questionable goals

[tooround]

Are any of you worried about the goals some folks have set for themselves? I'm thinking of a post I read (no good with names) The poster is 5'6" tall and 130 lbs. She wants to lose more weight. Are you ever tempted to tell someone to be careful? :confused:

[Karen]

Yes, and some people actually have!

I think a lot of "questionable" goals have much to do with body image and "if only" thinking. As in - I would be perfect if I only I could lose 5 more pounds.

Karen

[razzle]

I used to post to such people, then wanted to but didn't, but I'm finally realizing that it's their business if they are anorexic, not mine...and it's far too complex of a psychological disorder for me to "cure" by saying, "you've got a problem." They probably know, at some level, that they have a problem. 130 won't do it for them...125 won't...105 won't...it's cuz body size isn't the real issue, it isn't the real "it" that they're trying to fix. When it's time for them to understand, they'll find the right people, books, or insights to help them understand.

I'm curious as to why you asked, tooround.

[tooround]

Why I asked? It might be the mother in me. With all the media exposure for very thin models etc. I worry that women are overdoing thinness. Perhaps even over estimating what being thin will do for them. I want to hug them up and tell them that slim is healthy, model skinny is not. There is much to life, much that is good. More than constantly struggling to stay underweight. I worry, I'm a mother. What can I say?

[Lisa N]

I also find myself wondering about people who are 5' 6" who want to weigh 110 lbs. I've also found, though, that they don't want to hear from us "fat" people that it's an unrealistic and potentially unhealthy goal and will just write it off to us being jealous of their being thin. I think that when people have body image issues, there is little that you can say to change their minds about it.

[Kristine]

I think it's too hard to judge someone else's goals simply with height and weight. Perhaps they have a small frame. Perhaps they gained a specific amount of weight and they want to lose it again.

Bear in mind that a hard-core anorexic with half a brain will just lie about his/her stats.

I think it's best to leave people alone about their goals.

[Atrsy]

I think you'd find that most of these people with the unrealistic goals are very young. As we get older, we tend to get a little wiser.

Teenagers read all those magazines with the thin models. They feel that they need to look like that to be popular. When they get a little older, they realize that the men in their lives like a little softness to their women.

I worry about this too, because I am also the mother of two girls. When they were in high school, they wanted to be thin, but now that they are out of college, that doesn't seem as important. The older one has gained some weight but is still in a "normal" range, the younger one has actually lost weight but is still ok. I don't think that it is such an issue for them anymore.

[rtjdk2]

Yep, I have seen goals I thought were kinda hard.. I set the goal of 130 becasue its the high side of what Im surpose to weigh.. I know I could go much lower.. I was 105 when graduated from highschool and so on then was 112 when i met my husband.. I also know that I have been pregnant and have gained more muscle mass over the years in my legs and arms... So i figured I would set a goal of 130 then see how things look from there.. Ive been very very skinny and dont get me wrong ... But I dotn want to be that small again.. I just want to go where I feel healthy but not to skinny.. I feel that everyone needs to set reasonable goals for them selves to where they will be healthy at and not at an unhealty goal just to see if they could reach it..

hope this made since.. been workign with kids all day long at school and brain is tired :yawn:

Tammy

[AmandaSo]

It's too hard to judge or generalize when we haven't walked in her (presumably) shoes. There might be countless reasons for wanted to lose weight at 130 pounds, even if your five six. I'd be thrilled to be 130 at five three, but all things are relative.

I'd also like to point out that, according to the newest guidelines set down by our precious Centers for Disease Control, 5'6", 115, is not considered an unreasonable goal. It's considered an ideal body weight.

Oy.

[LC Sponge]

One other point on this that was made in a similar discussion many months ago.... that cultural influences factor into "ideal height to weight ratios". Some cultures are naturally so fine boned that what we consider "anorexic" on paper is actually quite ok in real life. The other factor is age. Woman who are mature have a very different body shape (and therefore weight) than tbose who are just post pubescent.

[tofi]

Then again, I recently went to a site where you could calculate your ideal body weight. It asked for only your height. And it told me that at 5'5", I should weigh 127.5 pounds!!!!!!!! Plus or minus 10%. GOOD GRIEF!!

My own goal is about 170 pounds because I will be at about a size 12 -14 if I get there. (I'm currently a Canadian 18 at 215 pounds).

So there are 'authorities' out there who are setting out these unrealistic goals for us.

BarB :mad:

[animaldoc]

When I weigh what I should (where I feel good, I can wear a 10 petite, people comment that I look good) I weigh between 140 and 145. That is at the very upper limit of the weight range for my height (5'3") according to BMI scales. When I tell people how much I weigh, they can't believe it-they would have guessed me at LEAST 20 lbs less (and they're not just being nice).

I guess I'm truly big-boned......I am much larger boned than my mother, and we used to be able to wear the same clothes (when I was in highschool) and I weighed 20 lbs more than she did!

-animaldoc :wave:

[Janice]

I have to confess, that one of the first things I look at on this forum is individual's goal weight. Not former weight, or current weight, but what they feel is an acceptable weight. Of course everyones a different height ..... and body shape etc.

Anyway, personally ..... as a woman in her mid thirties, who has given birth to two daughters, and is 5'8", I think my goal weight of 160 is healthy, attainable, sustainable, and looks great.

When I see stats with a higher goal weight, say 200lbs., I think to myself, "ATTA GIRL!! There's a lady with a great self image!". When I see stats where someone is 5'8" and has a goal of 120, I think, "Oh dear ...... "

When I initially began on this forum I had no goal weight in mind and I set it at 150. After a month or so, I thought to myself, "Are you nutz?! You haven't weighed that since you were 25 and two babies ago!! Give your head a shake, Janice!! But hey, you sure look hot at 160 ..... ".

Okay, what was the question again?

Janice

[Kristine]

I think it also depends on your definition of the word "goal." My "goal" in buying a lottery ticket is to win, but that doesn't mean I'm trying to become rich or that I'll be heartbroken if it doesn't happen. I treat my "goal" weight about as seriously.

[tooround]

When I first realised that I was as heavy as I was a few months ago, I went to have a chat with a friend who is a dietition. I told her that at 5'2" I wanted to weigh 120 lbs. I remembered feeling slim and sexy and being able to wear all kinds of cute little things. She asked me a few questions .... what year was that? 1983. How many pregnancies ago and so on. I needed a bit of a reality smack. I'm 41 years old. Do I need to be cute? Or do I need to be trim and healthy?

[AmandaSo]

Personally, I think you are never too old to feel slim and sexy. Cute and healthy is also good, but the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I want it all, darnit.

[Nan]

These last few days my weight has been up due to a variety of reasons. My husband asked me today if I feel different since I've lost weight. I told him I feel great on days when I'm low and not awful when water and weather take over my body. He said to me - those pounds show on the scale - but not on you! What a revelation (big kiss for him!!!)

I think you know you're close to goal when you look in the mirror and you smile secretly to yourself. The problem is in having confidence in that weight loss. I know for me (and many of you have supported me through this) my daily weigh is actually my daily mood set.

So weight loss is also an exercise in self-acceptance. Funny how it seemed a lot easier to accept my thunder thighs than my new size 6 jeans.

Everyday I'm afraid that I'll be back "up there" - but I'm making a lifestyle change. It took me 36 years to get here!!! Anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder - just make sure that when you behold you're own beauty you are true to the one who matters most - YOU!