Food Issues

[nancyn28]

Ok. I'm having food issues.

I've done rather well with this WOE and have lost pretty easily. Then, my husband decided that he wanted a divorce. I still continued to do quite well with the eating part (not the exercising) until just recently. He and I are getting along very well (which is good since he'll be living here until February) but the closer the divorce finalization gets, the more I fall off the wagon.

I think to myself each day, ok...enough is enough, no more. Then, one cheat turns into ten.....

I know all too well that movitation comes from within and can usually find it but I'm having some trouble as of late.

I would really appreciate any words of support, wisdom, and/or inspiration...please.

Thank you.

[nepeta]

nancy, it just sounds like you are going through a hard time right now which is understandable. I dunno, just take care of yourself as best as you can, and if you maybe don't eat great one day, or use food for comfort, don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing the best you can. :there:

[aprils0909]

We're all here for each other on each journey: food, personal problems, etc. You're doing a great job with yourself and YOU are the one who is important, not him. He really screwed up by letting you go. One day he'll figure that out (if he has any sense whatsoever). You're beautiful and strong.

[Citruskiss]

I'm going to suggest something that might sound a little weird, but it has helped me in the past.

Right before you go to sleep at night, tell yourself, "I will take care of you" about ten times.

Do the same thing when you first wake up.

Also - when you're about to eat something, or about to prepare a meal - ask yourself, "What's the best thing I could eat right now?" If you haven't eaten any veggies that day, then you know what to do. Or if you're short on quality protein foods, then you know what to do.

Think in terms of being your own best friend. Or even parenting yourself a bit. What I'm saying is, be good to yourself.

And no beating up on yourself if you aren't perfect either - beating yourself up never seems to work, it only makes you feel worse, and more likely to eat something unhealthy. Keep telling yourself, "Well, that was this morning, and right now I'm going to eat something good for me", or even - "that was so five minutes ago, and right now I'm going to eat something healthy".

This is about taking care of yourself. It's not about terms like 'good' or 'bad'.

And don't forget - it only takes a few days of low-carb eating to beat the carb cravings and desire to overeat. If you've eaten something off plan, it's going to take a few days to get over that. Which makes it difficult to stick to because you're carbed up, and all hungry again (thanks to sugar cravings). Just a little bit more patience..a few days...and you'll be back in the game again. Eat as much low-carb food as you need to get past those cravings. Then, like magic - the appetite will diminish, and you'll self-regulate the amount of food you're eating.

Take care :)

[sublime]

I agree with the above post. Abusing yourself won't help, trust me, I've done it and still do. Learning to love yourself enough to make proper choices doesn't happen overnight, and can be slowed by many things. Cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath, and try again. If you need anything, give me a holler, I'm happy to listen!

[nancyn28]

Thank you all so much for your helpful suggestions and support. I really, honestly appreciate it all.

I will work harder on not beating myself up and taking care of myself. I do need to realize that I too am important and that means putting the right food for me into my body and moving around once in a while. :lol:

Again, thank you.

[nepeta]

good to hear back from you nancy, this thread was helpful for me too. I also want to work harder on not beating myself up. Take care, and come back and post whenever you need to. :rheart:

[Scarlet]

Hi Nancy

So sorry to hear about the tough time you are having at the moment. I think perhaps maybe you could spend some time at weekends say making yourself some low carb food you really like such as LC treats, then you can have it during the week.

I fell off the wagon after maintaining my weight for years when my ex and I split due to his drug addiction so I can empathise strongly with you. I can't change the fact that I spent the next 6 months after the breakup eating high carb junk food all day everyday, but now I am trying to lose the weight again. For some reason I am really stalling and it is not working so well this time at all. So I wish for you to look after you now so that when you feel better you don't have to go back and lose even more weight.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

[j13]

Sorry to hear about your situation, Nancy...that's incredibly rough.

Imo, you need to conciously recognize that you're using food as a crutch instead of as the fuel you use to get through life. Hard times are going to come, over and over again, for the rest of you life - as will good times. Recognizing that you do - and furthermore that you CAN'T - link those emotions to food will be what makes it much easier. Search your motivations - feeling loneliness, sorrow, failure - and work on that. You're using food to avoid feeling and dealing with those emotions. After all, if you fail at your diet then you don't have to think about other things in your life that you're unhappy with - you can preoccupy yourself with what you're eating.

You need to know and accept that you're a good person who deserves health. Work on truly feeling that way and the eating will come naturally.

Good luck.

-j.

[nancyn28]

Hey everyone-

Thank you so much, again, for all your input. I agree with everything everyone said but I've also discovered something. I am getting a lot of attention from men. Now, I wrote about this in my journal and I so totoally understand.

About 10 years ago, my best friend was getting married in Florida. I lost a lot of weight (Jenny Craig/depression/constant throwing up) and I was at my lowest "adult" weight of 147. The guy I had to stand with in the wedding came onto me very...aggressively. Well, needless to say I went home and ate myself back up to 200 lbs.

I do not want that to happen this time. I am back on track. I have to stay on my Atkins and restart my twice a day exercise. I just have to. I cannot pusish myself for being attractive---right? (I assume I am attractive if men pay attention to me despite my extra 60 pounds or so....right?)

So, any help with dealing with this newfound attention would also be helpful. I don't know what I'm afraid of actually---perhaps it is the feeling good about myself thing. I'm much more comfortable disliking myself, feeling inferior to others. I have a very difficult time accepting complements. Also, any help with this would also be helpful.

Ok, sorry to babble on so. I just really have nowhere to turn.....I can't afford true counseling although I would probably benefit from such. So, I have to rely on my "friends" for support and input.

Again, thank you all. May God Bless each and every one of you.

Nancy

[Citruskiss]

So, any help with dealing with this newfound attention would also be helpful. I don't know what I'm afraid of actually---perhaps it is the feeling good about myself thing. I'm much more comfortable disliking myself, feeling inferior to others. I have a very difficult time accepting complements. Also, any help with this would also be helpful.

Good morning Nancy,

I still think it boils down to trusting yourself, and trusting that YOU can take care of yourself.

In terms of how to start dealing with this newfound attention that makes you uncomfortable, you might want to practice saying "no" a lot more in your life.

"No, I don't want to watch that tv show, I want..."
"No, I am up not up for going to lunch with you today"
"No, I do not want another loyalty card, no I'm not signing up for a Borders Rewards membership"
"No, I'm not going to yet another horrible tupperware party...sorry, but no thank you". ( I mean, of course you can put it a bit more diplomatically, but give a firm 'no').

Seems silly, but you'll teach yourself that for the most part, people will listen when you say "no". Pay attention to the responses you get when you say 'no' to things. You'll learn that when you're firm about something, people (for the most part) will respect that.

You can start small - when someone offers something or is asking something, ask yourself if you feel 'yes' or 'no', and if the answer is 'no', boost your self esteem by saying so. Nobody's going to freak out if you turn down something, or are more specific about your likes, dislikes, preferences etc.

Sometimes we think people will be really upset, but I've personally tried this "no" thing out several times when I was feeling disempowered, and have discovered that the world won't end, people won't disown me or what have you if I say "no". I used to think I had to go along with things, things I didn't want to do (low self esteem, sense of obligation etc). For instance, some dinner an hour away from my place - a family obligation...me not feeling well, and thinking I *have* to go to this thing. Thinking people will be mad at me if I don't show up.

Once I started showing up for myself, I felt a whole lot better. Relieved actually.

Try it.

Feel what it's like to say, "No, I won't".

We don't need extra weight to buffer ourselves - we need to show up, honour ourselves and take care of ourselves.

[Citruskiss]

I wanted to add something...

Feeling inferior and disliking yourself - I would think that in this frame of mind, you'd me more likely to say 'yes' to things because you think you have to, because somehow you're not as 'good' as other people. And in this respect, I can see how weight gain could be a self-protective way of avoiding that whole dilemma - noboby's going to ask you out, or hit on you.

The thing is though - you're still fearful/uncomfortable, and the weight is just a buffer. To add insult to injury, your self esteem tanks because of the weight gain as well. Then maybe you get depressed. This is not good!

It's possible that you haven't learned the power of NO, or haven't been using it lately. It's (weight I mean) all a cover up, a band-aid method of avoiding 'the problem', which I think might be a sense of disempowerment. You can pop a few advils, or put a bandaid on something, but you still need to get to the root of the problem.

Do you believe you can take care of yourself? And do you believe that if you start saying 'no' firmly enough, that people will listen?

Try the 'no' thing, and pay close attention. 99.99% of the time, a 'no' is respected, and there's usually no hard feelings.