When the weight gets in the way of living

[Greenwitch]

I was thinking this morning about my progress. It's slow, but that's ok. Then I started thinking about all the things I've put off in life because of my weight. Sure, I've missed some social occasions because I just didnt' want to deal with the whole weight and what will I wear and what will people see/think/say issue, but it's gone beyond that. I've had the chance to go on a few trips and I didn't go simply because I didn't want to deal with what happened on my last trip.

I got into the plane with my dh (who has about 80lbs to lose, but just isn't ready to start a plan yet which is fine) and we took our seats. We lifted the arm rest between us to make more room. He was wedged up against the window and, I don't know if it's ALL guys that do this, but he likes to sit with his legs apart. You know how men sit. Anyway, there I am beside him in the middle seat, trying desperately to compress my body to give him more room. All I could do was fold my arms across my chest and squeeze my legs together. We couldn't eat or drink anything because the trays wouldn't come down with any room (not with the dipstick in front of us reclining! Grrr). The flight was 6 hours. SIX HOURS I was like that. I also had to ask for an extender, which was easy. I admit I said "excuse me, I'm pregnant, can I get an extension?" Ohhhhhhhh the lady was Soooooooooooo nice to me and handed it to me with a big smile and said if I needed anything to just ask. I wanted to say "Can I please have my self respect back? Thanks." :lol: Anyway, it was a lie, I know, but I just..had to. DH, on the other hand struggled with his seatbelt to the point his face was red and finally it clicked. I think if he was to fly today he'd not be able to do up that seatbelt. Oh and btw, the airline was United. I've watched that reality show Airplane and have seen scenes where they actually turn people away for being too big or make them buy a 2nd seat to sit across. Every time I had to travel I was afraid that would happen to me. OH GAWD if it ever did happen I think I'd just go home crying. I couldn't take the humiliation.

I love to travel and want to travel more, but the seats right now I just don't think I could do it. Is it the airlines fault? No. I just don't fit well right now. Years ago when I lost about 70lbs I got on a plane and was wow'd by all the rooom and the looooooooooooong seatbelts that buckled up nicely and all the legroom. It was an 8hr flight that I enjoyed from beginning to end because I was physically comfortable.

I want to fit! I WILL fit!

I guess the point is, I don't know, I guess I'm just thinking about how many things I've missed out on because of my weight and it's really sad. I feel bad for myself like I would feel bad for any friend of mine in this position. Poor me! :lol: Ah, well, in time, in time, in time. It'll all be better.

Bev

[foxgluvs]

Ohhhhhhh, do I remember those days!!!! I went on holiday for the first time in ages (since losing 90lbs) last April, and the tray was 'near' my belly but it wasn't sitting on top of it at an angle anymore!!!!! The feeling was fantastic! It was a squeeze still, but I could EAT and DRINK on the plane! Oh the elation.

I do really feel for you because I know how that feels when you have to lie to someone and tell them you are pregnant...but once you lose weight you'll be so pleased you never have to do that again!

We're here wit'ya honey, stay strong and determined - you WILL fit in that Airplane seat comfortably sooner or later :D

[fatnfedup]

I'm afraid that if I truly stop and consider what I haven't done because of my weight that it will just send me over the edge. I think I would be upset about it and it would be counterproductive. I need to consider it, maybe it would motivate me as it has you. Hard to say! I know it gets in my way everyday, but I sure hate to think about exactly how.

Maybe it would tick me off and I would have more success?

[Dogbert199]

I've lost so many opportunities, so many missed, wonderful opportunities.

But I've been blessed with other opportunities, and one of them is the chance to fix things, turn them around, and live the rest of my life fit, healthy, and athletic.

You can't do a single thing to change yesterday. You can do everything to change tomorrow.

[perfectfit]

You can't do a single thing to change yesterday. You can do everything to change tomorrow.

That is a great way to look at this WOE. :thup:

[bubbasbabe]

I think my moment when

[bubbasbabe]

oops hit the reply button too soon :)


anyway, I think my moment that I realized I was fat, was when I sat in an airplane. I remembered I had dropped something and the lady next to me picked it up b/c I could not bend over. I felt horrible.

I have given up tennis b/c of my weight. Tendonitis in my ankle worsen and I couldn't play up to my playing potential any longer. tragic b/c it was exercise i actually liked. I know what you're thinking: just get back out there. But it's fustrating not to be able to get to balls that 80+-lbs-lighter-Lori could. My thighs rub horribly and it just hurts all over.

Why do we give up things for fat ? Can't tell me that carb addiction isn't a "real addiction"

Lori

[mmf503]

I had the same experience last summer. I hadn't been on an airplane in over 10 years. I am a lot heavier than I was back then too. It was a nightmare. Thank goodness my flight wasn't as long as yours. My body was shaking and cramping from trying to hold myself in and make myself smaller. The lady sitting next to me on the flight there was nice and tried to make more room for me. But the lady on the flight back home made it a point to loudly complain to the flight attendant. I felt like dying. I had to pass up the refreshments too because I couldn't get the tray table down.

Several months later my fiance and I had to drive to Reno from Portland, OR to get married. It was a 9 hour drive one way. It would have been so much nicer to be able to fly there and not spend an entire day of our trip driving.

I have always wanted to travel, see the country. I'm almost 40 years old and yes, my weight has held me back from doing that. I told my husband that when I hit goal we're taking a vacation to Disney World. :p

[BaronE]

I was thinking this morning about my progress. It's slow, but that's ok. Then I started thinking about all the things I've put off in life because of my weight. Sure, I've missed some social occasions because I just didnt' want to deal with the whole weight and what will I wear and what will people see/think/say issue, but it's gone beyond that. I've had the chance to go on a few trips and I didn't go simply because I didn't want to deal with what happened on my last trip.

I got into the plane with my dh (who has about 80lbs to lose, but just isn't ready to start a plan yet which is fine) and we took our seats. We lifted the arm rest between us to make more room. He was wedged up against the window and, I don't know if it's ALL guys that do this, but he likes to sit with his legs apart. You know how men sit. Anyway, there I am beside him in the middle seat, trying desperately to compress my body to give him more room. All I could do was fold my arms across my chest and squeeze my legs together. We couldn't eat or drink anything because the trays wouldn't come down with any room (not with the dipstick in front of us reclining! Grrr). The flight was 6 hours. SIX HOURS I was like that. I also had to ask for an extender, which was easy. I admit I said "excuse me, I'm pregnant, can I get an extension?" Ohhhhhhhh the lady was Soooooooooooo nice to me and handed it to me with a big smile and said if I needed anything to just ask. I wanted to say "Can I please have my self respect back? Thanks." :lol: Anyway, it was a lie, I know, but I just..had to. DH, on the other hand struggled with his seatbelt to the point his face was red and finally it clicked. I think if he was to fly today he'd not be able to do up that seatbelt. Oh and btw, the airline was United. I've watched that reality show Airplane and have seen scenes where they actually turn people away for being too big or make them buy a 2nd seat to sit across. Every time I had to travel I was afraid that would happen to me. OH GAWD if it ever did happen I think I'd just go home crying. I couldn't take the humiliation.

I love to travel and want to travel more, but the seats right now I just don't think I could do it. Is it the airlines fault? No. I just don't fit well right now. Years ago when I lost about 70lbs I got on a plane and was wow'd by all the rooom and the looooooooooooong seatbelts that buckled up nicely and all the legroom. It was an 8hr flight that I enjoyed from beginning to end because I was physically comfortable.

I want to fit! I WILL fit!

I guess the point is, I don't know, I guess I'm just thinking about how many things I've missed out on because of my weight and it's really sad. I feel bad for myself like I would feel bad for any friend of mine in this position. Poor me! :lol: Ah, well, in time, in time, in time. It'll all be better.

Bev

You just wrote the story of my life. I've not gone to so many functions because nothing I had fit...nothing I tried on to buy looked good...so I became a stay at home couch potato. I have a reputation for wearing jeans every where...they're easy. I tell everyone, if I can't wear jeans I won't be there.

And the airplane seats....I haven't traveled in 2 years...and really want to see my son and his family, but my last trip was so humiliating with the extender and asking the skinny kid next to me if I could lift the armrest. And I hear ya about the seat in front being reclined. I also have had trouble with lawn chairs...some actually got up when I did. I'm looking forward to the time when I can feel comfortable about myself, just doing everyday things...

[ldypgmr]

So let's all plan a date... when we are all thinner. We will meet at I don't care... DisneyLand??? and then we can fit on the rides as well.

WE CAN DO THIS... WE ARE GREAT !!!

[Greenwitch]

You know what, Dee? I think that's an awesome idea! Maybe everyone who signed the 1 year challenge thingy?


BaronE, at least you had the guts to try the lawnchair! LOL I see them and won't even try one. First of all, it would fall apart,secondly if I did fit into one, I'd need help getting up! Hahahaha! Ooooooh I just can't go there, no no no no. Oh another one is picnic tables. My aunt and uncle have a lovely patio set that is round and has benches attached to it like a picnic set. Once I was there, everyone sat around it, and I sat on a kitchen chair beside it, holding my plate in my hand. My excuse? "Oh I hurt my lower back, so I don't want to wiggle in. A regular chair would be fine, thanks." I won't even attempt it. I can't take humiliation.

I remember my honeymoon years ago. We were flying to Maui and lucked out that the flight was 1/2 empty and no one had bought the aisle seat. DH and I were able to flip up the arm rests and stretch out. Oh was that ever a treat. I wish I could afford first class tickets. 2 seats as wide as 3. Can you imagine the luxury?

Well, we'll just have to remember these things as life moment motivators and remember, those were our "before" moments. Now we're moving on to our "after"!

[dearmommy]

I haven't been to real restaurant in years as all the really good places have chairs with sides on them. Haven't gone to the beach of the same reason. Picnic tables are too hard to get in and out and lawn chairs are just evil. If I managed to actually sit on the ground I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself as I would spend the time worrying about how painful it will be to get up again.

[Greenwitch]

I'm always surprised that restaurants don't undestand that they would probably get more patrons if they made the place a little more size friendly. We went out for Indian tonight and were led to a booth. I had the too-familiar rush of "oh no!!!!" until I had a good look at it and sized it up mentally and knew we'd fit. Honestly, it took the wind out of my sails for a minute. I was in a great mood and then whammo...reality. It didn't ruin my evening, but it was still there, like an annoying friend.

Well, dearmommy, these things are about to change for all of us, right? Right.

Bev.
P.S. The beach? Hey, I'm the only person I know who went to Hawaii twice and never wore shorts, never swam or would be caught in a bathing suit, and wore long sleeves. To be honest, it was the only time a stranger said something to me about my weight. I was walking down the street wearing cotton pants, a tube top and a light shirt open over it. A guy walked by, my age, and said "LOSE WEIGHT" and kept walking.

[BaronE]

The beach? Hey, I'm the only person I know who went to Hawaii twice and never wore shorts, never swam or would be caught in a bathing suit, and wore long sleeves. To be honest, it was the only time a stranger said something to me about my weight. I was walking down the street wearing cotton pants, a tube top and a light shirt open over it. A guy walked by, my age, and said "LOSE WEIGHT" and kept walking.

First off...never been to Hawaii...but would have done the same thing. As for the rude remark....ignorance knows no limits. I hate it when people feel the need to make judgements on others. They have no idea where you've been or how far you've come. Thank goodness we're only overweight..we're losing...they can't lose their small evil minds..

[BaronE]

I haven't fast danced (in public) in I don't know how long. I use the excuse...my sciatica is acting up. In reality I'm not going out on the dance floor and shaking a booty that's as big around as I am tall. Dancing will be another activity that I'll be so happy to get back to. I do dance at home though, for exercise...

[j13]

My weight completely destroyed my life for a lot of years for the reasons enumerated in this thread. I was a mess.

I avoided going to restaurants because I was afraid of being seated in a booth. Well, never seated - I couldn't fit. I'd get to the booth and ask for a table, and if there wasn't one I'd have to wait. It was humiliating when it happened (since you usually eat out with friends or family, so I was putting this burden on them), and it happened ALL the time, so I stopped going out regularly. Now that I can fit into a booth, I love them, but I still, literally every time, get a fear-induced adrenaline rush when I approach them, afraid that I won't fit.

I also didn't fly, both because I'm afraid of flying and because of the seating. I went on a trip this year at new year's as my reward to myself for the last year, and flying was a huge issue for me. It went fine, though, and the trip was incredible. I've talked about it elsewhere on here, so I won't go into detail, but I was so concerned about it that I even started threads on here about what airline to fly, and whether I'd need a seatbelt extender, etc. I went so far as to pay the difference for my friend's ticket so he'd fly direct with me so I'd have someone I knew to sit next to unless I badly overflowed from my seat. Thankfully, it went well, and I now feel like I could fly without having to be scared of the potentially embarassing consequences.

For other ways it helped block my life, I'd avoid going to bars because drunk guys LOVE messing with fat guys. I avoided going places where I'd have to walk (longwood gardens, malls, boardwalks, etc), because I was in such horrible shape and I didn't want everyone to see how out of breath and sweaty I became. I avoided parties because I was so embarassed of how I looked. I never tried chatting up women because I took it for granted that they wouldn't want anything to do with me, and I didn't try and make friends generally because strangers treat you SO badly when you're very overweight.

There are SO many of these, and more. The fact that I couldn't get a suit that fit me - not even at the big and tall - so I was greatly limited in my being able to attend formal events or to go on job interviews. My brother had to dress his wedding party in the 1 style of tuxes they could find to fit me since I was the best man. I avoided movie theaters and sporting events because the seats were too small and I was a burden on the people I went with. I was afraid to drive any significant distance (3-4 hours) from home for fear of something happening and not being physically up to the task of taking care of it, or the fear of being far from home and getting those shaky feelings of hunger I used to get. I was becoming like a shut in, and my body was breaking down.

God, it was so terrible. I could go on forever - everything in my life was in shambles. This lifestyle change has been such a wonderful thing. I now look at my life as I've given myself a mulligan for the past 7 years. I'm starting fresh, which is terrible in a way - SO MUCH wasted time. But it's also incredibly great because I now have possibilities instead of a complete dead-end to my life. Writing this just made me appreciate it that much more.

-j.

[stacy0912]

I was thinking this morning about my progress. It's slow, but that's ok. Then I started thinking about all the things I've put off in life because of my weight. Sure, I've missed some social occasions because I just didnt' want to deal with the whole weight and what will I wear and what will people see/think/say issue, but it's gone beyond that. I've had the chance to go on a few trips and I didn't go simply because I didn't want to deal with what happened on my last trip.

I got into the plane with my dh (who has about 80lbs to lose, but just isn't ready to start a plan yet which is fine) and we took our seats. We lifted the arm rest between us to make more room. He was wedged up against the window and, I don't know if it's ALL guys that do this, but he likes to sit with his legs apart. You know how men sit. Anyway, there I am beside him in the middle seat, trying desperately to compress my body to give him more room. All I could do was fold my arms across my chest and squeeze my legs together. We couldn't eat or drink anything because the trays wouldn't come down with any room (not with the dipstick in front of us reclining! Grrr). The flight was 6 hours. SIX HOURS I was like that. I also had to ask for an extender, which was easy. I admit I said "excuse me, I'm pregnant, can I get an extension?" Ohhhhhhhh the lady was Soooooooooooo nice to me and handed it to me with a big smile and said if I needed anything to just ask. I wanted to say "Can I please have my self respect back? Thanks." :lol: Anyway, it was a lie, I know, but I just..had to. DH, on the other hand struggled with his seatbelt to the point his face was red and finally it clicked. I think if he was to fly today he'd not be able to do up that seatbelt. Oh and btw, the airline was United. I've watched that reality show Airplane and have seen scenes where they actually turn people away for being too big or make them buy a 2nd seat to sit across. Every time I had to travel I was afraid that would happen to me. OH GAWD if it ever did happen I think I'd just go home crying. I couldn't take the humiliation.

I love to travel and want to travel more, but the seats right now I just don't think I could do it. Is it the airlines fault? No. I just don't fit well right now. Years ago when I lost about 70lbs I got on a plane and was wow'd by all the rooom and the looooooooooooong seatbelts that buckled up nicely and all the legroom. It was an 8hr flight that I enjoyed from beginning to end because I was physically comfortable.

I want to fit! I WILL fit!

I guess the point is, I don't know, I guess I'm just thinking about how many things I've missed out on because of my weight and it's really sad. I feel bad for myself like I would feel bad for any friend of mine in this position. Poor me! :lol: Ah, well, in time, in time, in time. It'll all be better.

Bev

bev,

i can't say enough how you just wrote down dh's and my life about our fears, travels, and why we put off so much. last year we flew a lot and i needed an extender. we did the same thing with putting the arm rest up and knew we could only sit in the front with no tray as an option just for room. dh has 60 pounds to lose, and he's narrow, so he didn't need an extender but i did and it was embarrassing to ask every single time. actually when we went to new mexico and phoenix two years ago i was a little heavier than i am now and struggled like your dh with the seat belt and finally got it to click. this nice man next to me said, "um, they have extenders, do you want me to get you one"...how humiliating!

we flew to san diego in july. five hours on the airplane with a 10 year old (who constantly complains) and a 9 month old. the only salvation we had was that we had to buy a seat for our infant son so we had that extra room but held him the whole time. i too always feared having to either buy 2 seats when checking in or not being able to board. but going to san diego was as fun as it could be for my size. we were there for 2 weeks and of course they were having record breaking heat waves! my dh's family all have these million dollar houses and yet no one has air conditioning...scratch that, they had it only in their bedrooms, lol. i guess it wouldn't have been so bad if i was thinner and able to wear tank tops and shorts but you know how it is. big shirts and jeans, or capris. 103 degree days and we were stomping through lego land (had to sit down every 30 minutes), san diego zoo (same thing but needed to find nursing stations every couple of hours but hey at least they were air conditioned), and sea world. we want to go to hawaii, and we're going early next year, but i won't go unless i'm either at goal or close to it. i'm not going to one more hot place fat! especially hawaii where you want to wear as little as possible.

i guess people who never been as big as us to the extent of having these problems don't really understand how much pressure and stress a person goes through just preparing mentally for a trip. i sure hope i never have to again...please let this be the 'real' way of life for me and put the yo yo dieting behind me. i've just hit my 5 month mark and have honestly never dieted that long...i owe it to this board for keeping me motivated and accountable for everything i put into my mouth.