Don't know how to go in reverse emotionally.... Please knock some sense in me.

[sxb]

Hi Everyone,

I came here, because i need someone to give me hit me upside the head or give some advice or some opinion, i would really appreciate a guy's input as well. Because this involves a guy.

I am very careful about getting involved in relationships and recently i got into a relationship, that just went in fast mode from the start. We just clicked...so well.

Anyways, he told me i love you and all and asked me to let me know if i want to be with him now... he doesn't want to be left hanging. He told me that if i go with him in this relationship...it's going all the way. So i don't like leaving people hanging... it's either a yes or no for me...

Well after a bit of thinking, i decided to give it a go...something i have never done before...and i committed myself to him. He is attracted to me the way i am... no doubts there...

the only problem came when he went overseas to find job(due to economy here) and well communication was strong in the begining now, he is getting consumed with "finding the job".

And my communication with him, decreased. which threw me away. Still this emotional thing didn't let me loose my path and i keep losing my weight and becoming healthy.

But not being able to talk much...just killed me. Kills me!!!
So i tried calling..this and that... reception not good and many things... i finally confronted..
what's up? Are you ignoring me or do u want me to back away?

He said he is needs to get a job, he needs to focus on one thing at a time..he can't handle both...and maybe it's good idea to back away. He will call me and email me when he gets a job.

I honestly, Do-Not know how to handle this... because i feel like i have been asked to get my emotions on a hold, or go in reverse.
I do know if that what this means.... is he asking me to go from "my boyfriend" to "just some random guy".

I can't go in reverse that quick...and so far i told him focus on his job search and i am here , cheering for his success.

But going from talking once a week to nothing... is killing me... i am not sure if my weight loss is due to lack of sleep or stresss...or is it low carb anymore...
all i know if that now i am loosing fast.

I need you guys to tell me...what he is saying...and what should i do? I can't reverse so fast... i can't "undo" feeling this fast. Is that what he is asking me?

Should i wait for him to contact me? I know one gets sensitive when job is hard to find...and maybe he is not feeling so good about himself. But what should i do sitting here...? nothing...? just let it be...? no call no message?

I'm lost...

[Didy]

In my opinion, he's telling you it's over. I believe you moved too quickly, and even you realize that was against your better judgment. He has called all of the shots from the get go; "I love you. Tell me now if you love me because I don't want to be left hanging. I can only focus on one thing at a time." etc....

Go back to your good common sense (you have always been more cautious in relationships) and keep on with your healthy way of living. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and don't compromise your dignity by calling him again. And, IMHO, I wouldn't take any calls from him either - he's way too smooth of an operator and I'd wager you're not the first to fall for his pushy ways.

Now, hold that chin up and hold out for the man you deserve!!! :agree:

Good luck!!!

[kasstout]

OMG wat an ass. trust me huney i have kissed a lot of frogs in my day and he is one of them. for some reason, guys will tell u anything and i mean anything if you show even the slightest resistance to falling for them completely. you think to yourself "ok this time im going to be smarter and take it slower" he thinks "why the hell isnt this girl falling in love with me yet, im so great!" so then they play the my heart has been hurt before and i want to be sure game with you. you weaken. they now have their foot in the door. all they have to do is call when they say they will, add some flowers or romantic star gazing once in a while and BOOM. mission accomplished. have you ever wanted umm say a purse or something sooooo bad but you had to wait till you saved your money until it was really yours. so you might go to the store to see it a couple times a month. you think about all the great places you will go with it once its really yours. you save and put all your interests into getting that purse. then you get it. and its great. for the week. then you realize the shoulder straps dont quite fit that great. and you cant use your favorite wallet with it. so you start to leave it at home when you go out. then you only use it during the week. pretty soon, you find a completely different bag that will fullfil all your wildest dreams and BAM that dream purse is in the closet wondering where the hell if went wrong. That is pretty much how guys work. one track minds. grass is always greener. dime a dozen. next time stick to your guns no matter what they tell you because if they mean it, they will always show u the attention they did in the beginning.

[Melesana]

My impression is that he's telling you "I can't handle job-hunting and you at the same time right now". I'm in a similar situation.

Didy might be right, it might be over, for you and/or me. Or maybe your guy and my guy will get in touch when they're more at peace inside themselves. Or maybe if we continue to let them know we're around, they'll find it easier to reconnect.

Didy has a point about dignity, but it's not my top priority here. You'll have to decide that for yourself. For me, it's self-respect, and self-respect is giving both of us every chance to find joy with each other. Your guy's peremptoriness - and my guy's obliviousness - are traits we have to decide about.

Meanwhile, develop yourself... and you are. Work on your health and weight, work on your interests. We have to be satisfied and at peace independent of them, so that they're bonuses in our life, not necessary components. Ahem, think of them as dessert.

For that, we need the time without them. I fell far too hard also, and his business crisis was necessary for ME to back up. Your guy's job hunt is going to do you good too.

Meg

[LessLiz]

I think Didy gave you great advice. Chalk this one up to experience and move on.

[Cajunboy47]

I heard the fat lady singing.... :)

Is he really overseas? (that's rhetorical, don't answer it)

You could rake yourself over the coals bringing up all sorts of doubts and concerns, but in an early relationship, when something like this happens, you're better off to cut your loses and move on...........

There are plenty of fish in the sea....

[sxb]

Thankyou y'all... for your straight forward answers...

It made me look around ....me ... step outside of the cloud...

I know there are many maybe's and whatif's and nothingness in this situation.
But I also know that whenever i start something i make sure i end it right.
He may be stressed, he maybe feeling down, his macho-ness maybe hurt ....knowing i have a job and he does'nt or something else

My job is not to figure out what that something is...

My job is to make sure that i feel the same loving feeling with or without him

My job is to make sure that by giving him respect in this stressful time..being there as a friend...i can transition my state of being from (empty inside without him)... to (having so much love to give inside me... for the one who will stick around)....

It is no longer my job to make sure he stays to keep me happy, job is make sure i am emotionally/spiritually ready for the one who will stay and will keep me happy.

(whether it be him or not)

I will not throw him away just like that... i will support him and give him encouragment to pass through this job hunt stress.
show him ...what its like to be around someone so full of light...And that's all i will do.

Because i dont want to be left alone when i dont have a job...

Just knowing that i gave this my 100% till the end.... and when i left. I left him with knowing... that he indeed was with a good person...
and it was him who did not make it work.... not the other way around.

this way ...around him or away from him... i choose to retain my energy , my balance, my belief that i have everything in me to make a man happy...

this very feeling marks as moving on....

Melesana, since we both are in the same situation... i am here if you need to talk with someone... or use this thread... i will post for what is to come here... but i wont bother predicting/assuming the future... i simply just let it be....

smell the roses on the way... watch my friends kids laugh and play... listen to some linkin park , snow patrol...

i was listening to "Addicted" by saving abel this morning and felt like crap/empty... and i am listening to this song again right now... and i feel my heart humming the tunes... no more emptiness inside

baby.... i'm so gonna live!

Thankyou... each and every one of you...

[Cajunboy47]

Don't know how to go in reverse emotionally.... Please knock some sense in me.

In just 13 hours, you figured all that out. Re-check your feelings in another week or so.. If there is consistency in your feelings over the next week or so, then great! If your feelings have shifted back and forth, then you need to do something entirely different.

I wish the best for you, but you're probably waiting on a wimp. So, he gets his act together at some future point and returns to you and at another future point, he encounters another job problem, will you be ready to go through this again? Love is going through the good and bad times together. A relationship involves two people giving and receiving.

I think you need to compare what you have, or think you have to what you want and what you really have.

Having a romantic heart, which I think you do can cause a lot of pain. I do sincerely wish you the best....