I'm so lost and falling into the never never

[bsheets]

OK, I'm inserting the disclaimer here at the start - this is a whinge. A vent. It's a state of mind I'm in and I just can't seem to get out of it right now. If you don't want to read/hear about whinging, please skip to another thread. Thank you.

Right now, I feel like I'm falling into a never never. Like one of those swirls Alice in Wonderland fell into. Emotionally, that is.

Over the last 8 months or so I have set about losing almost 20kgs. And I have done it. Well, a week and a few days ago I had done it.

I reached the goal weight I set myself at the start - 63kgs. Now that I've achieved it, I realise it's still not the appearance I was hoping for. I've had extra weight ever since puberty and I would just like to experience a flat tummy. Even a semi-rounded one (which I think is cuter/fitter than a totally flat one anyway).

I had a weight loss consultant I met with each and every week for weigh in and a head check. I looked forward to Wed soooo much. I wanted to make sure I ate right and exercised well to show a good result on the scales each week (I was aiming to lose nice and slowly - around 200-400g per week) and it was seriously my crutch. I worked my work roster around it, my eating habits, my television watching, my gym visits, my exercise rest days. Everything. And I felt on top of the world, achieving good results, having her happy for me (believing in me) and just someone to discuss things with.

Now, I say "had" in past tense because on Wed I found out she's got a different job and is doing that now. No more 'life coaching' type stuff. Last Wed I officially weighed in at goal and was on top of the moon. I was tossing and turning that week trying to decide whether or not to Maintain at my original goal or to continue losing until maybe 60kg. My resolution was to just keep eating the way I had, exercising the way I had, and discuss it with her Wed and she can make the decision.

She's not there anymore. The replacement was just "great, you're at goal, now we'll be easing into Maintainance by ... " ... I guess it was just, I mean, I hadn't shared the long road to goal with her. She had no idea the stupid stuff I have had to mentally adjust to. I'm sure there are heaps of people on this forum that have had to adjust to it, and for that I am thankful. But it's still an individual path only, and for me it's really hard. But it was made easier.

This is the most successful I've EVER been. I've never been this weight before (well, maybe when I was a youngun and didn't weigh myself), I'm getting pressure from all sides, and it's very hard to rise up against it.

I have no one to lean on anymore and am suffering a bad case of abandonment. I have a bf I can't figure out how to change (too scared I guess) a job I want to change but scared if I might instead make things worse, and huge money issues. I just can't stop spending! And I'm spending even more at the moment because I'm upset. I've bought lovely size 12 jeans (I don't know what that is in US sizes but it's a pretty small size round here. Generally a lot of larger girls' goal size is a 12) just yesterday instead of going to the gym like I'd planned.

Hmmm ok, I think I've got all the whinging and complaining out of my system. Which is good, but it doesn't fix the situation I am in right now. For the first time in 8 months I think I have eaten more of the wrong foods than allowed (eg. more fruit than the allocated two pieces). I haven't fallen down the cliff but I'm totally teetering on the edge. Last time I was this unstable I was gorging on those massive blocks of Toblerone - you know the 400g ones you pick up at Heathrow? I think it's 3 for 7 pound 50p or something hehe. I think I gained like 10kg in the four weeks I was away. I gained so much my skin started hurting because it was stretching so much.

I don't want to go through that again :help: :eek: :mad:

I don't want to fall into that hole! How do I keep myself out of it?? I'm thinking of going to a Weight Watchers meeting just for the human support. I don't plan on eating their food plan, but I'll pretend I am and get weighed in with them if just for the human contact.

I didn't realise how lonely I am until just now ....

[LacyOkey]

were all here for you!
I had a somewhat similiar situation with my weight trainer.I compete in strongwoman.I trained with Pat for four years.then one day he comes in and says He's leaving training and going to another job.It sucks!I feel your pain.
Maybe join a gym and try to make some friends in some of the classes offered there.

[pennink]

I do really understand you. You had her through the journey and became to associate your success with her. BUT. It was YOU. You have it in you to do this alone or with support.

You can always come here for shoulders and advice, but I know that great feeling when you get high fives and someone to just listen to you.

If you want to lose more, go for it! Just tell the new person that you're not satisfied and perhaps work with her on setting a new goal and maybe a toning routine.

Or... it could be that you're all about the hunt/journey. I know a lot of people who get to goal and think... That's It? that's all? my life is the same!

Time to set yourself some new goals for your life. Have you had a dream of doing something else for yourself? writing a book? taking photography? going back for a few courses? Bury yourself in other things and it really really helps.

I hope this helped in some way. I can feel how sad that was when your coach was gone (can you email her?)

take care!

[LilithD]

Erica, don't give in to the sugar-binge urge. I did today and yesterday and here is how I felt. You probably know all this, but here's a reminder:

1. Tired and grumpy, because soon after I had hypoglycemia.
2. Mouth tasted bitter and sour immediately afterwards, and this nasty post-sugar taste just doesn't go away until I brush my teeth. This just makes the short pleasure of eating sweets so counterproductive - hours of yukky flavour afterwards!
3. Mouth also felt 'furry', and I knew I'd been feeding all the caries bacteria.
4. Annoyed with myself for breaking out of ketosis.
5. When I later ate my usual treat of cream, cottage cheese and a little fruit (still below 10 carbs), the flavour was so much less enjoyable - I'd ruined my tastebud sensitivity for few days to come.


It's just not worth it!!! Feed any chocolate cravings with a real cocoa, AS and cream hot chocolate.

Anyway, congratulations on your weight loss. I'm almost exactly the same weight, and find that aerobics, walking pilates, callanetics and some weight training (all in a weekly cycle so I don't get bored) get me pretty firm. I'd still like thinner thighs, but most of the bulk there is muscle.

I'd say perhaps don't focus on weight so much as whether the weight is made up of fat or muscle - muscle takes up less space and should look better. You can gain some muscle and actually weigh a bit more and be leaner.

You will get to where you want, I'm sure :)

[Mousesmom]

Erica, I feel your pain.... This really is about YOU and how far YOU have come. Ok, so I forget this too. You want your cheerleader and they're gone. I'm really sorry this happened to you!! I want my cheerleader back too because it feels like less of an accomplishment without him!!! I want the same support I have had all along and it's just not gonna happen. Sucks to be me.

I have no one in my life who has been though the whole thing with me and it makes me feel like it's less than it really was. My SO has only seen the last 15#, not the whole thing. He doesn't "get" how fat I was!! My original trainer is long since gone onto different things.

It really comes down to - are you READY for maintenance? Are you happy where you are? Do you want to change your goal? It's all about you.

Best of luck, Julie

[Mousesmom]

duplicate post....

[bsheets]

Awww thanks guys!

I'm feeling soooo much better today! Did a good weights workout at the gym, pushed myself too. You're all absolutely correct.

It's just hard, and I was still totally in shock when I wrote that post. I'm still a bit lost, but I'll get into a good routine again.

Mousesmom, I don't think I am physically ready for Maintenance yet but I am mentally. And yesterday I decided I need to Maintain for a while and see how I go - and be definite about it. So, I am going to Maintain my weight of 63kgs until 31st July. Then after that time I will reassess. How does that sound?

Thanks again guys, I'm all smiles. You should be too - just see mine, they can be contagious hehehe :D :D

e

[Mousesmom]

Mousesmom, I don't think I am physically ready for Maintenance yet but I am mentally. And yesterday I decided I need to Maintain for a while and see how I go - and be definite about it. So, I am going to Maintain my weight of 63kgs until 31st July. Then after that time I will reassess. How does that sound?

I think it's a good idea...maintain for a month and see what shifts and how you like your body then. I found that my body changes when I work out but am not actively trying to lose - it reshapes.

All the best, Julie

[bsheets]

Thanks Julie, I appreciate you guys are all here even when I'm being whingey. *huge hugs*

Reshaping your body sounds even better than losing weight :) How long have you been doing that?

e

[Mousesmom]

I've been fighting with the last 7-8# for a long, long time!!! Think years!

I just keep at it and gradually I see a smaller me, even at the same weight.

Good luck, Julie

[bsheets]

As long as it's the same 7-8lbs and not a new set, I think that's just fine hehehe Great attitude :)

e