A thank-you letter to your fat

[Zilly]

I came across this concept when I was reading various web sites, working on getting motivated to start making healthier choices with food.
Basically, it's all about being compassionate and loving with yourself. You write a thank-you letter for all that your fat has done for you and that, while you love and appreciate it for doing its job, you don't need it anymore. It's a really powerful exercise.

I'll get the ball rolling. Hopefully, others will want to share their letters and we can get a really interesting discussion going.

Dear Fat,

Thank you for shielding me and offering me protection from the world. You have been there for me as a comfort when I was afraid to be thin and suffer the implications of what being thin meant. You shielded me from unwanted attentions from lascivious men, and you were my comfort after I escaped from a terrible relationship with a controlling boyfriend.
I know that you are just doing your job. I appreciate that you have been here for me all these years.
But, I don't need you anymore. It's nothing against you. I just choose to respond to stress and the pressures of the outside world using my brain and not my body. I have found new ways to cope with feeling vulnerable, and I thank you for being there for me before I learned these new ways to cope.

Love,
Me

[Zilly]

No takers, huh? I admit it IS a strange idea.

Anyone? Bueller?

[crease]

dear fat:

it's not me, it's you. you are jiggly, lumpy, dimply and just plain gross. i've enjoyed eating all the things that made you feel welcome, but seriously, i think we need a break from each other. you're no good for me. please go away.

[Zilly]

LOL Crease - I like the "it's not me it's you" part. Nice! :)

[girlbug2]

Dear fat,

We gave it a shot, but our relationship hasn't been mutually beneficial. "Parasitic" would be a better description. I tried to focus on the "fun" part of keeping you, but once you were here it wasn't so fun. In the long run you have held me back from many things I'd dreamed of doing. I wasted my 30s trying to make excuses for you and to deny your existence to myself, but that took more energy than it was worth for the temporary pleasure I got from maintaining you. You have been a drain on my life.

It's not working. Good bye. Don't call.

[y0u]

Dear fat, I am writing you this note because I feel that our friendship has become very one sided. It did not start out that way, you used to be quite nice and I enjoyed the warmth you gave me in the Winter. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being a generous, kind, and caring person, but this just isn't working out for me anymore. I carry you up hills, I lug you around on my bicycle, I pay for your high BP medication and I even let you share my bed at night. I think I have been a pretty good friend, I even gave you a second chance when I moved to a warmer climate. So I guess what I am trying to get at here, is that you have become more of a drain on me than an inspiration. Please leave your key on the coffee table, thank y0u.

[shellienz]

Dear FAT,

I very much want you to think of me as gracious and thankful, but Im afraid that aint gonna happen. I very much want this to be a thank you letter, but it turns out Im not that nice a person.

Having you around has been like having a giant flabby hangover sitting on my butt long after the party ended. Its not even you I was after, it was your mate, the pretty one, you know,...Carbs :rheart:
It was him I was after all along, and you just came a long for the ride. I dont recall inviting you, but you came any way.
How rude.

But now, your mate Carbs and I have broken up. I dumped him, and Im not sorry and were never getting back together. So, Im sure even you can see that its really not right for you to stick around now that me and you know who have had a parting of ways.

Because your a nasty and self centered piece of work, Im not expecting you to go easy, and I might even have to call in the big guns to get rid of you. but rest assured, your days are numbered, Fat.
You and your mate carbs can go play somwhere else.

With no love,
not even a little,
me.

[mainecyn]

I'm not ready to write my letter-can't face it right now. But, have to say I saw alot of myself in the letters that you all wrote. The fat has been my shield and protection, especially from men, the way that I don't stand out or draw attention that is unwanted. I wish I could face it right now with the sense of humor you have all been able to add to your letters. It is an amazing idea-I will read these over and over to help me.

[Patty47200]

Dear Fat,

I cannot write you a thank you letter because I don't think you ever did anything for me to thank you for. When I was a little girl I felt different and unwanted. It was because of you I was always picked last for games, no one wanted the fat girl. From the time I was about 12 I have been trying to get rid of you but you won't leave. In fact you have ruined just about every happy occasion in my life. I felt fat on my first date, I felt fat on my wedding day, and lets not even talk about how you took advantage of me when I was having children. Just kept growing and growing. You made me depressed and tired. I can't even look at pictures of my life because you are always there! You made me feel unworthy of love and embarassed, I even think you were partially the cause of my divorce. I will fight to get rid of you until my last dying breath. Good ridence and don't come back you are not wanted her now or ever.

[Zilly]

Shell - your letter made me laugh out loud!
YOu - I loved your perspective about being a better friend to your fat than it has been to you.

I know this is a strange idea to wrap our heads around, but I like it because it helps us focus on feeling compassion and love for a part of ourselves that we have always hated. And hated PASSIONATELY.

But my extra fat isn't there because it wants to depress me, make me miserable, or "thwart" attempts at a happy life. It's there because it's under the mistaken impression that it's trying to help me survive a famine. It's not my body's fault - it's just doing what it's been programmed to do for thousands of years. The fat cells are probably thinking, "Good job, lads! We're keeping Zilly alive! There must be an upcoming food draught for her to be eating so much! Keep working, lads! Our job isn't done!"

I have always had real issues with self hatred, which I'm sure is nothing new to many of us here. We spent our days running an endless internal dialogue through our heads that tells us we're "disgusting," "not worthy," "fat," "gross," "unlovable" . . . you name it.

But what if we replace those thoughts with thoughts like "You're amazing!" "You're healthy and happy!" or "You have a fit body that you enjoy!"

Eventually, if we drown out the mean, critical, "popular" girl taking up so much space in our psyche, the sweet, compassionate "friend" self will take over. I hope.

Anyhoo. Enough rambling. Just feeling thoughtful today. :)


These are all really great.

[3shewolf8]

Dear Fat,

Thank you for sheilding me from reality. You made it easy to not spend money on clothes and getting my hair done. You made it easy for me to eat whatever I wanted and to blame every single thing that was wrong in my life on you. You made it easy for me to not go out or make friends because I didn't need them I only needed the food that kept you as my closest friend. I thank you for letting me see life through your eyes because now that you are leaving I am more tolerant of people but less tolerant of people that judge others because of their weight. Because of you I look past the fat, bad clothes, bad hair and can make friends from any type of people. Because of you I have also not made friends with people who talk trash about "fat slobs" since I was one. I am saying goodbye but I am glad that I knew you.

[Zilly]

3She, I LoVED what you wrote. So powerful. I completely relate. I realized I haven't been in any pics with my DD since right after she was born - almost a year now. And forget about new clothes! I'm still wearing maternity stuff. :(

[shellienz]

I can relate about the maternity wear...Mattys almost 11 months now, and I only ditched the preggy clothes last month, and I only did that because its just getting so hot now even I dont mind being seen in a singlet.
I often laugh and say Im a chubby mummy not a yummy mummy, but i dont actually think its funny.
...and by the way, has anyone else noticed how being a mother now has become sexualised? Thanks to Hollywood hotties having babies, now we all have to look like goddesses when we take our kids to the park. Its to much.
my deepest apologies for going of topic. so sorry.

[Zilly]

Shell, I know what you mean! In the back of my mind I think how nice it will be to be a MILF. Gross, if you really think about it!
And don't get me started on sexualization. It's starting WAY too early with the kiddos, too. My 6-year-old niece has a Jonas Brothers poster in her room and struts around with hips swaying all the time. It kinda creeps my sis out, actually, but she doesn't know what to do about it.
Looks like a whole new topic for another thread! :)

[wendy_lc]

Dear Body, Muscles, Fat and all,

Hey Body - Just wanted to thank you for all you do for me - breathing, touching, moving, reflecting, thinking, talking, working, and well so much more. It's seems I hadn't really been focusing on taking care of you recently - seems I was on auto pilot again and the fat is coming back. Well, just wanted to let you know I'm on it - I'll work to get that fat back in proportion.

And fat - glad you're here - my body wouldn't be the same without you - but you've taken up more than your alotted space so it's time for a "spring cleaining" if you will. Thanks for always helping me feel every emotion good or bad with food but for the moment, I'm back and not running on auto pilot anymore. I've putting back into practice the other ways to express my feelings and you and I together - we're going to get things back in the correct proportion so the WHOLE ME is a healty me. Here, Let me, I'll help you move that extrage poundage outta here.

[J-lo carb]

Dear fat,

I think I've never REALLY loved you. I let you move in because it was kind of comforting, but then you brought your friends, and I feel like you are taking advantage of me. Besides, I've got my new lovers (10 lb. dumbbells). They satisfy me better than you ever could. Seriously fat, go now and don't come back or I'll get a restraining order.

[poindexter]

Patty,

YOU. GO. GIRL!!

[danitachem]

Dear Fat:

you know i loved you pretty dearly most of my childhood, you protected me and nurtured me and accompanied me the way no one else could, and im thankful you were there, i dont know whom would i be today if it wasnt because you made me stronger when called names. And i want to apologies if i hated you through most of my teens, it wasnt you i hated i hated myself, im sorry for calling you stupid and ugly and disgusting, you are neither, you are just fat.
thank you for coming back when my heart was broken, you made me feel like nothing else mattered.

but now you have taken too much of me, i mean we need boundries, i like it when you stay were you should be, and i am grateful that you allow me to menstruate, but i do not like that you put me at risk of heart diseases and illnesess and i do not like that you limit me to do physicall activities i enjoy, i know i have contribute to this lake of respect, but im willing to change if you do too,

please lets just make peace with each other, and i dont need you to comfort me no more, im a grown up now and also i dont need you to be there to hugg me all around, i have friends that can do that for me.

[Zilly]

Danitachem, I love what you said about not needing it to hug you - you have friends to do that. Great post.

[*Sheila*]

Dear Fat,
You have been gone for quite a while now, and wile I would love to tell you I miss you, I truly am getting along just fine. There are very cold days that I miss the warmth you gave me, and times when I could use you as an excuse to order a super sized french fry AND a strawberry shake without cringing at the sound of my voice ordering that crap! You used to bring me comfort, but now... I just buy warmer clothes, and keep a blanket close by. But I am writing to tell you that.. you have left a little bit of you behind. I think you thought that maybe this was a trial seperation, but dude, I meant it! It is OVER! I am done with you! You took a part of me that was mine ~ my self confidence! Well guess what, my thinner jeans gave that back to me! Yes they did! And they love me more then you ever could. YOU used me ... that's right. But I have to be honest and say I used you too. You were my excuse for alot of things, but now, I have control again. And you dont' need to come see me. I am shipping your leftovers to you! You can expect them all to arrive by the beginning of summer, and PLEASE, PLEASE do not return! I will not pick it up!

Sincerly,
ME

[Lose100UK]

Dear Fat

Seems I've needed you for a long time, because I've never felt that on my own I was big enough to look after myself. You've been a comfort and I will probably always need you, because the world is such a horrible place and there are still so many horrible people who do and say such hurtful things. If it wasn't for you covering me with a great, thick layer of protection I would have been destroyed by now.

But there is too much of you - Fat, you've got TOO fat! You need to lose some weight because it's got so very hard for me to carry you around all the time. It's hurting me physically and maybe driving me into an early grave. What was once protection is now the thing that is hurting me most of all.

So, dear Fat, would you consider please going on a diet?

Thanks

Helena

[frisbena]

Dear body of mine,

Thank you for carrying me through the last 32 years of my life. Muscles you have always been there for me when I needed you but you have been kind of crowded out by Fat. I want you to come back to the surface now, it is time.

Fat, they say we have friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I know the reason you came, to protect me from mean spirited people in your own weird way. You formed a shell around me that was hard for mean words and actions to penetrate. I became the FUNNY one because of you, everyone liked me so the teasing somewhat subsided. When that happened, the self confidence started to come back. I think it took alot of courage for you and I to go to University and study Nutrition! Do you remember that Fat? You were the only fat in the class. But we did really well and to this day we excel in everything we do together.

But here is the thing Fat, I am tired of being a hypocrite every day at my job. It is no longer funny to me that I am a FAT nutritionist and I think you are embarrased by that fact as well. Also, Muscles and Bone have had enough of you weighing them down. My knees and back have suffered long enough and they want a break. I don't need you around for another season and definately not for a lifetime. MY life is great.

Thanks for being there for me but it is time for you to go. Let's not say we'll keep in touch, we are both too busy for that with our new lives.
Goodbye Fat,

Louise

[kasstout]

dear fat, i just wanted to let u know that though u have been following me around for 10 years now, i never accepted our relationship. i have cheated on u many many times with slim fast shakes and ephedra . You obviously have just as low self esteem as i do because tho u went away for a little while, you always came right back to me. I dont find u attractive and i dont like what u make my thighs look like. From now on, stay away from me. Im not going to let u back into my life. I know u dont like halter tops, but i have decided i do so u cant stay. Thanks for keepin me warm but i think i will just buy a sweater this time. Oh and stay away from my husband will ya......

[Zilly]

Sheila, Helena, Louise, kasstout: I LOVED what you wrote. It was beautiful to see the honesty and compassion in your posts.

Thank you!

[NrgQuest]

Dear Fat,

We have spent a lot of time together. I never liked you much though. But, it was cool when you weren't holding me back. I feel lately you have been smothering me. I need my space at least I need more space in the spaces I occupy, but there you are taking it all up. I know you don't really want to go and you are afraid for my future if you aren't around, but I will be fine. I will be better than fine. I have it on good authority that I will have more energy and it will be more like when I was younger and could actually do things and get around better. It's best if you go now, lingering is only going to make it harder to leave later on.

[BigFatMare]

Dear Fat, AKA Pudge, Chub, Jiggle, Jellyroll, Flab, Thunder Thighs, etc:

I'm sorry to say that this is the end. I'm leaving. I'm running (yes, RUNNING) to greener pastures, and I'm sorry, but you just can't come with me. There's no room in the overhead bin as it is, and the rates they charge for extra baggage on those flights? Heinous!! Plus you are such a buttface when you hog those little bags of peanuts.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here, Fat, is that it hasn't been all bad, I guess. You helped me grow a lot as a person and become the adult I am today, not to mention being there to cushion my bones very nicely the times I fell and stuff. I'll always recall with a smile and a headshake coming home from work in college and us sharing a big old bowl of mashed potatoes. Hey, we were tired and hungry! And potatoes are good! We're Irish, after all.

Still, I guess I should thank you for making sure I grew up with a personality, a brain, and skills that a lot of other people don't have. You definitely helped me develop humility, a sense of humor about myself, and the ability to rely on my brains and personality rather than just good looks. You always cramped my style, but that didn't stop me from dating steadily, finding a wonderful husband who loves me passionately (and amazingly enough, thinks you're pretty cute too, fat! But you can't have him- he's taken!!).

So I guess this is goodbye, fat. I guess you've learned that I don't need you anymore, ever since those telltale portions of steak, chicken, cheese, and leafy green veggies began showing up in my belly. What can I say, I've never been good with breakups.

But don't be sad, Fat! You won't be alone. I'll be leaving you some buddies to keep you company. High blood pressure is a bit high-strung, but he's OK once you get to know him. Athsma will take your breath away! Allergies are OK, but just avoid giving them any flowers..cause..well, you know. Knee pain can be kind of a b*tch, but she shuts up after a few Tylenol PM, so keep the medicine cabinet stocked. Oh, and fluid retention, how could I forget her? Just keep your feet elevated and soak in some epsom salts, and you'll be right as rain! I promise!

I can't say I'll miss you very much, Fat. But then again, I've always been a bit ungrateful in that area. Thanks for the (belly) laughs.

Oh, and Fat?

Don't let the door hit you on your (gigantic) ~$$ on the way out, mmmkay?

Love,

BigFatMare

[LCNikki]

I have adored reading these! I am doing mine on a whim here but I may need to make this a regular exercise as I am just not sure if I am more angry or thankful at dear old fat!

Dear Fat!

It's almost comical to think back on our many years of knowing eachother because you were the best friend who masked all the pain and yet the sneakiest bastard ever because not once did you ever allow me to learn my own lessons. You literally robbed me precious lessons and for that I simply can not forgive you.

I know what your saying because for the first time in life I now know you as intimately as you know me. How does it feel to be vulnerable? Your snickering and thinking that I will call again one day saying that I need warmth, emotional protection, a way out of this new relationship. But I got news for you... your dead wrong. I am the Gloria Gaynor of fat.....I will survive. Your a disease and a disease means lack of ease in the mind. You literally robbed me of my own damn thoughts and took over my life but allowed me to think I was complete while you slowly took away my life.

I never learned to let you go because you continued your coniving sneaky detrimental ways. I used to think it was me because when the going got tough I called on you, but I realize it was you like a demon on my shoulder telling me how to seek comfort.

I gave up hopes, dreams, entire periods of life to spend time with you like some sick stupid young and dumb teenager in love. Well no longer...I am a focused, talented and strong person and I can survive ANYTHING WITHOUT YOU!!!

It will be tough I learned to push real hurt and pain away and allowed you to take over. I never dealt with my mom's death and as you masked that pain I was faced with losing my dad and brother. You made it ok for me to jump from job to job because I was not even comfortable in my own skin. You allowed my potential to be hidden, my talents subdued and allowed no passion. You approved of me seeking love in all the wrong ways and forming intimate relationships in self destructing ways.

How the hell do you live with yourself? And you know what has me most angry....its not just me you have taken over the lives of so many...your a damn gigalo. Its time for you to look in the mirror and seek forgiveness.

Honestly I wish you no harm because the new me knows you get nothing in life by hatred and resentment. But I also know that aligning myself with that which is self sabotaging is not in my best interest and to part ways peacfully is the way to go.

Here my words carefully....flee now...do not past go and check yourself into the nearest clinic because believe me you have a lot more to deal with than I do. Its time to take a hard look and see how many you have ruined and pray that when your better you still got a few of us left. A few that will allow you to stick around and help you live a better life. When your better I will have a strong mind, lean body and emotional well being and if you choose to sober up and get clean I just might share myself w/ you in a healthy mutally beneficial way.

MIGHT....because after your abuse its gonna take some time.

And no there will be no parting meal, nor will I drive you there because your not ready yet...I still hear you trying to take me over.

Clean fast hard break...get out and don't look back because I ain't got time for your childish games anymore.

Nicole

[PollyL]

Dear Fat,

You used to be my protector, but you sneakily became my jailor. You were my first addiction, and you're my last and most tenacious, too. I've read self-help books about how to break up with you until my eyes were blurry, but all that got me was a shelf full of self-help books I was ashamed to even lend to people, because then they'd really know just how neurotic I was (you told me they couldn't tell, while I wore you around like a fur coat in the summer). I only went through the motions of asking you nicely - not demanding - that you leave (because YOU told me early in my life that I wasn't worthy of demanding anything). I lost a good bit of you a few years ago, and started to feel superficially good about myself (and fit into some cute clothes even), but you didn't really go away. You were waiting for me to meet a man, so you could come back to me to offer protection against that uncomfortable feeling of even the idea of being lovable. As it turns out, I didn't really even like the guy, and you were right there to whisper in my ear that you could help push him away without my having to say anything and risk hurting him. Instead of hurting him, you offered to HURT ME!! What a thing to offer!! You are a schmuck!! And I accepted your offer!! It was so familiar being with you again. When you and I got back together, all that old familiar regret, self-loathing and self-pity came along with you. But I wasn't as happy being unhappy as I used to be.

Well, Fat, the good doctor (RIP) has once again saved me. The more fat I eat, the less of YOU there is on me!! HA!! The joke's on you! I'm meeting new healthy people in new healthy ways, and my ever-increasing sense of worth is really squeezing you out, isn't it? How d'you like me now?

You are such old news. We are so done. Don't call, don't write. We were never good together. You never pleased me, you were barely something to do.

I feel lighter already!!

[NrgQuest]

Polly that was great. It sounds like letting go of a dysfunctional relationship. I guess, that really is what it is.

[LCNikki]

I love these so much!!! And it felt great! :)

[winnietheb]

Dear fat,

Thankyou for being my protection against the world for a long time. You kept me safe in a bad marriage with a man who was into twisted sex. You were my secret but not so secret resistance. You helped me to tell him to f-off when I wasnt strong enough to tell him that just to his face. Thankyou for also being there for me when I quit smoking. I really needed something when I realized I had to give it up when I got pregnant.

Thankyou for allowing me to hide, and giving me the excuse to settle for men who matched my low self esteem. You have given me a great label to hang my poor self esteem on, and a great way to beat up on myself. I didnt have to look any farther than you.

Thankyou for helping me to find some true friends, and helping me to more compassionate. I will never look at an overweight person again. Thankyou for teaching me that poor choices can take an awefully long time to work off.

Trying to get rid of you has made me face a lot of things that I have not wanted to face. I have had to be more honest then I have wanted to be. I have had to learn to deal with failure and starting again and again. Our relationship has certainly been up and down, I want you gone but I miss you and I am afraid to be without you. You are like the lover I claim I will never see again and then find myself waking up to in the morning after a night of weakness.

My challenge now dear fat is to once and for all let you go, and learn to face life without you. Learn to leave behind the armour of mediocrity that your warmth and safety seemed to allow. I need to make peace with the sexuality you have allowed me to repress.

Yes dear fat it has been a long strange journey, thanks for the goodtimes.