Open letter to the ex

[Zilly]

So, I'm sure a lot of us have horror stories about exes that decimated our self esteem or "helped" us on the way to being fat. After just stumbling upon THAT ex on FB and being (nearly irresistibly) tempted to send him a message just to tell him off, I thought: "What if I just wrote this letter elsewhere to get it off my chest?"
Who else wants to get something off their chest to an ex? I have to say, it felt pretty damn good! :)

Dear Ex,

First and foremost, you and I both know what you did, and you just escaped the statute of limitation by the skin of your teeth, so be grateful you aren't in jail for identity theft. I have no interest in being a part of your current life, and certainly no interest in inviting you into my life. But this is a rare opportunity for closure, and I'm taking it.

I forgive you. I forgive you for not being willing to rise above your childhood and circumstances to become a good person and honorable man. I forgive myself for being a naive teenager blinded by your charm. I also forgive myself for allowing myself to be manipulated by you into thinking I couldn't do any better. I THANK you for realizing I was too good for you, and, even though you went about it in a cowardly fashion, for leaving. That was the only gift you ever gave me, and it was a big one.

Because of that gift, I finished college, traveled the world, met my amazing husband, made an incredible life with him, achieved success. And figured out what actual love looks like, which wasn't the cheap imitation you were peddling.

I'm not expecting an apology from you. Maybe you've become a better man in the past 11 years, and maybe you haven't. I hope for your sake it's the former. Either way, thank God it doesn't affect me any longer.

Good bye.

If anyone feels comfortable, please follow suit. It was such a relief getting this out of my system. :)

[girlbug2]

Great letter! A lot like one I could have written about an ex boyfriend

[Mousesmom]

Here is the letter I wrote to my ex:

Dear Ex,

First of all I would like to say thank you for walking out on me when you did: it must have taken a huge amount of guts to walk away from your newly pregnant girlfriend (who you subsequently denied having a relationship with at all). I was so pleased for you when you got married only a few weeks later to the woman you claimed to have been seeing for years.

Despite the fact the next few years were tough being a young single mom, my life was infinitely better for not having you in it.

If you had stayed in my life I would never have met the man who became my daughter’s dad. He is an incredibly positive influence to both of us and was always there for us with love and support throughout her childhood. He adopted her and made her his own. She never wanted for anything, especially love. Although she is aware of your existence, she knows who her dad is and who he is not.

Without you in my life, I went back to school, got a certificate, a Bachelor’s degree and then a Master's degree and I have a great career. None of this would have been possible with you here.

I forgive you for abandoning me. I forgive you for missing out on my child’s life and for being the immature person that you are and continue to be. I forgive you for, to this day, maintaining that it not a relationship you had with me and that I was the one who pushed you away after I got pregnant. I forgive you for the names you called me and the fact that you still think I am “hostile” towards you. So you know, hostility requires too much energy, I prefer “disinterest”.

Since this was apparently all my fault, I would never expect an apology from you for your behaviour. Know you are forgiven without being asked.

Forgiveness is a selfish act for me as it frees me to let go of the pain you caused and celebrate the wonderful life I have created without you.

I wish you well.


Julie

[koolaunt]

Both of your posts, brought tears to my eyes...

I am so happy that both of you went to on to be better persons. You sound like wonderful people.

I pray to God that I can have the courage you both do, to write a letter one day. I have so much hurt inside me that I have decided to forgive, but in all honesty I cannot forget waking up in an emergency room not knowing my name & not knowing what happened. I cannot forget that I had suffered three traumatic head injuries that nearly cost me my life. I cannot forget that I had a brain hemmorrage that nearly cost me my eye sight.

All I know is that I forgive.

Thank you both for your fabulous posts!

[Mousesmom]

Koolaunt - thanks for your kind words.

Forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened. If you forget what happened it won't help you avoid the next rotten apple that comes your way (they seem to flock to me!). It's something that you do for YOU not the other person. I looked at it as a process.

My DD is 20 now and it took me almost that long to get here.

I could write a letter to a different ex as well - one that sounds similar to yours who I am also much better off without. His gift to me was a concussion/head injury (read: perm short term memory issues).

You're a survivor

Take care, Julie

[Zilly]

Wow, Koolaunt and Mousesmom, you both have gone through so much and have come out the other side with an amazing perspective. I was "lucky" that I only ever suffered emotional abuse at the hands of an ex. I have a close friend in a physically abusive marriage, and it breaks my heart every day to see her pain and not know how to help other than by offering my love and support.
Knowing that there are incredible woman out there like you both, who suffered but also got out, is inspiring.

Thanks for replying to my post. I was uncertain about putting it all out there like that, but it was such a relief to get it out of my system that I didn't care.

[Mousesmom]

Just keep on being supportive to your friend - she will need it when she finally makes the decision to leave. It may take a long time though so don't give up.

Take care, Julie

[skeeweeaka]

Wow, I have to admit I choked back the tears as I read your letters. I can so relate! Very inspirational, thanks a bunch!

[rick77f]

There's no way I'm letting all you ladies have all the fun. :D

Dear EX,
As I take a good look at my life today I can appreciate what brought me to this point.

You told me that I wasted my time in the Army and could have finished college instead. You told me that any future husband of yours HAD to have a college degree. I took another route, becoming an Engineering Inspector with the six figure income to go with it. You called me the smartest person you've ever met, and I'm happy to prove it.

During your days of disrespect toward me I plunged further into the bottle. While enduring one of your oh so caring lectures you told me that I would always be a worthless alcoholic. A few months after our breakup my alcoholism actually broke my esophagus and I almost hemmoraged to death. During treatment and rehab I just wanted to die. Every time I wanted to quit there were two things that kept me going. One was the thought that as a Soldier I could achieve anything that I wanted. So much for the useless Army. The second was the sound of your voice telling me I couldn't do it. Well guess what? I've been sober for 17 months and I'm never going back. I even get joy out of helping other people overcome their addictions too.

I don't even feel like typing a huge list of things so I'll make this easy. I don't weigh 245 lbs. anymore; today I'm 198 lbs. I'm sober and successful. I have a rich and fun life where I can do whatever I please. During our breakup my Father mentioned that the best way to get over you would be to improve every facet of my life then replace you with a younger, thinner model. So, I did. And yes, she's great.

I recently saw a picture of you online. You still hang out at the same loser bar, with the same loser friends. Somehow you even managed to pack on 20 to 30 extra pounds. Mother Nature can be cruel and you are her prime example. I always wondered what having the last laugh would feel like and I must confess, it's great. I almost pity you but the problem is that I don't even care enough to do that.

Take Care.

R.

[Mousesmom]

It's always good to have a different (i.e., male) perspective.

Congrats on your ongoing recovery Rick.

Julie

[IvannaBFit]

Good for you!

I could have written the same thing, word for word, to an ex I also found on FB!

[IvannaBFit]

Mother Nature can be cruel and you are her prime example.

OMG, haaarsh :lol:

[rightnow]

If I wrote a letter to my ex with details it would be an entire novel.

Mostly now I think it's just summed up as:

Dear Ex,

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for finally becoming my EX.

PJ

[Mousesmom]

If I wrote a letter to my ex with details it would be an entire novel.

Mostly now I think it's just summed up as:

Dear Ex,

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for finally becoming my EX.

PJ

Exactly right!!!!

Ex's are ex's for good reasons....

Julie

[LCNoob]

I am still sore from a COUPLE breakups.

[Mousesmom]

I am still sore from a COUPLE breakups.

I'm sure you learned something valuable from both of them - at least about what you DON'T want again.

Take care, Julie

[LCNoob]

thank you Julie.

yes I've learned SO MUCH, and I'm happily married right now but everytime I think of my exes it leaves me a bitter taste in my mouth.

I don't think I'll ever forgive them but YES, I am over them and I am so much better off WITHOUT them. :)

[Mousesmom]

We all have exes that leave that nasty taste - trick is to NOT think about them!

Just remember - forgiveness is about YOU not THEM.

Julie

[erinleigh]

What a smart IDEA!

Dear Ex,

I would first like to say congrats to you for recently getting married and a baby on the way with a woman you've only known for a couple of month. I feel sorry for her and I am thankful it’s not me. I can only imagine the verbal & physical abuse this woman has yet to encounter from you. I wonder if she’s been introduced to your hot temper! I did hear from a family member that they are in fear that the baby isn’t your. You might want to get a DNA test when your lil one arrives!

Because of you I've realized what I wanted in a relationship. Of course like any relationship we had our good times and our bad time. More bad then good! Getting away from you was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me. Given we were very young when we met...I know that I made some major mistakes by letting you into my life. I really should have listened to my friends and family after the 1st time we broke up. Of course I didn’t get the picture till about the 20th time and your friends telling me about how you were having sex in our bed with one of our close friends! Good to know that I could move on from that!

Since you I’ve moved on to a better place! I don’t have to be worried about my car being pinned into the driveway because you don’t want me to run away after being pushed into a wall or down the stairs. I don’t have to be in fear that I will be cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of, and treated so badly that even though we were together yet so alone. I am with a person that loves me unconditionally and has given me some of the best moments of my life. I don’t think we could have ever shared that! You just caused way too much pain for there to ever be happiness.

I forgive you for all the BS you put me through and really hope you find happiness in whatever you do. I’ll be on the sidelines hearing about it first hand from you family. Its funny they keep telling me I should have just stuck it out and that it would have gotten better. I don’t think my life could be any better then it is now. I don’t have you in it…so its better already!

I feel for you that you don’t trust your wife and unsure about the situation you have put yourself in. But please stop contacting me it’s been 6 years. I’m married and have a beautiful daughter and that’s my life! I left your drama when I moved out!

I will say a prayer for you when you leave for Iraq…but that will be the last thing I will do for you.

Take Care and Good Luck,
E

I could write more...but I wanted to get out what I could with out being to in detail!

[LCNoob]

Thank you Mousesmom, u are so right. :D

[madpiano]

hmmm, I think I would like to write a different letter to my EX:

Dear Ex

thank you for always being there for me and becoming my best friend after we split up. I know, I have put you through a lot and I also know that initially we were only civil because of our child. I am glad that we have managed to work through that and that you are the person you are.

Thank you also for remaining a good and steady dad to our daughter and never bitching about me to her. I am glad for your support and I hope you will find that perfect person for you one day, you deserve it.

xxx


no, this letter is not sarcastic. After 4 years of permanently arguing with each other and hostile silences, physical and verbal fights, we decided to split. We had been together for 12 years, had a house, a child etc. It took a while of forced civility until we realized that we actually click very well as friends, as long as we don't have to live together. We now have a better relationship that we ever had.

Maybe not all past relationships are bad ? I actually have more or less good relationships with all my exes (some I just have lost touch with, but still no hard feelings).

[Mousesmom]

Maybe not all past relationships are bad ? I actually have more or less good relationships with all my exes (some I just have lost touch with, but still no hard feelings).

I could write a similar letter to a different ex... Those of you who know me IRL will know who this letter is for.

Dear Ex,

I am sorry we could not find a way to make it work as life partners. You made me a better person. We met at a very low point in my life when I was a young single mom with limited prospects and you helped me to see that things could be different.

Thank you for adopting my daughter and being the father she deserves. Thank you to your family for accepting me and her as family, not just "in laws". Thank you for staying in our daughter's life even when we weren't together any more. You and your family made an incredible impact in her life and mine.

I am glad we became friends after we split all those years ago. Despite the fact we have both moved onto other things, you remain an important part of my life.

xo, J

[black57]

To my ex...You can kiss my b~ck ~ss.

[lynys1980]

Dear Ex,

It's funny to look back on the end of our relationship and be grateful to see it is over. Two and a half years ago, you broke me with your affair. Finding out you were cheating on me again was nearly enough to destroy my entire self.

The lies, the mental abuse, the heartache was a lot for one person to handle. I felt as though I couldn't breathe, and that I could never live without you. I believed that deep down, you still loved me, and that I was imagining all of this hurt. That it was a nightmare that I just needed to snap out of. To open my eyes, and see that it was all okay.

I did open my eyes. The nightmare did end. Eventually.

I began to learn secrets about our marriage. The many, many affairs. The bragging about all of the chicks you slept with. The credit card debt that I too was responsible for, and had nothing to show for it. Little by little, my love for you turned to loathing. And, even further from that, my hate for you has now turned to indifference, and sometimes, happiness.

I have finally learned what happiness in a relationship is. There aren't secrets. There are no lies. It is working together to a common goal. Being there for each other and never taking one another for granted. More importantly, it is about never beating the other one down. It is respecting your partner, loving your partner, and always taking care of your partner, no matter what the cost to you.

Thank you. For leaving me two years ago with a massive debt, a broken heart, and a chance for a new beginning. I've found a fix for all three, and it has been better than a life with you could ever have been.

PS - I hope you and the other woman are happy. I hear there are wedding bells in your future. Congrats. I guess.

[MissLiss84]

Dear Ex,

You have done some things I cannot forgive. You have said some things I will never forget. You have chosen people over me and now you are left with no one.

You decided that it was best to not tell me you had cheated on me until we were in an argument and I was already made to feel like crap. Im glad she was thinner than me, Im glad she was pretty and Im super happy for you that you had sex with a drunk skank who you JUST met.

Did you forget that all the furniture in the house was mine? Did you forget that you are a drunken loser and cant keep your s**t together on your own? Did you forget that I dont need you?

Well Im sure youll have lots of time to think of this while your sorry unemployed self is sitting in an empty apartment all alone with a case of ghetto cheap beer.

Thanks for everything but Im wayyyy too good for you!

[kasstout]

Dear Ex,
I forgive you for taking advantage of me when I was barely seventeen and holding me prisoner until i turned 21. I forgive you for stealing my identity and ruining my credit. It took me five years, but i paid it all off. I forgive you for not allowing me to take my dog when i left, and i am trying to forgive you for starving him to death when i stopped all contact with you. the mental and emotional abuse you put me through broke me down and i have built a new person. You wouldnt even know me now. I would never even give you the time of day. Please stop trying to email me, its been five years and i have nothing to say to you. I forgive you for stealling my money and spending it on crank. I forgive you for ruining my relationships with all my friends when i met you. Im sorry you couldnt be a stronger man and pull yourself away from your addictions. Im sorry that you still say after all these years that you dont understand why i left. other than the obvious reasons, i left because you were killing my soul and trying to change me into something i wasnt. you didnt deserve me. and you know that. thank you for making me a stronger woman. i married a man that treats me like a princess and respects me. I am almost done with my bachelors degree that you made me quit when i was 18. my future has never looked brighter. leaving you was the best decision i have ever made, but i do not thank you for the life i have now. you had nothing to do with it. i did this all on my own.