Daughter's weight - help!

[Katy131]

Hi all

I had a visit to the doctor recently with my daughter, who is 12 and 5' 6.5" tall. It was a routine check up and included height and weight. I was disturbed to see that her weight has gone right up from the line it used to follow, to the outer borders of the shaded area of "normal". She weighed in at 71.4 kg (which is 157 pounds or thereabouts), although she does not look "fat". I also noticed that it has risen since we started eating low carb/high fat.

In fact, my daughter does not eat a low carb diet. Although I ensure that she eats protein at every meal and plenty of good fats, she is not good at eating vegetables and still eats some rice, potatoes etc. As I do not have my husband's agreement about low carb, I cannot enforce my WOE on the kids as I would like. They also get candy and ice cream occasionally. However, I would not say that she eats a *high* carb diet, either, as I rarely buy crisps, biscuits or cakes, and try to restrict their intake of rice, potatoes and pasta at meals. Apart from that, everything we eat in the house for snacks and meals is low carb/high fat.

Despite my best efforts to encourage her eating fewer
carbs - serving less at mealtimes, not buying high carb/high fat
foods, encouraging her to choose more nutritious snacks (cheese, nuts, etc), she has gained about 15 pounds in the last year. I should say, however, that she is very developed for her age. She has basically finished puberty and started menstruating last November. Thus, a sudden weight gain, I feel, has nowhere to "go", although I suppose she is still growing. She used to swim a couple of times a week, but gave that up this summer. She also walks home from school (about 30 mins walk) during term time, but both of these she was doing while she gained the weight in the last year. I'm pretty sure it's the high fat diet I'm feeding her together with the medium/high carbs she is eating. She is a carb craver, too - always asking for sandwiches, pasta, rice, biscuits, cakes (but not getting!).

Basically, I'm looking for reassurance here :-) Opinions? Advice?

Katy

[PJ in Miam]

Alas I'm no expert for giving advice. My daughter's in the same boat -- starting to chub yet it's not really apparent on the surface yet -- and she's only 6.

But a long time ago I read an interesting article about a woman who wanted to get her daughter healthier... and they got a dog. A decent sized dog, not a puppy, tame and affectionate -- and in need of being walked. Her daughter walked the dog pretty much daily, partly as a chore but partly because she liked the dog, and ended up having a lot of fun with it, playing frisbee in the schoolyard on weekend mornings and things like that.

That may not be an option, but maybe instead of focusing on the food issue, you could focus on the exercise issue instead. She's at an age where there's lots of sports leagues in most cities (even outside of school), for example.

Best regards,

PJ

[Lisa N]

Here's another thought. We just ran into this problem with my daughter. What's she eating when she's not at home? I was packing my daughter a low carb lunch and feeding her a low carb breakfast and dinner, but that didn't stop her from getting all kinds of sugar treats from her classmates and sometimes even her teachers! We had a talk with her teacher about the sugary treats and explained that she was very sensitive to sugar (this came up during a discussion when she noted that my daughter seems to have difficulty concentrating some days....DUH! Stop giving the kid SUGAR!!!!) and my daughter also admitted to taking snacks from other kids when they didn't want them, so we also had a talk with her about how important it is to eat what we give her in her lunch and only that. It's hard for an 8 year old to say no to a twinkie, though, :daze: but she's agreed to try.

[PJ in Miam]

I don't know how much I would mind grade schools having soda machines... and high schools having literally mini fast food outlets or products in the cafeteria.... and even jr. high's selling as the dominant snack at 'first break' giant chocolate chip cookies (oh... they were good, though :-))...

... were it not for now 9 million kids on ritalin across the nation, 1+mil on antidepressants, a 580% increase in antiD's to kids between 2-4, the last few years, etc. 30 years of research has failed to find ANY 'brain problem' correlating with what is now called ADHD (though recent studies have shown a tendency for correlation with low Omega6), it is 'behavioral' only. If your kid starts school a year sooner than the neighbor kid's age due to birth date there's a vastly higher chance they'll be forced to be medicated. If your kid's a boy, there's a higher chance (though girl stats are coming up).

Many researchers point out that at this point, the very properties of being a child are being considered a disease.

I really just do not understand how the combination of being hyper, then lethargic or apathetic, then having problems paying attention/focusing and remembering, can not be considered at all related to the food situation.

(And let's not start on breeding kids to brief attention spans by the way school is structured, or the 10-year $12mil contracts some big high schools have with coke or pepsi, or how reasonable the expectation is of little kids behaving perfectly enough that one teacher can easily handle 20+ of them, or about 12 other issues that relate to putting kids on a classII drug nearly identical to the brain/dopamine systems to cocaine, to 'resolve' problems primarily resulting from a system which would rather 'passify' them than change to match the actual clients [now as medicated and herded as cows...:-)] and which conveniently get schools tons of extra money-for-nothing in 'special needs' funds and in some states, channeled medicaid as well, gee this couldn't be a conflict of interest could it?). Er, sorry, well you can tell the topic gets me, hahaha! --

-- The "risks" to a child seem to far exceed merely getting fat.

PJ

[slack32]

Are you sure that your daughter is really getting heavy? I am not so sure that those charts are as black and white as they appear to be.

If she is, you could always point out all of the health risks that being overweight lead to. Sometimes scare tatics are not always bad....?

[liz175]

Twelve is a vulnerable age when girl's self esteem often goes through the floor. It is also an age when girls hit puberty (as your daughter has done) and put on weight as their bodies develop more womanly proportions. Gaining 15 pounds the year you start menstruating is totally normal. Not everyone is destined to be skinny. It sounds as though your daughter's weight is in the normal range and she is active and healthy. I would not focus on her weight; I'd focus on her health and her self image. If she starts yo-yo dieting at this age she will ruin her metabolism for life (believe me, I know from experience, my mother started putting me on diets at a young age). You bringing up the issue of her weight could also be a serious blow to her self esteem.

I have a 13 year old daughter who started menstruating right before she turned 11. Like your daughter, she was always quite thin as a young child. At age 10, when she started menstruating, she got somewhat chubby. I never discussed her weight or dieting with her. At 13, she is 5'6" and wears a size 5 juniors. I think she weighs about 120 pounds. I am very grateful that I did not make her weight an issue when she was 10 or 11. The issue took care of itself and she is now a beautiful, self-confident young woman.

[DannysMom3]

As a child who grew up being fat (100 pounds at age 8) ... I cannot stress enough ...

DO NOT LET THE KIDS HOVER AROUND THE TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I used to watch 6-8 hours of TV at a time (my mom was a working single mom at the time) ... and I used to live on quesadillas and chocolate milk. My metabolism slowed to a snails pace and I've been desperately trying to make myself a bit more fit since I was 8.

My mom didn't say anything about my weight, until it was too late.

My recommendation?? Don't come right out and say "I think you're going to have weight problems if you don't cut back on food and excersize more" ......... get her involved in sports (I swam competitively and played water polo all 4 years of high school to keep a nice figure) ... and just incorporate veggies and meat in her diet. Don't buy soda (except diet!) ...

As for the goodies from school ... don't give her any money before school - she won't be able to buy anything from the lunch lines ... Kids will be kids, and I had plenty of friends who would give me bits of their cookie or pizza ... However, if you give your children "good" sweets (check out the recupe section for some yummy looking stuff!) and a nice lunch, they won't be as tempted.

Good luck!

[bacon]

Danny's Mom, that is the best advice I have seen given on here in a while.... It is sooo important for parents to get their children off on the right foot... they need to get their kids involved in activities that they enjoy, so they want to exersize... It is also important to start the good eating habits at home... make them a healthy lunch to take to school.. if they want something sweet, give them a fruit cup or something that is a healthy snack... moderation and exersize are the two most important aspects of any diet, and your story only reinforces that concept.....

[mkathy6]

don't go by what the charts say. I have a 13 year old as well and about a year ago she had some lactose problems and we were at the Dr's a lot. Well this Dr took it on herself to say that my daughter was underweight at 5'4" weighing 109 lbs. She started asking her if she thought she was fat (the girl had never given it a thought!) With my weight issue we never discussed her because she is thin like her dad. Well she is going through puberty and just had her physical and is now 5'7" and weighs in at 134. The nurse weighed her twice because we couldn't figure out were she puts it!!! It is muscle. The girl is active and plays competative soccer 3X per week between practice and games and everything else she does in her life.
This is her body type - she wears a size 1 or a size 3 she is not either underweight or overweight!!!

Sorry for the rant! Look at the body and see if she is happy in her own skin!!! :)

[dreamer]

Dannysmom,

Great advice. I was doing no good for my children coming home from work so tired and McDonalds, Jack in the box, and pizza were dinner. Fast foods junkies we became. Then plop in front of the TV or computer.

I am watching what my son eats now. He plays flag football and baseball. He thought he couldn't survive, well he did. Kids are tougher than we think. He goes to school M-F, has flag football practice Wed & Fri, with games on Sat. He pratices baseball on Thurs and has games on Sundays. He is happier. I am still working on perfecting the menu plans. Picky eater. No regular sodas only diet. That is rare nowadays.

Any meals plans that seem to work for your kids? We love our kids so much we just want them to be happy.

A toast to everyone who cares enough to notice.

[BlitzedAng]

My sons school has soda machines,snack machines, etc... It's odd that his teacher sent me a note home saying don't pack candy in his lunch!!! WHEN it was just a carborite snack but their machines sell ever kind of candy from MnM's to oreros....Now that doesn't seem to make much sense to Moi.

[Kristine]

Hi Katy. :wave: I thought I'd pipe up because at 13, I was the same height and weight as your daughter. I don't think I had a weight problem. :cool: It sounds like you're already doing all you need to do: you encourage her to eat well and take care of her body for health's sake. The rest is up to her.

[rosemarie7]

Hey, that's what I weigh!! I don't think I look that bad, yeah its high, normal, but I don't think you should be over concerned, just keep your daughter exercisng and watch the junk. My son was eating a lot of candy and drinking a lot of soda, so I try to limit the candy and he drinks diet!

-R.M.

[teresamay]

Well, she sounds like a perfectly normal active teen - puberty does weird things to their bodies....if she needs more activity, what about a family - or mom/daughter walk everynight after dinner? Or a game of bowling or swimming together..make it a family event and she won't even think that it may have something to do with her weight...

[Katy131]

Hi all and thanks for all your comments since I first posted about this issue and started this thread a year and a half ago.

I'm posting again because I have renewed worries about my daughter. She is now 14 1/2, about 5'7 or 5'8 and now weighs 172 pounds. She is feeling low about her size because she says all her friends are thinner than her and also because she loves junk food like crisps (potato chips) and chocolate and can't give it up. Added to that, her friends all have crisps and chocolate in their lunch boxes and (1) they make comments about her lunch because it is "so fattening/unhealthy" (for that, read high fat/low carb) and (2) they offer her their crisps and chocolate! She doesn't want to be different and told me today that there is no point my doing a lunchbox for her at all because she doesn't like to eat it in front of her friends because it is different to theirs and she's bored with it anyway - she wants cookies and candy!

It's the age-old problem that many overweight people have I think - I remember feeling this way too when I was her age. She thinks she is too fat but she can't give up the chocolate and she can't tell her friends she is eating healthy because the high fat/low carb food I give her is not acceptable as healthy food to a bunch of 14-year-olds. She has her own allowance which also means she can buy junk food on the way home if she wants, and I think she must be doing this at least a couple of times a week. She is also sick of me trying to help - she has her own mind and I just make things worse if I do try and help. I do so much home cooking to avoid all the junk processed foods that my kids actually get excited if we ever have a meal or food which was factory-made and bought at the store!

If anybody else is having this kind of problem, I'd be relieved to know I'm not alone.

[WendyLynn]

Katy, you are definitely not alone! I have been trying to help my daughter eat lc for 6 months now. Though she is healthier and has reduced in pants size, she has not gone down in weight which confuses me and frustrates her. Just like your daughter, she has access to junk food at school and I would guess that she indulges in high carb treats several times per week. All I can do is make what I serve healthy and lc but all that cooking and planning does get to you after awhile.....and I love cooking! I wake up early to make her a lc breakfast (omlettes or hot lc cereal) , pack a lc lunch including lc protein bars that we make ahead of time for snacks during the day, bring a lc snack when I pick her up at school in the afternoon, and prepare a lc dinner at night. I know it is hard to stick to when your friends are all eating junk. Its especially hard to watch skinny little things scarfing down tons of sugar and bread/pasta. My philosophy is that I will provide 35 grams of carbs per day. I will make sure what I provide is well balanced and try to make as many of her favorites as possible. If she chooses to make wise choices outside of our house then she will see the results she wants. If she chooses to make unhealthy choices then she will have to deal with the consequences. As you said, it wouldn't help at all for me to lecture or try to help. The more I say, the worse it is. At this point, I have provided the information, she knows healthy from unhealthy, and she will have to make the decision. I just tell her that life is a balance. If you choose to indulge then you need to make up for it later with less food and more exercise, but enjoy what you are eating so that guilt plays no part in the situation. Balance and dealing with peer pressure are the hardest lessons, I think!

[black57]

Here is my early experience with low carb as a kid. I was skinny. It isn't so much what I ate it was what I didn't eat. I didn't eat rice, bread, pasta. I did eat potatoes, however, I am proud to say. I enjoyed most of the vegetables that I was forced to eat. I ate some fruit, here and there but my favorite food was meat. I don't ever recall being "hungry". I know that many of my friends could put away gobs of food. My parents gave me small portions of food to prevent waste. We had to eat everything off our plates and I think that was a good thing. I can see how a lc lifestyle can be truly healthful to a youngster.