self protection

[FancyKat]

Hi, I am Barb.

I had abuse as a kind and it was of all types. My father primarily and other issues. I don't want to get specfic on an open forum.

I did low car and got down to a certain weight and it was still high but better than it is now. I guess the weight protected me against more abuse in some strange way.

Now the weight is giving me big health problems and as I posted elsewhere I hit the wall so to speak. It is do or die now. I rather do for I got a zillion piantings in me left to paint. (I do oil paintings).

I have not been able to get past this and I have been advised to get help. The person that gave me such advice is supposed to be one who gives such advice.

Anyhow I need to change my thinking on food and myself in relation to food and being fat. Some health issues may not go away such as I can't eat MSG and other things but some I can do something about like being fat.

I look crappy being fat. I feel crappy. I rather paint then be so sick I can't or live long to do so.

Anyhow I figure I post here and say something.

Barb

[jschwab]

Welcome! What kind of health problems are you experiencing? I hope you'll join us in the TDC if your goal is to lose 100 pounds or more or you're not sure yet about your goal weight. Alot of people there are dealing with similar issues.

Janine

[FancyKat]

I have posted in that area. I have BP issues and the meds did not set well with me and apparently gave me kidney issues. I was taken off all meds for that and my only option is weight loss so I am working in that direction.

I have been doing the Walk videos and already notice my legs are stronger and so am I.

Been having trouble sleeping but I just put up some blinds to keep the street lights out so that should help.

I would like 100 pounds gone but I don't have a set goal now. Now I am trying to be below 200. Then reasses at that time.

Barb

[jschwab]

I think you will be able to do this with the BP. I'm glad to hear you joined the TDC - I think I remember your thread there now. Abuse and self-protection through fat is not something I have personal experience with but I am well aware of it being a problem. There are some excellent resources out there - I hope you find someone here who can steer you in the right direction. I can think of a couple things that might help otherwise - acupuncture really brought my blood pressure down quickly. It wasn't very high (130/80) but just one session of acupuncture was enough to get it on a course to 110/60 again, despite being on BP raising medication. Also, check and see if taking potassium might help out (check with your doctor first).

I wish you all the best. When I started I felt lousy (just had third child) but I didn't have any acute health issues - that makes it harder to relax, huh? But you'll do great - even small changes like cutting out MSG can make a huge difference. I still think that the changes that I made to my diet BEFORE I ever lost weight eating low-carb (eating more protein, cutting down sugar, cutting out some grains, cutting MSG and processed processed foods) made way more difference to my health than even losing weight which was more like icing on the cake (or, rather, sauce on the steak!).

Janine

[FancyKat]

I did go down in weight before I was down 30 pounds or so compared to where I am and done on low carb.

I did not know about the MSG then and my BP sky high due to I can't tolerate MSG. I let them blackmail me into taking the meds which have done damage.

I do talk to someone but she is of no help and her thoughts count more than mine do.

I am not sleeping too well now but I noticed today things are ever so much brighter off the meds. I am off of them a week tomorrow.

My feet are not swollen like they were on the meds and I am making sure I am drinking a lot. I hate drinking but I am doing it anyhow.

I am going to do the potassium. I expect it is low in me now but I am waiting till my body sort's itself out. Slowly it is. Today is better than yesterday.

I should lose at least 100 pounds. I found last night I am stronger. I hung a blind and I was able to get up and down from the chair much easier than I have been.

I am scared but I figure with less weight the kidney's will not have to work so hard. I have hope as the guy in the docs office said the same thing happened to him and the function restored in time after the meds were pulled. Also my feet I can see the blood vessels in them and that means I am not holding water.

Today is the first totally good day as I was drinking cranberry juice for my kidney's.

I will do carbs once in a while because if I don't then I go crazy and go all carb foods but I have to be carefull doing that too.

Barb

[jschwab]

Barb, just make sure you give yourself time to heal. I'm sorry to hear about your kidneys. Make sure you check with a doctor before taking potassium. If out and out supplements are not OK, eating potassium rich avocadoes may be beneficial. Sorry to hear about the woman you talk to feeling like only her thoughts are important :( Finding someone to helop work through trauma is really hard and, from what I understand, it gets much harder the farther you are away from the trauma.

Janine

[FancyKat]

I am healing now. The dizzyness is none today. I was not told not to take anything but I was told to do calcium to bring down BP. I am also doing apple cider vinegar and I went to check the BP today and it was high when I was just walking around but after I rest it was not too bad. part of it was in the normal area.

I expect the kidney;s to work out as I am not holding water or it would show in my feet. It did when I was on the meds as my feet would balloon up. But now drinking they are not so I have hope it will be ok.

Yeah I am in my 50's so she of the kind is it was along time ago get over it type person. It is not the highpoint of my day to think of that time. I try to work on more positive things and learn and read the news on the net and paint oil paintings

It is not the fist time meds made me ill and I usually recovered when I quit them. Now I know about MSG and BP it will be easier to do this time.

I am not going to take their meds which often make things worse or something else worse.

I just need to reduce my weight and I thought today find someone for myself who is for me.

Barb

[maggieks12]

Hi, I am Barb.

I had abuse as a kind and it was of all types. My father primarily and other issues. I don't want to get specfic on an open forum.

I did low car and got down to a certain weight and it was still high but better than it is now. I guess the weight protected me against more abuse in some strange way.

Now the weight is giving me big health problems and as I posted elsewhere I hit the wall so to speak. It is do or die now. I rather do for I got a zillion piantings in me left to paint. (I do oil paintings).

I have not been able to get past this and I have been advised to get help. The person that gave me such advice is supposed to be one who gives such advice.

Anyhow I need to change my thinking on food and myself in relation to food and being fat. Some health issues may not go away such as I can't eat MSG and other things but some I can do something about like being fat.

I look crappy being fat. I feel crappy. I rather paint then be so sick I can't or live long to do so.

Anyhow I figure I post here and say something.

Barb


I'm guilty of using my weight as 'protection'. Not from physical abuse, but more from mental abuse. I was low carbing last year and did really well, I had lost 20 pounds and was feeling "Wow, this is easy, I love it" until one day someone noticed I was losing and made a comment. She said, you keep losing like that and we will have to find you a man. Or something like that. What she said is really not important. But, what I heard was - No one is gonna want you while your fat, so its safer there. As long as I'm fat no one can hurt me.

That was a big wake up call to me as to the reason's for my size, which doesn't mean I did something about it then. But, now I've decided I'm ready to heal myself.

My God be with you on your journey to health.

[FancyKat]

maggieks12 yeah I know that one and I figured it out but like you did nothing about it.

I had all kinds of abuse. All 3 types.

I had a drunk sit in my yard and he asked me to be with him or something like that. I said no and and I ignored him for a while but he kept hanging in my yard. I finally moved my table and told the landlord I was being bothered. He eventually move out but It scared the hell out of me. I did stay no but I was not mean enough. I tried it the nice way.

It was not just that. I did not want to ake the meds and I was blackmailed by the doc to take them. I was trying to it the proper way and I let myself be pushed to do something I figured would end badly and it has. After that I gave up and ate anything. They took me off thyroid meds as well so that did not help.

I am now changing some of my routine so the same thing don't keep happening to me.

No one is worth dieing for so it is better to yell at them to leave you alone than that.

Like saying you need to find a man. Say thank you very much but when you want one you will find him yourself. The same here.

Barb

[maggieks12]

I have made a point to let people know that I wil make the decisions in my life for myself. It has been such an uplifting experience, to realize I can say no. And mean it, I have been a yes person for all of my life. For the first time in years I really feel like I am the one in control of my future. One of the biggest things I attribute this to is my church. I feel that I have an unconditional family there. They love me no matter what, just as Jesus loves me.

Just take it one day at a time.

Maggie

[FancyKat]

I had to be a yes person or else. Now I feel mean when I say no but I have to. Getting better at it though.

I choose if I go out with someone or not. I choose.

I feel odd for a while. I suppose it is part of the withdrawal from the drugs. I only been off a week and a half.

I have a few good friends as well but my church tossed me a long time ago and I found the truth about it as well in that painful time. I am now with the people who left the church but they are spread world wide so no one local.

I walked at the mall today was tired and ahrd to do but I did it. I think I better do this at a better gradient as I can't have a stroke pushing to hard.

Barb