]

Hello everyone, Teri, this is a great opportunity, and you know I have tons to write out...but I guess I've been avoiding the posting process because it is bound to need my undivided attention...and deep digging.

I'm reading intently...re-reading some, and finding myself everywhere. I'm interested in this very issue not only for my own healing process but also because I'm involved in serious research right now regarding the peripheral things surrounding weight loss... the fear, the shame, the lack of protection, the fear of commitment, adventure, success... etc.

I'm lurking...listening...learning. And I'll be back in a more quiet opportunity. But congratulations to all you souls brave and willing to confront yourselves... I'm hoping to do the same next time I visit!

:wave:

[Kingwood]

I really enjoy reading this thread and the comfort I receive knowing I'm not alone in this journey. Thank you all so very much..

I know that the psyche requires balance, that is a psychological fact. So when one emotional thing is leaning too far in one direction we will overdo in another so we can obtain that emotional balance. That doesn't mean we'll do it in healthy ways unfortunately or go about it in rational ways.

I also know that we humans have "emotional triggers" that are rooted back to childhood. My primary trigger happens to be deprivation. So when anything smells like, feels like, or sounds like deprivation it sets me off into an emotional reaction. Needing balance I seek something that will help me not to feel so deprived. My means of balancing out those feelings of deprivation have been met in two ways, negative attention seeking from men and negative choices/and quantities of food.

Knowing that much, what can I do since I will definitely react to deprivation for the rest of my life. Nothing will ever change that. That will be with me for the rest of my life. That too is a psychological fact. So I have to learn a way of seeking that balance when feelings of deprivation come without it being the damaging two that I've used. That is the real journey for me.

I'd like to hear from others on this, if you're willing. What emotional triggers do you have? Shame? Abandonment? Betrayal? Disappointment? Etc. What is your primary trigger?

[DDMariana]

Hey Kingwood...

I of course only have 30 seconds to answer this 2 hour question!! But it's such a good one, and it's something I've been working on recently and continue to examine...

Abandonment is a big issue for me. I can trace the onset of childhood depression back to being 10 years old, with another major trauma at 12, then 10 years of isolation, etc.

By the time I was an adult taking "care" of myself, I had layer on top of layer on my body...just trying to insulate, protect, even some type of "keeping what I have left" ON me at all times...

It's deep, but the roots of addiction and self abuse are, huh? This has been a long journey for me...one that I thought was settled for good...but recently had another "abandonment" trigger combined with a "trauma" to boot...and guess what???

The flood of Noah...

Doing very well these days...dealing face to face with the "trigger" this time...finding ways NOT to let it fester like the last one did for so many years... trying to put forgiveness into the mix now, more understanding, less judgement... but MAN is that hard.

Funny thing though...my old comfort buddy...FOOD...was the LAST thing I wanted. STARVED myself... now how's that for giving up on every last sure thing you know??

:wave:

[Kingwood]

Interesting how you flipped from endulging in food to then starving yourself. Sounds like flip sides of the same coin. Its still about food, just acting it out in different extremes. Unfortunately, I can relate to that!

I think most of us would agree that we can't use our negative childhood experiences as an excuse for inappropriate behavior as adults, but it can't be denied that those childhood experiences set the stage for how we enter our adult lives. We learn coping mechanisms early in life to deal with what hurts us. Its a human being's way of surviving because as a child we are at the mercy of the adults around us. Pretty powerless little people.

Unfortunately no one takes us aside as we are leaving childhood and entering adulthood and helps us to evaluate those coping mechanisms to see how they will help us or harm us in the adult world. So what do we do? We just carry on into our adult lives, sometimes for the rest of our lives, the coping skills that a little child set in place. I can't undo what others did to me but I can undo the coping mechanisms that I set in place many years ago. I can't keep letting a little child control how I live my adult life.

[I.W.Gurl]

"Self Sabotage" is exactly that for me - I can always link messing up on my eating plan with feeling down or having some kind of difficult time.

My approach at battling those episodes this time around? Therapy and surrounding myself with people who care about me and I care about in return, I never realized how important a support system is!

[SummerYet]

I think my biggest trigger is lack of affection/love/acceptance. I never had that in my life growing up. Not that they didnt love me, but it was never shown in my home and I wanted that most of all. They bought me tons of stuff, but that didnt replace what I needed (not that we were rich...please dont let me give that impression...but it was like they showed love by buying stuff) I would have been happy with hugs, kisses, or "I love yous". WOuld have saved them a lot of money!
Even in my relationships with friends and men, that is what I want...I give give give and when I feel I dont get back in return (which i feel A LOT) then it is a trigger.
I have been controlling it lately, but I am just waiting...

~Michelle

[nesquita]

Am I too late to join in on this thread?

I started this morning thinking I'd just read a few posts, but here I am, 45 mins later, reading everyone's stories.

I started Atkin's 2 weeks ago because for the past 12 years I've been using the "starve yourself/stick your fingers down your throat" diet. Up until a couple of months ago, I thought I was normal. Scary. What's scarier is trying to change that; scarier still is that with change comes the uncovering of who I am.

There's a passage that really spoke to me and got me to post on this thread (sorry, I don't know how to do the fancy block quote thing):
--------------------------------------------------
So, with this in mind, isn't eating right not just a commitment to a diet, to the things you eat, but a commitment to one's self? It seems to be about self-respect really. I'm still trying to fully realize this, of course. I can say it, but still find myself wanting to eat chocolate bars outside of RM, and sometimes doing it, saying to myself, "Screw it, what does it matter, I should be able to eat chocolate just like everybody else whatever I want. I should be allowed to do what I want."
But what am I really saying when I say these things to myself? The rhetoric sounds like I'm in control, like I "know myself", but really, underneath those words is a fear of lack control and so-called strength, of not knowing who I am and feeling a lack of worth.
--------------------------------------------------
Commitment to change, lack of self worth, not knowing who I am when I thought I was so self aware-- these are my 'issues' too. Even the commitment of 'putting it on paper,' saying it out loud to myself, finally coming clean to someone else-- "I have an eating disorder"-- is frightening and bizarre and unreal to me because I can't believe who I've been and who I've become without me realizing it.

THANK YOU all for your stories and insights. You all have an amazing, supportive forum here.

[Donnajm407]

Wow. I'm not alone.

Almost everytime I see a smaller number on the scale I start to jinx myself. Or I think of a lame excuse to eat.

This time its going to be different. I haven't felt this good in years. No fatigue, relatively no hunger pangs and to top it off...for the first time in 4 years I'm decreasing the prozac instead of increasing. My libido has returned!!!!

I'm beginning to not care if I lose the weight. Well, not quite, but at least dismissing it as the main reason for the live style change.


Thank you all.
Donna

[SummerYet]

Welcome Donna and Nesquita!

It is never too late to join this thread. We all need all the support we can get! Grab a seat and dig right in!

~Michelle

[Kingwood]

I agree with Michelle, welcome to you both. There is such a positive power in getting our thoughts and feelings out in the open and having safe people to share them with.

Keep coming back...

[zandria72]

I just read through most of the posts here...all very interesting stuff, and some very personal thoughts. I'm gonna stick my head out and propose yet another idea--don't flame me too hard. LOL
My belief is that I don't really have any issues that I'm trying to cover up by being fat. I've always wanted to be thin, and when I've gotten thinner, I've loved it. So why did I gain weight again? 1) I love food. I love all kinds of food. I got sick of eating one way and wanted to eat another way. 2) I've become injured in one way or another, and couldn't keep up with the exercise that had pumped up my metabolism. 3) My lifestyle changed and I started eating with another person who didn't eat the way I did. I liked the lifestyle.

I never saw my changes in diet as being SABOTAGE. I just wanted to eat something else. I missed eating it...my willpower broke down. The first time I regained weight, it went like this. I got into a groove of doing a certain amount of exercise. This had a couple of effects: one, it changed my appetite. I could pick foods that were better for me and avoid ones that weren't. And two, it increased my metabolism. When I got injured and couldn't exercise, those things both changed. I went back to my old preferred (and oh-so-tasty) eating habits. I just couldn't keep up with the restriction necessary.

The first time I went on a LC diet, it lasted maybe a couple of months. But by that time, I had progressed enough in my running (a brand new thing for me) and weight training that I could get away with eating more carbs and not gain weight. Was I sabotaging myself? I don't think so. Then I moved across the country, leaving my now ex and meeting my now boyfriend. We ate out all the time. I had trouble adjusting here (there's that stress and lack of balance mentioned earlier), stopped running, and my Achilles tendonitis flared up. For a few months, I lived on all kinds of JUNK (seriously--fast food most of the time) and didn't gain any weight!! I thought I had it made! But it was just my metabolism taking a while to adjust. Pretty soon, the pounds started piling on. I knew that I didn't want to go back to protein shakes (I'd been doing BFL before I moved to CA, and oddly, the shakes appealed to me then)...and I didn't even think about LC. Eating LC is hard for me, because there are just too many foods I miss--and not all horrid ones, IMO.

So what's going to keep me on this time? I don't know. I *do* know that I have made changes (i.e. allowing a few more carbs here and there) that I feel are more liveable for me. I just can't stand the idea of being crammed into a shape that doesn't fit me (metaphorically). Some changes can be made, and some can't...so I have to figure out what I can change and still be content.

[TeriDoodle]

Hi Zandria - I'm more like you. I don't think I have an issue with self-sabotage*, mine is just more about lack of motivation....or pure laziness. I know what I have to do, I just can't seem to get off my butt to do it-- I'm talking about exercise here.

But there are plenty of people who do have an underlying fear(?) of losing weight and being more attractive, and this thread is to help those folks work through those feelings. So many times we need to be prompted by someone else's experience to examine our own more closely.

Good luck to you with your LC efforts! I hope it goes well for you!

* On the other hand, I recall sitting on a therapist's couch many years ago as she asked me why I participated in so many self-destructive behaviors like smoking, drinking, eating junk, not exercising, etc. I'm glad she asked that very good question because it's always stuck with me and I answered it daily for myself ever since. It's helped me to become the MUCH healthier person I am today.

[zandria72]

"On the other hand, I recall sitting on a therapist's couch many years ago as she asked me why I participated in so many self-destructive behaviors like smoking, drinking, eating junk, not
exercising, etc"

Ummm...because they're fun to do? And avoiding them, finding something else to fill their places, is not so fun to do? That's what I would have told her. I did not start eating junk to be self-destructive. And I was never very active... I always preferred reading or other non-active things. It wasn't like I set to destroy myself. People (usually) don't start smoking or drinking to destroy themselves.

I do have one psychological issue with food. I always want more than I need. I always feel deprived taking what would be considered a normal serving. If I go to the store or a restaurant, I feel a rush of what might be considered giddiness (sp?) when I see the selection set before me. I don't know why this is, but it has always been that way. I remember being young and going into the convenience store in town (which didn't happen often) and seeing the expansive array of candies and doughnuts. I wanted to get all I could. And the very act of buying them was exciting for me. Then the 'having' turned into 'consuming' and voila! binging. I want it all, now. *sigh*

[SummerYet]

Just wondering why you feel the need to keep posting here if you feel there is no such thing as self sabotage...

You have a definite right to your opinion, don't get me wrong. But when there are many of us struggling with our issues in a thread that is DEDICATED to these issues, it sure doesnt help for people to come by and say there is no such thing as what we are feeling...

And if I am misunderstanding, and you are just applying this to yourself, I apologize, but in that case I think there are probably better places than this thread here for you since you arent affected.

Just MHO,

~Michelle

[Kingwood]

This thread has been a safe and supportive place for people to share. I certainly hope that it can remain that way.

Not everyone is at the place where they can connect the dots and see how much of their adult behavior is rooted back in childhood. Not just about eating but other behaviors as well, positive and negative. Some people just can't see it, others just don't want to see it, yet it is a psychological fact. Psychology is a science, whether we like it or not.

Not everyone has a fear of being thin or views fat as protection either. However what I believe we can see in everyone's post is an unhealthy acting out with food at different times in our lives. What I see in everyone's post in one way or another are attempts to cope with life and emotions through food. Weight gain or weight loss is only a symptom, not the problem or solution itself. The question is, then where is the problem rooted?
Some care about that answer, others only want to be thin. I believe for those who want to get thin and STAY thin we have to know. I also believe knowing what is at the root of my problem I will gain better understanding of how NOT to sabatoge myself.

Some things we humans are just born with, like a fear of falling for example. Other things like feelings of deprivation, laziness, shame, etc. are learned behaviors which means something happened to set them in place. We can be reacting to things that aren't even happening anymore, they simply happened years ago. Ironically, we can create situations to recreate those feelings for the simple reason they are familiar to us, even though harmful or painful.

I finally connected the dots when it came to weighing myself. I was doing it rather compulsively and had to stop. Why was I doing it? For me, I'm a perfectionist which means I judge myself harshly. When I don't want to hear that perfectionist nagging me in my head I will flip into procrastinating. If I do nothing, I can't be judged, right? Flip sides of the same coin, not wanting to be judged even by me. Without realizing it at first I was using that scale as a means of deciding how perfectly I was doing when it came to my weight. If it was up, I was a failure and the shame statements would rush through my head. Which of course can easily lead to eating to soothe myself, then shame sets in doing that. So now I put the scale away and only step on it one day a week. I can't deny the psychological fact that people who live with perfectionism/procrastination as adults felt judged as children. As if love was measured depending on performance.

[TeriDoodle]

Your insights are priceless, Kingwood! Thank you SO much for sharing so much with us.

[MomSharon]

From Kingwood:
"If I do nothing, I can't be judged, right?.....I can't deny the psychological fact that people who live with perfectionism/procrastination as adults felt judged as children. As if love was measured depending on performance."

You hit the nail on the head for me! Excellent wording.

Sharon

[zandria72]

Summeryet: Nowhere did I say that there was no such thing as self-sabotage. Never did I say that anyone's feelings were not valid. When I came into the thread, my impression was that "sabotage" was used simply to mean doing something that went against the weight loss effort. Anyone who starts eating in a way that causes them to gain weight after they have successfully lost some weight is in effect sabotaging themselves. My point was that it doesn't have to be a deep psychological issue. It can be physical or biochemical. When I was severely depressed, I had a major binging issue. Some antidepressants were (albeit temporarily) capable of halting the urge to binge. Clearly there was something biochemical going on. I also mentioned the effects that exercise had on me, both in terms of my appetite and my metabolism. When I couldn't exercise, those effects were lost, and I started gaining weight again. I also mentioned something that people don't seem to like to think about: that we have to deprive ourselves of things we'd like to eat in order to follow this diet--or any other. People should not feel guilty or bad because they fall off their diet and eat something they're not "supposed" to eat! People are programmed to want sweet things--this is a hard diet to attempt!

In summary, I don't doubt that people have issues holding them back from losing weight...but I also think that people regain weight for other reasons. And that was all I said.

[SummerYet]

Well I am glad that all of us have a place to express their opinion. That is what all "this" is about right? Thank you for clarifying...

~Michelle

[Kingwood]

A person's perspective is just that, that person's perspective. Here is mine...

We humans crave what we need for our survival, its the way nature created us. Therefore we don't crave sugar, we aren't programmed to want it for the simple reason we don't need it for our survival. I've certainly noticed that when I remove sugar from my diet I naturally begin to crave more natural foods. Is that because when I've overloaded my body with sugar that I can't hear the more subtle voices of my own body speaking to me? And when I remove sugar it silences that voice and allows the healthier voice, meant to help me survive be heard?

Deprivation is a word that is totally open to interpretation. What feels like deprivation to me won't necessarily mean the same thing to another person. One of the things that I have to look at in my journey to a better me is to redefine what deprivation is. To remove sugar from my diet for example, is that deprivation? Or is eating sugar actually depriving me? I'm beginning to think eating it is the real deprivation not the other way around. All I need to do is look at how I feel on Atkins versus not being and the answer to that is quite simple. Eating sugar deprives me in mind, body and spirit without a doubt.

Why then would I eat it or even think I want it? Because I've programmed myself to believe it serves me like any other addict believes their drug of choice serves them. When does an addict of alchohol or drugs succeed in staying clean and sober? When they finally get their heads and hearts around the fact that those things are poison for them, it hurts rather than serves them in the end. If they are only willing to give them up when they stop making them feel good, or tasting good they'd never get clean or sober. And the same is true for me.

And just like with other addictions, not using the drug of choice is only the start. Then the real work begins of coming to terms with why we did this to ourselves to begin with. Its time to connect the dots. To say, its not my fault I was depressed, or upset, or but I like it, or I have a chemical imbalance, or I have an injury so can't exercise are nothing more than excuses we've all used. None of those things in themselves has the power to actually put food in my mouth. Only I have that power, so its up to me.

And again as with other addictions, the sad fact remains that few will be willing to go to this length to get well to stay well. The majority will come up with excuses to at some point sabatoge their success. Some for just a day, once in a while, and others will do it so often they never reach their goal. Which one do I want to be? I won't do this program perfectly, but I do want to be honest with myself. As with any other addict I must look at what set me up to slip when I slipped. Undoubtedly it is for me something emotional, then wanting a release from that I think of things to comfort me, hopefully in time my thoughts will not go to food but that will be up to me. It will require reprogramming myself.

[zandria72]

"We humans crave what we need for our survival, its the way nature created us. Therefore we don't crave sugar, we aren't programmed to want it for the simple reason we don't need it for our survival."

Not sugar exactly, no. But I thought it was common knowledge that humans craved sweet things. It once implied ripe, safe, calorie-dense food.

"Deprivation is a word that is totally open to interpretation. What feels like deprivation to me won't necessarily mean the same thing to another person. One of the things that I have to look at in my journey to a better me is to redefine what deprivation is. To remove sugar from my diet for example, is that deprivation?"

deprivation: the state of being deprived
deprive: to take something away from, to withhold something from

Everyone has to deprive his/herself of something to do this diet. For some, that's sugar. For others, it's bread or milk or french fries or whatever. If you didn't have to deprive yourself of something, it wouldn't be a change in diet for you! We wouldn't be here discussing this. We wouldn't need a support forum. You can attempt to reprogram your thinking, which seems to be what you're doing. You might be able to convince yourself that you aren't deprived. But I think it is about deprivation in the beginning, and that feeling may occasionally rear it's head for a lot of people.

OTOH, there are some people who just aren't into "sweets" and who can give up their remaining carbs (often bread or potatoes) without any problem. So maybe they don't see it as deprivation. Maybe they saw low-fat dieting more as deprivation.

"Why then would I eat it or even think I want it?"

Because you have always liked the way it tasted. You can make a psychological issue out of it, and that may very well serve you in your quest to be rid of it--more power to you! But you wouldn't eat it if you didn't like it.

[SummerYet]

Hi All-

Had a bad day yesterday. Have to think about whether is was "self sabatage" or not. It was my last day of induction. Weigh in was supposed to be today.

There was a reason behind it, I experienced a once in a lifetime thing yesterday, and the "feast" was part of the experience. I could have said no to the cheesecake or the apple pie, but I made a choice not to. For the most part I am OK with it. I refuse to beat myself up. Today is a new day, and I am back to "normal".

Self sabotage? Maybe...
Need to do some reflection? Yes...
Hating myself b/c of it? NO!....

~Michelle

[Kingwood]

I agree completely Michelle, there is no reason to beat yourself up. Its your body and you made a choice for yourself. You've also made the choice to get right back on track today too. That sounds like progress to me. As they say, seek progress not perfection.

I'm curious to know if you figured out what emotional need you were trying to meet by eating that food. It wasn't hunger for just food since you could have eaten other things to fill you up, so what was it that you were trying to fill since it wasn't your stomach?

And my other question is; did it work? Did that need get filled by eating those foods?

[Kingwood]

Just a quick note so you won't think I fell off the face of the earth. After posting this morning I got a call telling me my mom and stepdad were in a serious accident and it doesn't look good for either of them. Having lost 2 sisters this past year suddenly too my emotions have been through hell. I felt I was just beginning to get my wind back. Now this! I don't know how long I'll be gone but didn't want you to think I've given up. While I'm waiting for my husband to arrive so we can leave for my flight I thought I'd let you know where I'll be. It gives me something to do with my hands too, rather than eat.

Take good care of yourselves while I'm gone. The only thing I know this moment is that no food will help me deal with this. I can't think of anything that I could swallow that will silence these feelings.

[Pat S.]

I thought I would jump in here I used food for Comfort I spent so much time in my life with problems that seemed to be out of my control. I am now learning to transfer my feelings from food to correcting my thinking about how much control I have over my life. I use to almost blank out when I had lost weight it was as if I didn't even think just start eating. I am hoping this will not come back and am working to make that not happen. Pat S

[MomSharon]

OMG. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Take care of yourself so you can make it through this. You will need all your strength and energy now.

Sharon

[LOL Mom]

Are you, by any chance, a student of The Course In Miracles?
Your outlook certainly sounds like you are! Thanks for your wonderful insight!

Debbie

[SummerYet]

Hi All-

I don't know about this sabotage thing. I am so POed at my body, and for no good reason. I am using my "anger" to get my butt in gear (literally). I went grocery shopping today...no more excuses!! I havent even been on the scale yet...argh. I am starting to feel guilty b/c I am so used to induction I feel like everything else is "cheating" even if it is legal...does that make sense? Oh boy lol

~Michelle

[Suni]

You know for the longest time I thought I was the only person, in the whole wide world, that self-sabotaged themselves. I hated and loathed myself for being "weak" and unable to attain my goal weight - which, wasn't all that much. But as soon as I'd get close, it was like another peson who lived inside me took over, and they sabotaged me. Two months ago I was 1.5 lbs. from my goal weight - the I began bingeing on chocolate. I ate two HUGE chocolate bars in two weeks - plus some other sweets. When my pants became tighter I got on the scale and sure enough I had put on 5+ pounds. But the really crazy thing, which I couldn't understand was, when I saw I was only 1.5 lbs. from my goal weight I was so estatic and happy - and if I felt this way, why did I do this to myself?
I began noticing I was self-sabotaging myself in other areas of my life, including work so I decided to get some counceling. I knew that my sabotaging had to do with self-esteem issues and now I am working on them. I read on another post (?) somebody recommend the book "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" and others say it has helped them too, so I've just loaned it from the library.
I discovered, through counceling, that I am a care taker - I take care of everybody - my family, my mother, my hubby, the people at work, and I do such a good job of it, that I don't have any care taking left over for me and I feel drained, then resentful that nobody does anything to take care of me - but would I let them? Probably not - being taken care of, to me, feels uncomfortable. Like Karen, I had to learn to "trust" (a big step for me) and relinquish some control and learn that the world will not fall apart if I'm not "taking care of" 24-7.
It is so comforting to know that there are "others" out there with the same problem. I was always so ashamed of myself and felt so alone and lonely.
I also think I am a bit afraid of "change" and the unknown - what will "happen/change" if I reach my goal?, or change my glasses, stop dying my hair - all things I want to do but somehow unable to push myself to do. Hopefully counceling will help me find the answer to my self-sabotage and my self-esteem will increase.
PS: I have begun taking care of me - I joined a yoga class and I exercise 3 times a week at noon at a gym near work - I love having time all to myself taking care of myself - because in the long run - I am the only one who is responsible for taking care of me.

[TeriDoodle]

Well, I'd say this article is appropriate for today!! From the www.skinnydaily.com website (and posted with permission from the author):

Are You Worthy?

When people sign up to receive The Skinny Daily Post by mail, they have the option of answering some questions that help me understand more about who's reading this and what they might be looking for.

I ask about topics/themes, and one of the possible topics is "self-loathing." I had someone ask about that the other day, because they thought it was an odd, or possibly out-of-place topic in that list. Now the person who asked is someone who struggles with 10-20 lbs. of extra weight. I can see why it confused him. The people who understand that choice - and it's one of the most frequently selected topics - tend to weigh more (among 300 blessed souls and counting!).

Obese and morbidly obese people are old acquaintances to self-loathing. Despite a stellar personality, a keen intellect, passionate interests, selfless service to family, community, or profession, despite wealth, power, or the possession of a really cool car, if you have a lot of extra weight, you are likely to host a self-hating demon in your head. One that's hard to silence.

When I coach people personally, and when I was morbidly obese myself and facing ANOTHER diet, it's the little self-hating demon who's hardest to fight, whose voice takes over every time.

I had coffee just recently with a friend who's bright, intelligent, witty, wise. She's fluctuated in weight all her life, and in the process of losing weight several times has become intimately familiar with every diet plan devised. She knows how to lose weight, how her body will respond, how much exercise she needs to fit into her busy schedule to make the weight come off. She knows everything she needs to know. She's well equipped for dieting.

But she just can't seem to get started.

Oh. Man. What's more frustrating than that?

I asked, innocently, almost absentmindedly, "Is it because you think you're not worthy?"

I wish I hadn't. The flood of tears that followed surprised both of us, screwed up her makeup AND mine, and made her feel embarrassed in her favorite coffee shop. (Of course that's what coffee shops are FOR.) She might forgive me some day.

People feel and are asked to feel all sorts of terrible things about extra weight. They are despised for it, reviled for it, overlooked because of it. People assume laziness, lack of control. They assume gluttony. Knowing that's what people think wears down your ego. You begin to feel unworthy, lazy, stupid. Some little part of you may believe what you're hearing or what people are thinking.

Though most overweight people actually eat the same amounts, or sometimes less than their skinny friends, they think of themselves as gluttons because their weight appears to be evidence to the contrary. That is, they believe the popular, rather than the scientific, notion of what causes obesity.

The truth is, obesity researchers will look you in the eye and say they have no idea what causes obesity, but they don't believe it is always caused by feeding habits or behavior or psychology. Sometimes, yes. Most of the time, no. That's why they're looking so hard for genetic and biochemical causes.

Okay. Great. So now we know it's not our fault. That may not be enough to silence the little voices in our heads. But it's a start.

On the other hand, learning to lose weight and to maintain weight loss DOES require modifications in behavior. Long term modifications in behavior. Lifetime modifications in behavior.

When you face that hated statistic (which, along with the set-point theory has been and continues to be challenged by ongoing research) that 95% of people who lose weight regain it within 3 to 5 years, you are apt to believe that weight loss is hopeless, futile, possibly self-destructive. Statistics like this will do that to people.

And you're likely to give up quickly if you do start to regain weight after returning to your normal eating habits. It will quickly convince you of your hoplessness, your destiny as a stupid, fat glutton.

Don't go there, brothers and sisters.

When you work hard to lose weight, yes, your metabolism will lower bit. But you know what? It will climb back up once you reach your goal weight. It won't climb back up quickly. It will do so slowly, and so you must increase your food slowly, SLOOoooooooowwwwly, to avoid fast regain, emotional upheaval, feelings of futility, fatalism, self-loathing.

What does that mean? It means that the 95% may well have regained their weight because, though they are successful losers, they stink at maintenance. Though they know how to lose weight, they don't know how to maintain a thinner body, to live like a thin person.

Oh.

Living like a thin person means you move more, eat less than YOU did before. Not more or less than your sister, than your brother, than your neighbor or co-worker. It means that compared with YOUR habits before weight loss, YOUR habits after weight loss must be different to maintain the weight loss. And that means planning to live differently.

Was my friend really ready to lose weight, really equipped? No. Why? Because she wasn't ready to change her life. Why? Because it meant spending time on herself. spending more time cooking healthier meals, spending more time at the gym, picking up and practicing even more healthy habits than she already had.

And that's the stinker. This is no lazy woman. She walks every day already. She cooks plenty of healthy meals. But she needs to do more, forever, for herself. Change the fabric of life in her family. She hasn't quite been ready to disrupt life in her household, and didn't think she had the right. You know, being a lowly, lazy, stupid fat person.

Her assignment is to sit down with her family, and ask for their support and patience while she discovers what it's going to take to lose the weight, and to expect that this won't be a "diet kick," but will result in permanent changes. I expect she'll be surprised by how quickly and completely they'll support her.

We're always afraid of creating disruption with our new ways of eating and exercising. But I recommend you don't try to guess how the people around you will react. They may, and usually do, surprise us. They may think you're more worthy than you give yourself credit for being. They may think your well-being and good health are worth even the most dramatic upheavals, whatever it takes.

If they don't? Well. You may have a bigger problem than weight loss to resolve. And I'm sorry for that.

So, today, this weekend: Think about whether you're worthy. Write about it. Talk about it. Think about it. Tease the little demons out of their hiding places in your cranium and shout them down in your journal.

(You are SO worthy,)


JuJu

[Kingwood]

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone. I really appreciate all the support through this difficult time. In a nutshell; my parents survived and will be released from the hospital and other family members are going to be taking care of them for now. What a change that is, I've always been the one to rush in and take care of everyone but this time I said no.

Its amazing that when I said no, I wasn't going to stay around for a month how suddently others realized they could. There is a big lesson in that for me. I am learning to still do things for others but not to the point of ignoring my own needs. Balance is the key for me. I've been through a great deal this past year and I really need this time to focus on my own needs or I won't be worth a hoot to anyone including myself.

I've chosen not to weigh in but did take my measurements this morning and I'm losing inches, so I don't need the scale to tell me I'm doing just fine.

[lawoman]

I just joined this post last evening and I'm looking forward to reading all the helpful posts here.I did see that your parents had an accident and I'm so happy to hear that they will be ok.I commend you,Kingwood,for being so strong in what you need to do for you this time. I have been there so I know of what you speak. I wish you the best in your "inches lost" endeavor.

Have a great LC Day,
Linda

[MayLisa]

I wanted to join this thread because I am having a hard time right now and I still have 50 lbs to go. I need to get back on track and have resolved to do the fat fast for a few stays starting Monday and then go on induction until I lose at least 15 lbs. July 8th will be my one year anniversary on Atkins, and I would have dearly loved to have lost 100 lbs by then. I don't think that is possible, but I want to get as close to it as I possibly can.

[lawoman]

MayLisa,Even stalled,you have done great! :thup:

I,too,have thought of doing the fat fast but what I did do a while back was the meat fast. Nothing but meat X2 days and no processed meat.It does take preparing ahead as you should not have deli or processed meats.I lost 7 lbs. and was thrilled as I had been stalled for months. However,I was foolish enough not to go right on induction and was eating "legal treats" so I put them back on but from what I read,if sensible,you should keep them off.

I do not judge what anyone does/needs to do,it is just that a fat fast should only be done when stalled for a long time and after you have eliminated all other causes of the stall.This is according to Atkins but we all do what is right for us.

I hope this helps.Have a great LC Day.
Linda

[Kingwood]

I'm trying to be content where I am, to live in the moment instead of somewhere else. I want to break the habit of always looking for a faster way, a quicker fix, something to give me immediate gratification rather than just being content knowing I'm on the right path already.

I know I'm eating the right foods, I'm getting my vitamins and my exercise. I'm sleeping better, waking up rested, and just feeling better over all and defintely more in control of my eating behavior so there is nothing else I need to do. I don't need to change anything even though my head often tells me that I do. If I had a graph to show me at what rate I gained all this weight I would undoubtedly see that it happend in the same way its coming off. I didn't gain all this weight in a few months, or even one year so why should I think I can do it any faster in reverse?

When I let my head keep telling me I "should be" losing faster, I am doing nothing more than beginning the steps toward self-sabatoge. And that is something I can't afford.

[Alina]

When I let my head keep telling me I "should be" losing faster, I am doing nothing more than beginning the steps toward self-sabatoge. And that is something I can't afford.

What can I say? Words of wisdom.
Seems this great thread is needed back on page one. It always is.....sigh.

[hysteria]

just a bump...

[triatrim]

My issues are serious. I equate my weight with my "worthiness" to receive romantic love. For example, I don't think I "deserve" sex until I can control my weight/food issues. I need therapy! But even if I do receive therapy, will I really be able to actually go out there and meet a man who loves me the way I am? That's not really in my control, is it? Besides, relying on a man (i.e. external source)'s love to control my issues is NOT a good way to resolve this anyhow.

Thanks for this thread. I've made good progress so far, but as many have said I always seem to drift away and sabotage myself at the 20 lb mark, and I'm getting close to it. :(

[triatrim]

Any ideas from those who have gotten over a mental plateau?? Now I'm beginning to think--"well, I can lose weight even if I eat that cake/cookie as long as I skip dinner..."

Not good!!!!!

[Peterpan]

There is a lot of thoughtfulness and great insight here.
Thank you all for sharing from your heart!

[Margme]

Hi Terri and thanks for thinking of us! :)

I lost and gained more times than I can count. The first time I gained alot of weight was at 29 when I first became pregnant, stopped working, quit smoking, and had sugar cravings like you read about. How I wish I knew about this WOE thru both my pregnancies - it would have been healthier for me and the babies! Both thank you God my children were 100% healthy albeit chubby babies.
It took 2 years of continuous exercise and (painfully) giving up the foods I love ..then in one month it just all came off ....a lb a day...it was strange but I'm not sure my body was ready to give up the extra 40 lbs. until that time?!?
Then my second child came :angel: 9 years later and at age 38 I put on 70 lbs. with that pregnancy. Since then my dd is now 6 I have lost 20+ lbs and gained 4 times. The last attempt I was doing so incredibly well....I was exerciing daily, watching carbs, taking my supplements, doing my yoga and then boom on the way to the gym I was thrown off my bike, right over the handle bars. I broke my arm and had a bump on my head that I still have! I was very lucky I wasn't hurt worse tho. After the doc told me I couldn't exercise for 6 weeks...I was mad I could have walked and I did a bit but I ate :cry: my frustration away and gained it all back. This time I'm praying nothing happens ...the 3 other attempts a major crisis happend I won't bore you with now....but I almost feel like the universe is sabotaging me right when I'm about to get close to goal. Or maybe I bring it on? This time I'm convinced I will make health and fitness a way of life ! :yay: :angel:

[lawoman]

I hope this finds everyone being able to deal with their mental side of eating issues and self image.So many say they have this problem and feel alone in it but I think it is pretty much universal for we are deluged with pictures in magazines,movies and TV of how we "should" look.To look different than how we should look we feel like losers...inadequate and like our lives are a runaway train. I think we all need to really look inside and pay more attention to what others see...the person within.If we could just love ourselves more I think others would see us different for who we are.

Margeme,it sounds like you have had a bad time of it but now you have found the right WOE and a support network to get you through without judging unfairly in any manner. Maybe now that you have been working on a more positive attitude you will indeed have better luck.Just know that we are all pulling for you on this forum be it bad times or good.That is what makes this forum so great!! :thup: You take care and hope things go well in your future.

Linda

[reowdy]

Oh how I wish this thread was still as active... but at least I am not likely to bring it to a shuddering halt.... lol

This is quite long... but I need to say it... nobody needs to read it... lol

Only 10 days into this new WOL, hope I can stick with it, but my track record is pretty pathetic....... I have been overweight since birth... and have tried everything, including a disastrous attempt at gastric banding a few years back that almost killed me...

I tend to start keen, and then rapidly fall off the waggon, usually just as things are starting to do reasonably well... I have been able to find so many justifications for stopping.... and never really looked at just why I was doing this.. and the yo-yo effect has meant that I just steadily kept gaining...

For the past couple of years... I simply decided there was no way I was ever going to lose weight... this was me... and if people don't like me the way I am... that is their problem.. and.... surprisingly... I didn't gain any more weight... stayed pretty stable... ok.. trying not to overindulge in anything... constantly quoting my grandmother... "all things in moderation, and a little of what you fancy does you good".... but still, I didn't deprive myself of anything..

Yes, deprivation was one of my triggers.... and my favourite justification.

Last November I had another heart attack.. and again started searching for help to lose weight... nobody said I had to... think they have given up tooo...... but I knew it was important.. something I had to do...even if I didn't really want to.

I consulted a doctor whose specialty was weight reduction... and my opening line to him was.... I know all the facts, the plans, I just don't know how to make it work for me.... "did I want to lose weight".... well, I reallly don't want to deprive myself any more.... but I know I have to...
He actually commended me for my 2 years of simply eating as I felt... removing restrictions that had been in place for years.... he said that I had already overcome the first step... I had learnt to value me, and be kind to me....

Anyrate, to make a long story short.... after 4 months, a lot of money, a lot of talk, but no weight loss... we decided that my biggest problem was a mental block.... that I needed psychological help to find and understand before I was likely to succeed...

I was referred to a psychiatrist... who.... for various reasons, I only saw twice, and bailed out.... but.... all the open talking I had done with both doctors, had started me looking at things from my life, and seeing them in a different light..... starting to realise a lot of why I am like I am, and how this has sabotaged me... in many facets of my life....

So.... I remembered that the most sucess I had ever had previously was Atkins... yet stopped for what seemed very valid reasons at the time.. bought the book... started researching it all... tossed out my anti-depressants... and here I am.....

10 days in.... not really finding it difficult, in fact feeling quite indulged with the WOE... and hoping something I read earlier in this thread is true.
__________________________________________
I feel sorrow for people who think they'll lose weight and their life will change. They will be fabulous, sexy, loving, in charge, poised, forgiving, admirable... It goes the other way...change your life and you'll lose weight.
___________________________________________
I have gained insight, I think I am doing this because I have changed.. and so far.... it feels so right... Of course I would like to lose considerable weight... but... I have already learnt that I don't have to be thin, to be worthy, to be me...(and I'm not so bad).... and I am sure that I will achieve the health benefits I need... no matter how many pounds I may shed.... Hopefully I will not feel the need to throw my hands in the air and say "I give up"......
Only time will tell......... and threads such as this will help me stay strong....

[lawoman]

You sound like a magnificent,beautiful person who just needs to believe in herself a bit more but at the same time I feel like you are on the right track to making yourself healthier...the slimmer part is really secondary. Your health is why you started and your health will be why you continue down the road to success!Being thinner as a result will be your just reward! :thup:

I know the mental part is difficult and even though I'm a few lbs. from goal I find myself making bad choices.Only difference this time is I did not let it get out of hand and be facing a scale that looks as bloated as I feel.Sometimes it seems an enormous task to lose so many lbs. when you have fought so hard to lose them.Now,it is easier to get right back on plan since I had such a hard time losing this time.I used to weigh 232 at my heaviest and I'm now at 166 with a goal of 162(which I will then evaluate) I have traveled a long road and it was too hard to let myself go back there.

This was not meant to help but if it did...GREAT! I do want to encourage you to go for the best health you can.If I am not much help.I'll gladly settle for supporting you every day.We have a great group here and welcome to it!

Linda

[60sChild]

Quick post to subscribe...more thoughts later.

Sherry

[lawoman]

Maybe this thread will become more active! :thup: We will look forward to your input 60's child!

Linda

[jude]

I'm glad this thread was reactivated. Thanks for sharing your history, Pam. Although, we're all individuals and different in so many ways, in a small way, I can relate.

I still remember how desperate I felt last spring. I was adament that I would never again go thru the low fat, low cal frustration of trying (and always failing) to lose weight. I'd looked into Jenny Craig (the food cost was going to compete with my rent) and I considered hypnotism (that cost worked out to about $50.00 per pound). I really felt there was no way out.

Then my niece just happened to mention that she'd lost 40 lbs lowcarbing. Must admit, I was not a believer in the beginning. My attitude was more like "I know this isn't going to work, but what the hell, at least I'll enjoy the food."

I'm here to tell you, Pam....this diet is as different as night and day to anything you've tried in the past. You'll never be hungry--in fact if you're like most of us here, your biggest problem will be that your calories are too low.

Have you registed at Fitday? http://www.fitday.com And have you noticed "Hot Links" in the newbies section here?

All the best to you , Pam, in your lowcarb journey!

judy

[reowdy]

Thanks lawoman and jude..... for the warm words, and encouragement, and now.... having basked in them for a little while... I wonder if I may just be about to start justifying again....lmao.... I don't think so.. but....

Tomorrow I am going on 2 weeks vacation to Bali... never did intend to start this before I got home,... but somehow couldn't resist, and I am starting from 5 lbs better than I would have..

Part of all vacations to exotic parts is to me..... the different foods... and I did intend to enjoy all aspects of this holiday..... and start serious lo carbing when I got back...

Last night I had a sliver of my grandsons birthday cake... and then this am had some whole grain bread for breakfast... my justification.... well I am going on hols tomorrow....

But.... I now have a mild stomach ache and bloating, that I had already forgotten about in 2 weeks..... I hope that has taught me something??

Yes lawoman, the mental part is the hardest, but this time at least I have learnt to ask for help, and not be so darned independant... lol.. I really think that being here is the best thing I could have done, and I also have asked a medico friend to help me monitor that aspect...

And oh yessss Jude... the food is fantastic... enjoying every mouthful of all this forbidden stuff , though it is hard to completely let go of the guilt..... sheesh.... never realised how ingrained it was...

Am currently re-reading Sugar Busters, figure maybe that will be easier to stick to while I am away..... though usually all the extra walking and swimming usually mean I don't gain.... and then I intend to come back to atkins induction.. wish me luck.... please....

Congratulations to you both on your achievements..... I never fail to be amazed at some of the successes here.....

Hugz

[lawoman]

That was very brave of you ,Pam,to start this WOE right before going to Bali.I hope it is a great vac. for you in all ways.I'm not trying to get you to justify,but I hope you can enjoy the flavor of Bali and I say this because if you can remember just this one thing...MODERATION! I truly believe that is key to your success.The extra exercise will cetainly help and making a commitment to do induction upon getting home will help,too.It sounds to me like you are on the right track!Good for you! :cheer:

I worry more about the sabotage when I get to my goal weight.I find myself eating whatever because I know I'm thinner or maybe there are underlying reasons that I'm not sure I really want to delve into. :) Whatever the reasoning,I gained back 27 when I lost 68 on Atkins and it scared me to death.I knew I was on the way to gaining all of it back(as I had before).My point is that the mindset worked because I got back ontrack and lost it all.But then came more bad choices the week I hit goal ,gained 8 lbs.,but I did not let it get to be 20 some lbs.I got right back ontrack and started back on plan.So,my point is(sorry it took so long to get there :) ) if we stay cognizant of where we are and how we feel better we get better with it in time.Awareness and moderation are keys to being healthier first and then thinner.

Refreshing your memory about any LC plan will help you to stay aware,Pam,so in all cases,relax,enjoy yourself and who knows,you may cheat minimally because you are aware and on top of things now.Just enjoy!

Linda

[Suni]

Hi Linda (aka: iamwoman)

Love the black cat. We owned one, then we adopted two kittens out of a stray's litter, then we rescued another kitten - anyway DH developed severe allergies to cats and we had to adopt all of them out. Luckily we found good homes for them but I miss having a cat around. My daughter took my tabby so I get to see him when I visit and there is a cat downstairs that comes up to visit so I get to stroke and talk to her too.

I am not unlike you where I found myself a few pounds from goal then the bad eating habits kicked in again and I regained a bit of what I lost. I am still 7 pounds up which I could kick myself for. But I do get back to low-carbing easily and feel more in control eating this way. It seems my brain is more aware this time and I actually think about the ice cream I want to consume before just gobbling it down. I choose to have a portion but it is much smaller and I feel better knowing I am aware and exhibiting portion control even if I am cheating a bit. Hope that makes sense.

I was very down for a few days so I didn't write anything. Also there is a femily wedding coming up so it has been stressful preparing for that. My youngest daughter is being married and my oldest daughter is her matron of honour. We took her dress into a reputable dressmaker to have it altered and they shortened it twice as much as needed and "butchered" the top so this has been added stress. Usually I would be wolfind down chocolate bars by the half dozen and/or chocolate chip cookies, but not this time - quite remarkable for me to be in this much control of my "sweet" tooth.

Chat later. Love the cat - what is it's name?

Jan

[lawoman]

I see a lot of posts out there filled with self-sabotage but not much interest in this site except for a handful of us.I am hoping others will see our posts and offer their input.I believe that it is for different reasons for many people.Maybe someone could offer that one bit of help that would stick(?)

I know you are busy,Suni,but I thought I'd let you know the cat's name is CoCo and we just love her.What a joy! We also have a pug and a yorkie.My DH has the kitty out in La. where we are moving and I miss her but did get to see her when I was out there for 2 wks.Being the finicky type she had to act like she did not know me when I first got there! :rolleyes: Too bad that your DH developed allergies.I'm sure you were a great kitty mom! :)

Sorry to hear about the wedding woes but I'm hoping for you that something really good comes out of all the stress...a beautiful wedding to remember.

Hi Judy and Reowdy :rose: Hope everything is going well for you both.Drop a line here to let us know!See you soon...

Linda

[Suni]

Good Morning lawoman

I have been thinking a lot about your question "about self sabotage" and "how do we stop" and sharing information and ideas. As mentioned above, I am trying to get organized for my youngest daughter's wedding, which is in Ontario. I have everything booked (flight, car, dress bought and altered,shoes, etc.) but what I do not have organized is "me". And I have been doing some thinking about this and it boils down to the fact that I don't set enough boundaries for myself and my time - I don't say "no" enough to my family who I love and I know they need my love and support. So what I do is spend my precioius time helping them and meeting their needs. This is sort of a dilema for me. I work full-time, leave the house by 6:30 each morning and I get home around 5 "ish". DH and I usually sit and have a cup of tea or something cold if it is hot out, then there is dinner to get ready, clean-up (he helps) etc. and by the time I get to sit down it is almost 8 pm - I haven't read the paper yet nor done any preparation for the following day (like make myself a lunch or get my clothes out and ready). DH is doing work for daughter so I will sometimes take the bus over after work to meet up with him and we end up staying for an hour and I play with my almost 2-year old grandson. He is priority and he's not going to be 2 forever and we so enjoy him - but this time with him cuts into "things" that need doing at home.
So where are the boundaries? I find it difficult to keep "things" organized at home, then I get frustrated and sometimes I feel so "out of control" this is when I eat the wrong foods - probably to comfort myself.
I try and follow The Schwarzbein Principle way of eating for the most part but if I don't take time to prepare, I don't have the proper foods in the house and if I get tired and frustrated and time becomes an issue, and I don't say "no" to obligations and/or my family, then I find I slip back to a few of my bad habits and the weight creeps on. The one difference now is that I am aware and then I bereate myself for allowing this to happen.

So for me, one of my problems is not being able to set boundaries for myself with my time commitments and not being able to say "no" to my family.

[lawoman]

Hi Suni...

It sounds like your plate is really,really full to overflowing! I'm sorry to hear that you take on so much in trying to keep everyone happy.With your schedule it must be difficult to fit time in for you.Do you take time to exercise ...for you? If not,you need to perhaps,after this wedding is over, just set the family down and tell them your concerns,ask for their indulgence and understanding. I know you do it out of love but you need to love yourself first.The rest will come much easier if you are feeling good about saying yes,instead of always saying yes and then feeling some resentment because that was all the time you had free.Hopefully a happier you will make better choices instead of self-sabotaging.

I hope any of that makes sense and I do hope you find the answers and are happy you made the decision to take more time for you. Have a great weekend and maybe the answers will come to you soon!


Always,
Linda

[Suni]

HI lawoman

Yes I do take time to exercise - I work out a minimum of 3 times per week during my lunch hour - sometimes 4 times during the week - DH and I swim on Tuesday evenings too. I love to exercise and find it a great stress reliever plus it keeps the old body moving and limber.

DH commented on how "busy" we had been and how we need more "down and alone" time. I told him I agreed. So we are going to schedule more "slow/down" time - I don't know why but if I am not "doing" something I feel terribly guilty. Does anyone else have this problem? And I get really agitated with myself if I get tired and I think "I should be able to do this and this and this" and I get tired and cannot do it. Instead of taking it like a "sign" that the body is saying "hey, slow down we need a rest" I over-ride the message with "but we shold be able to do it" and I get angry with myself and feel weak and lazy. I don't know if this makes sense but possibly this is a "getting older" thing too - I just cannot do as much as I used to 20 years ago and get tired much more quickly. Maybe I just need to admit it and accept the fact that I don't have the energy I did when I was in my 20's. Do you understand? Can you relate?

[lawoman]

Hi Suni,

Yes,I certainly can relate.I'm 48 and even though I am in better shape than I was most of those yrs. I still feel the fatigue more and quicker now.But I'm not doing this age thing too lightly,I'm like you,I'm keeping busty and going down fighting. :)

I do think as we get older,and as couples,we need to be aware that things do change but not to let them change so much that we lose who we really were way back when.You remeber those long walks on the beach with DH,etc.etc.,but you try to do everything for the kids and then grandkids and all of a sudden we are just existing with our spouse because we don't have the energy for him/her. DH and I had that problem and found each other again.Best advice,downsize all else and take the time!
It is wonderful to discover one another again after 22 yrs..Well,right now it is difficult as we have lived apart most of the time since April and it has gotten old real fast.In another post I'll tell you what it felt like to not have the spouse around for a while but I do know I will appreciate him even more when we are together again. :thup: Keep to your word with DH...he must be feeling left out,too.

Glad you take the time for you at least when you can,
Linda

[Suni]

HI and Good Morning

You and I find ourselves in similar circumstances. You see DH lives away from me, because of a work contract, for almost 6 months out of the year. Because we met a bit later in life (and his ex got all the $ in the divorce) we don't have a lot of $/savings for retirement so when he was offered a 3-year, 6-month contract we knew that this was a rare opportunity to make some badly needed $ for our retirement.
When he first left I wandered around our place like a lonely cat but eventually I got myself into a routine and took night school courses and took yoga in the evenings etc. and on the weekends I planned shopping trips and lunches etc. so I wasn't moping around the house. DH is very self-sufficient so he was able to make the transition from us being together to us living alone for a period of time. Once a month I would fly over for an extended weekend and spend some time together. But what I found was that we each got into our little routines (i.e. I do not cook the same way for me as I do when he's home; I go out of the house in the evenings to night school and/or exercise whereas he hates going out in the evening) and I found it a big adjustment having him home again after being gone for 6-months. We are hoping at the end of his 3rd year, we can retire - altho we have not decided if we can afford to remain on the west coast or if we should head back east. My being alone and having time for just "me" made me almost selfish with my time. I find while I miss him, living separately brought out our differences and we had to learn to live as one again - this was quite a revelation to me as I've always been half of a couple.

I too am determined to go down fighting. I always thought I'd accept "growing older" with grace and acceptance but I HATE it - my brain still feels young and lively but it's the old body that cannot keep up, which I find frustrating.

However, I did receive a nice compliment on Saturday. I did a "stand in front of the mirror naked" before I got dressed and of course, I found "things" I wasn't happy about - don't we all - are we not our own worst critics! So off DH and I head to do some errands. While I was shopping a total stranger (lady) came up and said to me, totally out of the blue "you look fantastic, it is obvious you take very good care of yourself and you have pride in the way you look". I am sure I did the "Duh" and my mouth hung open. However I did manage to say "thank you, you just made my day, possibly even my year" - she laughed and said "I wouldn't have complimented you if it hadn't been true" then she walked away. My DH and daughters often comment that I am too hard on myself and not accepting enough (of me) and it just goes to show that both that stranger-lady and I looked at the same image and we both saw entirely different images. It goes to show how squed our image can be of ourselves and how criticial we can be without even knowing we're doing it. I am going to try and eliminate any negative self-talk because it is a bad habit I really need to break when relating to me!

This is way to long a reply - but can you relate?

[lawoman]

You bet I can relate.I'm really used to doing things my way,too,and having my alone time,so when he comes home next week it will be adjust again.The good news is that I can still adjust! :lol:

So here you are with a child getting married and I just found out today that my daughter's 10 yr. marriage may be ending. :cry: Not that he was ever so great and I'd have rather that she never married him but she did.This time though,my daughter is at fault for handling things all wrong.From her teen yrs. it took a while to build up this great friendship we have come to have and now it is going to go by the wayside.She knows she is wrong so she is not answering my calls and here I am in Ga. and she is 1,000 mi. away in Pa. I hate it most for my grandkids( 7 and 10) They have already seen and heard too much in their young lives.My heart is aching (and breaking) I wish I knew what the late Ann Landers would have told me to do.I don't want to alienate my daughter but I sure cannot condone how she is doing things.

I only came here,today, to keep from going crazy.I did not tell my DH yet(my daughter is by my first marriage) as he will be so hurt.I was hoping it would work out first but I know now it won't.DH has always treated her better than some do their own(including her own Dad) Oh my,what to do and what to say that will not make things worse.I'm glad I lost my appetite through all this as being close to goal it would not be difficult to self-sabotage right now! :cry:

Take care,Suni,and thanks for your tolerance with this post.I do enjoy reading yours as there is so much of me in them.Sometimes it makes me see things I had not seen before and relate to them.It also makes me think of how to deal with some of my self-sabotage issues.

Have a good day ...
Linda

[Suni]

Hi and Good Morning Linda

I am sorry I have not been able to get back to this post for a while. Please let me know how "things" are with you and how you've been handling the stress of your daughter's impending separation and your worry/concern for your grandkids.

I live in Vancouver, BC and my daughter lives and was married in Ontario - a 4 1/2 flight. I went out for 5-days and met up with my other daughter and my grandson and we all enjoyed a GREAT time together. To be honest, I didn't ever think I would like the people my kids married because I disliked most of the people they dated. But, after I left my abusive marriage and (eventually) formed a healthy, loving relationship with my (now) husband, the kids dropped the (&%#~*(^ they had dated and all married really wonderful people. At the wedding I was even subjected to my ex and his new wife and I was not even intimidated - a BIG revelation, BIG step for / to me. Like you mentioned above, my new husband has been a better role model and "father" to my children than their bioligical father ever was!

I was home for two days then DH and I went away for a week - took it easy and relaxed.

I am now back to work - don't know for how long I have a job as we were told there is going to be downsizing in the 4th quarter (between Sept. & Dec.) - so I will hang in as long as I can.

Please let me know how things are with you. Again, I apologize for not getting back to you sooner.

Jan (alias Suni)

[lawoman]

Hi Jan, :rose:

It was really good to hear from you,again,but we have enough stress in our lives than to worry if we do not get here regular! :) I'm just glad that you had some time away and everything went well for you.

My daughter and her husband have worked things out,at least for now.I do hope they can get past all that happened for the kids sake.His insisting on being an owner/operator of his own truck has caused them so much financial hardship and has whittled away at their marriage for a big portion of the 11 yrs.They had to go bankrupt because of it and even after that he would not find a different job nor drive for a co.His family is all involved and control him so things have been tough for my daughter because they all feel she is always wrong when in fact she is the only one who is right.Just a bad situation but I hope for the kids it works out ok.I just hate to see my grandkids raised in poverty so I do what I can to assure they are dressed nice,etc.

My home has still not sold but the Co. has said that we can lower it to whatever point it will sell and they'll make up most of the difference.That is so generous...now to get an offer even if it is ridiculously low! :rolleyes: I cannot tell our realtor about the Co. offer so she keeps trying for a higher price.I need to get with her in the next few days and re-group.

As for weight...I messed up while DH was home for 10 days.Lots of entertaining and bad choices.I did lose some of it so I now have 4 more lbs. to goal...AGAIN! I just started reading Dr. Phil's new book to find out why I make bad choices and to try to correct.I liked the new challenge show so I may learn something. Are you going to watch or read the book? I swear I read everything that comes along! :lol:

I better run now...going out to dinner but determined to make good choices.Drop by when you can....

Hugs,
Linda
PS. I do hope that your job stays stable.Downsizing is such an ugly business!

[Suni]

Hi Linda

This is my first day back to work after being off for 2 1/2 weeks and I just found your e-mail reply after going through 146 in my "in" box. I did something really stupid - I was participating in a United Way event here at work, fell and suffered a hair-line fracture in my elbow. DUMB! I am OK to return to work but I need to set up some physiotherapy for my elbow, so I regain the full range of montion in it again.

Of course, while I was off work, I did some emotional / nurturing eating - I unfortunately discovered a place near us that has these delicious cinnamon buns. I guess when I drop in after work sometimes they are sold out but when I went in during the day - the smelle - MMMMMMM - so I bought one for myself and my daughter. She does not really crave sweets like I do, but I think I must have eaten about 6 cinnamon buns in two weeks, along with a few other "not so smart" choices. I didn't gain a lot of weight but I definitely did gain some - DUMB! I know in my head that eating cinnamon buns (or any other sweets) won't help any emotional situation, but tell that to the "sweet monster" that lives inside me!

I can appreciate what you are saying about your daughter and her husband's interfering family. I was married to a man that "never left home" - he was married to his "family" - they ALWAYS came first, even over our children. It helped a bit when we moved out of town (job related because he never would have moved otherwise). I don't know if this is an option for your daughter and her family, to get him away from his family.

My daughter is a stay-at-home mom to my 2-year old grandson. Homes in Vancouver are very high and continue to climb and climb. They don't have a lot of $ so like you do, I buy clothes for our grandson and babysit when it is convenient to help them out. I have to do this while I am still employed.

Big meeting today and we'll know the "fate" of our jobs by the end of the month. I honestly do not think I will be able to keep my job. I am 56 and the thought of being unemployed and trying to find another job, one that pays as well and has benefits, is slim to none. But I will try and be positive.

Hope your home sells and you can finally move. I saw Dr. Phil's book when (2nd) hubby and I were shopping at Costco this past week. I didn't get to even browse thru the book but if I get a chance to I will definitely read it. I get home too late in the day from work to watch Oprah or his TV program.

One of the best books I have read is The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem - I believe it is along the same lines as Dr. Phil's - about making choices for ourselves. I found it a bit technical in places but the information was the best I have ever read on the subject (of self esteem, emotions and choices).

Hope to hear from you. Good luck on selling your house.

Bye for now - Jan (((hugs))) too!

[ruby]

Thanks Karen,
Ruby

[Anette]

I must admit that I only discovered this thread now - and further that I did not read all the posts. Just wondered whether there were others who would relate to this crazy self-sabotage...

Before I go on, I'd like to quote can't-remember-who, who said "When we are happy, we are always good; but when we are good, we are not always happy."
I agree with those earlier statements about all aspects of one's life having to be in balance for one to also have this 'food thing' in balance. Even though I believe that I have a very good life, I know that I am not truly fulfilled in my marriage. Being overweight has, however, become a kind of self-defence mechanism. I don't want to be attractive to men, because I am scared that I will fall for the first guy out there who gives me attention. And my good old Calvinist guilt complexes simply will not allow that! The 'solution', therefore? As soon as I lose a significant amount of weight and notice any kind of male attention, I run for the supermarket and buy THE most fattening thing I can find! Not only does that fatten me up back to the point of safety, but I am comforted while eating it :confused:

Knowing why I do it and stopping are, unfortunately, two very different things.
Man oh man, it does sound rather crazy black on white... my only consolation is that I know two other people who are overweight and identify with such craziness!

On a more positive note. I think we can all help our children to avoid the trap of comfort eating. When my children are hurt/sad or must drink medicine, I never offer sweets as a 'reward' or comfort - I'd rather leave my office (I work from home) and go and play with them/give them a hug/distract them/help them draw a picture.

[gawdess]

I've really started to look at my eating as an addiction issue. The past 6 months on Atkins have been the most controlled weight and eating behavior ever for me. I recently tried to switch to South Beach and failed miserably at it. My cravings returned with the diet switch, along with mood swings and anxiety attacks. I lasted for about a week before having a total eating meltdown. The meltdown involved a container of Brownie Batter Ben and Jerrys, a bag of Cheetos, and all the chocolate in sight. It didnt make me feel better, my blood sugar bottomed out and so did I. I remember distinctly during the ride home after this binge just wanting to make myself throw up and take back the eating I had done. I didnt of course, it was just an urge that came up for me. I've really begun to see my relationship with food as an addiction and am treating it just as that. My self sabotaging moments with food always leave me the loser. I never feel good about it in the end. I am so thankful that low carbing has got my eating under control.

[Ruralgurl]

I am glad to see this thread resurrected! Thanks Anette!
I'm just wondering how many people in this thread, have sabbotaged themselves in the last year?
Well you can count me as one, a little older, a little wiser, a few more tools on hand this time around, so lets just see!

[Si Belle]

Guilty of self-sabotage, definitely.
Once in "binge mode" you completely loose control. It's like the only thing you can think of is food food food. Doesn't matter if friends call, you cancel plans and free yourself so you can eat. Generally, this will last 2-3 hours but the end result is overwhelming. Depression, guilt, sadness and self-abusive talk starts. This usually happens when you have lost control over something. Weatherproofing is a cause of this, trying to fix every little problem, controling every situation.
I have seen it with close friends, family members and I have experienced it myself. Now that I recognize it, it doesn't happen anymore.

Annette, you are worthy of the attention. If your marriage isn't making you happy, find what will make you happy. What I"m saying is, relive the moments of happiness with your husband. You both fell in love for a reason, find out what that reason is and build on that. Chances are, he might be feeling the same as you right now.

I hope things work themselves out.

[ChristaS]

Annette,
I do the exact same thing to myself- keep myself overweight to keep the men away. If they stay away, they can't break my heart. Unfortunately, if they stay away, it makes it hard to get married and have babies!! I also worry that I won't be able to control myself if I start getting attention from men and that I'll go off the deep end and turn into a hussey! How's that for not having very much faith in oneself?:confused: I also don't have very much experience in relationships or dating- one boyfriend for 7 months so far, at 30 years old. Bottom line: I'm afraid of actually finding the right man almost as much as I am of getting hurt and rejected.

It's a self-destructive way of thinking and I have gotten better since starting this WOL. It only took about 10 lbs before heads starting turning. I'm still TERRIFIED that I just might find the guy I'm looking for, but I figure that if I'm a total package and feel great about myself, I'll find someone who will feel great about me too.

Take care!

[Si Belle]

Christa, you are beautiful! When you meet a guy who will make you feel as great as you are, you will start floating and that floating feeling is wonderful.

Even if it doesn't last forever, it is so worth it.

[ChristaS]

Thanks, Si Belle. I know I'll find him, and I guess I'm glad I'm not wasting time picking through losers to get to him. Good things are always worth waiting for!

[weigh2cool]

I never really gave much thought to the self sabotage issue, but I realize that looking back on the last 15 - 18 years of my life, the unhappier I became with my marriage, the more I comforted myself with food. My husband always "swore that he'd kick me out if I got fat" and I think on some subconcious level I gained weight to punish him....I knew that he wouldn't leave because of his love for our daughter. Anytime he felt like he was in the doghouse, he always brought home some type of "treat" for me...even though he knew I struggled to try and lose weight. He'd make jokes about my weight gain, but then immediately say"Oh you know I'm only kidding". It was hurtful.

So here I am, in the "extended play" process of a divorce, learning how to be me. My daughter is in college, living with roommates and empty nest is another change I'm adapting to. But I feel like for the first time in a long time I have lots of choices and no one to blame but myself.

I will check in with this thread to remind myself that I want to lose this weight for me. I don't need to do it for anyone's approval or love, but just because I want to feel better about myself.

Good luck to everyone!

[weigh2cool]

Oops. I'm new.

I just posted but forgot to subscribe. :)

[perbain]

wow!!! You are all pretty special people. this sounds like a journey. Good thoughts.....

[MelodyVAKS]

I'll be back as well. I don't even have time right now to read everything but this is a very interesting thread.

[galatia]

Just getting the link for later reading....

[detroitlad]

boy, this is some good stuff!!!! It's this kind of thinking [in this thread] that will set you free!!!! & put those demon's to rest!

[sophotia]

I havent read all the post yet but wanted to subscribe to this thread.

Thanx!

[MissBehave]

Yes, I have this problem. I don't know why. Here's a post I wrote just yesterday to reach out about this.

http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?t=208190

I thought inner changes were taking place, but I think it's a lot deeper. I don't know where to go with it either. As I said, my family, even my 9 year old, have become extremely supportive, though I get resentful when people (they or "friends") try to police me. That's the eternal rebel in me I suppose! In other words, I'll eat what I decide to eat, when I decide to eat it. This is MY ATKINS thing, not yours. But that works in opposition doesn't it?

I don't know maybe I have to see someone about this. I know I can get obnoxious when I start to look and feel good, because I feel unstoppable and am accomplishing something (though that really should have nothing to do with my weight, right? ;) ). But people don't like that. I know I don't. And I think this is the question at hand....WHY does it happen and what do I do about it.

Man, this is the only place I can come to talk about this stuff and have someone else say, "YES!, I've been there!", or "I'm experiencing that now!"

I'm just speaking right out on this, so I hope there is some feedback for me, I sure could use it. I hope I haven't offended anyone, but if there are lots of us out there like this, then its a good thing to talk about it.

Karen, just wanted to say, your posts are very insightful, and your recipes, and others' have saved my daughter and I from boring meaningless meals. I let her help me do some things and she feels there's a double benefit... mom stays on her diet with her help, and we get to eat something new and delicious.

Ok, better get back to work, bbl.

[MsTwacky]

I have done that exact thing so many times. I start to lose weight and half way through or even almost to goal I start down a slippery slope of thinking and eating. I seem to think that I have it under control and can eat like a normal person.

I turn to food for pleasure, companionship and comfort. Food (sugar and high carbs) has been my boyfriend and best friend for years and years.

When I take that first bite and start thinking I'm okay I can handle this one ____ (fill in the blank) I'm in a very dangerous frame of mind. I am 100% addicted to these foods and when I start to eat them I don't want to give them up again. The I'll quit tomorrows start to come into my head and then I proceed to eat everything I can't ever have again as a final farewell. The problem with that is that tomorrow never comes. By then I am usually so addicted that I can't possibly imagine life without these foods again.

It's almost like a heroin addict who has relapsed. If he were to stop right away, the withdrawels will not be too harsh. But if he has the mentality of I'm gonna use as much as I can today then the withdrawels will be even worse, then to counter the withdrawels he does just a lil the next day, then thinks...well I've blown it I'll do as much as I can today and tomorrow I'll start fresh.

Anyway, I have been goven a window of opportunity this last week. I have 6 days of low carbing and as long as I don't pick up the first bite I have a chance. I have also started going to Overeaters Anonymous because I have finally surrendered that I have no control whatsoever and have surrendered completely. I have PCOS and to eat sugar only hurts my condition yet I keep trying to eat "just this one time".

What a great thread!

I am finally working on my insides and the reasons why I ate in the first place.

[j. mcadams]

I too am like a Herion Addict when it comes to high carb foods. I sometime describe myself to my husband as an Alcoholic. I really do not think I will ever be able to eat a any high carb foods in moderation. So what is a person to do.
This is such a shamful thing to have to admit, not only to myself, but to everyone that may come alone and read this post.

How do I stop the Self-Sabotage?? Seems like a real simple question to me, but I'm having a hell of a time trying to get my answer.

[146pounds]

I never thought of myself as an addict until I sat in on a lecture from a drug counsellor (I'm not a drug counsellor by the way, it was a lecture for my nursing theory class). Anyways, everything that drug users experience from drugsa, I experience from food. Sounds weird but its amazingly true. When I am sad or excited I turn too food. When I have extra time to spare, I eat. When I am not eating, I'm thinking about eating. My cravings are as mad as a cow and at times I perhaps would kill to eat something (not literally). The point is, they have these addiction clinics for substance abusers and gambling alcoholics, but they absolutley don't have any sort of help for food addicts. I think that is a problem these days because we need to get help for this rapidly growing obese nation. I've been on and off this diet now for at leat 1.5 years. Wow, the downfall was my very first cheat.

[j. mcadams]

I have concluded, that to make this my lifestyle, that I will never be able to have a "real" piece of cake, cause I can't stop at one piece. I am not the type of person that can be trusted, much like your alcoholic or drug addicts.

Sometimes even with the forum and all the wonderful people that are on there, this journey can be very lonely.

[Pat S.]

Okay I'll ask what is the Joansville connection?
Pat

[j. mcadams]

Well Pat, I'm Joan, and several low carbers each year end up at mine and my husband's Bob's place, for lots of low carb food and laughs.

This is the third year for this event, the first year we had two people to come. One from Wisconsin, the other person from Illinois. Now last year we had Wisconsin, Illinios, Ohio, and Canada not to mention here in Kentucky. Oh yeah, it was named ''Joans'ville Connection" due to no one would come to a "Louisville Connection" :lol: :lol: :lol:

If you can make it please feel free to show up. Our big get together will fall this time on May 22, which is on a Sunday.

Now that is what Joans'ville is. ;)

[ladygolden]

i was so relieved to find/read this thread. I am been so miserable trying this woe this time around as i have been the QUEEN OF SELF SABOTAGE. I have felt like SUCH A FAILURE?LOSER. Now even tho i HAVE been sticking to induction plan i am continuing to gain(4 lbs so far). As i stated before i have found lc eating to be harder than nonsoking(will be 2 month 4/06). I smoked for 33+ years and on my bday i stopped thats it no more finito. But lc? have had so many times off plan that i wonder about damage done to my metabolism/health. I am going to continue induction tho and water and exercise . Reading the posts in this thread were very thought provoking i will reread them all again as needed.

[abby1990]

Hello, I am one of the worst when it comes to self sabotage.
I do great through the week only to give in on the weekends.
I lose 1 to 2 pounds and gain it back by Monday. How do I break this cycle?

Abby

[j. mcadams]

Abby, I think you have hit on something that we would all like to know.
I think one reason we do good through the week is we have a routine, we have more of a set eating time. I know that is how it is here at our house. Also trying to get in 3 meals and 2 snacks after getting a later start for breakfast on the weekend cause me problem. Just know you are not alone in this struggle.

[Pat S.]

Joan if I were closer I would take you up on your invitation it sounds like fun.
Pat

[Pat S.]

I sure am having a hard time sticking to any way-of-eating. :( I think being 63 and dieting most of my life has something to do with that, I just can't seem to hang in there. I know I have missed my golden shot and have messed up my metabolism so bad I am having a hard time losing.
Oh well same old story hope you all are having a better time of it.
Pat

[FabByFifty]

Hi Everyone! Nice thread! I think many can relate to this thread. I am one to self-sabotage every weekend, like most. I do fine during the week, but come the weekend, I have 3 small girls home, my husband ( who drives semi all week), and they want to eat all the wrong foods, and do all the wrong things that seem to interfer with my plan! No excuse, I don't have to fall into it, but I do 8 out of 10 times!
Like most, I just have to fiqure a way to include myself with my family, on the weekends, without having to follow them to my self-sabotage downfalls.
Hopefully, which I doubt, as the weather changes so will their eating habits, and their activities. More outside activities that will not include bad foods and bad choices when they do eat!
I think the easiest way to prevent this from happening is to quit finding ways in our heads to make it all look good. Examples~Ok, I will do this for one day, and if it effects my weight, I will get strict through the week again! (you don't succeed this way, up and down, up and down!). or, One day a week is not going to hurt, everyone else does it! (again this does not work either!).
Or the really good one I use~Feeling sorry for yourself. I can not eat like this everyday, I miss the good stuff, and I have to have it occasionally. Eating like this is hard! (It is hard, and we do all miss the old way of eating, I don't think anyone can honestly say they don't, but we are after a goal, and falling off at anytime is all part of self-sabotage. So, I think we all just have to be stronger, and more committed to losing. If you don't become more committed, no one loses but US! And I don't mean weight! :thup:

[tripletmom]

Have you ever had this experience?

Yes.... at least 3 times now. I lose somewhere between 50-80 pounds in about 3-8 months, and then I go on a carb binge that doesn't stop until I've regained all the weight, plus 30.

Have you ever successfully overcome it to move on toward your goal?

Not yet... I'm still working on it. I am trying to do a U-Turn and change that carb-bender into a side trip instead of a destination.

What insights did you gain?

That I can make a decision in the blink of an eye to cheat. I can be in the right frame of mind, losing steadily, and then SMACK, I'm eating cookies.


Do you have suggestions to share with others? Not yet... I'm still in need of insight to my own emotions to understand why I have such an attachment to being 300 pounds!

Karen

[TRIXSTAR]

I completely agree! I can't cheat, am terrified of it, because if I do then maybe I won't stop! I've tried and failed (actually quit is more honest) so many times. This time though I am in such a better place, internally...I'm on my own here, and have spent the last two years really digging into me and coming to terms with a lot of crap that just needed to be dealt with. I'm in no way done but at least I know what I'm facing now and I figure I can pretty much deal with anything so long as I know what it is...
The wierd thing is I never EVER was a sweet craver but now, after being on induction for now 4 weeks I don't crave the bread or rice or potatoes but I want sugar SO BAD....I broke down last week and had a piece of chocolate (which I NEVER craved before...I know strange) and I literally had to hold on to the counter because my legs gave way it was so good! What is with that???!!! (not the awesomeness of the chocolate but the suger cravings :lol: )
anyways...back to the point.. Food definately is a drug more powerful than any I think because we NEED it to survive and we can't just quit, change lifestyles or move away from the situation to make it easier to change. We still have to go to the supermarket, look at all the food, decide NOT to buy it. We still have to think about food all day; we get hungry and we get bored. We still have birthdays, holidays, babies and funerals....we still get lonely and depressed and scared and we can't always voice these things and food doesn't need conversation.
I've quit smoking (one year next month), and quit other things that seriously friends, while difficult and really irritating, was NOTHING to having to lose weight. And the worst part of it all is that even when you are losing, sometimes, to get to the finish line, seems so far away that you get frustrated and so tired of the struggle...
I read a post though the other day about keeping your hope...the belief that you will make it being one of the most important things and I tell you, it helped me today..to say no to an ice cream that I was DYING for (ice cream addict of 30 years here) because tomorrow is weigh in day and I feel hopeful that I had a good week. Maybe it won't always help but it helped today and that's all I can handle right now is one day at a time...

[j. mcadams]

Trixstar,
this is great that you could say no to ice cream. That is one addiction I don't think I'll ever be able to kick. However I did once and it lasted 5 years, so maybe there is still hope.

Good luck on tomorrow's weight in.

Joan

[Bakerchic]

This doesn't surprise me at all. They put additives in our processed food which makes them addicting. MSG is one. Some of them have the same effects as opiates. It seems like cold turkey is the only way to go at times. But if it's any consolation, there are plenty in the same boat and allot going that way if they don't think about it now! I get so envious when I see my twig friends, down twinkies, pop, what have you and still look like twigs. Here's some comfort, NORMAL people do not eat that way. That's why "normal" people will have related health complications regardless of their size. Weight is only one factor. The truth is, we have to learn to eat like real people and not Americans. Our parents and grandparents did not start out this way. Don't worry, you'll get a handle, you've come farther than most right. Just think of the twigs who will just be starting this battle later on in their lives. Skinny doesn't equal healthy, and that's what we have to learn to pay attention to. You've come so far, and you will get back on track! I have faith. I too am slipping, so let's do ourselves a favor, not batter ourselves and be proud that we are learning how to eat. In this sense, we can thank our excess pounds for telling us something was wrong.

[detroitlad]

I am so glad to find this thread, its amazeing and so though provoing!!!!!
I been dealing with self -sabotage for sometime now!!! it's like the storm clouds have findly lifted and I can see the sky again!
Audrey

[DollGirl]

This thread is wonderful. Posting now to subscribe and I hope to add some thoughts as I have time...

[dashykathy]

This thread is awesome and it came just in the nick of time. I was anorexic for many, many years and after my last child (single mom at 38 yrs. old) I kind of got a little healthy. Then I got married and went through some tough times emotionally. Last year our daughter (then 14) was diagnosed with a mental illness and I really put on pounds. I would try to eat less, eat healthier, do more but somehow couldn't make it more than 3 - 4 days. I've been so scared to loose and end up anorexic again that I would sabotage myself. I turned to food to comfort me and make me feel better - it fills me emotionally but the physical toll was horrible - my back and knees were keeping me in constant pain. In May I started low carbing and lost some weight. But, like so many others I did well during the week but weekends were tough. I'm also a care-taker and felt guilty about not cooking/eating what my family were. Now I realize that I have a responsibility to me first and that there is 'healthy selfishness.' I've lost 19 lbs. since May and have 11 more to go to hit my goal weight. This will hopefully delay knee replacement surgery for me and I know that emotionally I feel better than I have in many years. Now I have to really do some soul searching and find out why I sabotage myself in other areas of my life - and why I'm scared to make friends and always have to be 'busy' to the point of 'all work and no relaxation.' Thank you, thank you, thank you for this thread - and this group. I don't post much but I sure do read a lot and that provides so much support for me. As I increase my self-knowledge I will share it, but also need to set up a journal for myself. I think that's going to help an awful lot too.

dashykathy

[Fauve]

wow, very interesting thread!
I will come back soon.

[Dragon61]

Fabulous thread.

Why do I self-sabotage? It's not because I'm addicted to carbs, its because I am absolutely petrified of relationships.

I spent most of my childhood, teens and early 20's being underweight. When I started going out with guys, I would be okay for 2 or 3 months and then suddenly the fear of commitment would hit me. The next thing I would do was to start behaving in a way that I knew would turn the guy off that I was going out with. With one guy I became super clingy, with the next I became super independent. However I acted, the goal was to chase him off.

Then there was the guy that was really into skinny girls - so I put on weight.

After a few more relationships, I discovered that putting on the weight chased the guys off before they became a problem. Most guys didn't even look at me. But unfortunately not all. Eventually I realised that as soon as any guy paid any attention to me, my immediate reaction was to gain weight.

Since then I have successfully lost weight several times but as soon as I start getting any attention from the guys I start putting it back on. I want to get healthy for me but attention still scares me to death.

I know to succeed this time I not only need to lose my excess weight, I need to learn how to cope with my emotional problems.

[lisabond]

Hi...self-sabotager here...

Why I do it? I'll have this little voice in my head that tells me, "You aint all that. Too full of yourself, arent you?" So, I knock myself off the pedestal I think I'm on. I guess I can't allow myself to be happy with my accomplishments. To me, that is prideful. It also recognizes the fact that I had a weight problem in the first place. I have lost 100 pounds more than once in my life. I've weighed as much as 260 ten years ago, got down to 150, and gained 70 pounds back. Now I'm close to goal and the ONLY thing that keeps me from falling aff again is by not eating the carbs. Sugar and carbs are the gateway back to hell for me.

Also, there will be days that I feel, for lack of a better word, "fat". Doesn't matter what the scale reads, I still feel like that 260 pound person 10 years ago. So, might as well eat so my body can match what my head feels. Synchonize everything in a sick, twisted way.

How do I stop? Knowing that, like I said, sugar and carbs are the gateway I do not want to walk through.

I hesitate to post this because it is such a downer post, but I apologetically do so, anyway.

[eacoy]

I've just found this thread, but it is about something that I've put up front and center in my efforts.

I have noticed and my family reports that I am angrier than I used to be. I don't like being angry but suspect I always was and just hid it (and fed the anger).

I have also noticed that food isn't working as a panacea to some of my darker moods now. This is truly a mixed blessing but I believe it is small progress.

Of course I am working to use exercise, insight, limit setting and communication to solve problems so I won't be (1) so mad or (2) so down. In all cases, I am becoming conscious of a previously unconscious response.

Left with the tricky part of developing healthier ways to deal with life's "little ups and downs" (read this major traumas).

Good thread, I'm still reading from the beginning to learn from others.

[MissBehave]

I haven't read this whole thread yet but you know what... the first few posts hit home. Especially the thing about anger. I think this is a major problem for me. Hard to admit, but I sometimes feel like a raging lunatic because I almost always go overboard and then rationalize it making perfect sense.

I lost 25 lbs doing LC 1.5 years ago through reading this site. But as someone else said, when other things came up, I had to do that grappling act to the point where I figureatively and literally "dropped" the LC ball, because I obsessed with it without doing any work.

I guess it all works into depression and stress, and at this point I've regained it all back and then some. I'm always tired, my feet and leg joints are hurting all the time, my cholesterol and triglycerides & bp are high, and I feel like I'm not going to make it to 45. As my doctor said I'm too young for this! but I feel OLD and broken. (I just turned 39)

The only thing I'm doing now is having oatmeal every day with my bp med. because I'm in too much pain to do excercise and even that gets me p.o.'d My 10 year old knows even that this is a problem.

:o :help:

[sLynng]

i posting to subscribe and plan to read this whole thread.........because i am my own worst enemy

[PALC]

Weird thing is when I did this, I knew I was self-sabotaging but I continued anyways...

I was doing a very clean atkins and was 9 pounds away from my goal weight when I sabotaged myself.

My binge, that led me to gain back almost all my weight, started out innocent - I figured I could treat myself to some birthday cake and spaghetti for being so good, plus it was a birthday party. Well, this would have been okay, but I didnt stop. The next day the sabotage began and I "treated" myself to all the things I couldnt eat on atkins - Starbucks Frappiccinos, Starbucks Gingerbread Loaf (seasonal) , etc...
I justified it by telling myself that Starbucks only brought this stuff as a seasonal thing and if I didnt eat it now, I wouldnt for a very long time. So I kept eating it. I had this stuff everyday for the past 18 days and I gained almost all my weight back.

Lesson learned: Food will always be there and there is no reason for me to horde it like a chimpmonk for the next season. Really though, I realized that I love Starbucks, but I love being thin even more. I realized that I dont do well on the slipperly slope of carbs. I realized I hate being controlled by my cravings - seriously, it was this crazy craving for Starbucks I couldnt control. I realized that I should reach my goal first, then treat myself occassionally and just because I ruin my diet with a treat doesnt mean I have to ruin the whole day or the whole week!!

All simple lessons really but I guess the sabotage came out of fear - fear of not eating this stuff later ever again. How did I get over this fear? Here is my plan: reach goal weight and THEN have ANY treat I want once a week.

Today is my second day back. How did I finally stop the Starbucks monster? Well, my clothes dont fit again so I kinda didnt have a choice. Plus, I felt physically and emotionally sick from not having a clean diet. Let me tell you this : the first day back is by far the hardest!! Hope this helps other people.

[joylorene]

PALC so how are you doing these days? Are you still staying clean? I'm trying but I blow it every weekend.

[quicksand]

:help: This is very scary,you all described me .I was reading the posts and thought ,wow,these people know me personaly. Will post later got to regain my thoughts. :)

[KatieAZ]

WOW! this is a great thread. I will post later!

[rissa]

I've lost the same 50 lbs a few times now. I was so excited when I got into new territory the last time, I treated my success with FOOD. Yes, I didn't fix what was wrong in the first place. I needed to start looking at food as fuel. Its what my body needs to run - just like my car needs gas. I don't overfill my car, or give it diesel fuel - its not right to do that to myself. I'm working on me now. The weight is going to come off and stay off - because I'm taking care of my other life aspects. I also wasn't healthy. I have since found out what is medically wrong with me and that is being repaired. That contributed a lot to my sabotage.

[NixCarbos]

Reviving an old thread.

This was such a great read.

Thanks for sharing everybody :rheart:

[SissyPoo]

I think I am just addicted to food and eating it.

[ProfGumby]

I read the title and thought, if I knew how not to self sabotage...I wouldn't be yo - yo ing the last 20 pounds or so for the last 2 years!
:help: ;) :help:

At least have not put it all back on and then some.....

[purnois]

Hi All! I posted this over in another section, but thought maybe it was worth repeating if it could help someone. Have you by chance read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle? I haven't watched Oprah in years, but tuned it in when my favorite author, Louise Hay was on. During that, I learned about Eckhart Tolle. I am using Tolle's techniques for being calm and in the "present" and trying to use it with my eating and sleeping. There is a huge section on "pain body" and how we sabatoge ourselves (it's not our fault!!!). Oprah and Eckhart did a ten week class by internet on the book (a chapter a week). It is available free on Oprah's website if you are interested. Nice meeting you!

[SissyPoo]

Will check this out.

[purnois]

Good luck! Hope it helps some. There is a huge message board connected with just the book and they discuss it chapter by chapter too. Here is the link (if we're allowed to post links??) http://www.oprah.com/community/community/bookclub/tolle?view=discussions