Down but not out

[nikkiend]

Hi everyone. This is my first time in this area of the support forum. I really need it right now. This past Thursday and Friday were really bad days for me. A few weeks ago a very close friend of mine passed from Leukemia and I finally just started dealing with it Thursday evening when I got to have a long talk with his brother about everything. (I stuff things so I don't have to deal with them) I got off of the phone with him and called my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years for some support. We ended up getting in a huge fight and are possibly going to break up over some things going on in our relationship. Friday I was maintaining at work and figured I was home free. Around 4:20, my best friend there who has an office next to me got layed off. This is the last one in a string of layoffs for the past 2 months and we're not a big company. I just lost it. My boss had to send me home early. I felt really stupid because I seemed to take it worse than her! I was in a major funk all Friday night and saturday morning. All I could do was cry. I miss my friend who passed, I'm going to miss my friend at work. We had so much fun every day. It's going to be so depressing at work now. I don't know if I'm going to be in my relationship anymore. I can't pin him down to talk and see what we are going to do. You know men and talking!!!
The good news is, I forced myself Sat. afternoon to get off my duff and work out. I felt so much better. I felt empowered; like I had some control over my life. I actually felt thinner and could really envision myself getting "lean and mean". I'm still down about everything but I have some hope. Thanks for listening.

[Talon]

From your post, it sounds like you are a very strong person. You will get through this! We all have bad spots in our life, unfortunately you are going through one now. It may not seem like it, but it will get better.

Here is a big hug from me:

:bhug:

[nikkiend]

Thanks for the hug and the encouragement, Talon. I really needed a hug!!! It's funny. I never think about myself as a strong person, tho.

[Talon]

The good news is, I forced myself Sat. afternoon to get off my duff and work out. I felt so much better. I felt empowered; like I had some control over my life. I actually felt thinner and could really envision myself getting "lean and mean"

That phrase right there tells me you are a strong person. Of course you had some bad moments, all of us would if we were in your shoes. I am not sure if I would have handled 1/2 as well as you! Despite the horrible week you've had, you picked yourself up and went on. You said you felt empowered, and had control over your life. You do. You proved it.

[destro]

How are you doing, Nickiend? It sounds like you really are an incredibly strong person; I agree with Talon.

You have been handed a lot--too much--to deal with at one time and you are coming through just wonderfully. I hope that you come back and tell us how things are going.

Hugs,

Natalie

[nikkiend]

Thanks for caring! Actually I was given another blow this past week. On top of the other problems my boyfriend and I were having, he confessed to me that he was seeing someone else for the past month. I already had plans to go away this weekend with 2 girlfriends and I think it was really good for me even tho I was wishing it wasn't this weekend. (I just found out Thurs. night) I was able to put all of this craziness behind me and go have fun! We went to Orlando to Sea World and Discovery Cove and it was wonderful. I just got back home and into reality and so far I'm doing ok. I can't even tell you how I feel. In a way, I'm relieved because now I know I'm not crazy for having some of the feelings I've been having in our relationship lately. It's just a really hard situation because I have no family here and his family has been mine for the past 5 1/2 years so I'm really confused. I also did something really stupid since we've been together and pretty much dropped all of my friends. But I'm working on making new ones now. I know I need a support system. I'm planning on getting into therapy very soon. I honestly don't know how all of this is going to work out, but I know that I can get thru it. I've been thru it before, unfortunately, and I can do it again! Thanks so much for your concern and your support. It really means alot.

[destro]

Dear Nikkiend,

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I know that sometimes a vacation from reality is just splendid but it's hard to come back.

If you don't have a journal yet, you might want to start one. You seem to be a very verbal person and writing about your feelings can help a lot. I am in therapy but since I can't see my therapist 24/7, I use writing to work out some of my problems and my issues.

Good luck to you,

Natalie

[nikkiend]

Thanks, Natalie. That's a good idea. I feel too ashamed to tell people what's going on so I'm sure a journal would help.

[DuPont]

If you haven't already dumped him do so immediately, he is only adding to your problems. It may hurt at first, but it can also be an empowering experience. Don't let him treat you like second best. Take care of your self first and everything else will fall into place.

[nikkiend]

No disrespect, MJ, but I came to this forum for support, not advice on what to do. It's hard just to drop someone you've been with for so long without another thought. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post, tho.