Ex's new girlfriend...

[pennink]

Okay, I KNOW this shouldn't bother me, but this weekend my ex-husband is bringing his new girlfriend to an event for my daughter.

I've been married for over 5 years to a lovely, successful, supportive person, so it's not a jealousy issue.

I wish, of course, I was at goal (and I still don't get why I care). But I'm nervous for my daughter. I think he should have introduced this woman to her at a more low key time, not a time when she's preparing for a nerve-wracking show.

Am I over thinking this due to my own body issues?

He's always been a dolt. Never thinking about anyone other than himself. (Cheap, lazy, beer swilling, narrow-minded, self-absorbed, controlling... oh, you know the drill)

so why am I so freaked? I don't want to bring this up with my daughter for fear I'll transfer something I shouldn't onto her thoughts.

Is it me? any tips on how to get through this weekend?

[cs_carver]

The biggest question that comes to my mind, is, "how old is she?" It's really her problem. If she's old enough, she already has a pretty good idea of his character.

Years ago, my BF declined to take me to his daughter's wedding for many of the same issues, only it was his ex-wife who was the problem, and he didn't want to make it his daughter's problem at that point in her life. I got over it.

Does she know the GF is coming? Is there any way they can have a brief introduction before the event, and then your job is to squirrel the trouble-makers away (or maybe your husband can stand guard) so that they don't muck about backstage, or wherever? or engage your own best girlfriend to run interference.

My SIL's foreign aunt showed up unexpectedly at SIL-brother's wedding. Distracted mother-of-the-bride horribly. Delayed the ceremony. Makes for good storytelling afterwards... "You wouldn't believe what THESE people did..." but it could take your DD a few years before she can tell that story.

[pennink]

Thanks, but I'm alone on this. It's a horse show and my daughter is already ticked he's coming (it's because he's so uninvolved he barely knows how old she is, and now it's like she's on display so he can pretend he's the all-caring father). She said this to me this morning since posting. She doesn't want him or any of his friends there, she doesn't want to transfer her nerves to her horse.

It's a way from where we live and my husband and other friends won't be joining us at this show, unfortunately.

I left a message explaining that it's not a long event (she's only showing in one or two classes) and that she does not want them in the barns while she's prepping. He will probably ignore her wishes. Headstrong is a mild adjective here.

LOL. Part of me wants to say to the girlfriend, RUN! Escape while you have the chance!!!!! LOL!!!!!

I was positive about the whole thing telling my DD that her dad is proud of her and wants to show her off, to which she snapped in the surliest of teenaged voices... "No, he's puffed himself up because he's got a new woman and thinks she'll give him the father of the year award."

Uh, ouch. She knows he hasn't been paying for the horse expenses, and I think that's irking her too.

As for my weight... ya, I'd feel better about seeing him, his gf, his mother, his brother and s.i.l. if I was at goal. I'm just going to have to puff out my self esteem and protect her.

(penn goes off wondering what ever possessed me to marry the dolt in the first place)

[zorra_1]

(it's because he's so uninvolved he barely knows how old she is, and now it's like she's on display so he can pretend he's the all-caring father).
What does this man look like...he might be my father too! :lol: But seriously, I had an absentee father who would magically reappear whenever I was being congratulated for anything...as if he was in any way responsible for any of my success!

Is it too late to tell him the wrong time? :lol: Have him show up an hour late!! :D
Good luck! :)

[nanak]

Maybe he will end up not even coming. How many times do you hear that happening with fathers like this?? They promise their kids they will be somewhere and then something happens and they don't make it!! Just try to convince your dd not to let it spoil her event and that you will be there too and will try to run interference. Good luck!!

karen

[pennink]

She's thinking she'll invite her very Goth and scary gf to sit with them and talk about witchcraft... LOL They won't stay long.

(The kid just dresses the part, she's a fantastic, allbeit somewhat emo, poetic soul... )
Okay, I'll spend the week planning on how to work this one and have fun doing it. Thank GOD for my sense of humour.

And GF? if you happen to be a member of this board and you're lurking... I tossed him out with all his belongings in garbage bags on the lawn for a VERY GOOD REASON!!!! :lol:

[+35-65]

It sounds like you don't need to worry about your daughter at all. She totally understands his character and motivation. I'm sure she doesn't blame you or even expect that you can do anything about it except be supportive of her and stand by her.

As far as wanting to be your goal weight when you meet the new gf - it's normal. It doesn't mean you are shallow or insecure or that you still have feelings for him or anything like that. You just know in your heart that she is going to be there to judge you and it is human nature to want be our best when we are being judged. Wear something that makes you feel happy and confident and make it a great day for your daughter. When the gf sees what a great mom you are, she'll know exactly how beautiful you are.

[+35-65]

Ooopppsss.....I guess that was a pretty late response. Sorry. I didn't check the dates!