Men!!!!!! :(

[winterlily]

What a weekend - I met a complete ass this weekend. For the last few weeks, I have been talking on the phone with a guy my cousin's set me up with - we have a lot in common, like the same things, and had some amazing conversations - usually at least an hour or so long every night. Anyway, we finally decided to meet up - I invited him, and my cousin and her man to supper - I was going to bbq. He was sooo excited, called me to confirm addresses etc, and then they came over. He was short, fat, half bald, but had these amazing twinkling blue eyes. He also brought flowers, which totally impressed me.

BUT - he proceeded to completely ignore me all night - it was horrible! He would not speak to me unless I asked him a direct question, and it was a one word answer - this from a man I had spent hours chatting with!

I found out afterwards that he told my cousin I was pretty enough, but he didn't realize I was "fat" and his friends would make fun of him!!!!!!!!! This from a short, fat (at least 300 pounds), bald guy! Anyway, he also threw in that my cousin should call him once I have lost about 50 pounds, then he would be "willing" to date me!!!!!! What an a$$. :bash: Good lord, this is NOT high school!

That's ok though - my cousin is getting married next August, and we are both going to be there...I intend to look so totally hot it will blow his feeble mind, and then I fully intend to blow him off like yesterday's trash! I hate dating!!!!

[jamaicaker]

oh my god!!!!! What a jerk. It hurts to hear that. I gained 100 pounds in the last year and men are so not understanding of anything. I have been scared to even talk to some of my old friends cause people are so judging these days, it scares me, and i don't want to be rejected cause of how i look. What a jerk. You are better off.

[Amian]

What an jerk. Of course you are better off, who wants a man who is such a puss that he can't tell his friends to stfu about his woman? Or for that matter, a man who would choose the kind of friends who would make fun of his woman in the first place? Buncha lame jackasses.

I'm sorry you had to go through such a miserable experience with this jerk. I'll bet you do pop his eyes out at the wedding. His loss. Of course, it's already his loss but he's just too arrogant to realize.

[DietMonstr]

What an ASSHOLE. That should be your motivation, blow him away and totally ignore him when you see him. I actually prefer guys who are a little pudgy, why can't men find that endearing also? My current bf is a twig, I can't even lay my head on his shoulder- its so uncomfortable!!! The NERVE!

I know what you mean jamaica, I have to admit, there are a couple of people I'm avoiding because I dont want them to see me before I get this weight off. :(

[liddie01]

Funny thing is, now that i am close to goal, most of the guys that ask me out are shallow, :lol: , I have to be really careful about that, I do not want a guy who only cares what I look like, not who I am, In fact the only two fellas I have dated recently I have known for years and both of them liked me at my higher weights, too.

[DrH]

Men have different standards for themselves than they do for women - it blows my mind! Jill

[Charran]

Yikes...what a horrible experience. Makes me glad I'm not in the dating game! I'm sorry that happened to you!

[Judynyc]

I'm so sorry this happened to you!! :( Yup, they sure can be total schmucks!!:thdown:

[MisterE]

The good news is not all men are jerks. The bad news is most between 11 and 55 are. (I am over 55 but with the mind of a 9 year old...so speaks my wife of 35 years!)

I am so sorry you got hold of a complete ass and I do hope you meet a person who will appreciate you for who you are.

Wishing you the best, always and all ways!

[2007]

Sorry you had to run into a total jerk. On the brightside though, good you found out sooner than later. You don't need any jerk blocking your real blessings.


Dive deeply into who you really are, and have the courage to explore your most treasured dreams. Keep yourself connected to those dreams, and they will play out upon the stage of your life. ~ Ralph Marston


http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r238/AussieTPP/Animated%20Stuff/3cf61eba-1.gif
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of you heart ~Psalms 37:4

[Kandra]

I intend to look so totally hot it will blow his feeble mind, and then I fully intend to blow him off like yesterday's trash!
Good for you to use this as fuel and motivation. :thup: Good thing you found out before your emotions were more involved that he isn't up to your level of intelligence and heartfullness.

[NDHuntress]

This is an unfortuneate experience and I am sorry that you had to go through it. It is mind boggeling that so many people look at the outside package and not the inner. The most beautiful person on the outside could be the ugliest inside. Being a larger person for most of my life I have developed the following attitude "If you don't like me for me take a walk" I will not change myself for anyone but me. I am the same person inside regarless of my weight.

[Greenwitch]

What a jerk! I'd call him up and say "Hey, heard I was too fat for you. Well, I'm glad you aren't attractive to me because in all honesty, you're a real turn off. Your bald and short and you have SMALL FEET ;) and that's just not good enough for me. Oh yeah, and another thing...I can lose the weight, but you can't grow anything. " Hmph.

[saucywench]

I can so understand this..I went through this a couple of times before I met my husband (who by the way loves me how I am..and he's a skinny guy who had no problem getting a skinny chick..sometimes its a mystery why he liked a fat chick?? but who cares..he did and still does)

Anyways..My point is that I used to agonize over these experiences even after I met my husband and then one day I figured out that each and every one of those negatives lead me to the positive ( My husband) Without that road that I traveled I might have been on a different path which wouldn't have included him and our wonderful son and our life together...That said however..

You show up at that event looking smokin hot and perhaps bring a really hot date..let your hot date hang all over you and give that guy something to regret!!!

[jamaicaker]

The good news is not all men are jerks. The bad news is most between 11 and 55 are. (I am over 55 but with the mind of a 9 year old...so speaks my wife of 35 years!)




hehe. :lol: i sometimes catch myself wondering about the three year olds in my class, wondering if they r going to turn into abusive men or jerks, assholes, etc.

[TarHeel]

Didn't notice where I was.

[TarHeel]

Oh shoot. I've just posted in the TDC again. Sorry.

[Laura W]

Did you ask if he had a mirror in his house?
I also like Greenwitch's reply!

[FatFreeMe]

I'm sorry he was such a jerk! Better you find that out now, before you 'invested' any more time in him!
Maybe there is a reason you met him... Maybe its to renew your motivation for losing weight. To keep your resolve up and stuff like that. omg, im getting philosophical in my old age! Good luck making his eyes pop!

[Cathy B.]

Men are like shoes. Sometimes you have to try on lots of them before you find the right fit.

I remember one time I went to a bar to meet a man I had met over the internet. We had exchanged pics so I figured he knew I was "big boned". I was sitting at the bar when he walked in. I smiled and started to get up. Before I could even get up, he turned around and walked out the door as quickly as he came in. Didn't even have the decency to say hello.

I kept "trying on" more men, however, and eventually found my husband. It's true, some men actually prefer some extra flesh on their women. :-)

Don't give up the ship! Just keep trying on those shoes! :-)

Cathy

[eyesofblue]

Wow...I am so sorry you had to experience that, talk about being floored! What a jerk! Dating again is scary...lol, I take comfort in the people who mentioned they had to "try on" several different men before finding the right fit. Yikes! It will be fun to hear how it goes at the wedding when you are looking hot!

[FabByFifty]

That's ok though - my cousin is getting married next August, and we are both going to be there...I intend to look so totally hot it will blow his feeble mind, and then I fully intend to blow him off like yesterday's trash! I hate dating!!!![/B]


You go girl!!!! :) Good for you and that GREAT attitude! Some men just don't look in the mirror! AHOLE!
Anyway I am putting my money on you to succeed and next August put the bum right in his place.
I Wish You Luck Honey and again GOOD FOR YOU! :thup:
Brenda

[Free2B]

That is Awful!!!..What a complete Loooser!!!..Just blow him off at the wedding..That is going to be hillarious!!..I think I would say "I don`t date short..fat bald guys with big L's on their forehead"!!..He is sooo totally immature and insecure..No "Real" man with any class would have acted like that..He is so not worth your time..Laugh him off..He probably gets kicked to the curb all the time and puts on the big macho front to make himself feel better..lol!!

[Lucid Mew]

If by chance he even dares approach you at the wedding, while you're looking all hot and awesome.. Kind of just look at him and say,"Im sorry? Have we met before. I just can't seem to remember having ever seen you before?" As if he and anything to do with him left such little impact on you to have simply never existed....and then shake your bootie and have a great time showing off your beautiful self!!!!

[Parrotxoxo]

I would call him, just like you did before you actually met face to face. Pretend that you had no idea what so ever of the dumb ass thing he said to your cousin, and explain to him, very friendly, that now that it has been fun, but now that you have seen each other, you now know that he is not what you are looking for, and that you do not normally date men that are "on the shorter side" and you are used to dating men that have a much "different look" than he has. Say this all as if you feel really bad to break his heart, and that your letting him down easy.......

[FAT GUY]

from a guys point of view
i wouldn't worry about it, everyone likes what they like. just because the guy was fat and bald or whatever, doesn't mean he has to settle.

me for example, im a big fat guy, but im attracted to women that are in shape. my gf is very pretty, and works out all the time, and she just happens to love me for whats inside. men and women have different brains, cant change that.

there are plenty of men out there, everyone likes what they like. you just ran into someone that wasnt a match. fix it and move on.

[j13]

from a guys point of view
i wouldn't worry about it, everyone likes what they like. just because the guy was fat and bald or whatever, doesn't mean he has to settle.

me for example, im a big fat guy, but im attracted to women that are in shape. my gf is very pretty, and works out all the time, and she just happens to love me for whats inside. men and women have different brains, cant change that.

there are plenty of men out there, everyone likes what they like. you just ran into someone that wasnt a match. fix it and move on.

This isn't really a "guy's point of view," meaning that it speaks for men, so much as your point of view.

Your use of the term "settle" is what's disturbing. It implies that he would be "settling" for her, rather than accepting her for the decent person she is. The whole point of the post was that they had been getting along very well over the phone and seemed to have an emotional connection, but his shallowness got in the way. Imo, she dodged a bullet.

Also, just because this guy isn't into what she's like physically doesn't mean that she should "fix it" to satisfy him or others like him. She, like myself, needs to do it for herself, because she wants it. His opinion never enters into it. He sounds like an arrogant jackass. Particularly because he says he'd date her if she lost 50 lbs. Wtf is that? So he'd grace her with his incredible presence if she'd lose weight? What right does he have to determine her actions, and why should she do anything to please him? Is there some reason that she should be the one doing the work? What would it be like if it were the other way around and she said she'd date him if he'd have hair implants done and his legs broken, extended and reset? The whole implication of him saying he'd date her if she lost weight is that she'd be "leveling up" to him. Screw him.

So that's a different guy's perspective.

-j.

[FAT GUY]

This isn't really a "guy's point of view," meaning that it speaks for men, so much as your point of view.

Your use of the term "settle" is what's disturbing. It implies that he would be "settling" for her, rather than accepting her for the decent person she is. The whole point of the post was that they had been getting along very well over the phone and seemed to have an emotional connection, but his shallowness got in the way. Imo, she dodged a bullet.

Also, just because this guy isn't into what she's like physically doesn't mean that she should "fix it" to satisfy him or others like him. She, like myself, needs to do it for herself, because she wants it. His opinion never enters into it. He sounds like an arrogant jackass. Particularly because he says he'd date her if she lost 50 lbs. Wtf is that? So he'd grace her with his incredible presence if she'd lose weight? What right does he have to determine her actions, and why should she do anything to please him? Is there some reason that she should be the one doing the work? What would it be like if it were the other way around and she said she'd date him if he'd have hair implants done and his legs broken, extended and reset? The whole implication of him saying he'd date her if she lost weight is that she'd be "leveling up" to him. Screw him.

So that's a different guy's perspective.

-j.i see your "sensitive guy point of view"

but come on man. reality is reality. you cant knock someone for liking what they like. he shouldn't have told her to lose weight, he should have just kept his mouth shut. but he probably did like her personality or whatever and was looking for a way to make it work for him. a lot of people hope and feel that physical attraction is just some secondary thing, and it may be. but it is still very very important. more so to men then women.

my point is, she shouldn't dwell on it, or over analyze it. guys are a dime a dozen. and one day she will run into a guy that likes her for everything and anything about her.

[j13]

i see your "sensitive guy point of view"

but come on man. reality is reality. you cant knock someone for liking what they like. he shouldn't have told her to lose weight, he should have just kept his mouth shut. but he probably did like her personality or whatever and was looking for a way to make it work for him. a lot of people hope and feel that physical attraction is just some secondary thing, and it may be. but it is still very very important. more so to men then women.

my point is, she shouldn't dwell on it, or over analyze it. guys are a dime a dozen. and one day she will run into a guy that likes her for everything and anything about her.

Man, are you condescending or what?? "Sensitive guy" point of view?? What kind of bullsh*t is that? Dude, this is a "SUPPORT" forum. Forgive me for offering "SUPPORT." That doesn't extend to me being some sensitive new age guy. Maybe you should take a minute to rethink your approach to the board. Your post was not supportive.

No, you can't knock someone for liking what they like. That isn't what your post said. You're attracted to what you're attracted to, and yes, she should brush him off and find someone who likes her for who she is. But that doesn't change the fact that the guy's comments were out of line, and it doesn't mean that she should tailor her life to suit him, and it doesn't mean that she shouldn't feel free to talk about it - on a SUPPORT forum - when her feelings were hurt.

-j.

[Judynyc]

I can see both of your points guys!! :agree:

Yes, she did dodge a bullet Jake.... :agree: But I also see the point by Fat Guy in that his likes are his and that does not make him an ass...what made him in ass was actually opening his mouth and saying what he said.

I've been at my goal weight now for 1 1/2 years. This past November, I went to dinner one nght with 3 single men in my age range. One is a neighbor of mine and he invited me to join the 3 of them for this dinner. Being a single woman, I went.

During the meal, one of the men commented on my weight loss. They all live in my community and have seen me before and after. I thanked him and said something like "yes, it feels great to not feel like a fat woman any longer." The guy who invited me to join them, turns to me ansd says "many men would still say that you are fat!" :eek: I freaked out inside but kept calm on the outside. I was in total shock that anyone would say that to me.

I turned to him and said "I would not be interested in meeting any man who thinks me fat at this weight." I have not been able to speak to him since then or even look him in the eye.

There will always be some asshole who does not know when to keep his mouth shut. He did damage to my spirit when he said that to me. It was not only not necessary but it was hurtful. Many men can be total jerks!!:thdown: But certainly not all!! :cool:

[DietMonstr]

I understand that we all have to think realistically, but how can anyone have the audacity to put someone down for a physical attribute that they themselves have? I actually know a guy, my brothers best friend who is pretty heavy. But he is adamant about dating ONLY skinny girls and will put down a big girl in a minute. What makes him so special where he can be big and still be worth dating but the girls he puts down arent worth it? I'm tired of men placing so much value on a woman's physical appearance but they themselves feeling as though no effort needs to be put forth in order to be attractive- where they get this logic- everywhere.
I had a friend who was overweight, she really liked this guy, but he totally insulted her when she told him. He then turned to ME and asked me out. Yes, he was attractive, but I TOTALLY blew him off, and I know his feelings are hurt to this day. I'd rather be with the most unattractive guy in the world who is a great person rather than an physically attractive asswipe. What the hell do you do or talk about when you're not having sex?
I've had a lot of guy friends, and for the most part, they're assholes to the girls they date. But there are a few in the bunch that are truly good people.

[Penweary]

When I was in High School my science teacher had a wall hanging that said,

"Engage brain before opening mouth."

Obviously this guy didn't. Not every one is caring though. I have in the past thought things about people, not usually weight related, but I NEVER said them outloud or TO them. I have this little voice in my head that says, 'That would probably hurt their feelings, even though they are an ass." This guy doesn't have that voice, sadly alot of people don't.

[SRabbit]

So many people choose who they want to date for what they look like "now", not realizing that time is going to change everything anyway....look at how a lot of guys who aren't very "good looking" when they are young turn into amazing looking men as they grow older?

It isn't the weight of a woman that is going to make a man happy through time anyway, and a lot of men don't get that----it is fine to want to be attracted to someone, I'm not disputing that, it's just sad that the ideals most men go by leave them with little choices, and cause them to pass by wonderful women that would end up delighting them.

I have known gorgeous women in my life, who are so wrapped up in what they look like, and what they want that they wouldn't think of being generous or kind to a man---much less a loving caring partner to one---so what good are they except eye candy then?

It is a sad thing on all sides, this choosing or rejecting purely on the weight of a person.....

[katwoman]

It is a sad thing on all sides, this choosing or rejecting purely on the weight of a person.....



You are sooooo right there. I haven't joined this conversation (although I've read every post) because I've been out of the dating loop so long. But I do want to say there are men in the world to whom a woman's weight is a non-issue. I've been married almost 28 years to a very slender man--who has loved me and thought I was beautiful through many pounds gained and lost. He sees ME, not the weight. And although he's a wonderful man and I thank God daily for having him in my life--I know he's not one-of-a-kind.

There are a lot of shallow guys out there (and women too). It's a shame they can cause so much hurt with their thoughtless words (and Winterlily, I felt so bad for you when I read that first post I wanted to find the jerk and smack his head). I tell my daughters (three of whom are still single) to find a man, not a boy--and I don't make that distinction based on age--but on attitude. The old phrase is, men don't care about physical imperfections. . .and boys don't count.

We all deserve to be valued and loved for who we are. AND, I also have to agree with above statements that the weight has to be lost for ourselves and not to impress someone else or make them happy.

[kathleen24]

Winterlily,

I think this turned out great! Could you imagine what might have happened if you were 50 pounds down the road right now? Errgh, you might be on Date 3 already, and him on his best behavior--heck, you might have actually found him charming! Yech!

Lucky lady, saved for some lucky man who deserves you. . . .

But may I suggest calling this thread "JERKS!!!!!" instead of "MEN!!!!!!" There are some truly amazing ones out there--including short, chubby, balding ones that can melt your heart. His boorishness is not gender linked, it's strictly an outcome of his jerkaciousness, laced with a serious over-supply of stupidity.

[aprils0909]

Girl, do it for yourself, but if you HAPPEN to look amazing at that wedding, I suggest you tell HIM to lose 50 pounds and you'll give HIM the time of day. Then dance with every hottie there and work it! MUAHHAHAHA.... sorry, but you're so nice and I cannot believe that jerko did that. It's not like he's Clooney or anything himself. Good thing you learned what a jerkface he is now. Thats the tell. You won this battle by taking this high road. Win the war at that wedding. Shame him for saying such superficial things by looking amazing. Heck, give him a pity dance. HAHAHHAHAHA....

[MizKitty]

I'm sorry you had such an undeserved, disappointing experience.
It's his loss. Hope you find a tall handsome long-maned adonis to take as a date to that wedding!

[Daryl]

I'm not sure what's worse....... men that are jerks, or people that mindlessly issue blanket statements about any group.

"men are ________" is little better, or different than "blacks are_____", or "Jews are_______", or "women are ______", for that matter.

Having said that, was the guy in question acting horribly? Sure sounded like it.

[tmatrocks]

He might be a putz even if he were skinny.

I'm not sucking up here, but I believe all women are beautiful - I would never look away from a woman based on just one attribute such as weight. There is so much more to consider when talking about beauty - every woman (man) is beautiful to someone, but not everyone.

[Penweary]

You are sooooo right there. I haven't joined this conversation (although I've read every post) because I've been out of the dating loop so long. But I do want to say there are men in the world to whom a woman's weight is a non-issue. I've been married almost 28 years to a very slender man--who has loved me and thought I was beautiful through many pounds gained and lost. He sees ME, not the weight. And although he's a wonderful man and I thank God daily for having him in my life--I know he's not one-of-a-kind.

There are a lot of shallow guys out there (and women too). It's a shame they can cause so much hurt with their thoughtless words (and Winterlily, I felt so bad for you when I read that first post I wanted to find the jerk and smack his head). I tell my daughters (three of whom are still single) to find a man, not a boy--and I don't make that distinction based on age--but on attitude. The old phrase is, men don't care about physical imperfections. . .and boys don't count.

We all deserve to be valued and loved for who we are. AND, I also have to agree with above statements that the weight has to be lost for ourselves and not to impress someone else or make them happy.

:clap: :cheer: Well said!

[Calianna]

I'm not sucking up here, but I believe all women are beautiful - I would never look away from a woman based on just one attribute such as weight. There is so much more to consider when talking about beauty - every woman (man) is beautiful to someone, but not everyone.

What a wonderful way to put it. I may just have to send this to a female friend of mine who honestly believes she's beyond all hope physically, primarily because she's so overweight, and is beginning to suffer physical problems from that weight.

[kathleen24]

. . .
I've been at my goal weight now for 1 1/2 years. This past November, I went to dinner one nght with 3 single men in my age range. One is a neighbor of mine and he invited me to join the 3 of them for this dinner. Being a single woman, I went.

During the meal, one of the men commented on my weight loss. They all live in my community and have seen me before and after. I thanked him and said something like "yes, it feels great to not feel like a fat woman any longer." The guy who invited me to join them, turns to me ansd says "many men would still say that you are fat!" :eek: I freaked out inside but kept calm on the outside. I was in total shock that anyone would say that to me.

I turned to him and said "I would not be interested in meeting any man who thinks me fat at this weight." I have not been able to speak to him since then or even look him in the eye.

There will always be some asshole who does not know when to keep his mouth shut. He did damage to my spirit when he said that to me. It was not only not necessary but it was hurtful. Many men can be total jerks!!:thdown: But certainly not all!! :cool:

Judy, this post stayed on my mind over the weekend--it is almost unbelievable in its cruelty-- :there:
and I found myself composing several possible responses to what was said. Here's my favorite (which is a pretty good yardstick for my maturity level, sad to say :roll: )
"And many women would consider you to be a loser with a dead-end job and think that you live in a dump--but that wouldn't necessarily make them an authority in the matter, would it? Pass the salt, please."

You say the word, and we'll smack the snot out of anyone who would treat you thusly! :bash:

[Penweary]

Judy, this post stayed on my mind over the weekend--it is almost unbelievable in its cruelty-- :there:
and I found myself composing several possible responses to what was said. Here's my favorite (which is a pretty good yardstick for my maturity level, sad to say :roll: )
"And many women would consider you to be a loser with a dead-end job and think that you live in a dump--but that wouldn't necessarily make them an authority in the matter, would it? Pass the salt, please."

You say the word, and we'll smack the snot out of anyone who would treat you thusly! :bash:

OOOO OOO!! Where's the high-five emoticon?!? I like! :agree:

[Judynyc]

Judy, this post stayed on my mind over the weekend--it is almost unbelievable in its cruelty-- :there:
and I found myself composing several possible responses to what was said. Here's my favorite (which is a pretty good yardstick for my maturity level, sad to say :roll: )
"And many women would consider you to be a loser with a dead-end job and think that you live in a dump--but that wouldn't necessarily make them an authority in the matter, would it? Pass the salt, please."

You say the word, and we'll smack the snot out of anyone who would treat you thusly! :bash:


Thanks so much Kathleen!!:rheart:

:agree: That is a good one and would have been great had I thought of it at the time.

I had to go do laundry last night. The jerk was down there when I got there and I cannot even look him in the eye, let alone speak to him. I've come to realize that he was speaking about himself in that he still thinks me fat!!

I know that he'd have probably asked me out if I were thinner......but what he doesn't know is that he is/was not even on my radar, even before he said what he said. After he uttered those words to me, he fell of the face of the earth to me as I can't even be the friend I was to him before. :thdown:

as I said, not all men...but surely many men as this also happened to me recently when a man at a meetup for weight loss support looked at me and told em that I'm still fat!!

What is it with some men that they think they have the right to offer critiques of a woman's body.:eek: The nerve of some!!! I left this idiot sitting in the coffee shop and walked out on him. :lol:

But the sad part for me is that I've been obsessing about my weight now and thinking about surgery to remove my thigh fat. :rolleyes:

[katwoman]

Good for you for walking out!!!! That "boy" isn't worth your time.

As for the surgery, do it for yourself if you really want it. But looking at your pictures, I think you look absolutely amazing. You have a sparkle and an air of confidence that is probably intimidating to "boys".

[Penweary]

Thanks so much Kathleen!!:rheart:

:agree: That is a good one and would have been great had I thought of it at the time.

I had to go do laundry last night. The jerk was down there when I got there and I cannot even look him in the eye, let alone speak to him. I've come to realize that he was speaking about himself in that he still thinks me fat!!

I know that he'd have probably asked me out if I were thinner......but what he doesn't know is that he is/was not even on my radar, even before he said what he said. After he uttered those words to me, he fell of the face of the earth to me as I can't even be the friend I was to him before. :thdown:

as I said, not all men...but surely many men as this also happened to me recently when a man at a meetup for weight loss support looked at me and told em that I'm still fat!!

What is it with some men that they think they have the right to offer critiques of a woman's body.:eek: The nerve of some!!! I left this idiot sitting in the coffee shop and walked out on him. :lol:

But the sad part for me is that I've been obsessing about my weight now and thinking about surgery to remove my thigh fat. :rolleyes:

Judy,

Don't let them do this to you. At 154 lbs you are NOT fat. You have come so far and look AMAZING! Do not let this set you back. Give your skin some time to shrink up. It will happen!

There is ALWAYS going to be a man out there, maybe even one we think we really want, who is gonna think we are fat no matter what weight we are or what sprucing up surgery we have. Why? Probably because we are not a model. IDK. It IS their loss and all I can say is just revel in the compliments you DO get.

[BeachyKeen]

See now, this is where I think the extra wt. actually is a gift. It saves us from shallow, retarded MORONS!!! Who the **** does this guy think HE is anyway? I looked at your profile & saw you are very beautiful. Obviously you can do better! See, though, that's how many men, are though: they want to be with someone who is WAAAAAAAAAAAY outta their league. Of course... we ladies do it, too. Sheesh... when I met my hubby, he said he "thought I was out of his league." Of course, since I gained like 45 lbs., haven't heard that one! (Actually now I kinda think he's "outta my league!")
Forget him, girl! You're quite gorgeous & one day, some dude will be lucky enuf to be graced with your company. (Shoulda told his friend, cool, but I don't date HIM till he loses 125 LBS... mostly off his big-a** head!!!)

[tmatrocks]

Hold one one bass-ackwards minute:

You are only 154 and he thinks you are fat?

Post his picture - tell us his name - tell us where this slob lives!!! (Just kidding - but do remove him from your memory banks, lose his number, forget he exists...)

[Judynyc]

Thanks to you all!! :rheart:

You've really helped me to put this in perspective....and its true that no matter what weight we are, there is going to be some jerk who thinks that we are too fat!!

That was my point in telling you all the story though. Eventhough I've lost all this frigging weight and am keeping it off...there are still many jerky men who think they have the right to tell me they think I'm fat!!

I've kinda given up on meeting a good man...I seem to attract all the jerks!! ;)

[LacyOkey]

There are good men out there you just have to sort through the shitheads first.
My ex husband (note I said EX) asked me what I weighed when we first met.That should have been my first clue!Anyways I told him and I could see the hesitation in his face.
The kicker on this is that SOB is over 400 pounds.
Now mind you I do believe love is blind but really should he even have been concerned.Boy I was stupid to marry that one.
Current hubby and I couldnt be happier he loves me through thick and thin.
Anyways 154 is definetly not even close to fat!Ju wan a mysterious stranger to come over and snuff him for ya ...........

[Judynyc]

Ju wan a mysterious stranger to come over and snuff him for ya ...........

:lol: Thanks!! :D

and I'm happy for you that your X is your X!! What a jerk!! :p

[kathleen24]

Thanks so much Kathleen!!:rheart:

What is it with some men that they think they have the right to offer critiques of a woman's body.:eek: The nerve of some!!! I left this idiot sitting in the coffee shop and walked out on him. :lol:

But the sad part for me is that I've been obsessing about my weight now and thinking about surgery to remove my thigh fat. :rolleyes:

You're more than welcome, but now we got another jerk to smack the snot outta! So many jerks, so little time . . .

Heartily agree w/katwoman--you are gorgeous--and if you want the surgery, go for it--but don't do it--please--because you think you're not good enough just the way you are--do it to please yourself and no other.

I'm wondering is it in the NYC water? Who was it that was posting that she felt uneasy going into a dress shop there to spend her money, because she was afraid that she would be treated cruelly? When do we develop the self-confidence to look these bozos in the eye, and LAUGH at them.

Here's another all purpose line for such awkward moments: "Well, I'm more woman than you could ever handle--and twice the man you'll ever be!"

You mentioned thighs, and someone else mentioned saggy skin, and I know there have been many threads here addressing surgery questions--but here's a new twist on it--there are designers who work with the shape of a large person's body in the round, and others who make clothes for small folk--but does anyone make clothes that are becoming to people who have lost weight, and are still in the tightening-up process? Does anyone out there celebrate the bodies of the formerly fat? Does this question remotely make sense to anyone besides me? I mean, there are getting to be a lot of us (I include myself because that is what I aspire to become,) enough to rate as a demographic of our own pretty soon . . .

Or has anyone out there who has gotten down to goal weight, but is not quite in teen trim, found designers/lines/styles that work well for them? (We should probably take this to another thread, though . . .)

[tracyj]

I've been obsessing about my weight now and thinking about surgery to remove my thigh fat. :rolleyes:

Judy:

I haven't corresponded with you directly but I have followed your progress and let me tell you - your weight loss is AMAZING and you are a great source of inspiration to many. Repeat after me - "I am not fat, I am not fat, I am not fat"!

Girl, don't let these idiot men mess with your intelligence! You just haven't crossed pathes with your "prince" yet......

Tracy