Coping with Discouragement

[SnowLion]

What do you do when you stop believing you can do it? When it seems like such an enormous and insurmountable task, and you can't see yourself succeeding anymore?

I'm not writing this as a "poor me" thing. I really want to know how people cope with this stuff. Because I know I can't be the only one.

[LC_Dave]

I go through this a bit.

Sometime sit's good to get regimental with the plan. Use the plan as a lifeline.

Come on to forums like this to cheer up.

Do something other than eating that's fun.

Don't think positive - instead think realistic. As in I can do this, and this is how I'm going to do it! When coming from negativity - bounding into positivity is sometimes delusional and doesn't work.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Eat some zero carb cheese - that always cheers me up!!

[Greenwitch]

Hi Snowlion,

Great question. For me, I'm approaching this in a completely different way than I have in the past. This time I have thrown out the idea of "destination" or "goal" or, to a big extent, even "results". I know, in my other posts I'm ranting about my stall, but you know, the best way to think about this way of life (speaking for myself) is as medication for life. By eating this way, everyday, I feel better and I will live longer. Weight loss is a bonus that I am grateful for, naturally. I'm also for the first time really sitting down and thinking about my emotions. Today (in my journal) I faced that same feeling of being bored and overwhelmed with the long journey ahead but this time rather than diving into food I sat down and really thought about where these feelings are coming from.

I guess I'm trying to look at the long road as "no big deal". Look, a year is going to go by ANYWAY, right? So why not just LC for that year. Take the pressure off yourself and remind yourself that a year IS GOING TO GO BY ANYWAY. ANY weight loss over that year is a bonus, so relax and simply enjoy everything else in your life. I certainly have gotten over the idea of weight loss MAKING ME HAPPY. No way. I'll be happier, sure, but rather than obsess on my daily diet and the long journey, I'm just going about my business. Again, realizing that a year is going to go by anyway, so I may as well take my medication (i.e. eat this way) and devote 2007 to my health.

When you look at this way of living as medication, or a health plan instead of a "diet", you take the pressure off and you start to think "wow, I'm in training for a great life ahead of me."

I hope this makes sense. Looks like we have about the same amount of weight to lose. Hang in there and reach out for support. Use the support. It's absolutely magic.

[skippie]

I have to say there is no absolute answer to this.
We changed out lifestyle July 6,2004. So you can see I've been at it a while. Last year I had a very hard year and to be honest I weigh more right now than I did last year by about 10 lbs. And I'm sitll on my journey to reach my goal weight.

But the one thing I've done when I feel I just can't go on is to come to this site. I have made what I feel are life long friends here. Some I have met and others that I hope to meet someday. I've exchanged regular email and phone numbers with my forum friends. I have to admit they are what has kept me going. Because they know EXACTALLY what I'm going thru. And they have always been here for me.

My Friends here have offered a shoulder to cry on, a pat on the back, or a verbal kick in the butt. :lol:

They have always offered support to me. They either have been thru it themselves, or have just been kind and supported me as they know I will support them. As my Granny always said.... What you give you shall recieve back, and you always get more with kindness and a smile. ;)

But most of all I have to find it wthin myself to contuine on. And keep the frame of mind this will be my lifestyle for the rest of my life.
It will only work if I work at it....... Nothing is Free.

So if you feel lost along the way just send out a message here. We'll here to off up a shoulder, or a pat or a kick which ever you need at the time. :agree:
:wave:

[diemde]

I think there is a period of mourning that goes along with learning this new way of eating. When we first get started we feel like we are giving up a lot of things, especially things that other people don't have to give up. We see our friends & relatives eating all the carby junk foods and we get angry & frustrated that we can't have them. And then we start feeling sorry for ourselves.

How to get past that mourning stage is different for each person. The key is that you have to stick with this way of eating long enough to realize some benefits. For me, it's when I drop a size or 2 in clothing. That's a real motivator and inspires me. For others, it might be how much better they feel not carrying around that excess weight, or the compliments they start getting about how good they look. The best motivators are the internal ones because you own them.

Posting this made me think of the little trip I took to Kentucky last weekend. My mom, 3 of my sisters and I went to visit relatives and along the way we stopped and ate a couple of times at restaurants. I ate healthy lc meals, but none of them ate lc. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I felt sorry for them. I was wishing I could just transfer all the things I've learned about this way of life to their brains!

Have faith and stick with it and you will get past that mourning stage.

[deborah c]

Discouragement: My whole week has been discouragement, and to top it all off I had a piece of raspberry coffee cake - in bed w/coffee - reading a book. My second slip since Nov. 1, 2006.......bummed out = me. Taxes, worried about my children, lost my Internet yesterday (could not come here for support) I caved in......ok, dusting off my shoulders, getting back up on that horse...and Thank You for asking your question, just what I needed. Answer to your post, come see us, don't give up if you have a weak moment, this is not a diet, it is a way of life and you are NOT alone. (pretty raspberry crummed filled smile)

[j13]

What do you do when you stop believing you can do it? When it seems like such an enormous and insurmountable task, and you can't see yourself succeeding anymore?

I let go of it and try to make a good decision right at that moment. I accept that there's nothing I can do to change what I've done, I can only affect the next thing I do. And if I screw up in that, I accept it and try to make a good decision after that.

I do NOT give myself the luxury of feeling bad, and I do NOT allow myself to believe that I can't do it. In reality, there is no "doing it," not in a long-term sense. There is only the next choice I make, and whether that choice is a good one or not. The long-term doesn't exist except as a collection of short-terms. Long-term is something that can only be viewed realistically in retrospect, short-term can be viewed and acted upon in reality. I focus on that.

-j.

[gweny70]

Hi Snowlion,
I guess I'm trying to look at the long road as "no big deal". Look, a year is going to go by ANYWAY, right? So why not just LC for that year. Take the pressure off yourself and remind yourself that a year IS GOING TO GO BY ANYWAY. ANY weight loss over that year is a bonus, so relax and simply enjoy everything else in your life. I certainly have gotten over the idea of weight loss MAKING ME HAPPY. No way. I'll be happier, sure, but rather than obsess on my daily diet and the long journey, I'm just going about my business. Again, realizing that a year is going to go by anyway, so I may as well take my medication (i.e. eat this way) and devote 2007 to my health.

When you look at this way of living as medication, or a health plan instead of a "diet", you take the pressure off and you start to think "wow, I'm in training for a great life ahead of me."
.

Great point and advice!!! THANKS for a great post!

I also try to remember that after all it IS just food. Say it again Gwen..it is just food. And do we want to give the power to the food or give the power back to us?!?! It's JUST food. And it will be around another day. They aren't going to suddenly stop making pizza or shut down the chocolate factories. lol. The way I act sometimes you'd think they were going to.

And has hard as it seems at that moment when everything in you wants to have whatever it is..that moment WILL pass...and we will be okay...actually more then okay..we will be great because we resisted and made a positive choice and did something great for our mental & physical well being.

I also think about choices. There really are only 2 choices.

I can keep trying
or
I can give up.

Really those are it. If I choose the first and keep trying and keep at it I'm going to be successful. If I don't...that just leaves 1 other option-- giving up..and everything that comes a long with that--which is feeling even more horrible, gaining more & more weight, and becoming more and more unhealthy & unhappy. So when I look at it like that it helps. Because as much as might not feel like eating lc that day or at that moment in life it's definitely a better choice then the only other option left

And of course I think a huge help in staying on course or getting back on course if you fall off is coming here for the wonderful support and experience!!

[ldypgmr]

Wow powerful thread!

For me I try to keep my self talk positive and active:

Instead of saying I am going to loose weight, I say I AM loosing weight. I AM feeling better. I AM moving better. I AM the sexiest thing there is! <ok maybe not that but I was on a roll>....

I also take responsibility for my eating. No one is putting a gun to my head forcing me to eat those nasty carbs. Jesus is the only perfect person that I know of....

Finnally I look for the small "Victory Dances" that I find every day. Hey, my older underware actually fit this morning without making me feel like I was in a girdle all day or walking around with a constant wedgy. Yesterday I discovered that when I sit in my chair at work I am no longer getting pinched by the chair handles. Has the scale moved down... don't know, haven't weighed. Could care less!

Attitude ~ concentrate on the positive to keep yourself motivated. Everyday I discover something else.

At one time I had a thread called Sunshine Moments that everyone was recording their Victory Dances. May be the right time to resurrect it.

[Greenwitch]

Absolutely!

And I also think this "I've done good today" vs. "I've done bad today" mentality is really dangerous to us. It's like saying you're a good person vs. a bad person. Overall, you're a good person. You ate on program or you went off your program and ate a little bit extra, but you are STILL ON COURSE. It doesn't define who we are as people. We're so trained by "diets" to be GOOD OR BAD. If we're on program all week and don't lose, we think "ooh I had a bad week." Did we really? THink about it. You were on program, you ate well, you had a week of smart eating for your life and you feel optimistic and then WHAMMO the scale doesn't move and you think you've failed. That's enough to throw anyone right off their course and head first into a bag of Lay's chips (my favorite..heeehee).

So no "good" vs. "bad". You just ARE. Some times we eat more than we planned, but most days we're doing the best we can. That's not to say we shouldn't do some examination of why we went off our plan and what caused it, but it's certainly not worth feeling like bad people at any time because of anything we eat.

[meierdjm]

I believe you have to realize this is a journey. The weight wasn't put on overnight and it's not going to come off overnight either. I get anxious all the time because I see (literally visualizing) myself being at my goal weight someday and that just keeps the motivation going stronger.

It is hard at times. Just like anything else in life, you're going to have your ups and downs. You've got to just keep pluggin' away at it and eventually it will happen.

We all stumble at times. The key is to pick yourself up and get back in the saddle as soon as possible.

Hang in there and enjoy the ride.

Danny

[DietMonstr]

Mini goals and challenges work GREAT for me. When i can say to myself, 3 more pounds to go (I'm on a 5 lb mini goal right now), i feel good about it, rather than saying 40 lbs to go, which can sound discouraging. When i acutally do complete a mini goal, i feel GREAT, it make my whole day better and I feel powerful and motivated all over again. I havent really cheated yet, but 'when' i do, i will not beat myself up and i will not binge (the 'the deed is done, might as well eat the entire cake' approach)

[ValerieL]

There are a few things you can do.

Make a list of what you hate about being fat.
Buy a fitness magazine and dream about being fit & healthy.
Read the success stories of those on the forum.
Listen to some fitness & health podcasts from the internet.
Watch a weight loss show on TV (are the Biggest Loser seasons on DVD?)
Make a list of everything you want to do at goal.

I'm pretty much at goal and have been for a while, but I still read the forums everyday. I still search out fitness, health & diet information all the time. My husband thinks I'm a little overboard with it, but it keeps me focused. It keeps me thinking about it.

I was drying my hair in front of the mirror at the gym after my lunch time workout today and looked at myself in the full length mirror. I look normal weight. I can't tell you what a thrill I get everytime I realize that. It is *so* worth everything I had to do to get here, and you can do it too. We all can. It's not easy, but it's do-able.

Concentrate on where you are headed and you'll get there. You CAN do it.

[FatFreeMe]

I think those of us in the Triple Digits Club have such a long road ahead of us that it is tough not to get discouraged sometime. For me, I took before pictures and measurements from the day I started this WOL. Every week or so, I just take a look at the pictures, and compare my new measurements from my old ones, and go 'wow'. Also, this forum has been a great support to me. I tried this WOE a couple years ago and just let it fall by the way side, when I had NO support and had a couple ppl really discouraging me from staying on plan. If I had kept at it, I could have been at goal by now! This time around, I just haven't told those ppl that I'm even ON ATKINS.
Also, in my opinion, I think the success of Induction quite often sets ppl up for discouragement for the following weeks. If we don't do as well in the weeks following induction, we think we're doing something wrong or not following plan correctly. I wonder if others feel that way?
I like someone's advice here, that a year is going to go by, no matter what I do. So, I will just try and keep on, keeping on. No one is perfect, and like Valerie said, you CAN do it. She's doing it, I'm doing it, you CAN do it too. Good luck.

[Bat Spit]

My two big tricks.

1. I don't think about my overall goal. Its too big, and too far away. I just find it depressing. I concentrate on the smaller goals. Getting off meds. Fitting in chairs with arms. Being able to wear a seatbelt in any car. My next goal is getting to 349 and officially no longer being 'supersized'.

2. I try to keep value judgements out of my kitchen. I can call them 'slips' or 'indulgences' depending on whether they were planned or not, but 'bad' does not apply to food unless we're talking spoilage.


I know a lot about discouragement. I've pretty much been stalled for a year. I've been a little loose in my plan, I know thats part of it. I've also been under horrific emotional stress, now resolved, and some physical stress I didn't know about until recently which has been fixed.

But I never once gave up on the plan. Even if I'm only managing maintenance. Because I really believe that this is the best plan for over all health. The best plan for my physically. I'm emotionally stable, physically truly healthy, off a lot of medication.

Once you've made the first health improvements from going low carb, I think staying the course, fast track or slow track, is just common sense.

[happy07]

No life altering advice here, but just wanted to say that I am going to keep coming back to this post when I start feel discouraged.
There is some wonderful advice in here from all of you who have been throught it already.

[BaronE]

I copied and pasted here what I just wrote in my journal....I so need to hear that I'm not the only one who isn't an "over night success" with this plan. Now, I do realize that no one else is either, but some seem to have better results much faster than others.



Jumped on the scales today I'm up 4 lbs...not sure why. I measured and the waist is back up to starting size, as are hips...the only thing that stayed was the new measure for the abs. Needless to say after 4 weeks of changing everything, passing up (willingly..but still passed them up) all kinds of carby options during this past 4 weeks, to be no farther ahead than 8 lbs and on little inch in one spot is very depressing. And the cooking...all of which I'm not used to and really don't care to do...is taking time that I could be devoting to something else. PLEASE, someone...tell me this will pass and I'll start losing like Dr, Atkins book said.

I'm going back to just protein, fats and salad. That was the only way I saw anychange....Not sure I'll be happy with a lifetime of that, but if I can lose and be healthy it's worth a shot.

I refuse to blame my ever changing schedule...it's a fact of life that I have to live with for another 3-4 years when I can retire. It seems there has to be a way to lose weight, be healthy and still hold a job as changeable as the one I've got.

For today I'm miffed, unhappy, wallowing in self pitty and damn I could use a nice big pitcher of Margaritta's right now.... but I won't..it won't help a thing