Frustrated, Angry And Depressed...

[Raquel]

I'm not new to L/C. In 1994 (at 42) I had great success with it but my body started to change and each try in the ensuing years has been more and more disappointing. In 2000 I was dx'd with hypothyroidism which might have been just stress induced (I had just finished Cosmetology school while holding a p/t job and raising two teens by myself). I'm off meds now and my levels are now "within normal range", however, I rarely feel good and my body temperature is often rather low. Also, I've been on HRT for 2 years and it doesn't seem to help much as I'm still having hot flashes and/or the sensation of being hot all the time.

If that weren't enough I have always been addicted to carbs, diagnosed hypoglycemic about 18 years ago and WHENEVER I'M UNDER STRESS - which is very often given my life as a single mother living barely above the poverty level - I get depressed and I crave carbs so bad I fall off the wagon. This has happened to me on/off during those 18 years but in the past all I needed was to cut off sugar and reduce white flour, not only I'd feel fine but I'd lose weight easily. These days I know I cannot really tolerate wheat so (except when "I don't care") I don't eat it either. I'm wondering about dairy as well so I'm trying to cut back. I have to be careful with fruit because it can trigger sugar cravings. So I've come to see my eating as a long list of restrictions for this or that reason and when everything else in my life is "blah" I simply crack.

Here's what's happened: Last December I managed to get really motivated and the day after X'mas I finally ditched sugar (I'd already cut out other carbs) and began to exercise more. I lost 5 lbs. in one week, then coming here felt guillty I wasn't doing Atkins "Induction" right so I trimmed my carbs further. Results: lost only 2 more lbs. in the next 2 weeks then stopped losing altogether, pounds or inches. I tried cutting back on dairy and nuts and drinking more water, I stopped taking some depression meds (that weren't helping anyway) to no avail. I got off the diet for 2 days, went back and gained/lost the same last 2 lbs. but still managed to hang on for the most part for a total of 3 months. Then during a check-up at my doctor's I was weighed and found out I was exactly where I'd been before I'd started, also my B/P was still rather high (which had been a great motivator to L/C), I was disappointed and furious! It seemed I was sacrificing for nothing so needless to say shortly thereafter I started indulging in the no'no's because "what the heck, nothing's working for me now".

The problem is that eventually I feel worse, and my doctor only wants to prescribe more drugs (NO THANKS!) so a few weeks ago with a grueling effort I got back, this time not counting the carbs since it had seemed that last time I was doing better on MORE rather than less as long as they were GOOD carbs. But I only lost 2 lbs. during first week and during week 2 I had a family problem and found myself back on the carb binge and hating life and the unfairness of it all. Since can't move out to a peaceful mountain retreat, am I doomed to be fat and unhappy???

My self-esteem is on the floor, I already had other reasons to feel less than confident, now I feel I have nowhere to turn. Besides, I'm having a very significant birthday in September and I wanted to be "thin" again by then. At this point I'll settle for at least losing one dress size, I don't even have that much to lose to begin with but it might as well be 100 since I can't shed any of it. I would just stop trying to lose and wait to see if I get healthier but since I used to be skinny and have a very small frame I don't gain proportionately and have these ugly little rolls I totally hate and they'll only go away if I lose about 15 lbs. What really hurts is that last year I'd managed to go down one size and was already looking pretty good but on 9/11 I lost control and was too down for a long time to even want to try. I'm not working and have no social life to speak of so it's easy to get lost in the boring sameness of it all.

I tell you all, I might as well jump off a bridge :skull: if my birthday comes and I'm still in the same boat! I cannot have it!!! I just want to know if there is ONE SINGLE MENOPAUSAL SOUL OUT THERE who has gone through something similar and overcame so I can stop feeling like such a loser (Dang it, that actually would be good if it related to POUNDS!). So, if you're out there please :help:

[AngelaR]

Wow, there's lots of stuff going on in your life. That' a lot to try and balance. One of the things you will see posted here regularly is that stress will make your weight loss progresss slow down.

I'm 47, and while not fully into menopause yet, I'm going through the start of it..hot flashes, moodiness, tearfullness for no reason. It's a tough time of life. There are physical things to deal with. There are emotional things (not the least being coming to terms with aging)

One of the things that would help is if you gave examples of what your meals consisted of. If you posted some meal plans we could look at them and give you pointers on accidental goofs. Atkins can be a bit confusing. Eating no carbs, too low carbs, too low calories acan all affect your progress.

Why don't you give us a bit more info on how you tackled it so we can see if there are areas for improvement?

[osuzana]

Hello Raquel,
I read your post and I can identify with you completely, We are very close in age also. I wish I could tell you that I have overcome the problem with losing the weight but I have not! :(
When I was younger I had no problem losing... now that I am older and a year this month without a period, I am in menopause, and losing weight is nearly impossible. I have never been so heavy. I was always carrying around an extra 10 to 15 pounds more than I wanted, but it wasn't as bad as it is right now. I look in the mirror now and hate the way I look. i have been on low carb for a long time, the one consolation I do have is that it does make me feel alot better, I might not be losing much but this WOE has helped me to be more energetic. When I eat carbs I feel terrible about a half hour after I eat them.... I get the sleepy tired, I don't want to do anything feeling. Even breathing is an effort when I consume Carbs.
Losing weight is another story. I have been losing very slowly. I too am so frustrated. It seems it doesn't matter what I do, I just don't seem to be able to drop the weight. I do indulge in a glass of wine or two every evening and from what i have read, this is most likely my problem. Thing is I don't want to give it up. It is the one treat I have always allowed myself to have. I am not a candy or cake person, so I know that's not a problem. I can't tell you when I last had a peice of bread. My foods are simple: eggs ~ meat ~ chicken~ fish ~ cream in my coffee ( no sugar) tuna with mayo. lettuce ~ celery ~ tomatoes cucumber ( salad ingredients ) w/ lemon and Olive oil dressing ~ cheese and pork rinds for snacks. And my nightly wine. I am not a big eater nor am I a binger. I can't figure out why I don't lose. I am fairly active all day and don't usually sit my butt down for too long during the day untill 8 or 9 pm. Seems to me that I should not be a fat lady. I try not to be, but to no avail. So we are in the same boat in a way. Just wanted you to know, you are not alone....also from looking at your stats, you are not very much over weight! I think it is harder to lose when you don't have a lot to go. :D

Osuzana :p

[jo_]

Raquel;
We sound similar. I'm in menopause, full fledged now. I don't do well on drugs because of bizarre idiosyncratic reactions and I was previously dx'ed with hypothyroidism but stopped taking meds when the pharmacy, switched pills and almost killed me.

Anyway I'm losing pretty slowly... however I am losing. If I'd bite the bullet and go back on synthroid I'd lose more. Further depression, serious depression is a side effect of hypothroidism. I can keep some handle on mine by using a goodly dose of St. John's Wort.

I understand how you feel about drugs, boy do I understand however a little synthroid could change your life. Especially the depression and feeling overwhelmed and out of control.

Please try the thyroid replacement. Interesting seeing your post because it's giving me another push in the direction of getting back on synthroid myself!

Jo

[Raquel]

Hi Jo and Angela, thanks for your replies and for trying to understand.

I'm off L/C right now though I hope to re-start soon. First I need to recover some motivation. It's hard to do when I think that not only I wasn't losing but I also wasn't feeling good like I did during my previous L/C experiences.

Maybe I don't have too much to lose but 141 lbs. on a 5'1" frame makes me look chunky and everytime I've gotten halfway there I gain it all back.

Because I've L/C'd several times before and know it inside out, I'm sure it wasn't so much what I was eating or not eating. My body simply has changed :(. Why, the first time I did it I'd only read the "original" book and didn't even follow all the rules yet the weight/inches melted away so fast I thought it was magic.

Last summer I wasn't losing much but I was happy as long as something was happening. When I "went back" in Dec. at first I was doing OK until I reduced the carbs and fiddled with the meds. After that it seemed I couldn't get it right. But I also felt awful for the first time on L/C, potassium pills helped a little but I could tell something was not the same anymore. I even went back to thyroid pills on my own for a while but my body temperature stayed low, a clear sign my metabolism had slowed down. A nutritionist friend of mine who is also "hypo" told me thyroid meds do that to her (she can't lose weight either) so I stopped the thyroid meds again afraid I'd become dependent on them for nothing, besides the last two doctors I've seen think I don't need them because my TSH level is "within normal range". When I told my Dr. something was still wrong he suggested I go to another endocrinologist. Ha! I've gone to all the local ones in my insurance plan and anyway they all go by lab tests, if you still don't feel well they send you to a psychiatrist.:eek:

I'm never sure whether the culprit is menopause or stress. For instance, after a few days on a progesterone cream, I took my temperature and it had actually risen to 98.2 from the usual 97.4. Perhaps the secret lies there as I've read prog. favors thyroid function and estrogen hinders it by binding T4, the main circulating form of thyroid hormone. The ironic thing though is that prog. makes me crave sweets, everytime I took it in pill form I ended off L/C. Stress raises cortisol levels which hinders weight loss, and prog. may raise it as well (estrogen lowers it...) so it's really tricky balancing all this. I know I'm not alone in this because I visit a thyroid forum where a large number of women are in perimenopause or beyond, and it seems they all have weight problems, but I'd like to hear some good news for a change!

As I've been typing, I realized a lot of this is psychological. I feel right now that my life sucks and that I don't have the freedom to do what I'd like. I'm separated but depend on the support I get from my husband because I can't work. Because I haven't worked for 2 years my self-esteem is low. I also worry that my skills have gotten rusty and I hate the idea of going out there to stress myself out for low wages. I'm tired most of the time and very forgetful so I rarely follow through on any projects that I feel could change things even though I'm in desperate need of getting out of my rut. Because I do have some faith in God I keep hoping He'll provide a way out but I often feel I should be doing something myself...

Well, thanks so much for letting me vent. That's also part of my problem, since I moved to FL 5 years ago I've only made one friend and because she has a new baby I rarely have the chance to talk to her these days. My best friend lives in another state and we don't talk often enough, so, unlike years past, I'm lacking the "therapy" only "girl-talk" can provide.

[Raquel]

Thank you so much for caring. At least I can vent and know someone understands!

After X'mas I was mostly motivated for health reasons but when I felt worse rather than better and was told my B/P was still high and I'd gained the weight back during my doctor's visit it was more than I could bear. I know I can't give up and no matter how many times I fall "off the wagon" I must dust myself off and get back on. Perhaps Atkins per se is not right for me anymore and I need to taylor L/C to my personal needs. I read a book called "The Menopause Diet" by Larrian Gillespie, M.D. a female doctor who went through the weight gain herself, which advocates eating 5 mini-meals. I was only eating two so I found it real hard to be on such a schedule so when I returned the book to the library, I forgot about it. Perhaps the time has come to buy the book and give it a serious try. There's got to be something that works for me!

[agonycat]

Rachel, I merged your two threads together to keep everyone from responding twice and having duplicate answers.

Hope you don't mind.

[jo_]

Raquel;
How long did you go back on Thyroid replacement for AND what type of replacement? To become euthryoid you need approximately 6 weeks to really 'feel' a difference. Then it's gradual. This is what makes titrating thyroid very difficult. Is it takes a long time and you have to make very gradual changes.

Ok next about thyroid. What type did you take? If they put you on synthroid and you took generic it probably didn't work. NOTHING can substitute for the brand name in this case you must use brand. Next even though clinically you are euthyroid you may still need a bit more. Usually if you work closely with your doctor they will allow you to take a 'tad' bit more until you are 'feeling' your old self. However you have to wait 6 weeks between dosage change. If in a VERY small increase you find yourself experiencing tachycardia, restless, sweating etc.... you need to immediately BACK it down, your previous dosage was your euthryoid dosage. Find a doctor that will titrate to your symptoms AND your lab work, they are out there. If you can get your thyroid under control life will be much better for you.

As we get older our metabolism does slow down but you can still lose weight. It is much much slower though and takes far more patience. Any previous sensitivites are magnified as we get older, hence if you have insulin issues it only gets worse. At 5'1" and 140 I'd guess you probably don't however.

Further if you were only eating 2 meals another problem could have been you were not getting enough calories. If you don't get enough calories you don't lose. You need a MINIMUM of 1400 to 1680 kCals to maintain your bodily functions if your body gets less than that and you combine this with lowered metabolism you won't lose a pound.

Finally since you have so little weight to lose you can figure a normal weight loss will be very very low. Atkins and other low carb programs are slow loss programs for folks like us, older, tending to lower thyroid. If you have say 20 pounds to lose you can figure a normal loss for the first two weeks of a normal induction would be around 2 pounds. Then you would look at approximately .5 to a .25 pound a week thereafter. Realistically since you are carb aware you probably aren't carrying the fluid most completely non carbers are so I'd expect a weight loss more like a pound a month on this diet when eating sufficient calories. Did your weight loss fall under that?

Finally at 5'1 and 140 I know you'd like to lose. However that isn't a bad weight maybe focus on getting b/p (Low carb can do this), and thyroid under control. When you get those fixed then focus on menopause symptoms. But trying to alter multiple variables at the same time makes it extremely hard to figure out what is responsible for what. Finally the dreaded exercise word. If your body is choosing to stay at 140 you can feel and look better by exercising. I don't mean 100 hours of cardio a week. I mean 20 to 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week mixed with a moderate lifting regimen to combat osteoporosis.

Anyway best of luck to you this has to be very frustrating! I know at 200 pounds I'm really upset that my body is down to losing only a couple pounds a month now however at least the trend is down and eventually it will get there :)

Good luck!
Jo

[Raquel]

Jo, thanks for your concern but I don't think the answer for me lies in thyroid replacement at this point. When I was on meds my lowest TSH was 2.76 and I didn't feel much different. Ironically, I felt better when it was 4.14 after being switched from Synthroid (which IMHO is an awful medication - it was in the middle of a BIG controversy last year) to Levothroid and Cytomel (T3). It is 3 or less WITHOUT MEDICATION which I think is GOOD.

As I mentioned before, I believe my problem lies somewhere between my female hormones and stress. After my dx, I began researching thyroid disease, menopause and stress and read every major book published on the subject, visited numerous websites, read studies, and exchanged a lot of correspondence with ladies from the Thyroid.About.com forums and concluded that my problem was probably due to weakened adrenals because of years of stress as a single mother and such. I had every sign (which my first endo noticed) of high cortisol output but when the lab test came back "normal" she dismissed that and didn't even try to test other adrenal hormones like epinephrine, etc. Traditional testing rarely gives accurate results. In "alternative" circles, saliva testing is recommended but conventional doctors say is not reliable. I believe it's the other way around. My last doctor consented to retest back in April but the lab put the wrong time on the tests which are time-dependent so the results appeared "normal" when they were actually high. When I brought this up to his attention he admitted that was not his field of expertise and tried to find me another endo. I told him I'd think about it. I concluded it would be a waste of my time as I'd lost faith in traditional medicine.

In my previous post I mentioned that when I tried the Levothroid again it lowered my body temperature, a clear sign my metabolism had dropped, which was confirmed by my nutritionist friend. I felt no need to wait 6 weeks in a case like that. Now that I'm taking natural progesterone my body temperature has remained above 98 degrees. Since normal body temp. is very much the same for everyone, I believe it more accurately reflects the state of one's metabolism than TSH levels which can be different from one person to anotheras day is from night.

Regarding exercise, it doesn't even have the same effect on me anymore, another source of frustration, and this has just happened in 2 years except for last summer when I was having decent results using light weights at home. At that time I was happy to be losing 1 lb/wk on L/C, my B/P went back to normal and my energy level was decent but upon analysis it coincided with a low-stress period of time when my son moved out for a few months... When I wrote my original post on Saturday I'd had a very bad week dealing with his problems, coincidence??? Hmmm!

I did think that eating the 2 meals (plus snack...) was a problem but because I've suffered from serious insomnia and sometimes got up in the afternoon, I didn't want to eat too late into the night except a snack precisely afraid of gaining more weight since I was forced to be sedentary (everyone was asleep so I stay in my room using the computer...). That's why I'm thinking the Menopause Diet might be better for me as it might help normalize my metabolism with frequent mini-meals.

I thank you all though as you've made me analyze each time that I was getting results vs. when I haven't and see the common denominators. I'm going to try to get a small mechanical treadmill (if I can still find one) so I can get more exercise without "pain" and I will find some outside outlets to help me deal with at-home stress better. My local library is offering a free writing workshop, I've always wanted to be a writer so I'm going to take advantage of that. I also saw in a local health magazine that there's a weight loss support group that meets at a healthfood store I've been to, maybe that'll keep me on track!

[lisavasil]

hi Raquel!
i am not into menopause yet - but from my experience with working out, are you combining strength training with cardio? I live in los angeles, and I am pursuing acting. I "trainer to the stars" kind of guy that I worked out with last year fully emphasized and stressed to me that for this to work (he is the one that put me on atkins) I would need to commit to doing light weights in an all over body strength program and one hour on a bike, treadmill or walking outside. The weights I did every other day and cardio every day except Sunday was my day off for everything. The result combined with Atkins? Getting back to a body I hadn't seen since college. Of course, 6 months later I was off the old wagon and am now back to where I started a year later, but at least I know what I need to do. this guy has worked out with many actresses young and old and always has the same faith in this approach. And I know it - somewhere last year as I just tried to do this mainly putting all my focus on the food and what i was eating, if i only walked 20 minutes here and there I got no significant change and always hovered in the same weight give or take 5 pounds. So, i am back to square one, commited to the gym and making time for myself while eating what I should be. Hope this helps! all my weight is hips thighs and butt. Nothing like the machines on light settings with high reps and cardio does it every time!
L

[Raquel]

Thanks for your message, it helped me decide what I needed to do!

Around the time you wrote, I visited a forum for thyroid disease I'm a member of and a lady was sharing that she had been able to lose weight by following a "new" program called "8 Minutes In The Morning" created by Jorge Cruise that uses light weights. I followed the link she provided and read the basics at his website which seemed easy enough for me to try. Then I read your message and I knew that had to be and feeling hopeful again I decided to start the very next day as I remembered that last year when I was losing steadily I was doing a light-weight workout at home with a Tony Little video every other day. I also remembered how years ago because I wanted to look good for "someone special" that was going to visit me in a few weeks, I began alternating resistance exercises with my aerobic workouts and by the time "he" visited I looked just the way I wanted to.

I had thought of doing that before but I had a major problem of lack of energy and my memory of working with weights was of a long, tiring workout. 8MM seemed more realistic for my present circumstances because it only requires 2 exercises per day (but I modified it to 3 because I can handle that) and soon I'll be adding back some cardio. I'm happy to report that I lost 3 lbs. during my first week back to L/C with that change alone.

So thank you and all others for your support! :)