I hate being FAT!

[ShutterShy]

Is it just me. Are there others out there? Being fat is depression. I look in the mirror and just want to cry most days. On a good day I when I look, I suck in my stomach, look at myself from the side and think It's not so bad, it will evenually go away, but not until I do somthing about it (I'm on the right path now).

I am extremely self conscious. I stress about what I'm going to wear each day. I worry about walking to the mailbox and hoping no one looks out there window or drives by and sees me. I won't even walk along side my son while he rides his bike in fear someone would be watching. I'm constantly fussing my clothing and trying to carry my weight gracefully. When ever my husband has his friends over or any company over that that matter, I feel so large and clumsy. I know I imagine myself to be 10 times larger that I really am. And in front of people, I try to hide the fact that I'm out of breath after just climbing a set of stairs behind them.

I've been low-carbing for almost 2 days. I feel better on the inside. I just have to be patent and soon I will results on the outside.

Thanks for being supportive.

Rae

[lesleyc]

hi Rae,

oh boy...i can so relate to where you are at. In fact I did all the things you talk about.

I started out around the same weight as you are currently...but 11 months later I am a normal sized person ( with still some fat to lose) and none of those old paranoia's remain.

You have found a great new way of eating that will serve you for the rest of your life if you let it. Take it one day at a time and before you know it, it will all be second nature.

it won't happen immediately but rest assured it will happen if you stick at it.

Good luck...you can do this :)

lesley

[TeriDoodle]

Now, don't be fooled into thinking that you're the only one who is self-conscious and depressed about your weight. I guess I turned the corner when I could no longer hide my rolls of fat....no matter what kind of clothes I bought, no matter how big and loose they were, my fat showed through. Nothing looked good on me. NOTHING. I'm a newlywed and my wonderful husband loves to buy me clothes.... but it wasn't fun anymore. I'd leave the store empty-handed and in tears. I had to do something and I found LC and this board.....

But I want to show you something.... here, click this link (http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=37722&perpage=10&pagenumber=24) and scroll down 'til you see my picture I recently posted. I feel worlds better now!! And you will too....very soon.... I promise. I'm not "thin" but I'm thinnER and the scale keeps moving in the right direction while I continue to eat wonderful food and I'm never hungry. What more can i ask for?

It's a great eating plan and you've found some wonderful support here....just keep coming and keep posting. We're here for you all the way!

[kmarie1351]

I'm so happy that you're feeling better now that you're low carbing. One of the things that Dr. Schwarzbein talks about in her book is that eating high carb will affect your seratonin in such negative ways... no wonder we're all depressed when we eat high carb! You'll feel a million times better really soon.

More importantly, though, is that the reason you feel so negatively about your weight is that our culture puts such a high value on being thin. Women are expected to look like adolescent girls, which is an unreasonable expectation. Most of us can't achieve that appearance healthfully, and when we look at our womanly bodies in the mirror, we are disappointed because we don't look like Courtney Cox or Britney Spears.

The reason to LC is that you LOVE YOUR BODY! Everyone, repeat after me: "I LOVE MY BODY! I LOVE MY BODY! I LOVE MY BODY!" Now that I'm eating LC, I love my body more and more. Not because I've lost a tremendous amount of weight (I've only lost 3-4 pounds), but because I know I'm gaining muscle because of all the protein I'm eating, and my insulin level is much better. I'm not hungry all the time, and I feel great.

[ShutterShy]

Kmarie

Tell me about it! I guess that pressure from the public, TV, radio of what’s attractive has pushed me into losing weight.

It’s only been 3 days and I find my cravings diminishing. J

My father-in-law is a low carb, eat healthy fanatic. After a heart attack several years ago, the doctor put him on an low fat diet. His lipids, cholesterol, and other blood levels rose and with frustration he started reading Protein Power and began following the low carb way of life. Soon after he went back to his doctor, his blood levels were improving, the doctor was amazed. Since then he has read several books on the subject, such as Sugar Busters, Eat Drink and Be Healthy, The Zone, Atkins and of course Dr. Schwarzbein book.

Actually, every time he visits, we always get an ear full. :) He convinced me to start reading Protein Power a couple years ago. I’ve started LC diet a few times before… now I’m determined. Just recently, He again suggested Dr. Schwarzbein’s book. I’ve liked what I've seen so far with Dr. Schwarz's book. I do understand and look forward to the benefits of such a lifestyle. Benefits that I’m most excited about, scars and cellulite fading, I can't wait. :) LOL

Thanks for being so supportive.

Rae

[ShutterShy]

Teri, You look wonderful!!! That is a great picture.

I can't wait! Thank you!

:heart:

[culliallen]

Dear Rae,

I've been both depressed and overweight all my life. I caught on to low carb very early on in my life and have been able to keep my weight sort of normal (I go up and down by about 30 lbs - ) most of my adult life....

but I still struggle with depression, and find that as my weight creeps up, the depression gets deeper and deeper.

I've just started back on Atkins because I am quitting smoking (and some other stuff as well) and didn't want to go any higher weight wise...I was up to my "high" weight of about 160...and want to get down to my "low/slim" weight of about 138....no big deal, you may think...but...I've been where you are. I was so upset and unhappy with my weight, esp. when I was younger, that it was ruining my life. I became a recluse, all i did was stay in bed, reading and eating. As I look back at those days, I was sooo sad.

Be good to yourself! Give yourself a chance (a real chance...a couple of months, at least) with low-carb...and you will be amazed...the weight will come off, and you will feel better.

Remember, when you cheat you are only cheating yourself out of a great chance to be slim (and maybe happy, too)

I'll be thinking of you. You GO girl!

culli :wave:

[ShutterShy]

Hi to everyone.

I am so glad I found this forum. I've tried so many times before and I would give up after a day. When I start to feel down, I just log on and read through forums and it keeps me busy from eating... and gives me the and power to keep going. This is day 4 for me. I've lost 5 pounds. Only a small amount but It feels great!

I will not allow myself to fall back this time... want this too badly.

Thank you all for keeping me company.

Rae

[Marlaine]

ShutterShy......

It's wonderful that you have begun your journey to a new slimmer you!! Congratulations on choosing LC as the way to do it. When you feel ready....consider adding exercise to your regimen. I'm suggesting this because of the effect of exercise on brain chemistry. I'd suffered most of my life, off and on, with depression. BUT.....since LCing and starting exercising, I've been able to quit the anti-depressants and have the best sense of well-being I've had in my whole life. It's so easy to get started too, if you just begin with a walk around the block. Before you know it....you will be walking miles and celebrating your ongoing weight loss!

Check out the Exercise Forum....where you will find the gym logs of many of the forum members who have chosen to make exercise a regular part of their lives.

Marlaine

[Lunula]

What has been most comforting to me is knowing that I am not alone in "hating being FAT!". :) For years, I've hidden myself away, too self-conscious to see old friends, cringing when I knew people were looking closely at me, buying all those "big shirts" to properly cover myself... and suffering alone. Just reading that others have the same thoughts is a comfort to me, and seeing so many here that have beaten those thoughts & feelings is an inspiration.

Best of luck, Rae. Just know that you are not alone. :)

[asugar]

A year and a half ago when I was 26 pounds heavier than I am now, I used to go grocery shopping in the middle of the night so that nobody I knew would see me. In the daytime, I would get into my car in the attached garage and make sure the garage door was closed before I got out of the car when I returned because I didn't want my neighbors to see me. I avoided all social situations and was very reclusive because I was so ashamed of being fat. At my current weight, I am no longer nearly as depressed as I was but I am still not comfortable with myself at this weight. I would love to be able to buy an outfit because I really like it and not because it's slimming. I know I have come a long way because a year and a half ago, when I made a Wal-mart run at 3 AM, if I could find something that would fit around me, that's what I bought. I We shouldn't allow our emotional state to be ruled by our weight, but society has given us a heavy burden by equating being fat to somehow being immoral. The main reason I want to lose weight is because I don't ever want to be as depressed as I was when I was 26 pounds heavier.

[culliallen]

Last night, in the heat of an argument, my husband called me a Cow.

How, now?

so.

i feel very different this morning. determined. pissed off....and
how
now
will i deal with thiiis relationship???

i know the standard reply is to leave. now.

but...things are not always so easily arranged.
does any one know what thiis situation is like?
Last night, in the heat of an argument, my husband called me a Cow. :spin:

[DebA]

Gosh! Where does anybody get off calling another person names like that? How old is your husband? What's being a "cow" got to do with what's bugging him? What kind of a person says something like that knowing that this is a vulnerable issue for you? I don't care how mad a person gets, name-calling and belittling is totally unacceptable!!! Get your husband a book on how to express feeling without killing his precious wife in the process!

I hope this guy's got some redeeming qualities that keep you in a relationship with him. If not, maybe you need to rethink the situation. We all need partners that are loving and supportive, not ones that go for the jugular in the heat of the moment.

I have all ideas that you are a wonderful person, but happen to have a lack of self-esteem. I can say this because I spent most of my life struggling with weight issues and spent tooooo much time thinking I was "less than" other people. I know how cruel people can be towards "less than perfect looking" folks!!! But I'll be darned if I'm going to be married to one of them!!!

Keep working on your weight AND your self-esteem, tell this guy his behavior is NOT OKAY and that if he doesn't change it - SEEEEEEEE YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! (and mean it - you really do deserve to be treated as the wonderful and precious person that you are ALREADY!!! FAT OR SKINNY!!!!!!!!

Sorry. I have a pet peeve about inconsiderate jerks!!!

[DebA]

Hey Guys, I spent many years being depressed and fat and I've come to learn that, for me, the actual depression changes your body chemistry in such a way that you actually put weight on. So, what comes first? It's hard to tell because things generally turn into a vicious cycle. Fat leads to depressed leads to more fat leads to more depressed, etc., etc.

Well maybe consider this. I've kept my weight rather low the last 15 or so years, but it's because I was off and on depression medication. I didn't have a bunch of weight to lose when I ran into "Protein Power", but I was still struggling and now that I'm a bit older it's getting even harder. I also wanted off my depression medication because it has some funky side effects that are tough to take. Plus it seemed like the more carbs I ate the hungrier I was (like a raging lunatic by 11 a.m.!) and I was starting to be tired all the time. Anyway, I picked up the book and saw where the Eades referred to "depression being the result of insulin sensitivity." Holy Moly!!! I jumped all over that. Because, I think, if you're depressed you not only crave more carbs (and you do - I mean, who binges on pork chops?), and your body chemistry holds onto more fat because your Brain Chemistry is messing with it. So, I've made some incredible discoveries since starting the low-carbing!!! I learned that if you not only cut the carbs, but add cod liver oil (it's really yukky, but heck, what's to lose?!), extra calcium, magnesium citrate (or chelate), and B complex you can actually MANAGE your depression which is keeping you overweight!

And guess what, after almost 6 months IT'S WORKING!!!! I'm off the meds, quit smoking (and you know you ALWAYS gain weight when you do - why do you think I continued to smoke?!!), and have more energy than I know what to do with!!!! I also just ordered a book on Omega Fatty Acids (which fish oil is jammed with, oh, and also flax seed oil) because they're calling these things the latest breakthrough in treating depression!!!

Ok. My point is, is that maybe by getting rid of the blues you won't be so hard on yourself while you're dropping your weight. And you know you're going to lose the weight because this diet works!!!

I'll keep you posted on my personal experiment if you want.

[xBaByGrLx]

Yeah... the way I see it being fat isnt easy. There is always somethere to make you feel bad.

When I walk down the street, I feel like someone is giving me a disgusted look. They are being grossed out by my chubb. Not only that, teenagers can be cruel, too. I am so conscious that I cant even eat in public. I hate going out with my friends, cuz I feel ugly. I don't go to clubs because I m fat and I feel like I dont fit in with my crew. I love swimming and I always have. I used to swim everday but then I started gaining weight and put on a T-shirt.. but now I am way too embarassed to even step into a pool. There are so many things I love that I am so conscious about. Only because I ahve heard so many rude comments that now I cant stand the pain anymore.

NOw I tend to pretend I didn't hear. But yeh, I hear everything. Every single word is like a stabbing knife. I feel like crap. Sometimes even people close to you say things that hurt so much and they don't even realize it.

Everyday might start out happy, but at the end of the day there is always someone to ruin a perfectly happy day.

Maybe its just me? Maybe I take things to the heart. But I just can't help it anymore. I am broken inside. It's hard having people come up you and say, "Natasha, you used to be so pretty, what happened?" What do you mean what happeneD? I just gained weight, doesnt meant I got ugly.

I can't weight to lose the weight.

I guess I am a bit down today.. so just blabbing on. Have to let it out somewhere. After so many damn years, I am letting anything out. Finally I can relate to people, who feel exactly the way I do...

Though this time i m very determined. I'm going to make it no matter what :)

Tash :)

[Zuleikaa]

Don't despair. It gets better. Try to remember that you are a person too and can't wait to live life until you are thin. That's what I had to tell myself years ago and still tell myself today.
I also look in the mirror full length, naked and find something about my body to like and admire. I like my face and my butt and my waist and my arms. It takes patience but you need to keep at it.

I have gone on vacations, climbed a waterfall, gone snorkeling, got facials and body massages and been in pools and hot tubs all at 300+ pounds. You can't put your life on hold until you lose weight. Each day is Gods gift, enjoy it whatever your size.

Regards the depression. Do you get more depressed in the winter? I have SADs (seasonal affective disorder) and I know in the winter or even after too many cloudy days (3), I go into a deep depression that has no cause. It's only knowing that I have SADs that helps me cope and controll in instead of becoming blindsided with it.

[Kaela]

I know how you feel. One of my best friends told me I should go jogging after I hadn't seen him in months! He was like "are you sad that you're past your prime?" He refers to the time when I was anorexic as my "prime". What a dick! As if all I had going for me was my looks. People can be very shallow but there are also those who will support and love you no matter what. Hang in there and love yourself everyday no matter what. :there:

[AnnetteW]

Oh my, I'm kind of the other way around. I've never had problems with depression though, so I can't related in that arena.

Though I don't like being overweight, I don't hate it. In a way it's comforting and secure. I was always slim till after my 3rd kid when I gained weight and went up to 165 lbs. A few years later my husband died and I got down to 120.

Along with that 120 came tons and tons of male attention, something I wasn't used to. I didn't know if someone liked me because I was a hot chicky or cause of me.

That was answered soon enough when I started to gain weight and went back up to 155.

A while after that I did Weight Watchers and lost down to 130 lbs. Ah, the men came out of the wood work again. I was a babe at my class reunion, even heard some guys talking about my bod.

So of course I gained again...right back up to 155.

Now I'm starting Atkins and just wish I'd meet someone before I got slim. I don't hate my body fat...it's lush and voluptuous. I have breasts and curves (and too much belly :D ). I'll wear shorts or a bikini swimming. I feel like my body is going to waste (no relationship means no sex).

So part of me is scared to be slim again, cause I know what happens. I know it's my problem, and not other people's...but I'm beginning to think I sabotage myself.

[firsttimer]

I used to think that people should accept me for what I am not the way I looked... Even myhsband was telling me to lose weight and I used to constantly bicker with him saying dosn't the person inside matter or are you concerned only about the packaging...
Sadly I found out that he had been diverting his attention to another female and that was my wake up call. I lost weight through shock... I had been with this guy since I was 16 - so that Is 15 years we have been togther... I got ill... thru shock.... Now I am slowly getting better but my priority is weight management and I have now realised that the packing is very important to maintain a healthy relationship....

That is what I had to share with you.... so I hated my body when all this happend I was blaming everything and everyone else for my fatness... never myself.... now I have taken action I am happy. My husband is so loving, caring, supportive and attentive now... I did tell him if he was not happy to leave but when he realised that I was serious about weight loss he was serious too... So I hope this will have an ULTIMATE happy ending...

[marleegirl]

You just have no idea how I can relate to you. I hate going anywhere. I used to be able to hide under my black lane bryant clothes. Now I've reached a point where I can't. It is awful. I don't even like to pump gas at the gas station. It is terrible feeling this way. It is not the way I am. I just started Atkins it's difficult, but I just know that carbs are my problem. I really hope this works. I can't wait to be able to go out again and not want to hide myself under a sheet.

[nikkil]

I know you're supposed to look to what's inside yourself and feel proud and happy with you vs. your body, but what do other people/strangers see?? The outside!! One thing that I find about myself is that when I'm on the phone (I'm in a hospital call centre), I'm very confident, friendly, funny and can be flirty, but when I'm face-to-face, I'm not any of those things. I just want to hide, crawl under the covers. I have many wonderful aspects of my life that seem to be constantly overshadowed by my body image.

Also, I agree with Annette when she states that when she loses weight she attracts uncomfortable attention. I believe that the root of my weight problem is that I was abused when I was a child and also that my father treated my mother and me and my sisters like we were inferior and that all women were only good for 2 things--house work and ***. So, maybe deep inside I feel that if I'm overweight people/men will have to pay attention and like ME--not my body--if I am overweight. It's a buffer/protection for me. It's terrifies me to think of not having it, but I'm going to do my best and, through LCing, have to "expose" myself. I hope this makes sense???

[marleegirl]

I can absolutely understand what you mean about protecting yourself. I often wondered about that myself. Although, there is one thing I do know. I'm cheating myself BIG TIME by letting my weight be out of control. Just like you said about the phone...your personality shines through.... then you get out in public and you get back into your shell. We all are cheating ourselves and all the people close to us feeling this way. We will do it. It is just a matter of feeling better not a matter of being a beauty queen. I used to be a model when I was 16 for macy's...I had a great time. I never in my life thought I would be overweight. It just happened...and in some ways ...I'm glad it did. I see things completely differently. I think it made me a better person on the inside. Now, I just want my inside to match with my outside. I feel I don't get the respect I deserve because people can tell on the outside that I don't respect myself. I'm ready to change. :D

[nikkil]

HEAR, HEAR!!!
:D :D :D :D

[janemarie]

Tash honey,
one of the most important lessons that I have learned is that Happiness is an inside job. Along with that, I have become much more adept at not taking ANYTHING personally.

What other people think, or say about me, is not my business. And when they do say hurtful things, I know that they are speaking volumes about themselves, not about me.

You are very brave. In fact we all are, here we are looking in a positive place, for positive support. We are the winners.

Jane :spin:

[sarabeth]

Rae,
I am 18 and I started out at 212.5. I hated myself. I've only lose 6.5 pounds, but I'm started to slowly look better. I just need some support every now and again, you know.....to keep me on track. I get discouraged so easily, so I was hoping this forum would help me get all this weight off! :spin:

[sarabeth]

Hey everyone,
I guess I should tell you about me. I'm 18, 206 lbs., and not very happy with myself. I have dealt with depression and weight for all of my life. I've always been the "fat kid" in class that didn't have friends of that fact. I was so tired of everything. Then in 2000 (I was 16) my father committed suicide. My father was my world. He was everything to me. So after he died, the weight came swiftly and didn't have any plans to leave. I tried weight watchers, but it didn't really work. I did lose weight, but no inches. I was still wearing 18's and 20's. I felt so self-conscious whenever I went into clothing stores and I could never find anything that fit me right. Everything was either too small around the waist, or too long on my legs (I'm only 5'4) and I was just in horrible shape. I started on atkins last week with my mom and so far has been wonderful. I've lost 6.5 lbs so far and feel better about myself. Hopefully by the end of this, I will be average weight and the healthiest I've ever been!
Sara

[gawdess]

I can relate to what you are saying completely, it looks like we are in the same age group somewhat. I will be 25 this year and have spent that time bouncing between 220 and 232. Even at this weight I feel beautiful. I dont want to be loved for my body.
I spent most of my teenage years feeling just this way. It was hard having a lot of confidence or self worth when you were labeled as "the fat girl"...and many people dont see beyond that. There was teasing and rejection too. After high school I gradually became more confident in my self and realizing that at the end of the day the only person I need to answer to is myself and that if someone doesnt like me or approve of me and wants to hurt me , then I am much better off alone or finding people that are beyond that shallowness. Everyone has their "evil" ours happens to be weight, frankly looking at your picture you look like a beautiful girl. Have some confidence (even if you have to fake it at first, I know I did) and see the change. As much as we hate to be overweight, there is so much more to who you are than your pants size.

[skeeweeaka]

A year and a half ago when I was 26 pounds heavier than I am now, I used to go grocery shopping in the middle of the night so that nobody I knew would see me. In the daytime, I would get into my car in the attached garage and make sure the garage door was closed before I got out of the car when I returned because I didn't want my neighbors to see me. I avoided all social situations and was very reclusive because I was so ashamed of being fat. At my current weight, I am no longer nearly as depressed as I was but I am still not comfortable with myself at this weight. I would love to be able to buy an outfit because I really like it and not because it's slimming. I know I have come a long way because a year and a half ago, when I made a Wal-mart run at 3 AM, if I could find something that would fit around me, that's what I bought. I We shouldn't allow our emotional state to be ruled by our weight, but society has given us a heavy burden by equating being fat to somehow being immoral. The main reason I want to lose weight is because I don't ever want to be as depressed as I was when I was 26 pounds heavier.

Hey sugar...I am amazed at your progress... I am feeling rather down today... Fat is everywhere..never thought I would have flabby fat arms...flabby huge waist line...flabby fat thighs... It is really difficult and I am extremely reclusive...and deeply depressed... Yesterday was a friend's birthday and I had a slice of cheesecake, but had a turkey rollup behind it so I didn't get any jitters.... First time off plan since I started...back on today though... It's difficult because somehow I thought that I was down a size but I'm not.... I'm only 5'3 so 198 pounds is a whole lot of weight and I just feel sick about it... I try to keep my mind occupied with other things but it is difficult not to look in the mirror and wonder who the heck is staring back and you...

I think I can do this....I'm going to try to take out some of the unnecessary fat that I've been eating and only eat good fats... Hopefully that will help speed up the weight loss... It's hell being overweight and invisible...particularly when at one time you were rather cute lol... It's difficult to see the shock in people's eyes when they do see me, if they haven't seen me for a while... I rarely go out at all except when I think nooone's in the stores... It has taken it's toll on my 7 year old, she has become very cynical with me and wonders constantly why I don't participate in things...

Anyway, thanks all for the motivation....hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow...

[Alexxa]

i can't believe this, you are exactly like me, i look in the mirror and want to cry, i try several differnt poses hoping one of the will make me look good, i try to cover my stomach (the main problem area) with baggy cloths however summer is comming and i'm scared to death!
i also hate going out in public and when i do i feel like everyone is looking at me, it get so anxious i just want to go home and hide. i feel so releaved that i'm not the only one with this problem.

[little one]

Hi,
Im new to this forum and this is my first time replying. I have read these posts and just wanted to try to encourage someone. I can really relate to what everyone here is going through. My highest weight ever was 180 lbs. I am only 4' 11" so that was a rather large size for my height. :( I lost down to 125 and then got into depression and gained back up to 140, I am now back down to 120 with low carb and exercise. So dont ever give up hope, you can do it! I have been off antidepressants for about 3 yrs now and am getting my eating under control, I was a mess there for awhile. I dont know, maybe Im just rambling, cant express myself very well. but hope it is encouragement to someone.

[xBaByGrLx]

I have written here before and mentioned how much I hate being fat.. but now, honestly I am ok with it. Yeh its nice to lose weight or whatever.. but you have to learn to love yourself, and I think I am beginning to. At one point I would look into the mirror and feet like crap, but now I look into the mirror and I feel beautiful and its mainly due to the change in my thinking. My advice is don't ever let something like being fat get you down, and stop you from doing anything. Have no regrets. Cheers!

[komireds]

Hey there! Please make sure not to beat yourself up about your weight, ok? Stay positive. I think the extremely negative self abuse contributes to the weight gain more than anything....It's hating yourself that puts you in an awful spiral where you don't take care of yourself.

You are beautiful and just think about how you DESERVE to feel good and happy (at 120 or 220 for that matter). It's just that you know that you will feel better with some weight loss. And this is why you are trying to be good to yourself.

One more thing.....120 is really low. I am so shocked when I see women who are obviously not naturally skinny going for 120. I for one know that I simply could never be that small and be healthy. Are you sure that that isn't too stringent a goal? not to get too nosy....

[komireds]

He sounds awful. I would never be with someone who treated me like that. I know it's so easy to say "leave him", but seriously....you need to look at that behavior as what it is: emotional abuse. I also cannot believe that someone who calls you a cow can be much of a prince in other areas. Is this the first time that he has made you feel this way?

Take a long and honest look at his bahavior and at this relationship. Your SO is supposed to be your greatest support, not a humiliating pressence in your life.

I'm sorry he said that to you.