Obsessed much??

[PhotoKriss]

Ok let me preface this by giving you all a piece of my history. When I was younger (teens and 20s) I had an eating disorder and also suffered from body dimorphic disorder. I am in my 30s now.
I pressed on to lose weight when i needed not to. Mt parents thought I was on drugs when i had never touched an illegal drug in my life.

Fast forward to now. I am a little overweight. My BMI is 27. I am 4'10" and I currently weigh 133lbs. At one point I was VERY heavy...weighing in at 163 pounds. That was last year. I have made it a point to lose weight slowly, however I have noticed a flip in my mindset. The obsession which I recognize from my younger days is creeping back.

Im now counting carbs and calories. Im exercising hardcore 2 times a day. I started the Insanity program and hitting the elliptical for 45 min and hitting it hard. I dont want to be overweight but I dont want this to take me over either. Is being thin so important to me that I know when I get there I wont know it?

I can see it happening, I will get to 115 and I wont SEE the difference. I will still see the overweight girl in the mirror. I look at photos from back when I had these body image issues and I see now that I was thin.....but its crazy that what I was was not what I saw.....it was like I was looking in one of those funny house mirrors...no joke, my mind ACTUALLY had me seeing something that was not there.

Im hoping that since I rationally know what was going on then that I wont go back to that. But the obsessive mind set is something I recognize clearly.

I dont know what to do to keep it from happening again......if it will happen again, it may not

I broke a plateau this morning and (i had been stuck for a few weeks now) and it sparked something in me....for most people the motivation is probably great....but for me with my history.....it becomes my SOLE focus in life.

[CallmeAnn]

Did you get counseling when you struggled before, with the body dysmorphia? Can you get it now? Did you have no rational understanding of what was wrong then? I think if you do have trouble seeing your true size, you might not maintain and might be launched into an unhealthy yoyo phase. I think your hyper-motivated behavior now is a sign that you could be in for a repeat. It sounds like you've gained some wisdom with adulthood.

[PhotoKriss]

I did see counseling both then and when I was at my heaviest. I think when I get to goal if Im looking at myself thinking "this isnt enough" I may send my butt back. lol.

I hate the idea of being a slave to this all over again.

I do recognize the "hyper-motivated" behavior as you put it (perfectly)
Im not gonna lie....this is where I know Im still a little messed up....Im almost willing to risk it to keep this motivation. I want it more than anything....sadly most of my self worth is wrapped in what I look like. Weird I know.

[CallmeAnn]

Well, it's not weird in terms of how many others are the same way. I'm very much that way. I understand about being afraid to lose your motivation. I have had people tell me I'm losing too fast when I had my most successful run at LC but I didn't know how to do it in moderation.

I no longer have a job or kids at home, so my appearance is kind of what's left for me to work on, but also I have my health to consider. I have heart disease on both sides of my family and I have to keep my stats in line.

Keep in touch with us on here, and post pics in your gallery and we can tell you if it looks like you're in need of help.

[PhotoKriss]

Keep in touch with us on here, and post pics in your gallery and we can tell you if it looks like you're in need of help.

THIS is a wonderful idea.

[chandltp]

The obsession which I recognize from my younger days is creeping back.

I have no answers for you, but I can relate. I struggle with similar issues every time I try to lose weight.

When I'm not trying to lose weight and eat normally, the thoughts eventually seem to return to normal... but I always gain weight. It seems that something about calorie deprivation triggers something in my brain.

[JEY100]

The photos are a good idea :thup: In addition to counseling, maybe writing in a journal here may help you work through your body image and weight issues.
Also there is a whole forum on body image here..there are some good suggestions by reading back in some of the threads. All the best.

http://forum.lowcarber.org/forumdisplay.php?f=121

[CallmeAnn]

I have no answers for you, but I can relate. I struggle with similar issues every time I try to lose weight.

When I'm not trying to lose weight and eat normally, the thoughts eventually seem to return to normal... but I always gain weight. It seems that something about calorie deprivation triggers something in my brain.

Hi. I almost missed your post. Feel free to keep a journal here, too, just as Jey suggested to Kriss; the pictures, too. It's not the usual issue we address but it's still overbearing concern for your diet and issues of weight loss. We aren't therapists of course, but what with your membership here beginning with this as a concern and discussion, we can be ready to suggest that you do get help when we see you in danger of hurting yourself. I do know that there was a girl on an old usenet LC group that went into depression as got near goal and we talked with her a lot about it and suggested she get help. Keep in touch here and we can help you work through it to the best of your/our ability.

[menew]

I think when I get to goal if Im looking at myself thinking "this isnt enough" I may send my butt back. .

Honestly, I wouldn't wait until you reach goal to seek counseling. It strikes me that getting a handle on your feelings sooner rather than later might make the journey easier.

[Lulumae]

Hi, I am sure the people on this Forum will look out for you if you post and tell us what's happening, but I agree with Menew that it would be a good idea to have some accompany you on this journey. We think we can control obsessive thoughts etc. but sometimes we can't. Losing a few pounds seems like a reasonable goal but low carb is not a diet, as you may have understood, it's a lifestyle choice. You can low carb without counting anything - that's what I do. And you should eat some fat. You shouldn't really need to restrict calories too much if at all. The benefit of low carb is that it keeps cravings at bay if you do it properly but if you have a tendency not to eat enough calories and to exercise a lot you need to find a way of eating that works for you and doesn't get you keyed up.

[PhotoKriss]

Hi, I am sure the people on this Forum will look out for you if you post and tell us what's happening, but I agree with Menew that it would be a good idea to have some accompany you on this journey. We think we can control obsessive thoughts etc. but sometimes we can't. Losing a few pounds seems like a reasonable goal but low carb is not a diet, as you may have understood, it's a lifestyle choice. You can low carb without counting anything - that's what I do. And you should eat some fat. You shouldn't really need to restrict calories too much if at all. The benefit of low carb is that it keeps cravings at bay if you do it properly but if you have a tendency not to eat enough calories and to exercise a lot you need to find a way of eating that works for you and doesn't get you keyed up.

So true!!!
I dont really count too much of anything since i have Induction down......I tend to stay there till i lose the majority of my weight since i plateau very easily. But yeah when i decide how many carbs Im going to eat its not long before i dont have to get crazy with the measuring and counting everythinf. LC is very easy to do that way.

I do eat fat too....i think that i just feel the need to watch calories too because like i said ....i plateau easily. I maintain easily and don't gain.....but losing is hard sometimes. Im pretty sure its becaus i have ruined my metabolism with years of an eating disorder. But yes This is a wonderful place with wonderful people who i know will watch out for me if i just ask! :agree:

[Nancy LC]

Im now counting carbs and calories. Im exercising hardcore 2 times a day. I started the Insanity program and hitting the elliptical for 45 min and hitting it hard. I dont want to be overweight but I dont want this to take me over either. Is being thin so important to me that I know when I get there I wont know it?
Severely restricting calories, exercising too much... that'll just lead you to a lower resting metabolism. Read Phinney/Volek's book "The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living". This sort of thing is just counterproductive.

[PhotoKriss]

Severely restricting calories, exercising too much... that'll just lead you to a lower resting metabolism. Read Phinney/Volek's book "The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living". This sort of thing is just counterproductive.


Thank you I will look into that book!