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lovinmy#'s
Wed, Jun-24-09, 18:43
Well, I am posting this, because I need to vent to people who can relate. If you don't mind a bit of reading, I could use a comment or two. My husband is loving and supportive, but gets frustrated with my inability to put things in perspective. Here's the story:

We went on a four day vacation to a trout fishing lodge with my dh's whole family. I have now lost over twenty pounds (slowly, fighting for every ounce) and I decided that I would not succumb to the sweet pull of high carb bliss while I was there. It wasn't really that difficult. I took low carb snacks, the meals were all low carb friendly, and it was so hot that I only wanted to drink water. I admit to taking a couple bites of my husband's desert at dinner one night, but that was my only splurge. In fact, the adults enjoyed sharing my low carb stuff too. I should have been happy and proud of myself.

But, I struggled with depression on the third and fourth day. Why? A photo.
I caught a 4 1/2 pound trout, the record for our group, and of course there was a picture. When I looked at it later, the only fat whopper I could see was myself. I set myself up for it. I was wearing a bathing suit and unflattering shorts with my hair pulled back to reveal the round orb of my face. I shuddered to think what I would have looked like without having lost weight. I tried to tell myself not to spiral into depression, but it was like a slap in the face. I kept thinking, I'm working so hard, but I'm going to be the fat one for a long while yet. I almost got to the "What's the point" stage.

Sorry this is so long, but I'm venting, remember. My dh's brothers all married extremely skinny women. They can eat anything they want to, though they make a big show over eating low fat/low cal before feasting on pumpkins rolls or whatever. And you know what you feel like when you are around them. Besides envious and disgusted, you keep thinking, they must look at me and think I eat like a pig to be this size. Oh, I just thought of a funny story. We went out to eat with the family to a steak house once and I was asking the waitress quietly behind my menu what their fattiest steak was. To my horror, the waitress said in a booming voice, "Well our fattiest steak is a...." My sil's, who had ordered their chicken breast and steamed vegetables (because it was low fat, not because it was low carb) gave me google eyes. Their expressions said, "No wonder you're so overwieght!" It wasn't possible to explain at the time about the low carb thing so I had to sit there and eat knowing what they were thinking. So embarrassing.

Anyway, the same evening as my downward spiral into poor self esteem, a seven year old nephew told me that I was too big to hula hoop while his skinny mom was doing it. I've never tried it before, and wasn't very good. She'd never tried it before either and was very good. Can fat people hula hoop? I don't know. I managed to keep most of the hurt inside so that it didn't ruin the rest of the trip or my dh's, but it was simmering all the same.

I know, I know. I'm doing good. I'll get there someday, (though with a planned pregnancy in view it seems like light years from now) and I know that I feel great with the success that I've had. I think that I'm just emotionally allergic to being in close proximity to skinny, attractive women for long periods of time - especially when you factor in swimming, photos, and too honest kids.

Anyone else had a similar experience with this. I've had similar ones my whole life and I'm almost resigned to always have to deal with it.

Sandollar
Wed, Jun-24-09, 19:20
Honestly, I try to avoid naturally skinny people. Not because I don't like them or find them attractive...I just can't relate to them. Their problems are not my problems.

lovinmy#'s
Wed, Jun-24-09, 19:30
Too bad that avoiding family isn't possible or desirable. Also, almost all of my friends are thin. Maybe even all of them. I try not judge them because of their size - they warm and enrich my life even if they can't relate to this part of it. That's why I need support here. I have to learn to deal with my side of it -How to stop comparing myself with them - even if it is just "Why couldn't I have been born a skinny person?"

girlbug2
Wed, Jun-24-09, 19:40
Well look at your advantages--you can eat delicious fatty meats while they are stuck with steamed vegetales and skinless chicken breast.

I can totally relate to your situation. My mom's family is mostly skinny women, and there's a reunion in August. Yikes, I know I can't possibly lose enough weight in 8 weeks to look like I fit in with the skinnies. I also don't plan to go off plan for the reunion, which I am sure will raise eyebrows--yup, they're thinking no wonder she's so fat, look at all the fat she eats :(.

I am planning however on being the strongest and healthiest one there, who has great cardio and muscle tone and can zip line, hike and swim with the best of them. I plan to do everything in my power to continue with my exercise and healthy eating program until and throughout the reunion, so that I'll have no regrets afterward. And then in December when I'mj a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding, they'll ask me how i did it and I'll say "lots of fat and protein ;)"

Good for you for sticking to your plan on vacation, you are an inspiration to me!

kevsmama
Fri, Jun-26-09, 07:23
I know what you mean. My family is all large but most of my friends and in laws are skinny. One day my husband and I were in the gym sauna and I can't see very well without my glasses and this voice said she knew how hard it was to lose weight and that the sauna would work. I couldn't even see this chick and my husband asked her what size she was and she said she was a 3 but wouldn't be happy till she was a 0! I was at the pool with my kids and other kids told me I shouldn't lay out on the cement because it wasn't good to be a beached whale. These things hurt and yes I remember them even though it was quite awhile ago that it happened but I am trying to use them as reminders as one of the reasons I am doing this. I do feel better than most of my inlaws who count every morsel they put in their mouths, wouldn't go near cheese or steak or pepperoni and shudder when I do.Just keep plugging along and one day you will find yourself at your goal, I know that I will this time. Remember this trip is full of highs and lows just like a roller coaster.

Citruskiss
Sat, Jun-27-09, 11:03
Hmm..not quite the same, but similar story.

My Dad's always been very slim. Dresses in very expensive and stylish clothes. I remember when I started low-carb, he'd make comments like, "If I were trying to lose weight, I'd eat just plain salad with no dressing" and give me all kinds of 'advice' on how to eat.

Thing is - he's *never* had a weight problem, so how the heck would he know how to lose weight? The way I got through feeling criticized/judged for my eating while still overweight was to remember this one fact. Mentally, I'd think, "Well, you haven't had to do it, so you don't necessarily know what you're talking about".

Meanwhile, with my Mom's side of the family (parents are divorced and Mom's remarried) - I am now the slimmest one in the family. I'm getting this weird vibe sometimes. No one wants to go shopping with me, and sometimes they don't like how I eat. I get things like, "C'mon, can't you even have a treat?" and stuff like that. Apparently, I don't need to 'worry about it' anymore, and it's ridiculous that I'm still eating this way. You know, I'd have to say - that I can actually sense a degree of anger in there. I don't know why, but I can feel it. So, now that I've lost the weight, I'm the one who doesn't 'fit in'. I'm no fun anymore, because I don't want dessert or cheesecake every night. Geeze - met up with Mom and family in Las Vegas last Christmas - and at one lunch get together - my Mom was putting fries on my plate. As if I was ruining things for them if I didn't eat some fries. Yes, it actually feels like they're mad at me!

About a year and a half ago, we all went on a cruise - and Mom phones me, asking, "You're not going to stay on that diet are you?" and was pressuring me on the phone that it was a vacation and that I should just go off my diet and 'enjoy' myself. I had a perfectly great time loading up my breakfast plate with cold shrimp, smoked salmon, bacon, eggs and so on. I didn't feel 'unhappy' or anything. There was a comment that I'd ruin my vacation. Well, it actually seems more like maybe it was bothering them, didn't bother me at all.

Weird eh?

Ok - getting back to your situation - two things to keep in mind:

1. - These skinny ladies have no clue as to how to actually lose weight, especially if they haven't had to do it before, so try not to worry about what they might be thinking when you're sticking to your guns about low-carbing. They simply don't know any better.

2. - Don't be surprised if those same people come looking to *you* for advice as you get closer and closer to your goal weight. This has happened to me - some of my stepkids and their friends aren't overweight, but battle 'five pounds' or whatever - these people are now coming to me for advice. My stepson is quite slim, but occasionally gets a bit of a belly or something, and now he and his friends are asking ME of all people how to fix it. :lol: This will happen to you too. Guaranteed :)

Maybe some believable affirmations might help too?

Not something like, "I am slim and skinny" but more like, "I am in the process of achieving a slim body". This is more powerful, because it's a believable affirmation. You *know* you're on plan, and you know that you're eventually going to get there. Don't forget to remind yourself of this every day :)

Hope these things help a wee bit.

addict1000
Mon, Jun-29-09, 14:12
I hear you. I am going on vacation in a month with two other families with skinny minnie women. Not only that, but they are petite. I am the same size as the men. Ugh... I dread putting on a bathing suit.


I don't think that you can avoid the bad feelings associated with situations like this....you would have to be a really overly self confident person to not feel bad. .....imo


The only silver lining I can think of is that a study showed that being around slim people helps you get and stay thin....it is the peer pressure of it.

Just make yourself enjoy your successes and the journey. If you don't then you fall in danger of quitting. Just keep asking yourself if you would rather weigh more than you do...because we all know that is what will happen if you quit.

Samantha22
Mon, Jun-29-09, 14:38
As you lose, you will no longer be the bigger girl in the family.
My entire life sounds like your experience with your smaller SIL's.

I have found that smaller women, in my experience, tend to hang around larger women to feed their own issues with self-image. Now that we are the same size, some are so jealous and hateful that it's just easier to avoid them altogether.

Follow your plan, keep at it, and you'll see results....then...you can tell them where to shove their steamed veggies and fat free dinners.

lovinmy#'s
Mon, Jun-29-09, 17:07
Thanks everybody for the replies. It's nice to know that I'm not as alone as I sometimes feel. Although, with obesity rates the way they are, it's weird that an overweight girl should feel that she's the only one in the whole world that's struggled with her weight, huh?

mulelover
Tue, Jun-30-09, 18:03
I know what you mean, it is hard for me to look at a photograph without cringing. However, I think it is important to look at them as we progress down the scale and give us encouragement as we lose. So comparing the photo with one take 20 pounds ago, and just wait till you can see on of you 20 pounds from now.

Dorrie
Tue, Jun-30-09, 19:33
Hi Lovin my #s!! Its funny you posted that because the same thing happened to me on Saturday night. We went to my brothers for a bar-b-que and swimming as well. I am down 17 pounds and feeling really good about it....feeling thinner finally. I felt OK about my new bathing suit too...looked OK...later on my brother sent me the photos from the party and oh my god I looked so fat and so awful. I felt like "why am I doing this...I look so fat and ugly and that is after losing 17 pounds. If I say anything about how awful I look I get...no you don't....YES I do!! I think that for a while I will avoid the camera...there are fat pictures of me to measure my progress...

Dorrie