lovinmy#'s
Wed, Jun-24-09, 18:43
Well, I am posting this, because I need to vent to people who can relate. If you don't mind a bit of reading, I could use a comment or two. My husband is loving and supportive, but gets frustrated with my inability to put things in perspective. Here's the story:
We went on a four day vacation to a trout fishing lodge with my dh's whole family. I have now lost over twenty pounds (slowly, fighting for every ounce) and I decided that I would not succumb to the sweet pull of high carb bliss while I was there. It wasn't really that difficult. I took low carb snacks, the meals were all low carb friendly, and it was so hot that I only wanted to drink water. I admit to taking a couple bites of my husband's desert at dinner one night, but that was my only splurge. In fact, the adults enjoyed sharing my low carb stuff too. I should have been happy and proud of myself.
But, I struggled with depression on the third and fourth day. Why? A photo.
I caught a 4 1/2 pound trout, the record for our group, and of course there was a picture. When I looked at it later, the only fat whopper I could see was myself. I set myself up for it. I was wearing a bathing suit and unflattering shorts with my hair pulled back to reveal the round orb of my face. I shuddered to think what I would have looked like without having lost weight. I tried to tell myself not to spiral into depression, but it was like a slap in the face. I kept thinking, I'm working so hard, but I'm going to be the fat one for a long while yet. I almost got to the "What's the point" stage.
Sorry this is so long, but I'm venting, remember. My dh's brothers all married extremely skinny women. They can eat anything they want to, though they make a big show over eating low fat/low cal before feasting on pumpkins rolls or whatever. And you know what you feel like when you are around them. Besides envious and disgusted, you keep thinking, they must look at me and think I eat like a pig to be this size. Oh, I just thought of a funny story. We went out to eat with the family to a steak house once and I was asking the waitress quietly behind my menu what their fattiest steak was. To my horror, the waitress said in a booming voice, "Well our fattiest steak is a...." My sil's, who had ordered their chicken breast and steamed vegetables (because it was low fat, not because it was low carb) gave me google eyes. Their expressions said, "No wonder you're so overwieght!" It wasn't possible to explain at the time about the low carb thing so I had to sit there and eat knowing what they were thinking. So embarrassing.
Anyway, the same evening as my downward spiral into poor self esteem, a seven year old nephew told me that I was too big to hula hoop while his skinny mom was doing it. I've never tried it before, and wasn't very good. She'd never tried it before either and was very good. Can fat people hula hoop? I don't know. I managed to keep most of the hurt inside so that it didn't ruin the rest of the trip or my dh's, but it was simmering all the same.
I know, I know. I'm doing good. I'll get there someday, (though with a planned pregnancy in view it seems like light years from now) and I know that I feel great with the success that I've had. I think that I'm just emotionally allergic to being in close proximity to skinny, attractive women for long periods of time - especially when you factor in swimming, photos, and too honest kids.
Anyone else had a similar experience with this. I've had similar ones my whole life and I'm almost resigned to always have to deal with it.
We went on a four day vacation to a trout fishing lodge with my dh's whole family. I have now lost over twenty pounds (slowly, fighting for every ounce) and I decided that I would not succumb to the sweet pull of high carb bliss while I was there. It wasn't really that difficult. I took low carb snacks, the meals were all low carb friendly, and it was so hot that I only wanted to drink water. I admit to taking a couple bites of my husband's desert at dinner one night, but that was my only splurge. In fact, the adults enjoyed sharing my low carb stuff too. I should have been happy and proud of myself.
But, I struggled with depression on the third and fourth day. Why? A photo.
I caught a 4 1/2 pound trout, the record for our group, and of course there was a picture. When I looked at it later, the only fat whopper I could see was myself. I set myself up for it. I was wearing a bathing suit and unflattering shorts with my hair pulled back to reveal the round orb of my face. I shuddered to think what I would have looked like without having lost weight. I tried to tell myself not to spiral into depression, but it was like a slap in the face. I kept thinking, I'm working so hard, but I'm going to be the fat one for a long while yet. I almost got to the "What's the point" stage.
Sorry this is so long, but I'm venting, remember. My dh's brothers all married extremely skinny women. They can eat anything they want to, though they make a big show over eating low fat/low cal before feasting on pumpkins rolls or whatever. And you know what you feel like when you are around them. Besides envious and disgusted, you keep thinking, they must look at me and think I eat like a pig to be this size. Oh, I just thought of a funny story. We went out to eat with the family to a steak house once and I was asking the waitress quietly behind my menu what their fattiest steak was. To my horror, the waitress said in a booming voice, "Well our fattiest steak is a...." My sil's, who had ordered their chicken breast and steamed vegetables (because it was low fat, not because it was low carb) gave me google eyes. Their expressions said, "No wonder you're so overwieght!" It wasn't possible to explain at the time about the low carb thing so I had to sit there and eat knowing what they were thinking. So embarrassing.
Anyway, the same evening as my downward spiral into poor self esteem, a seven year old nephew told me that I was too big to hula hoop while his skinny mom was doing it. I've never tried it before, and wasn't very good. She'd never tried it before either and was very good. Can fat people hula hoop? I don't know. I managed to keep most of the hurt inside so that it didn't ruin the rest of the trip or my dh's, but it was simmering all the same.
I know, I know. I'm doing good. I'll get there someday, (though with a planned pregnancy in view it seems like light years from now) and I know that I feel great with the success that I've had. I think that I'm just emotionally allergic to being in close proximity to skinny, attractive women for long periods of time - especially when you factor in swimming, photos, and too honest kids.
Anyone else had a similar experience with this. I've had similar ones my whole life and I'm almost resigned to always have to deal with it.