Relapse after 2 years

[waywardsis]

I quit 2 years ago after numerous attempts (cold turkey, patch, Zyban/Wellbutrin) with Allen Carr's Easy Way. Easy as pie. Here I am though, having a relapse, and I don't know why. I'm writing this, I think, to try and figure it out.

Everyone around me still smokes, including my BF. Hasn't bothered me for 2 years. But lately, these past few weeks, it's crept up on me. Couple drags here and there, then bum a couple. I am not smoking regularly, but any smoking is smoking.

I've been having some major stresses - I know smoking doesn't help. I've gotten through stresses smoke-free. It's as if this time, I am just sick and tired of being "together" and I want to regress into old, comfy behaviours. I had to take a job I didn't want, and I have responsibilities that I don't want as a result - it's temporary, but it feels like I am shirking responsibility to myself, to my health, to make up for it. Makes no sense.

My BF is quitting for New Years, and I think I am justifying smoking now bc I can just stop again with him. Xmas season, lots of visiting - I have smoked since I quit 2 years ago once or twice a year if drinking with people (a few puffs) and it didn't bother me, other than make me feel like crap later. Never wanted to continue, never even had the urge.

I do not want to be a smoker. At the same time, I'm tired of caring. I know this is related to my job stress - but I need to find another way to handle this. I've not been myself since this job started. I am looking for another one. I am just disappointed in myself for these old behaviours. I thought they were long gone. I feel embarassed and ashamed.

Anyway...thanks for listening/reading.

[Lisa N]

Waywardsis, many folks with quits longer than yours have relapsed; it happens.
Just as 'just one taste' is the kiss of death to low carbing, 'just one puff' or 'just one cigarette' is the kiss of death to your quit.
When we're smokers, our brains actually manufacture thousands of receptors that have just one purpose; to receive nicotine. Those receptors don't go away when you quit; they stay with you for life which is why it's so easy to become readdicted. Maybe even though those few times a year you smoked since your quit didn't make you want to go back to smoking right then, they set you up for a relapse now? Just something to think about.
There's no need to feel embarassed or ashamed; pick yourself up, dust yourself off and quit again. :idea:

[Needlehole]

I can relate to your post. I have had periods where I can deal with stress w/o smoking, and other times I can't seem to manage without. For me its that the thing thats stressing me is far more onerous than the idea of smoking for some weird reason. Keep your chin up!

[Sqrrl]

Hi,

Try the Quitnet.com

I have quit since 11/05. I have been visiting this site from time to time to "maintain my quit."

Also check whyquit.com That website made me think twice many times.

Wish you the best.

Sqrrl