Is my self-image really that distorted?

[LAwoman75]

At my highest weight, I think I was just around 200 lbs. but then I lost about 15 lbs. and stayed at 185 for a while. Btw, I'm 5'6". Then I slowly lost the rest of my weight and kept lowering my goal as I would meet the current one. My first goal was 140, then I changed it to 135, 130.......... and now I weigh in around 126. My jeans size went from 18/20 to a jr. size 3 or 5, depending on the brand. I do not wear misses sizes because the legs/butt/thighs drape on me. I'm not a very curvy woman. My measurements are 37/28/36. My top size is usually a small, sometimes a medium. Okay, now that you know this, here is my problem. When I look in the mirror, I see myself as rather healthy but still look like I could lose a few pounds. Sometimes I'm just downright disgusted with how I look. I just feel fat sometimes even though I know the # of the scale and clothes sizes do not match what's in my head. I have friends and family commenting that I'm so "skinny" that I'll blow away, that I can find shade under a clothesline, that if I turn sideways I'll disappear, that I need to gain back some weight, and the latest is that I won't be able to wear shorts this summer because I'm so skinny that I won't look good in shorts. I hear these comments, but why don't I see this. I know this can't be healthy for me to see myself as needing to drop a few pounds and others see me as what I just described. Is my self image just that distorted? Is this normal to go through for someone that has lost weight? I'm just worried that this is a sign of some sort of mental disorder or eating disorder............ like anorexia.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[suzanneyea]

You should not lose any more weight. Now, you need to work on healing your spirit and accepting and loving your new body.

[addict1000]

I do think that people who have gone up the scales and then back down can often have a distorted image. I think that it is that distorted image that allows us to get so big in the first place and then when that image changes for whatever reason, we find the motivation to lose weight.

I just consider my image perception broken...I don't see that fat girl in the mirror all the time...but I see her in pictures...!

When I was young and thin,....I thought I was fat....totally broken brain function!!!

I am made a decision to not trust my own perception and to go by scales and measurements....just knowing that my brain is broken in this area helps :D

Trust your scale and measurements and keep telling yourself how great you look and maybe your brain will catch up!

[Hairballz]

I totally get this, though I experience it in the reverse. I don't look in the mirror and see fat, I look in the mirror and see "okay." I call it reverse anorexia. But on the other hand, the one time in my life when I actually got down to my goal weight, a friend in another city begged me for a photo and I had one taken.... and then wouldn't send it to her, because I looked at it and in my mind's eye it was like I hadn't lost ANY weight. Very frustrating, and it's actually what threw me off the LC bandwagon at that time, many years ago.

I work in a psychiatric facility, and TRUST ME, this isn't some deep dark psychosis or anything! LOL!! I think ALL of us probably have some warped image of ourselves, either seeing more fat than is there or seeing "okay-ness" when in fact we need to lose. I've just long reconciled that when I look in a mirror I "see through a glass darkly," and don't really see what is actually there when it comes to my own body. That's why taking measurements and such is so important.

And THANKS for your story - we're the same height and while I'll NEVER be as small as you are I'm buoyed by reading your story.

[Zilly]

Yes - I'm inspired by your story, too! I'm 5'6 and have a goal weight of 140, but I expect that may change.
I do think that distortion goes both ways. I wouldn't have gotten this overweight if I didn't look down at my body and think "OK."
I was telling DH the other day that when I'm seated and look down, all I see is boobs and legs, and my legs are skinny, so it's like my tummy doesn't exist. If I actually move a breast out of the way, "suddenly" I see how big my love handles are. Ha ha.

I've been to the other extreme, too, and I know what you mean. I was about 120# or less when I was in college, and I was convinced that I was fat and needed to lose weight. I actually went through months of eating nothing but lettuce with fat free dressing on it and the occasional plain baked potato. One day, a friend of mine was looking at my driver's license and said, "You LIED about your weight on here." I immediately turned bright red and said, "It was correct when I got it!" and he replied, "Well, you're not 120 lbs. now. What are you - 100 lbs. soaking wet?" He thought I'd lied UP about my weight, not down. That's how distorted our perceptions of ourselves can get - I thought he was calling me fat when he was doing the opposite.
I have read (not experienced!) that after a big loss, sometimes it takes a year or so for you to see your body as it really is and not how it used to be. Someone posted that on this board recently.
I agree that clothing size and measurements are the best guidelines. I think you have a healthy attitude in knowing that you are not actually the person you see in the mirror, and that you don't need to lose any more weight.
Hang in there, and your brain will catch up with your body. :)

[jschwab]

I wouldn't worry about what others think - they are just comparing you to your former self and that might not be an appropriate gage. I weigh 180 at 5'5" and I am already getting comments about losing too much.

I've changed my idea about what constitutes "too low" but 126 sounds like it's at least in the range. I am not curvy, either, with no butt and skinny arms and legs. I think my appropriate weight is probably around 115-120, but I won't know until I'm farther along.

[mommyx1]

I know for me, after I lost 100 pounds a few years ago, I was close to my goal weight. However, I still saw that 250 pound girl in the mirror. Nothing seemed to shake that image, and I wound up gaining back all my weight and more..I was still shopping in the 3x-5x clothing stores, even though I fit into size 14 jeans. I don't know the solution, but I sure hope someone does :)

[ruthla]

You know, it's normal to have some pockets of "flab" around your belly, a little fat on your hips, etc. Having some "problem areas" is NOT an indication that you overall need to lose any weight. Plus our bodies shift as we age- it's perfectly normal to be shaped differently now than when you were 14.

I think you need to let these people in your life know that these comments are hurtful. It doesn't matter whether you weigh 100 lbs or 300 lbs- negative comments about somebody else's size are NOT appropriate (except maybe if the person is 100% comfortable with his/her body and is joking along with you.)

I can't see you personally so I don't know if you're currently at a slim, healthy weight, or if you're underweight for your frame. But if somebody is honestly concerned that you're underweight, it should be phrased as "I love you and I'm worried about you", not snide comments about "blowing away in the breeze." These comments are probably coming from a place of jealousy/ discomfort with their own weight, and they say a lot more about the person making the comments than they do about you.

But if these are people you care about, they need to know that their comments are hurtful so they can reign them in.

And if you're REALLY having a hard time feeling comfortable with your body, and you can't "shake these feelings" with the help of this board, consider getting professonal help. A counselor may be able to help you feel good in your skin, and deal with any underlying problems that are hiding under body image concerns.

[LAwoman75]

Thanks everyone for your help, advice, and/or just understanding. I wouldn't even say the comments are hurtful, it's more surprising, as if, there's no way they're referring to ME like that? This is something that hopefully will correct itself over time.

[jschwab]

I think everyone who loses a lot of weight should be able to se a counselor a couple of times just to process some of this stuff!

My dad lost alot of weight years ago and everyone kept telling him to stop and he kept going and he was really glad he didn't listen. The appropriate healthy weight for him was just smaller than people were accustomed to seeing on him and also on the general population. My husband weighs in the upper 130's and I'm worrying about him - he's getting night sweats and having breathing problems at night because his sleep apnea creeps back when he gains. 132 is a nice healthy weight for him. But if you are truly TOO thin, you'll know it by how you feel.

[melibsmile]

I think it's going to take a very long time for me to no longer view myself as a fat woman once I get into the normal range. I am now a size 16 or 18 (depending on the pants), and it's weird to think of myself as being at the lower end of the plus size range rather than the upper end. I can only imagine that it will be a head trip for me once I reach the point where plus size clothes become truly too big.

I guess the real question for you is perhaps a question of body composition. Most women need to have at least 15% body fat in order to get regular menstrual periods and be able to conceive children, in addition to other hormonal functions that require fat. Have you ever had your body fat tested via the hydrostatic (water tank) method? This would give you an objective measurement of your body, free from your own subjectivity or that of other people. Also, what is your bone structure like? I have very large bones, so a weight of 126 pounds is probably very unrealistic for me. It is possible that if you have small bones that 120 would not be inappropriate. You can look online for some of the bone measurement calculators, which can give you an estimate of where you lie in that range.

I believe that part of the problem may be that the perception of what is desirable is considerably distorted by the media. Airbrushed pictures of 5'11 size 4 models could make anyone feel fat, even a woman who is healthy and doesn't need to lose any weight. For instance, most women are supposed to have a slightly rounded belly--that flat shape is not a natural occurrence. The vast majority of women will still have a bit of cellulite on their upper thighs, even if they are not heavy. Do you think it's possible that living in LA and being surrounded by unnatural thinness is affecting your perception of yourself?

--Melissa

[LAwoman75]

Melibsmile, I'm in Louisiana, not Los Angeles, lol, so believe me, I'm NOT surrounded by too much thinness. If anything, us southerners do know how to eat. I do think I'm a small bone structure just going off the index finger/thumb test, they severely overlap. I would love to weigh 120 now and I think that would be my perfect weight but I wouldn't dare say that in front of anyone because they would think I'm crazy to want to lose a few more pounds. My husband is the only one who thinks I look good right where I am, but that's not the problem, I want to think I look good but my reflection shows someone who is slightly overweight at times, and "thick".

[jschwab]

Melibsmile, I'm in Louisiana, not Los Angeles, lol, so believe me, I'm NOT surrounded by too much thinness. If anything, us southerners do know how to eat. I do think I'm a small bone structure just going off the index finger/thumb test, they severely overlap. I would love to weigh 120 now and I think that would be my perfect weight but I wouldn't dare say that in front of anyone because they would think I'm crazy to want to lose a few more pounds. My husband is the only one who thinks I look good right where I am, but that's not the problem, I want to think I look good but my reflection shows someone who is slightly overweight at times, and "thick".

Well, now, any Southerner is going to egg you on about being too thin. Don't let it get to you. See if 120 is right for you and if it isn't just gain a bit. You might also be able to accomplish alot with the right exercises without actually losing any weight at all.

[melibsmile]

Melibsmile, I'm in Louisiana, not Los Angeles, lol, so believe me, I'm NOT surrounded by too much thinness. If anything, us southerners do know how to eat. I do think I'm a small bone structure just going off the index finger/thumb test, they severely overlap. I would love to weigh 120 now and I think that would be my perfect weight but I wouldn't dare say that in front of anyone because they would think I'm crazy to want to lose a few more pounds. My husband is the only one who thinks I look good right where I am, but that's not the problem, I want to think I look good but my reflection shows someone who is slightly overweight at times, and "thick".

Ah, I must have been thrown off by your username, which is probably a Doors reference and not a location reference. :lol:

I find it hard to believe that you are "thick" as you said, but my perceptions are also those of an obese woman. I think that the question about perceptions fed by the media is still valid, even if you are not in LA--we all see the same supermodels and actresses etc.

Perhaps what you need to do is do some weight training to firm and tone your body? Then you'd look great, even if your weight didn't change or even climbed a few pounds. Do you think that would satisfy the need to change what's in the mirror, or is it more of a scale fixation? Persnally, I would take fit and toned over a lower weight anyday, but you might be different. Take a look at anyway's before and after pics--some great evidence that lower on the scale isn't always better.

--Melissa

[Healthy me]

Your disorder is very common...you sound like you are suffering from body dysmorphic disorder. It actually affect many people who are focused on weight. The more you aim for perfection, the more flaws you see. Your body changes but you still only see the flaws instead of focusing on the positives. It is about changing your perception. I know you can get better, you just need to A. research body dysmorphia so you get validation that what you are feeling is common and B. look at your positives.
Hope this helps

[Healthy me]

Your disorder is very common...you sound like you are suffering from body dysmorphic disorder. It actually affect many people who are focused on weight. The more you aim for perfection, the more flaws you see. Your body changes but you still only see the flaws instead of focusing on the positives. It is about changing your perception. I know you can get better, you just need to A. research body dysmorphia so you get validation that what you are feeling is common and B. look at your positives.
Hope this helps

[LAwoman75]

Well, I do martial marts training a few times each week and I just recently added some resistance training for more toning followed by some cardio on the elliptical. Maybe the toning will help me.

Thanks Healthy Me, I'll definitely look into that.

And again, I want to thank everyone here. I would NEVER discuss this with anyone else but I felt it okay here as others would understand.

[k8ty]

I have this same experience. All my friends tell me that they notice that I've lost a ton of weight, that I look really good, and that they're amazed of what I have done. I've been grateful for the compliments because they are what keep me going, knowing that all my work has not been for nothing.

But I don't really see a difference. I feel it, a little, but not 35lbs worth of difference.

My thinking is: when I gained this weight (30lbs over about a year) I did not really think much of the gain. I didn't see it as a big deal or a lot of weight or really much at all. I believe the opposite is true as well; I don't see this loss as "a lot of weight or really much at all". This is why it's so difficult for me to see myself how I am now and not how I was a year ago. I look in the mirror and see an athletic, curvy size 10, but at the same time I see a round tummy, over-proportioned hips, and large thighs.

I'm not at my goal weight but I'm not far away either. I'm rather athletic so I know I must have muscle somewhere under there, I'm just having a difficult time seeing it right now.

Hope this made some sense.

[NANCI B]

I know for me, after I lost 100 pounds a few years ago, I was close to my goal weight. However, I still saw that 250 pound girl in the mirror. Nothing seemed to shake that image, and I wound up gaining back all my weight and more..I was still shopping in the 3x-5x clothing stores, even though I fit into size 14 jeans. I don't know the solution, but I sure hope someone does :)

This is exactly my problem.....no matter what the scale says, I still see myself at the same weight. I still take 3x clothes into the dressing room and then am upset that they don't seem to fit and look like crap. What is the solution to this problem.........without paying for a shrink .....

[ShoeDiva]

I'm going through this right now, and i think anyone who has lost an extreme amount of weight goes through it at one point or another.. some maybe more then others though. I'm still trying to not see the "old me" when i look in the mirror and see the real me.. but its hard. Im always focusing on the negative and try and pick out other parts of me that i want to change... sometimes it even becomes obsessive! Sometimes it freaks me out because i dont wanna criticize myself so bad that i develop a disorder but on the other hand, i've worked so so SO hard to get to the point i'm at... so why not try and perfect the little things that still bug me... i dunnoo, just some of my thoughts :)

[CallmeAnn]

[QUOTE=Hairballz]I totally get this, though I experience it in the reverse. I don't look in the mirror and see fat, I look in the mirror and see "okay." I call it reverse anorexia. But on the other hand, the one time in my life when I actually got down to my goal weight, a friend in another city begged me for a photo and I had one taken.... and then wouldn't send it to her, because I looked at it and in my mind's eye it was like I hadn't lost ANY weight. Very frustrating, and it's actually what threw me off the LC bandwagon at that time, many years ago.

I hate calling you Hairbalz, would you mind telling me your name? Anyway, you and I share the same brain. I see myself in my mind as about a twelve. Then, in a mirror, I can admit that I'm much bigger but still short of disgusting, until I see a picture.
When I got down to 135 or so, I found out that the thrill I would get from seeing myself shrink was like a drug that you build a tolerance to. The fun of a new size would really diminish with time. I did buy new clothes and since I was forty years old, my shorts were the kind with pleats at the waist but I liked the look and felt attractive while dressing age-appropriately and modestly. I just loved being able to go on vacation to celebrate our nineteenth anniversary and our son's fourteenth birthday as a thin woman, but the pictures were such a disappointment. I looked so dumpy. I wish now that those pleats hadn't been in style. I'll never wear them again, if I have to make my own clothes. I can do that and I will.
Like you, it had a part in my abandonment of the plan and made it possible to gain back even more weight without having alarm bells go off in my head. So, now I'm at it again and I am just resolved not to trust my own perceptions.

[equistar]

Dumpy, that's the word. I also look in the mirror and know that I am not 16 again and that it is perfectly normal to have a change in shape after a baby and natural aging but I can't see anything but my belly and thighs. I like the side view of my butt but not the wideness. What part of LA are you from - I'm from Covington.

[*Sheila*]

I hate the mirror! I have to take pics and look at those, and even then I am pointing out flaws only I can see! UGH. No one I know "gets it" .. and I will be alot like you ~ constantly changing my goal.