I Paid For My Sin Today

[sldeal]

As that last morsel trickled down my throat and made its way into my pallet I knew I had to pay. It would have been easy to take a taste and then dispose of it, but I didn’t. I sat and indulged in its sweet moisture. As I jogged down the beach front, sweat dripping from my brow, I remembered licking up the last crumb, the weight on my tongue as it lingered before I swallowed. The guilt didn’t follow until afterwards, by then it was over and the wrong couldn’t be undone. The beach was ½ mile long, it was my first lap, the rays from the sun beat on me, it was a constant reminder of my deed. As I trotted I wondered if I would make it all the way, after all it’s been a while since I’ve jogged, I had grown accustom to walking instead. My body yelled at me to stop but my conscious pushed me to continue. “Watch your breathing,” I told myself, suddenly I remembered the breathing exercises from my yoga class. Inhale…exhale. Concentrate, stay focused. My sneakers sunk into the sand. It was supposed to be a “couch potato” day for me today, DVD’s and TV. But I chose the greater of the two sins, I chose to eat the forbidden and now I must pay. First lap completed, second lap walk. The breeze cheered me on and pushed me from behind. The waters from the beach were whipped into small foamy waves; I relished the unexpected air swirling around me. Second lap completed, my feet continue to sink, my sneakers engulfed in sand. The sky is clear blue dotted with puffs of cotton. Children frolicking in the transparent waters, icy cold, but refreshing, how I wish it were me.

Heart beating fast I begin to walk; the shadows from the trees bring some comfort. I decided to move over to the track where I can beat out the carbs on the hard black asphalt. The sun was beginning to come out in full force. I wondered how I could have given in to the temptation. A walk to the fridge, without thinking I pulled it out. So many choices, ham, turkey, eggs, I made the wrong choice but now it was too late. I had to pay. Third lap and I feel defeated. I move back over to the waters.

Fifth lap, I’m drenched, I pull off the heavy burden on my feet and let my souls soak in the turquoise waters. Aaah, so refreshing. I continue to walk, my feet being pulled down, sinking even deeper. As the waters lap at my legs, I feel the aches creeping up my calfs. “Was it worth it?” I ask myself. My body wants to stop but I know I have to keep on, just another lap to go. The needles from the trees pinch at my bare feet while the cones bite into my flesh. The sixth lap, I’m exhausted. The breeze begins to cheer me on; I know I can do it. Like so many other delicacies I could have thrown it in the trash, but I chose not to, its fruit and sugar beguiled me, it had been soaked in rum and scattered with nuts. It was a fruit cake unlike none other and I succumbed. As I wobble to my car I ask myself again “Was it worth it?” Today was supposed to be an ordinary day, but it wasn’t, because I had to pay for my sin.

[sublime]

Lovely poetic justice. :)

[liddie01]

that was an inspiring post!

[LarryAJ]

[Now if you had read Protein Power Lifeplan, you would know that once in a great while our prehistoric ancestors would find a honey tree. They would gorge themselves and then go back to their normal diet. No permanent damage because it was such a rare thing. :agree:

SO, you have just had this years "visit to the honey tree", now DO NOT go back. :nono:

:D :D

[Rachel1]

Hey, sideal. You may just be waxing poetic, but please don't feel guilty for indulging in a sweet treat. Guilt is a good emotion - it keeps us from hurting others. But your minor indulgence hasn't hurt anybody - not even yourself (see Larry's post). In my opinion, what we choose to eat isn't a moral issue, it's a choice. Sometimes we make healthier choices and sometimes we make less healthy choices, but unless our choice is hurting someone else (for example, stealing food from a hungry person), there's nothing to feel guilty about. You haven't sinned, and there's nothing to pay for. As Larry says, you've had your visit to the honey tree - you've had a minor indulgence that hasn't hurt anyone, now just don't go back to the honey tree for a good long time! Relax, be kind to yourself.

Rachel

[sldeal]

[Now if you had read Protein Power Lifeplan, you would know that once in a great while our prehistoric ancestors would find a honey tree. They would gorge themselves and then go back to their normal diet. No permanent damage because it was such a rare thing. :agree:

SO, you have just had this years "visit to the honey tree", now DO NOT go back. :nono:

:D :D
Hey, I love that, I won't forget the honey tree. Thankfully, I'm afraid of bees so there definitely won't be very many visits to that tree! :lol:

[sldeal]

Hey, sideal. You may just be waxing poetic, but please don't feel guilty for indulging in a sweet treat. Guilt is a good emotion - it keeps us from hurting others. But your minor indulgence hasn't hurt anybody - not even yourself (see Larry's post). In my opinion, what we choose to eat isn't a moral issue, it's a choice. Sometimes we make healthier choices and sometimes we make less healthy choices, but unless our choice is hurting someone else (for example, stealing food from a hungry person), there's nothing to feel guilty about. You haven't sinned, and there's nothing to pay for. As Larry says, you've had your visit to the honey tree - you've had a minor indulgence that hasn't hurt anyone, now just don't go back to the honey tree for a good long time! Relax, be kind to yourself.

Rachel

Hi Rachel, no I'm not feeling guilty for my little indulgence. However, I am learning, that if I do treat myself to a sweet I must be willing to sacrifice afterwards. Therefore any little indulgence had better be worth the rigid exercise regimen I'll have to put myself through afterwards. Was the fruit cake worth it? I think so... ;)

[Rachel1]

I'm glad you're not beating yourself up!

I've learned I pay for my "sweet treats" with a sugar-hangover. Headache, upset stomach, wooziness, the works. It's so unpleasant I don't think I'll be indulging again (overdid it at Xmas) for a LONG time.

Rachel

[33lbs]

I wish those binges would teach me a lesson. Why I give in to that 5 sec satisfaction to only suffer for al least a month before getting back on track I will never know. Right now I am fine 2nd week no cravings energy increasing. I feel great.
Loretta:wave:

[sldeal]

Loretta,

I know the feeling, I've just started studying and there are days I have the "munchie crave" non stop. The thing that helps me is that I'm determined to keep exercising and if I blow it one day I don't sweat I just keep at it the next. It seems to be working however slow. :lol:

Stay encouraged.

[Paddypower]

I liked your orignal post. I guess your sweet treat / pay off plan has been working for you.

Are you able to stay in ketosis?

[33lbs]

Still on track have lost track of how long this time. It may be a good thing becuase I have realized that this is the only way to live by LCing. If I start craving I have the ricotta with cocoa and splenda. This seems to satisfy me. I feel great. Dealing with a stressful situation right now. Dad has moved in and he has never been a happy guy. Always negative and angry. I tell him everyday that we love him and this is his home. He responds all you and H want is my money. That is not true. His rent was due on Sunday. He doesnt want to pay it. He says I should pay him for all the work he has done around the house. This morning he said he was checking out a nursing home. He isnt use to being happy and content all the time. He likes to rock the boat. Our boat is strong and solid he either has to fit in or he will have to find another place. I have told him this is not a prison he is free to leave if he is not happy. I would never ask or fight with him about money.He was the one who said he would pay me $500.00 a month and buy his own food. I cant let him get me down. I actually feel sorry he cant fit in. Sorry for venting but this just happened. He has been happy go lucky for the past 2 months. I hope he can find it again. The big issue is he gets after the teenage boys not the girls and gets mad when they arnt doing anything almost hateful. I have to be careful of that. I have already told him that he is not here to order anyone around that is our son and we will direct him. Our son is agreat kid. So he doesnt know how to dig in the garden. He has lots of other good qualities along with excepting a loving his 86 year old healthy as a horse war vet. Thanks for listening Loretta

[shaeintx]

I read your post and feel your pain! It can be so difficult living with family at times. My father recently moved back home after being with us for several months following his open heart surgery. For the most part it went pretty good but there were times I thought I was totally going to lose it. Not to mention my hubby works out of town a lot so even when he made it home and the kids were with friends we still didn't have that alone, private time. I hope all works out for you.

[33lbs]

Thanks, I just have to give him time to settle in or move on it is his choice. Thanks for understanding it means alot. I know if I was not LCing this would be even more difficult.
Loretta

[Virtuous]

That was tooooo funny. I just love the way you wrote that. I know sometimes I cheat and will suffer the pain of exercise afterwards as well. But guess what you got that out of your system. So now you can move on. Keep up the good job.


Virtuous